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Original poster

Boyfriend charging me rent at a property he owns

255 replies

blueamanda · 20/03/2016 19:14

Hello everyone!

I'm in a bit of a dilemma... My bf has recently bought a flat, 95% of the money came from his parents, he doesn't have a mortgage and he took out a loan to cover the rest. The idea was that we'd move in together, but we haven't exactly discussed the details until now.

I was more then happy to share the bills and food costs with him from the get go, however he now wants to charge me rent as well, which would be half of my current rent. He calls this a non-specific contribution to the flat, this is not going to be a landlord tenant agreement. All this would be outlined in a living together agreement and he also wants me to sign a waiver saying I will have no claim on the property.

This ordeal has left a bitter taste for me, since I'd be contributing financially to the flat that isn't mine and I don't have the same protection a tenant does. I'm in a far more vulnerable position.

I would love to hear some advice and perspectives from anyone in a similar situation.

Also does anyone know if my bf is charging me rent is he legally obligated to pay tax on it? Would I be better off pushing for a landlord tenant agreement? I won't be renting a room from him, but sharing the bedroom.

Many thanks!

OP posts:
MrsSteptoe · 22/03/2016 20:04

What's the MN etiquette about exiting your own threads? (No, I don't remember her saying she was Spanish)

Lynnm63 · 22/03/2016 20:27

I was just generalising on the statistics that women do more housework and that I'd feel I should do more if I'd contributed less. I agree I've made a lot of inferences but we didn't have a lot to go on. BF is definitely saying no interest in flat, acceptable, and no tenants rights less acceptable, imo. I guess I thought back to when I moved in with DH all those years ago. If he'd treated me like a lodger I think I'd have been hurt and he had a large mortgage, well it was large at the time, laughably small nowadays!

SarahUnderwood · 22/03/2016 20:36

Lynnm63, if he's asking for £200 on a swish London flat, that's basicly a peppercorn rent so not treating her like a lodger at all. If I were her, I'd have self-respect to be paying something when I can clearly afford it comfortably (paying double at the mo). We don't even know how many rooms it has. Maybe thre's a spare. Maybe there's a live-in butler!

SarahUnderwood · 22/03/2016 20:37

What tenant rights would you want exactly? I don't get this.

Lunar1 · 22/03/2016 20:40

Lynnm, you are pretty much calling the op a prostitute. She shouldn't pay rent because they have sex?Confused

Lynnm63 · 22/03/2016 20:50

No I'm not or I'm not intending to. If the bf had costs I.e rent then it would be unthinkable not to pay half. He has no rent, she's sharing his bed which has no market value, he has no costs so I don't see why he wants half her money. Maybe it's me, maybe I'm old fashioned and if you still think I'm calling the OP a prostitute I apologise and I'll shut up.

kellyboppen · 22/03/2016 20:52

I know this might sound cynical but if OP disappears after starting a busy thread, it makes me think that the only purpose of launching it was not to get honest advice but to get people to come on here and validate her and bash DP.
That's not happening and key questions are being dodged.
I'll be the first to admit if I'm wrong but I also can't believe she's not checking from time to time, in which case say something (as an accountant, I like to see the numbers and there arent any) and make me eat my words!

SarahUnderwood · 22/03/2016 20:58

No costs to own property? That's insane!!! Off the top of my head:

  • his loan (value unknown)
  • service charge
  • ground rent
  • furniture
  • fittings
  • replacement of furniture and fittings
  • boiler plan/plumber costs
  • electrician costs
  • sometimes a sinking fund for the flat...the list goes on and on
Lunar1 · 22/03/2016 21:02

There is another thread right now that the op should read. His parents are buying a new build London flat and they will have to pay the service charge plus bills and a token rent.

The op there was trying to gauge the cost of the service charge. The amounts are eye watering. £200 per month would be very generous if the op's partner has similar costs.

Of course it's impossible to say as the op won't give any hard facts!

Lynnm63 · 22/03/2016 21:09

No Additional costs.
He has all those costs whether his gf shares or not. If you are bf and gf and you've bought a place together their your costs. Imo he wants the benefit of rent with no legal obligations to a tenant. How much does a room cost in house of multiple occupancy. I guess I'm lucky my dh didn't take this attitude with me. Btw I have no problem with her having no rights over the flat or paying half share of bills, food any costs he has but not rent as he doesn't have that cost so get not sharing it.

I know all about householder costs having been one for donkeys years.

Lynnm63 · 22/03/2016 21:10

Grammar fail they're not their.

SarahUnderwood · 22/03/2016 21:13

Questions it would be great for the OP to answer :-)

  1. What's the currrent monthly loan amount?
  2. What's the amount he's asking you to pay?
  3. What's the market rent of the whole flat (approx is good)?
  4. What's the service charge (ditto, approx)?
  5. How many rooms?
  6. Is he all mean with his money, a calculator out, must do everything 50/50 kind of guy or does he treat you to things?
  7. Who's paying for furniture and maintenance?
  8. What are your respective salaries (not amounts but in relation to each other)?

Nice and neat :-)

Lynnm63 · 22/03/2016 21:17

Yes Sarah were those questions to be answered we'd be able to give more informed answers. Otherwise we're all speculating. I guess we are all projecting our own experiences and /or prejudices as we have so few facts.

SarahUnderwood · 22/03/2016 21:21

Yeah, I'm probably prejudiced to Lynn as really bothered me seeing my brother get screwed over on a flat with his ex when he was tryng to be a gent.
I do think having everything agreed in advance and with legals might be -1 for romance but it is +5 for the guy being a bit of a keeper. Someone who isnt reckless with money and thinks ahead is a good characteristic and one day this might mean that he is careful with their joint money and joint assets to OPs benefit.

wendyrotherham · 22/03/2016 21:50

It's very unusual that the OP hasn't come back with all these comments flooding in.

Its a two way street coming on here for advice, duck.

Lynnm63 · 22/03/2016 21:51

I'd feel exactly the same if it was my brother and God help my ds when they're old enough to date and buy flats with girls! The legals I agree with 100% if she's contributed nothing she deserves no interest in the flat. I guess it just seems like he was having his cake and eating it with her paying him rent to share the flat if they are planning to spend the rest of their lives together. I guess I assumed he was one of those guys with a calculator and a notebook saying well you had two slices of toast at breakfast and I had one so you owe me 10p. I'd probably feed him his 10p!

SarahUnderwood · 22/03/2016 21:56

LOL Lynn!

thejanuarys · 22/03/2016 22:18

He sounds 'calculating' to say the least. But ok. You like him enough to move in with him and you benefit from paying a lower rent. But beware. Who is going to end up doing most of the housework? Assuming you have a cleaner. If you don't have a cleaner, then you'll end up doing most of the housework, and his laundry etc. This is not costed in any way - sad fact for most women with or without children - simply being with a man.

So, if he is actually a good man who will cook / clean / pick up your dry cleaning equally then it seems fine. But if he's not the good sort - he is already introducing a bias into your situation in his favour. And what happens if some work needs to be done on the property? Is he going to shoulder the full bill or ask you for a contribution? If he's playing landlord on any level, then the responsibility should be on him. And who's name is the house insurance going to be on? You will lose out if you are not insured. Ditto council tax etc.

If he had the 'foresight' to ask you this, then you should have the foresight to ensure that you are protected completely in a dry, matter of fact way. And to be sure, get it in writing. You can make this jovial - like your boyfriend/girlfriend 'pre-nup' - cos if the relationship goes belly up (which is always a possibility for a host of reasons) then you will have protection because you were smart. Finally, do ensure you keep your own separate bank account.

He's doing this because he was advised it would be smart, so make sure you match him in your smarts. Good luck.

SarahUnderwood · 22/03/2016 22:24

How can you say he sounds calculating from only one persons perspective?!
How can you say she will be doing most of the housework simply being with a man! We've all got fathers and brothers and sons and that's pretty sexist.

Agree responsibility should be on him for flat-type responsibilities but we just don't know.
And agree on being smart. Definitely.

wendyrotherham · 23/03/2016 07:43

Think I'm talking to myself but how do you feel about it all now OP?

LaContessaDiPlump · 23/03/2016 07:49

If I were you op I'd insist on paying the £200 per month directly to my boyfriend each month. What he does with it then is his business and not mine. I'd do this just to ensure that if we split up my savings would be entirely, unarguably, my own. Break-ups are messy enough without an added element of 'but you owe me money!!' in there.

wendyrotherham · 23/03/2016 07:54

Completely agree, LaContessaDiPlump.

LaContessaDiPlump · 23/03/2016 08:31

Oh and op, your thread makes me think of this poem (particularly the last two stanzas).

Proposal – Tom Vaughan

Let’s fall in love –
In our mid-thirties
It’s not only
Where the hurt is.

I won’t get smashed up
Should you go
Away for weekends –
We both know

No two people
Can be completely
All-sufficient.
But twice weekly

We’ll dine together
Split the bill,
Admire each other’s Wit.
We will

Be splendid lovers,
Slow, well-trained,
Tactful, gracefully
Unrestrained.

You’ll keep your flat
And I’ll keep mine –
Our bank accounts
Shall not entwine.

We’ll make the whole thing
Hard and bright.
We’ll call it love –
We may be right.

suzannecaravaggio · 23/03/2016 09:42

You’ll keep your flat
And I’ll keep mine –
Our bank accounts
Shall not entwine.

Yep, that's the way to do it😁

Lilylo · 23/03/2016 09:46

"There is another thread right now that the op should read. His parents are buying a new build London flat and they will have to pay the service charge plus bills and a token rent.

The op there was trying to gauge the cost of the service charge. The amounts are eye watering. £200 per month would be very generous if the op's partner has similar costs."

I am the OP of the thread Lunar mentioned here.

To be honest I feel like the arrangement I have with my DH and PILs is more balanced than the one the OP (of this thread) has. Or at least I feel more comfortable with it.

The main difference is that I feel like DH and I are in this together, as a team. We both contribute equally to the house expenses and we both pay the same (albeit peppercorn) rent to PILs as a sign of respect/ appreciation.

Even though the flat was technically purchased by his family, it does not feel like it is his rather than mine. It is our home.