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Original poster

Spousal Maintenance

142 replies

JuliaJasmine · 09/10/2017 15:04

Hi I am hoping someone can advise me.

I am getting divorced from my husband of 25 years. We have two children aged 20 and 16; the eldest is in uni and the youngest in 6th form.

My ex husband earns £85,000 and we are splitting everything 50/50. This means I will get a lump sum of around £180,000, half of his pension and maintenance for the younger child of £700 per month. He also pays £300 per month towards the eldest child and £300 spousal maintenance to me. I'm a qualified teacher but work 3 days a week as a classroom support assistant. I and my younger child am moving in with my new partner into a 4 bedroom house. I was initially ok with the settlement but now think that I should have more.

I'd be interested to see what others think who have been in this situation
Thanks
Julia

OP posts:
WitchesHatRim · 09/10/2017 17:04

How does it work if the person didn't earn that much and the person who stayed at home didn't have a career they could put on hold when the kids came along?

No SM.

The OP has no reason as to not increase her hours as many have said, if she wants more money. Funnily enough she doesn't seem to like that option.

DrussIsTheLegend · 09/10/2017 17:08

I've got to be honest OP you sound like you're in a time-warp.

Long gone are the days where a woman was just a housewife and had to rely exclusively on her husbands income and pension. It's been widely accepted for at least 2 decades, if not longer than women need to consider their own pension needs and build up to being financially independent or at least contributing to the household coffers (extenuating circumstances exempt of course eg disability, caring for disabled persons) when children reach teenage years. Anything else is purely down to the whims of fate and fortune.

Your ex is being more than equitable, he's handing over half of his pension in perpetuity to recognise the contribution deficit from your role in taking a backseat career wise to raise your family. He's also still ensuring that his children are not financially disadvantaged by your breakup.

Spousal maintenance is legally only designed to give you a chance to regain some leverage in the working world and update your skills so that you can be financially independent of your ex. It is not in place to keep you in a lifestyle to which you've become used to.

The fact that you're moving into a 4 bed property with a new partner just makes this beyond grabby and selfish. You're flat out rubbing salt in the wounds of the thousands of people on here who cannot even get above the bare minimum CMS dictates (check that out for unfair!) as a contribution towards raising their child let alone a 4 bed house with decent spousal maintenance.

Take a step back and be grateful for what you have.

eyebrowsonfleek · 09/10/2017 17:11

I’m assuming that 180k is about half of the equity plus joint savings.

The maintenance (spousal and kids) plus 50% of pension sounds fair. I’d possibly organize maintenance for the youngest until the end of y13 if their birthday is before July though.

Spousal is always temporary (2 years is typical) and you’re lucky to get it despite cohabiting. That’s usually a reason that it gets cancelled.

howrudeforme · 09/10/2017 17:16

what's stopping you work full time?

Everytimeref · 09/10/2017 17:18

Spousal maintenance is about "need" not want or parity .

Original poster
JuliaJasmine · 09/10/2017 17:29

Even if I worked full time I still wouldn't earn as much as him

OP posts:
WitchesHatRim · 09/10/2017 17:30

Even if I worked full time I still wouldn't earn as much as him

So?

Makes no difference.

You aren't going to get half his salary.

There is no reason you can't work full time.

eyebrowsonfleek · 09/10/2017 17:31

That’s what happens when people become SAHP for too long.
It won’t be long until you only have to support yourself. A part-time salary and hefty savings is plenty. (Your kids will be supporting themselves soon enough)

mrsmuddlepies · 09/10/2017 17:34

No reason for you not to work full time like most of us. Sounds as if you are a princess who expects someone to financially provide for you.
Wonder how your new man feels about your attitude to work.

DryIce · 09/10/2017 17:39

I can't quite believe you don't see you have a very good deal.

However on an £85k salary, he would take home £4700/month. He pays £1300 to you, leaving £3400.

Parity would mean you both working full time - after all, why should you receive more for working less? On an average £25k salary you would get £2k/month. Plus his payments would be £3,300.

Congratulations, parity!

RebelRogue · 09/10/2017 17:45

I don't think parity means what you think it means...

Jb291 · 09/10/2017 17:51

OP has to be a troll or this is a reverse. Nobody with any common decency is this greedy or grabby. I'm in full support of equitable financial arrangements in divorce or separation but what you want is not in the least bit fair or reasonable. It also makes you look like you're money grabbing

HerRoyalNotness · 09/10/2017 18:01

This is a clear case of tough shit.

You're not married anymore (or in process of divorce) and you don't have rights or access to half his salary Hmm

The child maintenance is paid until age 20 now as long as they are in education but not higher education (e.g. uni). Perhaps look st that portion to make sure your DC are supported correctly bolt both parents

mintbiscuit · 09/10/2017 18:05

OP. Sorry may have missed how you agreed your settlent in earlier posts.

Did you go to court to agree the original settlement? Or was it something you agreed via a solictor/mediator?

If the latter, did your solictor advise you could get a fairer settlement through the courts?

wannabestressfree · 09/10/2017 18:10

I completely agree that men and women should have the right to stay at home and be supported by the ‘family’ if that’s what is mutually beneficial and agreed. I do not agree that said person should forever stay at home, not working full time and sponge off that person forever more. Especially as you are hardly the injured party if your shacking up with someone else...
You are getting divorced and living with someone else his obligation is to your mutual children. He has given you equity. I can’t believe you would be hankering after more. It smacks of ‘keeping you in the manner you are accustomed’ YOU should want to do this.... or at very least let New man step up.
Occasionally I feel sorry for men on Mumsnet and the mercenary stance some women take. You are an intelligent woman and you work within a school environment so it won’t take you long to get up to speed.
Be someone your children can look up to. Not someone who looks like they are taking their father to the cleaners.
I don’t know what’s wrong with some people....

Original poster
JuliaJasmine · 09/10/2017 18:15

We agreed it between us but a brief chat with a solicitor has suggested I am entitled to more. I just want to protect myself

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 09/10/2017 18:18

Doesn't sound like you're the one that needs protecting .

YellowMakesMeSmile · 09/10/2017 18:19

Wow, makes me want to tell mine to live in sin.

There's no reason to not work full time and likely there hasn't been for a fair number of years. If you want an equal lifestyle then go and earn it rather than think somebody else should for you.

Half the assets yes, child support until out of education yes but have a bit of pride and go full time rather than expect an ex partner to provide for you.

Appuskidu · 09/10/2017 18:23

Why on earth should you be entitled to half of his wages when he's the one doing the job?!

Go and get a full time teaching job and get some self respect. I'm sure you'll have noticed there is a huge recruitment crisis in education at the moment-no one will care that you haven't worked for years. Let me reassure you that will NOT stop you getting work.

Everyone's a winner :)

wannabestressfree · 09/10/2017 18:29

If your marriage has been successful and you have both agreed on the best way to move forward then morally should you take him for everything you can?
What example does it set your children?

WitchesHatRim · 09/10/2017 18:34

We agreed it between us but a brief chat with a solicitor has suggested I am entitled to more. I just want to protect myself

Did you in this brief chat mention that you are moving in with your partner. I'm sure you didnt

Your housing needs of you and the DC are therefore being met.

AccrualIntentions · 09/10/2017 18:35

You have a great settlement there. If you want more, then work more hours.

eyebrowsonfleek · 09/10/2017 18:35

It depends if the legal fees to get the extra money outweigh the total benefit?

Half of his wage wouldn’t happen even if you had babies.

Mrsyorkie · 09/10/2017 18:59

Oh my goodness!

"Even if I worked full time I still wouldn't earn as much as him"

Who does!? 80k is a big salary! I'm a qualified worker in a tough profession and I am very sure I'll never earn that much but I work damned hard to earn what I do- I'm sure your ex husband does too... so why the hell should his EX wife take half of that after you're divorced?
You've chosen to move on with someone else but it appears to be quite evident that you're not happy if you're of the mindset that you're owed more. Why aren't you just pleased to be getting divorced and setting up a life with your new man?

Several people have advised you to work full time. It doesn't sound like you need to but if you choose not- stop complaining or stand on your own two feet and retrain! I'm sure you'll appreciate your money much more if you work hard for it rather than take someone elses!

Mrskeats · 09/10/2017 19:08

i just want to protect myself
Lol. This is the thread that keeps on giving
Be prepared to appear in the Mail or Sun.
Headline will read ‘grabby ex-wife wants HALF of ex-husband’s salary even though she’s shacked up with someone else.’
You are dreaming op and your new fella should guard the shirt on his back.

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