Can we survive like this for long? (I've namechanged for this)

[pennypincher]

Would appreciate some opinions please? I've recently gone back to work, DH is staying at home with DS. I am on just over £20k a year. Out of that we have to cover mortgage, council tax, utility bills and household/life insurance which come to around £800. Then there's food, running the car which we need, DH's credit cards (minimum payments), clothes for DS, absolute minimum work clothes for me, cat care, DH's CSA payments (has to pay minimum even though not earning), DS nursery for one day a week (so DH can try to find part time work) - all out of the remaining £500 or so (including tax credit and child benefit). I can't afford new casual clothes, shoes or a haircut; we hardly ever go out or have takeaways; don't know when we'll next get a holiday, etc. God forbid that the boiler breaks down or anything.

The last bit about not affording clothes, shoes, haircuts, etc. has been pretty standard for the last few years but now I've got DS to think of as well. We've got to be able to get things for him. I'm trying to cut down on the food bills as much as poss, but need to make sure DS especially gets a good balanced diet. I make all his food from scratch and most of ours.

This isn't a whinge, I just wanted to put over the situation and get opinions on how sustainable this is in the long term in case DH doesn't have much luck with part time work. Also some advice on money saving would be great. Thank you!

yes but 20k split between 2 people is only 10k which really isn't much.

saying that i think my mum and dads joint household income was 22k. we never went without and me and my sister went to private school (although they only paid for my sister and got help with uniform and school trips) we didn't go on expensive holidays - mostly the £9.50 sun holidays, a caravan in the summer holidays, occasionally a cheap b&b or hotel. we have always had 2nd hand cars and have never had one newer than p reg. until we got old enough to want the latest fashions mum got our clothes off car boots and still does for herself. only got new clothes for xmas or birthdays unless we were absolutely desperate. shopped in aldi/lidl/netto - asda was extravagant to us.

we didn't have luxury, but we weren't on the bread line either! so yes i'd say you can manage. you may have alter a few things like where you shop and what you buy but in essence it is do-able.

Your life insurance seems quite expensive (I'm guessing that it is for no more than 150k). It is reasonable if it includes critical illness, but otherwise I would get some more quotes.

£20k is more than the 2 of us have (and we've got 2 kids)

I spend my life penny pinching

can't your dh deliver pizza's/local papers whilst he's job hunting?

pennypincher, one thing that struck me is that your food/household bills are quite high, particularly given that there are only three of you and I guess ds is not eating much yet . We are a family of five and can feed us all for about £150 per month. Some tips/recipes and money-saving ideas on my website link{http://www.living-for-less.com/index.php\here} (non-profit making, I just want to pool ideas on saving money!). Not sure if you've seen but occasionally I do a "shopping list" thread of what we have bought for our money too. HTH.

Life insurance £60 .. bloody hell .. there's something wrong there

is this to provide a payout to the remaining spouse if one of you should die?

I think joint life insurance for the kind of mortgage you're talking about should be less than £20 .. probably closer to £10 a month .. unless there are big medical conditions

I would definitely requote that one

additionally look at credit cards at 0% interest and do some juggling .. now you'd probably end up paying a 2% transfer fee but most are capped at about £50

but if you can transfer to 0% interest, factor in the max £50 then the £100 you're paying off in minimum interest will probably start to make a decent dent in the capital loan rather than paying a humungous interest charge (I wouldn't start spending the difference but would continue to try to pay it off)

Re life insurance .. I think what you need to look at is life ASSurance and depreciating not level .. hence it goes down

look at moneysavingsexpert or at moneysupermarket

also if you can't switch to 0% credit cards try to get an overdraft or loan to cover the costs on credit card

Can dh work weekends so you don't need childcare?

You could cut your shopping bill drastically I think you could do £200 max Also life insurance is too high look around.Agree nursery is unnecessary until you find a job.

ok i am going to kind of disagree here

i do think that, for some people, a day in nursery is a real break which is needed for their mental health really. I am kind of wondering if the jobseeking is an excuse for this day off? If so...

I am not a fan of nurseries, tbh, especially for kids this young BUT

if it is making a real difference to him, I'd stick with it, But accept that you may go into debt as a result. For me, to go into (controlled) debt for a few years to raise my kids how I want is acceptable. For a lot of people it isn't.

yes cooking from scratch is great. BUT like a SAHM, when he is at home with your dc he is working, basically.

aargh that should have been if so, fine

friend of mine swears by shopping at Lidl .. she saves a fortune and although the brands aren't recognisable over here they are extremely good brands in Germany (?)

eg she brought me a pack of frozen chips .. I said I'd only have them if they just had sunflower oil and potato in them .. which they did .. they cost 49p .. the equivalent Mccains size cost £1.89 .. huge huge savings .. if you have one nearby give DH a challenge to do the shop there

oh and your DH needs to start getting himself out to groups like parent / toddlers .. libraries .. if he develops a network of friends he'll be less likely to need the day off

and I disagree wholeheartedly with Fillyjonk .. I don't think he NEEDS a day off .. he wants one .. that's different

and I'm a SAHM and have been for a good few years now

yes but twig

everyone is different

I bloody need a day off, i haven't had one in oooh 2 years now

If you haven't looked into this already, make sure you get the maximum tax credits you can. 20k is technically a low income from all kinds of perspectives, although it is more than some people have to live on, you are paying for all your bills in full, so it is less than it sounds. You will definitely be entitled to some working families tax credit. If you were both working over a certain number of hours per week (could be 16 hrs as I remember - a bar job could clock this up) you could also get up to 70% of childcare costs covered.

You will certainly get child tax credit, which is 1k per annum in the first year of the child's life, reducing to 545 per year thereafter.

You can claim tax relief on the day in childcare through a voucher scheme - it saves about 1k per annum. You don't both need to be working, as you can claim on either or both salaries.

Depending on how old your ds is, you must put his/her name down asap for a pre-school nursery place in your area. If dh is still at home when ds reaches about 2 1/2 this will give you a much cheaper option for some free time than the nursery. A free part time nursery place will become available when dc gets to 3.

In addition, if you do decide to give up the nursery place, there are all kinds of other options for him to get some child free time. Many council leisure centres have a creche where he could leave ds in there for a couple of hours while he exercises.

I found an excellent book the other day "Thrifty ways for modern days" on Amazon. I am thinking of getting it. I am pretty certain that by thrifty shopping you could cut something out of the food bill.

Good luck and sympathies. It is very hard to live on the breadline.

fillyjonk .. do a swap with a friend then .. look after her kids and ask her to have yours

If you can afford it I don't see why the parent with care shouldn't get a day off. Children at home are hard work.

I would always say however, that first families come first and people shouldn't have a second child with another woman unless they can afford them. Presumably if he worked and you didn't his first child would get more money. May be he could help with childcare of his first child so that his ex wife/partner can work full time too. He could become registered as a child minder may be.

Ok, rather than getting into the does he need a nursery day or not (although prob not, imho) ... what about a childminder? A cheaper option, usually, although not nec by much, AND you could do a short day to suit you/dp, and you'll only pay for what you need....??

Can I just jump in and agree with twig...Lidls is actually very good. I did an entire shop for £58 this week, which included nappies. (we are a family of 5)
I literally filled the boot. The food looks a bit alien, but it really is very good.

xenia do you deliberately try to rile people?You must sit around thinking who can I wind up today as this advice is no help at all.

oooh twig...didn't think of that....no all my friends haver only one kid and are daunted by 2, and one a boistrious boy...

But re the OP

staying at home with kids shouldn't be an frigging endurance test. In all ananlyses except the final one, its a job. To need a break to recharge is very human.

Just cos you are on a low income, does not mean you don't need a break! you perhaps need it more.

oh and if the p/t groups are like they are here, the op's partner will not really be invited into the inner circle, cos he's a man. and as for childswops-forget it.

(and i have no idea if 20K is a lot. it depends where you are really. here its a decentish wage)

ah fair enough

but cooking from scratch can be hard with baby (i do it, have always done so but i can cook, have cooked professionaly)

yes he should be doing some cooking but say at weekends (when OP can take baby) and bulk freezing or something. Def should not be off hook re cooking.