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Original poster

Can we survive like this for long? (I've namechanged for this)

141 replies

pennypincher · 03/02/2007 22:37

Would appreciate some opinions please? I've recently gone back to work, DH is staying at home with DS. I am on just over £20k a year. Out of that we have to cover mortgage, council tax, utility bills and household/life insurance which come to around £800. Then there's food, running the car which we need, DH's credit cards (minimum payments), clothes for DS, absolute minimum work clothes for me, cat care, DH's CSA payments (has to pay minimum even though not earning), DS nursery for one day a week (so DH can try to find part time work) - all out of the remaining £500 or so (including tax credit and child benefit). I can't afford new casual clothes, shoes or a haircut; we hardly ever go out or have takeaways; don't know when we'll next get a holiday, etc. God forbid that the boiler breaks down or anything.

The last bit about not affording clothes, shoes, haircuts, etc. has been pretty standard for the last few years but now I've got DS to think of as well. We've got to be able to get things for him. I'm trying to cut down on the food bills as much as poss, but need to make sure DS especially gets a good balanced diet. I make all his food from scratch and most of ours.

This isn't a whinge, I just wanted to put over the situation and get opinions on how sustainable this is in the long term in case DH doesn't have much luck with part time work. Also some advice on money saving would be great. Thank you!

OP posts:

MamaGrr · 03/02/2007 22:40

could you get a cheaper house with a smaller mortgage? Is it really necessary to pay for a day's nursery every week so DH can jobhunt, he could look on the net/papers at any time and perhaps get a babysitter for interviews?

£20K sounds quite a lot TBH

Jelley · 03/02/2007 22:41

It is definitely possible.
We have had a few years on less than that, with two children. (now 3, but dp is earning a bit more atm)
Come over to the debt free 2007 thread for tips and advice (or at least a bit of moral support).

bogwobbit · 03/02/2007 22:44

Have you looked at this site . Can recommend the debt free wannabe and moneysaving old style boards on the chat forum.
At the very least you'll be able to get advice from people in the same (or worse) situations as yourself.

Original poster

pennypincher · 03/02/2007 22:47

I know it sounds quite a lot MamaGrr - that's why I wanted opinions. As for a cheaper house, we're in the cheapest house we could find in the area with a 35 year mortgage to minimise the payments - and it's absolutely tiny. The mortgage payments are currently around £500 a month. The nursery for a day a week is to give DH at least one day a week that he can work - I'm going to try to work from home for another day. I just don't know where all the money goes - but I know I don't buy anything at all for me

Jelley - I'll do that, but can you give me a clue how you managed? [I will admit part of my problem is that DH is not as good at money saving as me - he got made redundant a few years back and hasn't adjusted too well]

OP posts:

Original poster

pennypincher · 03/02/2007 22:49

Should clarify - I know there are people in much worse situations. This is more about DH's and my relationship I suppose. I guess we're used to a certain standard of living and I'm very used to maintaining an outward impression that everything's fine. I don't want that to slip IYSWIM.

OP posts:

MamaGrr · 03/02/2007 22:49

I didn't mean to sound unsympathetic, sorry. Re nursery though, they are quite expensive and perhaps until DH gets a job, you could stop sending DS there?

Have a look on uswitch.com and simliar to se eif you can cut down on energy bills - even £20 a month is a lot!

WideWebWitch · 03/02/2007 22:55

£20k is sod all imo, esp if it's your only income. The ONLY way to get out of this is to increase your income or cut your costs or both. I think nursery one day a week is a luxury you can't afford. You can ONCE dh IS working but not until imo.

Other ideas:
shop around for insurance etc, I just saved £300 on car insurance and home contents doing this
swap cards to 0% where possible so you're paying off balances instead of just interest
What's CSA payments?
Clothes, go to charity shops/jumble sales
Don't fritter (if you are, you may not be) so no coffees/lunches out/cards/magazines etc.

crystalpony · 03/02/2007 22:55

Could your husband get a job in a pub until something better comes up? Even if he just did lunchtimes or a couple of evenings? Not ideal or desirable I know, but an easy job to get and needs must..also, I understand that wont fit in with your self-confessed facade but it is a solution.

sallystrawberry · 03/02/2007 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

pennypincher · 03/02/2007 22:57

Mmm - we've only just managed to get him a place though and every other nursery is full for his age group. And I think DH needs a day to himself to save his sanity as he's a SAHD through circumstance rather than choice really. Might be worth looking into the energy thing though, thanks.

It's just quite depressing. I'm not a materialistic person at all, but it seems like most people have diposable income to spend on all sorts of junk and we can barely afford the basics. And I've worked so hard even to get where I am (my career is pretty poorly paid in general). Oh dear, I am starting to whinge now - sorry!

But then I suppose it depends on what you call the basics - DH and I differ on that one.

OP posts:

Jelley · 03/02/2007 22:59

well the things that have helped the most for me have been simple things like cooking to a menu plan (we are eating better too as a result), only shopping weekly with a list, and charity shops.

how old is your ds? Will he care if his clothes are second hand?
Reusable nappies invlove an initial outlay, but save money in the long term.

Get a money tin and save pound coins (for when the boiler breaks down. If it doesn't you get a bonus for days out in the summer)

WideWebWitch · 03/02/2007 22:59

Listen, I was a sahm, dh was a sahd, we couldn't AFFORD the luxury of a day a week at nursery. And until you can I think it has to go, really I do, because you can't afford it, surely dh sees that?

Twiglett · 03/02/2007 23:03

would dh consider child-minding .. 1 other child could make the difference

oh and I'd cancel nursery personally it sounds like a luxury you can't afford

Original poster

pennypincher · 03/02/2007 23:03

x posted with a few of you. Thanks for your suggestions. DH is looking into working evenings - B and Q or something. There is a problem though in that his background is managerial and he's had real trouble in the past getting through the CV and interview stages for menial jobs where he has no relevant experience.

WWW - Child Support Agency for his daughter [whose mother and her husband recently bought house on south coast for cash with profits from right to buy council house ]

OP posts:

Twiglett · 03/02/2007 23:04

I'm a SAHM .. a day's childcare is a luxury .. if you can't afford it you can't .. and I don't think you can tbh

I used to have a day at childminders for DS .. but dont for dd

Original poster

pennypincher · 03/02/2007 23:05

I'll think about the nursery thing then - I know you're right but I dread DH finding a job and then not being able to find childcare.

OP posts:

crystalpony · 03/02/2007 23:05

At least if he went to work in a bar, the cv and interview stage shouldn't hold him back. People take casual bar type work for all sorts of reasons and I don't think they'd mind what background he came from as long as he was reliable and honest.

Twiglett · 03/02/2007 23:07

you're thinking about it backwards I'm afraid

if he gets a job you'd still have to sort out childcare because 1 day at nursery does not give you full time care

its a luxury it really is .. and just cos he's a bloke doesn't mean he needs it more than we do as sahms

bogwobbit · 03/02/2007 23:08

This might be a really silly suggestion and please feel free to shoot me down in flames if you want to, but has would your dh consider doing Mystery Shopping.
Depending on where you live, he could earn £20 - £30 per week - not a lot but it could buy a few little luxuries (or essentials) and you can do it with a young child in two.

WideWebWitch · 03/02/2007 23:08

Once he has a job though, THEN you get a nursery/childminder/whatever. That's what we did when I was looking for work. Sure, I needed childcare for interviews etc but I didn't actually pay for a ft place until I had a job, we couldn't do it.

sorkycake · 03/02/2007 23:10

You need to go to Martins site I think "moneysavingexpert.com" and put your statement of affairs on there. The debt-free wannabe board is a fab place for advice, but be warned they'll recommend solutions/decisions that you don't seem ready to make yet. The facade needs to go if you want to manage more effectively. Start a diary where everything is written down that you spend, and I mean everything! We had to do this and found it VERY hard but with time we have managed. I SAHM and home ed but work the one day that DH can work from home to avoid childcare, this saves us 200 permonth. A car is a luxury when you have public transport or could car share, I'm afraid. Is Cat care necessary? Any savings should be stopped and rerouted to credit cards, do you have the very best deal that's out there? Just a few of the hard questions which will be asked. It is really tough cutting back when you have had a disposable income, I know this first hand, and we were really reluctant to change convincing ourselves that sky TV was necessary etc, but once you're ready you'll feel better for the strong decisions you make.
If Dh isn't very good with money then don't let him have any! Dh did this to me, all cards taken away and 20 per week (amount requested by me) given each week for trips and the little things etc. It was humiliating at first but it got me where I don't impulse buy anymore and don't buy at all without first asking do I really need it?
Sorry if this has seemed harsh, it wasn't meant that way at all.

Original poster

pennypincher · 03/02/2007 23:11

That sounds intriguing - where could we get more info, other than the obvious google search?

Sorry to bang on about the nursery thing. I mean DH would be looking for just one or two days a week at the mo as I think DS is too little to go to nursery full time (he's only a few months old). So if he found work for a couple of days and we'd lost the nursery place that would be a real bugger. But I do take your point, I really do and I'm really appreciating all your help.

OP posts:

Original poster

pennypincher · 03/02/2007 23:14

Yes, cat care's necessary! We've got two cats and they need their jabs etc. - that's all I meant. Not a nursery for cats or anything

It's not much of a facade honest! Just try not to go to work in the clothes that have the holes in - that's all! (slightly exagerating to make a point, but not much!)

You're all quite right to make me think about all this stuff btw.

OP posts:

NappiesGalore · 03/02/2007 23:15

and if you dont juggle the credit card debt around for the 0% deals, you need to pay them off asap, coz theyre just swallowing money in interest without paying off the debt.

bogwobbit · 03/02/2007 23:17

pennypincher,

if you mean the mystery shopping, I have worked for this company and this one
I'm sure there are other ones if you google for them.

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