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Original poster

Teenage daughter can't afford passport

127 replies

Teenie78 · 18/07/2017 11:26

My daughter who is almost 18 insisted she wanted to come abroad with us this year. She is working but only part time. We agreed that we would pay for her to go but she would have to get her own passport and spending money. We are now just over 2 months until the holiday and she hasn't got a passport or saved any money at all. I know I need to follow through on the deal we made, but I feel awful as we can't afford to do it for her as we had to buy a new car and save our own money. What should I do?

OP posts:

MrsOverTheRoad · 18/07/2017 12:02

So you'd let her miss out for the sake of a hundred quid?

Still think you're awful.

Of COURSE you should pay for her food! She's only 17 and your child!

SlothMama · 18/07/2017 12:03

Could you come to an agreement where she pays for half? At 17 I was working part time and saving to pay for my driving lessons/ car insurance.

BarbaraofSeville · 18/07/2017 12:03

Has she had the money but spent it on non essentials instead of putting some away for her holiday/passport?

Could she get more hours if she looked/applied/asked?

How tight is money for you and is she still at school, so you have CB etc?

It's not clear cut really whether you or her should pay. It could well be that she has more spare money than you if you are on a tight budget and she has all her part time earnings to spend as she wishes?

But you're going to have to apply very soon or else she won't be able to go anyway as her passport won't come back in time. Can you free up the money by eating extremely frugally - lots of beans on toast etc and eat up all the food you have in stock at home?

gillybeanz · 18/07/2017 12:04

If you are trying to teach her the value of money YANBU.
It's ok for others to say she's a child, but at nearly 18 she most certainly isn't.
PT work at min wage for 20 hours pays £150 a week, if she is doing this then she has plenty of money to save for a passport.
I also don't think it's so black and white to include this age on a holiday, most wouldn't want to go on family holidays post 16.

ijustwannadance · 18/07/2017 12:05

It's really shitty that you didn't automatically include your child in your holiday.
You have bought a new car and are going in holiday so clearly not struggling for money.
I wouldn't expect a 17 year old to pay for their own passport.

TartanDMs · 18/07/2017 12:06

I think you are getting a hard time, if you can't afford it and had made an arrangement then it must be frustrating. Do you have younger kids who you are paying for? If you do, then I think expecting your dd to pay is a little harsh, but if it was just planned as a holiday for you and DH rather than a family holiday, and dd asked to come along, that's a bit different.

FWIW I always keep Ds17's passport up to date and will until he is working full time, because it's a useful form of ID. He doesn't always come away with us, but we do always have at least one holiday with him even if it's just a week in a caravan. We are going away for DH's 60th soon and DS isn't coming.

juneau · 18/07/2017 12:06

I think YABVU! Why on earth would you include her in your holiday and then leave her without a passport? She's 17 and still a DC. IMO that means YOU pay for her passport, even if she is working PT. I can't think that a 17-year-old with a PT job is earning very much. Plus, presumably you've paid for her flight/hotel/or whatever it is you're doing, so by not sorting out her passport (all of £72.50), you'll lose that money you've already spent. Fair enough to expect her to provide her own spending money. You should get on an apply too, since it's summer and there will be lots of people needing to renew at short notice. Borrow the money if you have to.

NannyRed · 18/07/2017 12:09

I'm really struggling to understand why OP thinks a child that still lives at home should be paying for her own holiday.

Do you charge her any rent? If you do, can you not save that up and use it to buy her passport?
If you don't, why do you think she should pay for her holidays? It is after all a family holiday and she is still really a child (if she lives with her parents and doesn't have a full time job, so I presume she is still in education. Do you still get family allowance/child benefits?

FiftyShadesOfDuckEggBlue · 18/07/2017 12:13

I'd pay everything for her. She's only 18!

Wormulonian · 18/07/2017 12:14

Have a heart - pay for her passport and sort it out now as there may be the usual summer passport office delays. Remind your DD that she needs to start saving for her spending money. I would give her a little spending money too when you arrive at the holiday as a surprise.

At her age there may not be many or any other family holidays that she will go on in the near future. Make some nice memories.

Janus · 18/07/2017 12:14

Can you not come to some agreement that you will pay for the passport BUT she will pay you back from future earnings? I don't know if you can afford this? It's a tough one, I have a 17 year old who is at college all week and works all weekend, as soon as she's broken up she has slept lots on the days off from work! I think teenagers need their sleep!

I would tell her to ask for any available shifts over next couple of months so she can get some spending money together as you can't afford this and the passport. Then make sure she goes in, bang on her door, make sure you know all upcoming shifts. If she doesn't get this sorted what is she planning to do now she's left college? This is real life I'm afraid and this means getting up and going to work. You shouldn't have to do this but at the moment that is what I would do.

Oliversmumsarmy · 18/07/2017 12:15

PT work at min wage for 20 hours pays £150 a week, if she is doing this then she has plenty of money to save for a passport

Dd is 17 and some jobs pay £2 per hour. Minimum wage doesn't really apply until you are 18

RubyWinterstorm · 18/07/2017 12:15

....how can you afford to buy a car and a holiday, yet not have £70 for a passport? I don't get other people's finances (clearly! )

wrenika · 18/07/2017 12:16

It's a shame that she had to 'insist' that she came on holiday with you. She may be nearly an adult, but she's still your child, living at home with you; surely she gets to be included automatically.
If I were her and had the 'pay it or stay' ultimatum, I'd feel pretty shit.
At 18, my parents paid for me to go on holiday with them (not abroad cause we like exploring Scotland, but still) and they paid for food, etc. just like at home. I did work - I had two part-time jobs and I was saving money to go to uni - but that was my money and they never asked for a penny of it.

NormaSmuff · 18/07/2017 12:17

give it to her as an 18th birthday present?

dinahmorris · 18/07/2017 12:17

I'm going to go against the grain and say YANBU. She chooses to work part time, misses shifts when she doesn't feel like going in, has turned down extra shifts and still expects a fully funded holiday?! I'd be worried about her not actually realising some stuff costs money and her work ethic. If she was at school / college or even uni I would think differently, but she isn't.

BarbaraofSeville · 18/07/2017 12:18

The DD has dropped out of education so it is likely they don't get any benefits for her and she doesn't pay any board or other contribution.

She also has a part time job that she doesn't seem to be very committed to.

Why should she get a free ride when her parents are struggling? She's having a free holiday and can't even make the agreed minor contribution despite having a job.

The reality for a lot of people is that they can't afford to support adult DCs forever once they stop receiving benefits for them and they shouldn't expect to be supported when they can work. Even if the DD is only earning £100 a week, it's very likely she has a lot more spare money than her parents - I bet they don't have over £400 pm to spend on whatever they want to once they have covered the costs of the entire household including this DD>

19lottie82 · 18/07/2017 12:18

Dd is 17 and some jobs pay £2 per hour. Minimum wage doesn't really apply until you are 18

Of course it does! Rates are lower yes , but NMW still applies. It's £4.05 for under 18s.

Tretchikoff · 18/07/2017 12:19

Of course minimum wage applies before you're 18!
There's an Apprenticeship min wage and a 16/17 min wage then 18 and 25 (I think)

MrsCalculator · 18/07/2017 12:19

My daughter who is almost 18 insisted she wanted to come abroad with us this year

she asked for the holiday, it wasn't our idea

These two quotes from OP don't tally.
My inference is that the holiday was arranged without her, and then the DD said she wanted to go.

I can't imagine arranging a holiday abroad without at least asking my 17 year old DD if she wanted to come. I'd pay for her passport as well.

If I couldn't afford to do that then it'd be clear that I couldn't really afford the holiday.

PiggyPlumPie · 18/07/2017 12:20

I renewed my teens passports (16 & 18) earlier this year. I must admit that I was relieved as they both now have adult passports and I won't have to buy them one again. But it does seem a little harsh although I understand about her not picking up overtime etc.

I think I am getting splinters from sitting on the fence!

Any possibility of putting it on a credit card and getting her to pay you back monthly? I think long-term it could be quite damaging to your relationship. Is it really worth all the aggro?

LIZS · 18/07/2017 12:20

Are you paying for other dc to go? You won't get your money back now - and it does sound like a £££ holiday given things are tight - so probably worth renegotiating the funding. She takes x number of shifts to cover the cost but you apply for the passport now.

19lottie82 · 18/07/2017 12:21

I can see where you're coming from OP. She's had plenty of warning. How much do you think she's earned since you told her she had to pay for her passport?

However, surely if there is 2 months left she has time to pay for it. She has a month to pay for the passport (apply 1 month before hol), and another months wages for spending money.

I think you have to have a serious chat with her re what she is going to spend the next 2 months wages on!

Popchyck · 18/07/2017 12:21

Well, if she has packed in college then she needs to get a job. Has she been sacked from the old one yet? Just a matter of time if she isn't going in for her shifts.

I'd be very clear with her that she won't be going if she cannot come up with the cash (and let's face it, it would be covered by her doing just a few shifts so it is hardly an impossible task).

Also, can you pay her a bit for jobs around the house? Car cleaning, gardening, whatever.

Can you asks around if anyone needs a babysitter for the summer holidays? Some parents might be struggling to cover the school holidays and would welcome a few hours here and there.

I think some people are being a bit harsh - you cover everything else for her, including a holiday and you asked her to pay for one small thing for herself. And she hasn't done it.

I like Norma's suggestion of an 18th birthday present. She'll get the benefit of that passport for the next 10 years which is nice.

ExpatinBah · 18/07/2017 12:21

You have paid for a holiday and a new car and now decide that she cannot go - all because of a passport and cannot afford it? She is only 17 for goodness sake.

Even now, with two weeks to go - a fast track passport is the only way at this time of year. A visit to the nearest passport office - 4 hour wait and I believe £175 worse off.

Geez.

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