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Original poster

Teenage daughter can't afford passport

127 replies

Teenie78 · 18/07/2017 11:26

My daughter who is almost 18 insisted she wanted to come abroad with us this year. She is working but only part time. We agreed that we would pay for her to go but she would have to get her own passport and spending money. We are now just over 2 months until the holiday and she hasn't got a passport or saved any money at all. I know I need to follow through on the deal we made, but I feel awful as we can't afford to do it for her as we had to buy a new car and save our own money. What should I do?

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 18/07/2017 13:34

How can she having anything put by just on minimum age

She earns £120 pw and has no outgoings except maybe busfare to work and perhaps a mobile phone contract, so no more than £20/30 pw?

I don't know how long it has been since the OP booked the holiday but I don't see why she can't have been saving £25 a week. Even if it's only been a couple of months, she would have £200 put by so plenty for her passport and holiday spends - the OP says everything else like food is already covered.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 18/07/2017 13:35

She's 17, some 17 year olds manage to organise themselves and some don't.

I can't believe you have paid £1000 for her but left the passport to the last minute. I also can't believe you said you'll pay for her food ,I would hope so too! Even if you send off for the passport today depending on waiting times it might not get back in time. Get it done,it's £70 ,surely you have £70 if you're planning a holiday abroad?

Help her budget don't punish her. Get the passport and she can pay you back.

Ffs!Confused

Migraleve · 18/07/2017 13:42

One of the saddest things I have read on here.

Oliversmumsarmy · 18/07/2017 13:43

Actually the leaving age is 18.

Going to work full time is not an option. The options are carrying on f/t education or apprenticeship or traineeship on I think £3.50 per hour

Kursk · 18/07/2017 13:45

Op from the updated info you have given I think you are right. She has the ability to pay for it but is choosing not to. If you are trying to teach her the value of money/ priorities etc then what you are doing is the right thing.

19lottie82 · 18/07/2017 13:46

Migraleve why? The DD had had MONTHS to save £80 for the passport, and is working. Why shouldn't she have put enough aside for it?

SandyDenny · 18/07/2017 13:47

This is being derailed a bit by minimum wage and school leaving age but to copy from the like above

*School leaving age

Your school leaving age depends on where you live.
England

You can leave school on the last Friday in June if you’ll be 16 by the end of the summer holidays.

You must then do one of the following until you’re 18:

stay in full-time education, for example at a college
start an apprenticeship or traineeship
spend 20 hours or more a week working or volunteering, while in part-time education or training*

The goverment website isn't wrong, the deifintion of school leaving age is pretty clear.

Again, you can say it's 18, you can say that minimum wage doesn't apply at 16 but both of those thinsg are wrong.

It doesn't help to post incorrect information

BarbaraofSeville · 18/07/2017 13:49

So what happens when someone isn't following the rules? It sounds like she has a normal job, rather than an apprenticeship and her employer probably doesn't care what else she does.

It's all academic anyway as the OP says the DD is 'nearly 18' so soon will just be free to work as she pleases.

dinahmorris · 18/07/2017 13:51

Help her budget don't punish her. Get the passport and she can pay you back.

This was a known cost for a non-essential that the DD has chosen not to bother about, despite the fact that the OP and her DH have been actively saving to afford it for themselves (and covered her living costs throughout). From what the OP says it doesn't seem that the DD would see paying them back as a priority - besides which the OP clearly states she cannot afford to do it. Being unable to give money for a non-essential to a child (of any age) isn't punishing them. It is a fact of life - sometimes parents can't pay for everything.

OP have you explained to your DD that you simply can't afford to pay for the passport on top of everything else, and if she doesn't get it sorted she won't be able to go?

snoopypoodle · 18/07/2017 13:56

Can you not afford it at all OP?

I think YANBU considering she works but sometimes just doesn't bother going in and how much time she had to save. But you will probably loose the money you paid for the holiday if she doesn't get the passport.

If I were you I would come to some sort of an agreement with her.
Can you get her to do something in/around the house and pay for the passport in exchange?
E.g. My DFs daughter wanted to go to a music festival (can't remember which one was a while ago) she pestered her for weeks, my DF agreed to pay half as long as she raised the other half. She had months for it but acted similarity to your DD.
Anyway the time to buy tickets rolls around and her DD is short by most of the amount she needed, DF agreed to cover it in exchange for DD sorting the (big) garden for the summer so clear brambles, paint fences, clean out greenhouse etc.

She said she wanted her to learn that she can't just mess around and then hope someone else will pay her out because they felt bad for her.

Yogagirl123 · 18/07/2017 13:57

I would fully expect to pay for my DC's passports, until they were in full time employment.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 18/07/2017 13:58

Well,it's essential to have a passport if you're planning to go abroad and have already paid for the holiday.

Heartofglass12345 · 18/07/2017 14:29

Wow, the people who think you are being unreasonable are going to end up with spoilt ungrateful children!
She is 17 and not in full time education and her parents have paid for the holiday when she cant even be bothered to save a bit of money herself or do any overtime!
Giving her everything she wants isnt going to teach her anything
I never went on holiday at all with my parents as they never went!
I agree with what others have said, maybe pay for it for her but insist she pays you back next time she gets paid. Spoiling kids is going to make them awful with money!
She isn't a child either, i bet if you called her one she would go mad. Some people her age have kids of their own and don't even live at home!

TartanDMs · 18/07/2017 14:45

oliver although this is possibly not relevant to the OP, it is possible to get a good apprenticeship. Where I work (public sector) business apprentices are paid £18,850 (just under £10 ph), the same rate as the lowest grade admin staff. Not all young people are on low wages.

MrsJayy · 18/07/2017 14:50

My children are well over 17 and are neither spoilt or ungrateful however i wouldn't have left it last bloody minute to make sure any 17yr old I had organised a passport like the op did to teach her a valuable lesson if she wanted the girl to pay for it she could have at least helped her organise it.

Original poster
Teenie78 · 18/07/2017 14:57

Well I can see there are mixed feelings about this. I didn't realise I would cause such differences in opinion. I really don't feel I was unreasonable when we agreed she would pay for her passport and spending and she didn't have an issue either. She wants to be treated like an adult and I gave her an opportunity to try and show she could save for something she claimed she really wanted. I guess I have come out as the bad guy here. I have never denied my kids anything they have needed, although they were not spoiled.

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 18/07/2017 15:02

I don't think you are the bad guy honestly it takes them longer than you think to mature and you should have badgered her reminded her if she agreed to pay then you could ask for half now and the rest after the holiday or you could go hard line on her and not take her

MrsJayy · 18/07/2017 15:04

If you can afford to pay the other half this will be her 10 year passport so will last her for many holidays

userblahblahwhatever · 18/07/2017 15:05

I can't understand what planet you're on that you didn't automatically include your daughter in your holiday budget?

19lottie82 · 18/07/2017 15:07

Sorry to shout but why is no body comprehending that THE DD STILL HAS TWO MONTHS TO PAY FOR THE PASSPORT AND SPENDS. Well, ok a month for the passport as she'd need to apply for it a month before the holiday, but that's still doable?

It's not like she hasn't bought it now so she can't go, she has time .

pigyoinkoinks · 18/07/2017 15:25

@19lottie82 I thought this too! You could get it fast tracked but I think it's costs more?

Either way I'd get it sorted really quick or you would have waisted the money you spent on her for the holiday anyway! Confused

roarityroar · 18/07/2017 15:27

I think it's mean that you haven't bought your not-yet-adult daughter a passport long ago to be honest

roarityroar · 18/07/2017 15:28

Userblah - totally agree. It's totally bizarre that you wouldn't include your daughter in your plans.

dinahmorris · 18/07/2017 15:34

Going on a holiday is simply not essential. It is a luxury that many parents cannot afford. Sometimes, people book a holiday and then have a genuinely essential bill to pay (such as a car required for commuting) and have to write off the deposit to avoid spending further money on the holiday.

The OP is in this situation and has seriously considered cancelling the whole thing. The DD isn't in education. She has a part time job where she sometimes cba to go in for shifts, won't accept overtime and is having her food / bills paid for.

OP, you could just talk to your daughter. She hasn't stepped up to the responsibility this time, so maybe you could arrange that she pays you a set amount (£20 per week?!) for the passport and spends, and you organise getting the passport and changing any leftover money to the correct currency for the holiday. So a middle ground - not simply doing / paying for everything, but supporting her to be more grown up.

sleepyhead · 18/07/2017 15:34

It would be ridiculous to lose out on the £1000 you've spent already for sake of the cost of a passport.

She's clearly incapable of saving by herself so she needs to start paying you towards the cost of the passport on a weekly basis - hopefully she can pay it off quickly enough for you not to go for the fast track option.

If she chooses not to save spending money, then she just won't have anything to spend when she gets there.

The posters saying just pay for her, not everyone can just magic £100 out of thin air.

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