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Original poster

Spousal Maintenance

142 replies

JuliaJasmine · 09/10/2017 15:04

Hi I am hoping someone can advise me.

I am getting divorced from my husband of 25 years. We have two children aged 20 and 16; the eldest is in uni and the youngest in 6th form.

My ex husband earns £85,000 and we are splitting everything 50/50. This means I will get a lump sum of around £180,000, half of his pension and maintenance for the younger child of £700 per month. He also pays £300 per month towards the eldest child and £300 spousal maintenance to me. I'm a qualified teacher but work 3 days a week as a classroom support assistant. I and my younger child am moving in with my new partner into a 4 bedroom house. I was initially ok with the settlement but now think that I should have more.

I'd be interested to see what others think who have been in this situation
Thanks
Julia

OP posts:
Shehz21 · 09/10/2017 16:13

MrsKeats lol Grin

DigitalGhost · 09/10/2017 16:14

Wow this is so grabby. Work full time if you want more money why should your ex pay for you?

scottishdiem · 09/10/2017 16:19

You have a generous deal there. I cannot believe you want half his salary.

You are moving in with a new partner (and tell me this happened after you split up with your husband).

But the detail of the 4 bedroom makes me think this is a reverse but anyone grabbing half a salary in these circumstances is reaching to far.

snoopydoopydo · 09/10/2017 16:19

I have to say that if I were your XH, I'd be seriously considering a much lower paid job just to put a stop to your completely unreasonable demands. At least I would if this didn't scream 'reverse' so loudly!

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/10/2017 16:21

It definitely could be true. I've known two women who sounded exactly like this when getting divorced. Including one who said she wanted everything and her ex "deserved to live in a scummy bedsit in [local not very nice town]". Why she thought this was a good idea for the sake of their children no one knew.

OP, you're having a chuckle either way. And I second hoping your new DP knows exactly what he's getting into.

Teapot13 · 09/10/2017 16:21

I don't disagree, although from what most posters are saying I think this must be how it is in the UK. You have been awarded half your joint savings and half his pension but his career and earning power is an asset that you have earned together, perhaps, because you have been running all the other aspects of life, allowing him to work.

I don't think it's fair to split his earnings going forward because he will be doing his job with no help from you but I agree you should be entitled to a split if the present value of his earning potential, taking into to account he will be doing the actual work.

I have no idea what the right amount would be though!

Some jurisdictions do this -- you aren't crazy.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/10/2017 16:23

She's taken half his pension. She's continued working since having DC. It was entirely her choice to stick with 3 days a week with teenagers.

And who says she's been "running all the other aspects of life"? I think you might be making things up.

M4Dad · 09/10/2017 16:24

Teapot

But they wouldn't have amassed £360K in assets if the H hadn't of worked (or been allowed to work) so it works both ways.

shakeyourcaboose · 09/10/2017 16:29

Are you going to give him half of your salary/local authority pension? You are seeking parity...

thirtyplusone · 09/10/2017 16:31

Are you for real? Why should he earn all that? Because he's worked incredibly hard for it, probably.

Presumably, you chose your profession as a teacher? Which comes with a teachers salary. And can work full time? With your adult children?

You've given no plausible reason for not working on your own career for the past 11 years.

It's beyond belief you are moving in with someone and still think you're entitled to anything at all more.

RandomMess · 09/10/2017 16:34

The reality is that the spouse who enabled the high earning spouse to climb the ladder should have their contribution to that which does include that he will continue to be a high earner whereas she won't because she took 20 years out of her career. It's about future earning potential.

He can stop spousal support and voluntary maintenance so I would always opt for a larger share of equity instead.

thirtyplusone · 09/10/2017 16:35

How did I miss the best part Grin

Well, he's earning around £5k per month so we should get around half each

WitchesHatRim · 09/10/2017 16:35

£0 is the right amount.

The OP has her settlement. Has moved in with someone else into their 4 bedrooms house. He is under an obligation to support his DC which he seems to be more than doing.

He is under no obligation to support the OP and her new partner.

LaurieFairyCake · 09/10/2017 16:35

You may a bad choice putting your career on hold entirely for 20 years, should’ve continued working. Why didn’t you share bringing the children up and working?

I notice you didn’t answer my point about the claim you made about him having access to his new girlfriends salary - AS YOU will have with your new boyfriend Hmm

Seems like you’ve written this post just to stir trouble..

WitchesHatRim · 09/10/2017 16:37

He can stop spousal support and voluntary maintenance so I would always opt for a larger share of equity instead

Of which he will then say you'll get less of my pension.

OP doesn't just want a bit more she wants half of his salary whilst living with someone else.

Quartz2208 · 09/10/2017 16:38

I suspect that you are feeling aggrieved because you gave up your career to support him and now you are left

The thing is that counts for the assets that you have built up together whilst you were supporting him, the stuff you are fairly splitting 50/50 - the important bit here is that you are splitting the pension as well/ So actually everything that you have built together you are splitting. Going forward it does not need to be

Now what I would change is the fact that spousal maintenance ends maybe have it continue.

But the other thing is you have a new partner as well

ReginaBlitzkreig · 09/10/2017 16:39

Well, he's earning around £5k per month so we should get around half each

Even if that were vaguely right, at the very most it would have to be half each after your salary was deducted from his, so 50% of the amount by which his income exceeds yours.

But of course, it isn't right at all. For starters, what he pays to your children has to be taken into account.

And parity is the basic principle, not an inflexible rule.

WitchesHatRim · 09/10/2017 16:40

Now what I would change is the fact that spousal maintenance ends maybe have it continue.

It won't. She's cohabiting.

ferrier · 09/10/2017 16:41

Personally I'd go for a larger share of the equity to reflect your substanially reduced earning power - assuming you took time out or turned down promotion opportunities to enable your dh to progress his career whilst you were primary childcarer.

WitchesHatRim · 09/10/2017 16:41

I suspect that you are feeling aggrieved because you gave up your career to support him and now you are left

Give assumption there. You have no idea why the marriage ended.

After all it's the OP that's moving in with the new partner....

Quartz2208 · 09/10/2017 16:59

Its not an assumption as I did not mean he left her I meant she is left having put her career on hold for him with their marriage having broken up. The why and wherefores of the break up are irrelevant

Spousal maintenance does not HAVE to end due to cohabitation (although it can) my suggestion is that is part of the agreement

WillowWeeping · 09/10/2017 17:00

This can't possibly be true Grin

M4Dad · 09/10/2017 17:02

How does it work if the person didn't earn that much and the person who stayed at home didn't have a career they could put on hold when the kids came along?

RandomMess · 09/10/2017 17:03

Courts look for the DC to be housed as a priority with primary carer, then the divorcing couple to both be housed if possible.

JakeBallardswife · 09/10/2017 17:04

Obvs don't know the circumstances but on paper you're the one being unreasonable.

You want parity, but you're no longer with him. Why only work 3 days, you're kids aren't small. Go back and refresh your skills and teach again, change sector. Worlds YOUR oyster not to be dependent on someone else!

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