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Original poster

Teenage daughter can't afford passport

127 replies

Teenie78 · 18/07/2017 11:26

My daughter who is almost 18 insisted she wanted to come abroad with us this year. She is working but only part time. We agreed that we would pay for her to go but she would have to get her own passport and spending money. We are now just over 2 months until the holiday and she hasn't got a passport or saved any money at all. I know I need to follow through on the deal we made, but I feel awful as we can't afford to do it for her as we had to buy a new car and save our own money. What should I do?

OP posts:
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 18/07/2017 15:37

Of course going on holiday isn't an essential but the holiday is booked therefore a passport IS essential!

Izzy24 · 18/07/2017 15:46

So where does she spend the £120 per week she earns?

ginnystonic · 18/07/2017 15:50

She is 17, I would say you are responsible for paying for her passport.

Spending money should be up to her.

If you can't afford to get her a passport then you can't really afford to take the family abroad can you?

Mollyboom · 18/07/2017 16:05

YANBU, if she has had notice and has failed to save then she is being irresponsible. However, I think it would be unduly harsh to exclude her as she is still young- why don't you pay for the passport but then make her pay it back from future wages.

WankYouForTheMusic · 18/07/2017 20:18

You were massively unreasonable not factoring in paying for your minor child's budget. In fact you're beyond unreasonable. It's your responsibility to pay for it, not hers!

That's a separate issue from her being irresponsible, which she is.

Babyroobs · 18/07/2017 20:48

I would find a way to pay for her passport rather than waste £1000. If you can afford a holiday that costs that much per person then there will be some way you can pay by putting it on a credit card or overdraft and she can pay you back later.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 18/07/2017 20:53

YABVU, she is a minor and the costs associated with her going should have been factored in. You make it sound like buying her food is a huge luxury that she should be funding herself.

AdoraBell · 18/07/2017 20:53

I agree with pp saying you should pay for the passport because she is still a child.

I also agree with teaching DCs about all these random things that crop up in addition to every day/week/month costs.

ConstanceCraving · 18/07/2017 20:59
Confused If you don't buy her the passport you lose the cost of her part of the holiday?
hookiewookie29 · 18/07/2017 21:02

OP I know exactly what you're saying. My son is 19, earns over £800 a month and it burns a hole in his pocket. He never saves a penny and always has too much month left at the end of his money.
However...I could not go on holiday without him just for the sake of a passport. I wouldn't enjoy it and would feel guilty even though it wouldn't have been my fault.

Rainatnight · 18/07/2017 21:06

I think she's testing you. And she's right to.

Step up and figure out a way to pay for it. With her, if needs be. What family stuff could go on eBay?

verystressedmum · 18/07/2017 21:08

What does she spend her money on? She has the money from one weeks wage to get the passport. She'll be a bit broke for a week but that week will pass and she'll get paid again.
She doesn't need to save up as she gets £120 just tell her to get the passport and don't go out for a week.

dinahmorris · 19/07/2017 00:53

I think you are missing my point, dame. A holiday isn't essential. Ever. Going on a holiday you have already booked and paid for isn't essential. A passport is required for a holiday abroad, but neither a passport nor a holiday is essential for living. And when the OP says she can't afford something I take her at her word - she can't afford to do it without cutting out genuine essentials.

I don't personally think the OP should have to cancel her holiday just because her DD failed to pay for elements she agreed to pay for. Especially when her DD had ample means to cover the cost.

MadamQuimby · 19/07/2017 01:06

Hold your ground Teenie. You gave her ample opportunity to earn spending money and sort her passport.
She was adult enough to apply for college, and then leave. She made her own choice to sleep through shifts and turned down overtime.
No-one is entitled to a holiday. She needs to learn that every one of her actions have a reaction.
It might be hard, and she will resent you, bit tough love is definitely called for now.
I expect she knows you'll bail her out and get her passport and spending money.
In fact I'd bet money she expects this. If you give in now, she will walk all over you.

She is an adult. Who made the choice not to turn up for work or save for a family holiday. It's time she deals with the consequences of adult decisions.

You will be doing her and yourself a massive disservice by giving in to this behaviour.

2017SoFarSoGood · 19/07/2017 01:17

I'm completely with you on this Teenie. She has made choices that mean she is not keeping up her end of the bargain. She does sound rather spoiled, but I can't fault you for that since mine are ruined.

Heartbreaking when you just can't afford it and she is forcing your hand. I think I'd use my saved spending money to pay it now and hold firm that she must repay it over the next two or three weeks.

Would be lovely if we could all afford to pay for everything we would like for our kids, but mostly we cannot Flowers

yourerubberimglue · 19/07/2017 01:31

@SandyDenny actually unless you have an arranged internship or apprenticeship the legal school leaving age in England is now 18 as of a few years ago.

SandyDenny · 19/07/2017 07:38

Yourrubberinglue - you might want to have a word with the government then and ask them to correct their website, as linked above, they obviously don't know their own laws

Everyone can leave school at 16, there might be newish rules about what they have to do until they're 18 but no one has to stay at school past the age of 16.

Penhacked · 19/07/2017 07:47

Has she saved zero then? In that case, I would be trying to teach her she can't just fritter her money away by paying for it now, as a loan, which she has to pay back. But only the spending money, you should have paid for the passport in the first place. She sounds immature, I think you'd do better to treat her as a 16 year old and try and get her it of the shit job and into an apprenticeship. She needs structure and role model peers right now.

LIZS · 19/07/2017 07:55

Perhaps you need to spell it out to her. She needs 15 hours of work to fund her passport , on top of whatever she spends each week. Help her budget. Tell her she needs to be in a position to order it in 2 weeks' time (but unless she has a bank card you will have to pay up anyway) . If she has no spending money either, so be it, although you may find she suddenly has some.

Original poster
Teenie78 · 19/07/2017 08:41

I think the advice here is clear and I agree that paying for the passport and then getting her to pay back in bits is the way forward and then it is down to her to ensure she has some spending money.
i feel I have come across as a bad parent for not doing so in the first place, I was only trying to teach her some responsibilities, though my methods may have been wrong, none of us are perfect.

OP posts:
2014newme · 19/07/2017 09:13

None of us are perfect but excluding a child from a family holiday is not on and sends a horrible message to the child.
In future book holidays you can afford the whole family to go on.

MrsJayy · 19/07/2017 09:21

You are right not 1 of us are perfect and i can see you were trying to make her a bit more responsible she will learn though with support and guidance if she agreed to pay make sure she pays you back she is a near adult and with being an adult there is responsibility and consequences. Have a nice holiday Smile

WankYouForTheMusic · 19/07/2017 09:35

You didn't come across as a bad parent, you simply made a bad decision. There's a big difference.

Janus · 19/07/2017 09:40

Teenie, you were asking for advice on a teenager, as a parent to 2 I know they can drive you nuts!!! But you have listened and come to a decision on how to get her on holiday with you. I think you sound lovely! Enjoy that holiday!

MrsJayy · 19/07/2017 09:45

Yeah a bad decision does not make you a bad parent we all make decisions that are not great it is fine to say it maybe wasn't the best way to handle something.