Am I entitled to a share of DPs house?

[Kangaroo123]

I moved in with my DP 7 years ago - paid 'rent' then we had a child and I'm a stay at home mum. He has 4 other children, and I have one. He's still married and so his wife has a call on his pensions (she doesn't have any). He's already cashed in his main pension and they shared the profits. He bought her a house.

When I moved in there was no equity in the house - so I don't feel like I'm grabbing any previous money. But I do feel like I am contributing to this house and therefore I should be entitled to a share? 50/50? Just because he's the earner and I'm the stay at home mum - I'm not sure I'm comfortable with not inheriting anything from this house, for me and for my kids as well as his.

However, my DP has just left a will naming all his children as beneficiaries. I feel totally vulnerable. No pension, and no stake in my home. I'm seriously considering moving out - I could get a part-time job and in two years my own mortgage again and my own pension fund without my partner. Any advice?

Yes you've answered all your own questions. Untenable situation for you.

I feel totally vulnerable. No pension, and no stake in my home. I'm seriously considering moving out - I could get a part-time job and in two years my own mortgage again and my own pension fund without my partner. Any advice?

That's because you are totally vulnerable. You are entitled to child support but that's it. You might not need to move out but I would certainly be going back to work FT, splitting the childcare costs and not paying rent while you build up some sort of deposit.

No way would I pay rent to a partner unless I was going to have some security out of it.

The fact that he is actually still married after 7 years with a new partner and a child would make me run for the hills to be honest.

I'm not sure you would get a mortgage on your own working part time, even with a very big deposit it would be difficult .

No you will not be entitled to a claim on your partners house im afraid. Being unmarried leaves you in a very poor position and the fact that he's still married leaves his ex entitled everthing. Im speaking from experience as i was never married to my partner

bimbo - that sounds hard for you too! I've been scared about this all along. He promised he'd divorce his wife and we'd marry.

Babyroobs and Treat - yes I feel very precarious. The trouble, our young child together is special needs and I can't really contemplate working full-time as I do a lot of work with the child. Yes, I'm probably foolish in thinking I can just get another mortgage, but at least if I moved out, after a few years of hardship I could then somehow get a foot on the ladder again.

Why hasn't he divorced his current wife?

If your relationship is happy, would you then want to marry each other?

When you raise your financial precariousness with him, how does he respond? Concerned? With suggestions? A shrug?

hopelessly - At first I just thought, I'll help us out and I was prepared to sell my house and basically put all my money into his mortgage.

He gets very stressed and defensive and said things like 'well are you going to give my kids a share in your house then?'. Well why would I? He does not contribute to my house. I contribute to his. I don't know why that isn't clear. This is supposed to be my home. My house is a previous asset that really has nothing to do with him.

I would have happily married him too. I would have shared my assets initially. But now, I think, hang on a minute, if I marry you, you'll be entitled to anything in my house, yet your will is spread between his many children and would totally dilute my two children's inheritance.

His kids will get a share of their mums house, that my DP bought, rather foolishly as he cannot afford it, he remortgaged and we will be paying that off for years.

He hasn't divorced because he has to pay her money for her to waive her pension rights. And he doesn't have it (well he could get it). The longer he waits, the more she won't want to waive these rights though. And then we'll both be very poor in old age. Oh my! I really thought this would be easier!

If your stil Young 30,s then I would say you look after yourself because he certainly isn't going too!!

This is never going to work out, he's got it sorted and your not included unfortunately.

If you can
You need to look after your place and let him look after his.
If your mortgage is made if on yours and its rented, can you not use that money from the rent to rent yourself a house/flat in the area you live now.
That's just YOURS.
If you work pt don't you get 15 hrs child free care per child?
Also he should pay you maintence for your child together

Your getting nothing from him
Yet he's getting. A childminder for his kids(4) a cook,cleaner.

The fact that he's not even said you can stay in the house till you die, then the house gets sold and divided speaks volumes about what he thinks off you.

Yes, I'd probably be financially better off separating. As he'd have to pay maintenance. And eventually we'd need a home. It's his responsibility as the earner, at least for the next two years while our child is so young, and special needs so I can't just put her in a nursery.

There is something called "beneficial interest" but you'd need a solicitor/legal advice to try and prove that you have it.

It's very, very hard to prove. And it tends to be something that is only really looked at if you're declared insolvent afaik.

Sorry, I can't understand - do you have your own house?

I think you'd be better getting away and having an independent life. You need your own home and your own pension. He needs to help care for the child you have together so that you can work.

There were loads of red flags flying around this man - did you not notice them at the beginning?

ditto Imperial.

If you have your own house, either use it or rent it to provide a new home for yourself and your DC. Ensure you get proper child support.

It was a huge risk having a child with a man who was still married to someone else (for whatever reason) and with responsibility for 4 children already. What's done is done but you need to take control now. I'm also confused as to whether you have your own house. I would think things are a little less desperate if you do own property.

Imperial and iamnot - sorry if I wasn't clear.

I have about £20,000 equity in a house that I rent out (because I found it hard to sell).
DP didn't have any equity in his house when I met him, but since then it probably has about £10,000 - although I really don't know tbh.

Before I moved in, we didn't even talk about me being on the mortage as his house was in negative equity. I was very concerned he wasn't divorced, and he said he'd get this done within the first year and that he wanted us to marry.

He had separated for 5 years but it took a long to negotiate and sort out the houses, 4 children etc so it all seemed to make sense.

He'd looked after his wife so well, buying her a big house, putting it immediately into her name. To be honest I'd never met a man who so well looked after his Ex. He seemed much more decent and fair about money than most. His wife agreed and wanted for nothing.

So I really didn't see any red flags at all at first. I got pregnant so quickly (planned) and events took over. And then he started to murmur about the expense of the divorce... and things got a bit rocky, but then bounced back. I was prepared to take on his kids even though it was quite hard. But it's like he just doesn't see my position and feels that by 'providing me' and my son a home and roof over our heads is enough, and some use of his debit card. I almost feel like he thinks he's doing me a favour. This is not the way a man should feel about the mother of his young child! No matter if he had a previous family, most are now adults and I feel like the lodger! His kids have a higher priority than me financially and it feels a bit crap.

Well, it sounds like a total car crash.

But I'm actually with him on the house - why do you expect a share of his house when you won't share yours?

You're not contributing to his - you're just paying rent. Why on earth should you get 50/50 when you want to keep your house your own?

His divorce sounds fishy. If he can't afford to pay his wife to waive her rights over his pension, then he can still divorce her - he just needs to agree on an amount for a Pension Sharing Order (issued by the court as part of divorce) and transfer that to her. If she wants cash and he hasn't got it, that's tough luck.

I smell a rat - who signs a house over to an ex without making it part of a broader agreement?

And you say he's paying the remortgage off? That doesn't make sense. He could only give her the house if he paid for it outright - if there was a mortgage on it, the mortgagor wouldn't let him just give it away! And how could he raise money via remortgage on the current property that was in negative equity? It doesn't - literally - add up. I think his wife is living in a house in his name and he's lying to you.

You've made some bad decisions - time to unravel them now.

Why would you expect a share? It's not yours and you don't even contribute to the mortgage or any bills.

It's only right he leaves it to his children and not a girlfriend. If you were married or were contributing it would be different but neither or those apply.

If you split all you would get is CS and any assets you own alone. He is under no obligation to support you or provide you with a house.

The OP is a SAHM to his (and her) child, so she is contributing.

However, OP, as you do have some security of your own (phew!) in your own house (and presumably the rent covers the mortgage ? ) you may well be better off staying unmarried if he has less equity than you,

It does sound v dodgy that he has bought her a house , paid her half his pension fund and yet not actually divorced .

If he is still married then he should be entitled to a share in the house he bought for his wife unless he has signed something to say he isn't. I am beginning to agree with the people who say he doesn't seem to have any intention to divorce.

It is dodgy that he has apparently made these financial settlements but isn't divorced. Why can't you just set up home on your own as it doesn't look very likely he is going to provide any kind of financial security for your future.

You have a claim on his estate due to dependency rules. He can write a will all he wants, but dependant you is one of the very few ways to challenge it.

Thanks Blu and dontcall - I have always contributed to 'his' house - I paid money when I was working and when we had a child I provide the childcare.

I would have been quite prepared to sell my house and put the equity in 'his' house - although to be fair that should give me a greater share of the house. But as the mother of his child I am his dependent and yet he has done nothing to make me feel secure.

I don't understand comments that 'why should he give you part of his house if you have one'. He doesn't contribute to mine at all. It is like my own savings. I contribute to this house that I live in. Even a court would recognise this. His wife never paid a penny into 'his' house. He remortgaged this house to pay outright for a house for his wife in her name.

It shouldn't matter at all that I have a small amount of equity in my house - it was savings I don't think anyone would be saying - your DP has a right to half of your savings? Don't understand sorry.

I have written to my DP and said unless he divorces and we see a solicitor to put on paper that we both have 50/50 share of the house that we live in that I will leave and fend for myself. I would be prepared to sell my house and put any equity in this house but that should be reflected in our shares.

"I would be prepared to sell my house and put any equity in this house but that should be reflected in our shares." You could own 'his' house as Tennants in Common, stipulating the share that each owns.

But no way would you want to do that while he remains married.

Thanks Blu - yes I did put this to him as a proposal. That we'd jointly 'own' his house as tenants in common. However, as you said, he needs to divorce first! He also doesn't seem to want to share 50/50 - wants everything spread across his kids (he has 5, I have 2) - which means a very diluted inheritance for mine.

I still think this is all very fishy.
A man this concerned about a 5/7 split not 50/50.
The same man who just gave his ex a house, which he had to remortgage to buy, and independent of a proper settlement...
Really?

I am very curious how he had a remortgage big enough to buy a large house outright for her, yet was then in negative equity.
Which meant he remortgaged to the full value of his house, this all happened after the most recent big property price falls. (though I know there are local pockets)

It just makes no sense. She now has a secure owned home, and he does not.

I bet he owns the other house.

Well I'll never see the title deeds to her house!

However the house was worth more (7 years ago), he remortgaged then, still leaving some equity in his house. She did pull out all the stops to make him feel totally responsible for her, and he was buoyed up by a bigger wage at the time. The house prices dropped, he went into negative equity. Her house was bought outright.

I think most of the reason he's clammed up is he doesn't want to be taken for a mug again really. He gave his Ex far more than she deserved tbh. It's like he's gone from being a generous and reasonable man to one who will not budge an inch.