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Original poster

My Partner gets provided accommodation with their job, yet wants me to pay rent

54 replies

Blutac999 · 01/02/2017 14:10

Hi Guys,

I need to know whether I am over reacting or being unreasonable here.
My partner works for a school which provides a 2 bedroom flat as accommodation. They pay no fees for it, water and electricity are included.

We have been living together for a little while now, and previously we split the costs for the bills that we had, and then we put money into a house fund each month to pay for anything we needed.

They have now decided that instead of doing this they want me to pay rent. The amount is marginally less than i would have to pay in my area in general, which is OK.

My issue is that I work darn hard for my money, and whilst i do earn quite a bit more than my partner, I feel a strong sense of resentment that I am handing over a good portion of my hard earned wage each month, for what is essentially just pure pocket money for them, having done nothing to earn it.

I can't get this feeling out of my head, am i being unreasonable?

Thanks for any input

OP posts:

Babyroobs · 01/02/2017 14:34

You are being unreasonable because I imagine your partner's wages are perhaps lower to reflect that they have accommodation included? You earn quite a bit more than your partner so if he/she is providing the accommodation it is only fair that you pay something towards that.

Lottie4 · 01/02/2017 14:35

You're meant to be a team and in it together. I'd understand if you were both putting money into an account for a rainy day, new furniture, improvements to the flat and maybe it was decided you'd put a little more in as you earn more, but why should you have to pay rent which there's non payable in the first place.

My DH has always earned more than me. When we first moved into together he suggested we pay everything in the same account and we then were able to draw the same amount each out for our own personal spending. Even when I gave up work for DCs and wasn't contributing, we continued with this as I was spending my time supporting our family.

Bobochic · 01/02/2017 14:36

Yes, agree with PP: the accommodation is part of your partner's salary package, it's not free. You should contribute.

Patriciathestripper1 · 01/02/2017 14:39

Who is 'they' ? You said they now want you to pay rent?

NeverTwerkNaked · 01/02/2017 14:47

The accommodation is presumably part of their over all salary package so they are effectively "earning" this "free" accommodation...

Doesn't sound unfair to me. Their work provides the free accom so maybe you could pay all the bills??

Patriciathestripper1 · 01/02/2017 15:01

I'm with you op.
I'm sure you pay for other things such as nights and out treats? I think your partner is being a bit mean and I'd feel like this too. Taking a large portion of your wage for pocket money would make me feel miffed.
Are you still expected to put money in the household and pay half the bills as well or instead of?

titchy · 01/02/2017 15:58

The only fair thing is for you both to save the money you would otherwise have spent in rent. The amount you save should reflect your salaries and should be put into a joint account.

That way you're both benefitting.

Viviennemary · 01/02/2017 19:54

YABU. The free accommodation is part of the salary package and unless you pool all money then I think you should pay rent. I think you're the one who is being mean especially as you earn more than he does. Perhaps you are not ready for sharing.

hesterton · 01/02/2017 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

monkeywithacowface · 01/02/2017 20:00

Agree with other accommodation is part of their salary and not a freebie? Why should they work to keep you in free accommodation? You earn significantly more and want free digs as well

SheldonCRules · 02/02/2017 17:37

You sound greedy and selfish, it's not free accommodation but part of the salary so less take home pay. Of course you should pay your share.

BertPuttocks · 02/02/2017 17:41

"I feel a strong sense of resentment that I am handing over a good portion of my hard earned wage each month, for what is essentially just pure pocket money for them, having done nothing to earn it."

And what have you done to earn free rent?

bloodyteenagers · 02/02/2017 17:48

Not all jobs with free accommodation means a huge salary drop. Plus when there's no rent paid how do you put an amount on this? Local rental market? Difference in wAge even though they could be in different industries?
And what's the justification for the op to top up the partners income?

LineysRun · 02/02/2017 17:57

Of course 'they' have done something to earn it. It's part of their job.

girlelephant · 02/02/2017 18:33

I'm also confused by the they? Is it just the two of you living in the property?

Anyone I've known who has accommodation as part of their salary package would have a reduced salary due to this. Perhaps start by looking at what the salary would be if the property was not included

kittybiscuits · 02/02/2017 18:36

Wow such a big deal about 'they'. Big deal if the person doesn't want to state the gender of their partner.

TataEs · 02/02/2017 19:11

as others said there will be a salary sacrifice to compensate for the accommodation and so maybe in that respect you should contribute.

however i think it's a little unreasonable for your partner to decide that after you have moved in on different terms.

if you earn substantially more i think maybe there's a feeling of resentment on your partners side. they earn less and provide you with free accommodation and yet you still expect them to pay half of everything? does seem a little unfair to me

LemonSqueezy0 · 04/02/2017 09:11

You seem massively entitled OP. You feel they haven't earned anything but neglect to say why YOU feel you earned a freebie?! The accommodation is part of their salary package, so I absolutely think you should pay more towards bills etc. Not just get to say "oh I'm so generous I treated you to dinner..." once in a blue moon.. it's bordering on financially abusive and you're ensuring your own coffers stay topped up at their expense.

Penfold007 · 04/02/2017 09:58

Put another way, your partner works hard to earn a living. A significant part of their salary package is their accommodation, it isn't free they earn it. You also work hard but have no accommodation costs. Call it rent or whatever it seem fair that you pay something as well as share food bills etc.

Keeptrudging · 04/02/2017 10:09

I'm with OP on this, sorry. Her partner suddenly decides he'd like some of her wages, even though he didn't before.

Neither of them have many bills to pay, both pay their share so both presumably have disposable income. It's not like he has no wages. It sounds grasping. If OP was grudging paying her part of rent, that would be wrong, but there is no rent. He's not out of pocket in any way with her staying there.

She has no security. Given the change in set up, I would be flathunting, he sounds like he's having a change of heart. I can't imagine my DP charging me rent for a rent free place, that's just weird!

CryptoFascist · 04/02/2017 10:21

I think the OP has deliberately not stated gender because they think, rightly or wrongly, that the genders would affect the responses.

SheldonCRules · 04/02/2017 10:28

Yes, if female she should live rent free and if male then they are taking the p expecting free accommodation if we go by usual standards on MN.

Regardless of gender, the one working who gets the accommodation is paying for it by working, the other should help with costs as they have done nothing to earn the house.

kittybiscuits · 04/02/2017 10:32

What a stupid comment Sheldon. In this situation, irrespective of gender, the expectations should be discussed and a reasonable arrangement agreed. If I was moving in with someone with free accommodation who said you don't need to pay rent, I would formally or informally contribute more in other ways. This person said no contribution was needed and has now changed their mind and become grabby.

Bluntness100 · 04/02/2017 10:40

I see both sides of this.

On one side it's not "free " and they are doing something to earn it, it's part over the overall compensation package. I had something similar , albeit a different perk, for a few years and people used to say to me it's ok for you "you get it free" . Well no, if I wasn't doing that job I wouldn't get it.

On the other side, I'm not sure asking for rent is acceptable, in fact I don't think it is. I never said to my husband you need to give me x , for the simple reason it didn't cost me a penny and I saw it as a shared benefit.

If there was a physical outlay of cash for the accommodation of course uou should pay, you both shoulder the financial responsibilities, but that is not the case.

Joint splitting the bills and contributing to a house fund for me is the much better option.

I'd be concerned uour partner is not managing their money or sees little future in the relationship and as such is doing this. Do you know what caused the change in attitude?

Meeep · 04/02/2017 10:46

I'm 100% with your partner. You are using their accommodation, which they work for and earn, for free. You aren't doing anything to work for the apartment, they are. That's how they are paying for it. You should totally pay rent. It's not pocket money you're giving them for nothing, you owe it. In fact you really should pay back-rent IMO.

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