Drowning in debt and cannot talk to people in Real Life? A problem shared is a problem brought into perspective - come and join the lens.

[Ta1kinPeace]

This thread is loosely linked to several previous ones on the same topic.

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
Everybody is welcome to share problems, ideas, solutions, but not be judgemental please

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help explain how
SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Talk...
When we got married and bought our first house 17 years ago the mortgage advisor really pushed the endowment option!
Saying no was probably the only wise financial decision we've ever made

My father was always most insistent - repayment mortgage and separate endowment policy. Worked for us.

Hello fellow & previous debt-drowners 🙂 I haven't posted in a while but good news - credit union has consolidated 2 crappy loans & now I'll have only good loans on my credit record ! Finally !! We'll also definitely be completely clear in 2 years.

Really seeing the light at the end of the tunnel 👍🏻

Am feeling happy today too! I have finally- after 10 years- repaid my student loans! I had a combination of 3 loans (due to 2 different courses) at at total of £20k which have been coming out of my salary. So pleased they are finally gone and now I can use the money to throw at my credit cards!

How much will that release every month, now?

Well done, by the way.

Hello, new to this thread and after advice.

As background am sole earner, 2dds, mortgage +rent (shared ownership house). Dd2 was when trouble started. I didn't get mat pay beyond basic so used credit cards to fund my leave. Were 0% at the time but no longer...then made possibly unwise decision to get 2nd car for dh and replaced my commuter car as it was on last legs so 2 car payments for next 4+years.

Now despite goodish salary (I still get child benefit) am struggling to make minimum payments on credit cards (now 500/month) and was a little shocked to be turned down on my last credit card application I was hoping to balance transfer with. Have tried to pay down cards using money I should be keeping aside for Jan tax bill and it is dawning on me that I am making poor choices with my money

Consultancy work likely to end in new year, which would really be a crisis in income.

also longing for a third child but just can't see how we would cope. Not to mention latest tax credit letter saying we've been overpaid...

So have been cutting back on fripperies but now facing up to harder steps. Likely to be a debt consolidation loan I think. Sorry for epic first post! Any advice gratefully received!

That post all seems to be about how you might have become bogged down, milk. Where does DH fir into this?

fit

Ah, a long and complicated story. Short version is he has a stress related condition so has not worked since 2008 but is a wonderful sahd. He used to get esa but those payments stopped in 2010 due to my income (thanks David Cameron!).

As a further complication he had emergency surgery in 2015 which did not go well and so he has had 4 operations since then (and awaiting number 5). Sometimes I worry that he is not well enough to look after the dds but so far I have been able to take time off after ops and on bad days for him. Worry as in worried because I live him but also worried as I can't afford more childcare (youngest dd is preschool so goes to nursery 2 mornings a week so dh can rest)

So think I'll be the sole earner for the foreseeable future but I think we should probably reconsider our esa/dla options soon

*love him not live him

Milk you need to just firstly wrote everything down - list all your debts, payments, interest rates etc include everything - don't leave anything out & list in order of balances due (starting smallest). Then you need to do a full budget & be honest with the amount you need to live (or you'll end up with more trouble later by underbudgeting). Now in my experience you need to check if you have the income to cover living & all debts. Next you need to list all the actions you need to take to tidy everything up e.g. Contact creditors & agree reduced payments /payment breaks when you see if you can consolidate to lower interest rates (if that's an option - preferably without lengthening the terms). Finally (look up Dave Ramsey baby steps) you need to put in place an emergency fund £1000 to cover emergencies while you're on this journey.

Best of luck - writing everything down will be scary but first step to control. After you have faced all your debts you can consider all your options to increase income where possible, reduce outgoing etc. If you have a timeline for paying off the debts at least you can see an end in sight ! It gets easier best of luck !

Do you really need those two cars?

Thanks both for the replies. So got declined on loan application . So will have to sort out credit cards one at a time. Read on frugaleers about the standing order trick so will do that so I'm not just paying minimum. Hopefully this will improve credit score too and could apply again in new year.

With the 2nd car, 'need' is probably a bit of a stretch as we could of course live without it, but I think that's more on my emergency list of things to sell if I can't turn things around. I work 30miles from home so 2nd car means dh can get about (small village so 1 bus an hour into nearest town and no public transport to dd1s school if he had to get her - she gets a school bus to and from)

We don't have a flamboyant lifestyle, no expensive hobbies etc I think it's just the accumulation of lots of little expenses. Will make a list and see what can go.

There are things I could do but am reluctant to eg I could stop paying into my pension or the savings for the kids temporarily. Thought of raiding kids current accounts today which made me feel very - would of course restock them once turned corner but then I would say that wouldn't I and what if something else comes up. If an appliance like fridge went now I would struggle.

Goodness. So you're paying for a car that isn't critical and putting funds into DC savings? ( And worrying in case something goes kaput at the same time?)

Forgive me for adding, but is any of this related to some notion of 'protecting' your DH? Sort of 'easing' things for him.

Not saving much for the kids (40/month total) but it's one of the 'little' bills which I would feel pretty crap if I had to stop paying because I had messed up my own finances. ditto dd swimming lessons. Maybe I'm a bit in denial and just trying to keep on as 'normal ' when things aren't normal anymore ?

I think protecting dh is a big part of it. He has been unwell for such a long time and I want to be able to say don't worry it's all in hand you just concentrate on feeling as well as you can. I guess it's what I hope he would do too if the shoe was on the other foot. Before he was ill he was main earner, and am conscious that he has a lot of guilt around the loss of that. Also somehow quite liked being the fixer when it all blew up, although starting to think I'm not doing a very good job at it now.

All in all stressful enough that I'm not sleeping well

Milk - don't concentrate on the emotive elements of this - that's what got you here - look at the logical way of getting out of it. Seriously. I works definitely use the kids money (it's short term - when you're out of this you can replenish with interest !!). If the 2 cars are a big deal try and keep them. Follow the Dave Ramsey steps, 1k emergency fund then snowball loans/credit cards. So long as you have the cash flow to cover minimum payments (and live) do it. Pay the maximum into the smallest loan till paid off. Keep emotions out. If you focus on the goal of financial security everything else really does fall into perspective. No point paying into kids accounts while you're paying 20% interest on groceries 🙂Simple.

Tobe is right - just look at the logical side of things. You can't maintain the same lifestyle on just one wage and the last thing that's going to work for the family is if you crash and burn, taking all the family finances with you. In fact, you're probably giving out all sorts of little clues which the rest of them are picking up, however hard you try to make things 'normal'. (They're not normal - as you acknowledged.)

Did you manage to work out, properly, what your in comings and outgoings are?

Hi, thanks tobe and cozie, feeling a little less stressed now having looked at incoming and outgoing numbers. Income is more than outgoings (just!) so if I'm sensible should be able to snowball. Have worked out which card to target first and will take it from there.

Have my current plan, and will review at the end if the month. Hoping one is paid off I might be able to balance transfer juggle and save money on interest that way as I can't get a loan to consolidate.

I don't think money problems are 'new' for me, I remember crying a few Christmas ago that I couldn't afford to buy any presents. I think it's more of a long term boom and bust cycle I've got into so will try and break out of the habits which led to that. I think I overestimate my income -i got a 3k payrise when I started a new job in may, and was expecting to be 200/month better off in my net pay, but it was more like 20 although of course I appreciate things like bigger pension and student loan payments will benefit me in the long run).

Still feel a bit stressed about events which make money planning challenging on the horizon (dd1 birthday, dh 40th, Christmas) as it's easy to say I'll spend x on food this month then plan a home party as a cheaper option to going out but then having a higher food bill than budgeted.

So big things to get ready for for are Jan tax bill and possible loss of 2nd job income in new year. Eek. But small steps...I have 5 payslips before then to make progress

I watched all of Dave Ramsey's original 7 steps talk on YouTube the other night - I'm refreshed about all of this 🙂👍🏻it's old but still excellent watching.

talkinpeace

How do you find funds for music lessons? There's a parent on credit crunch who earns too much for benefits etc but lives Se and the school is charging £15 a week for recorder lessons.

She can't afford it. I just wondered.

Bear...that sounds very positive.
And good of your bank too!
Well, things here are chugging along.
Summer was spendy
Just got to get Xmas out of the way now.
All our debt is on a 0% cc but tbh we aren't paying off as much as we should (see spendy Summer above!)
One of the things I'm doing is Unsubscribing from tempting company E mails that ping into my inbox .
I've also cancelled my next and h and m account (not that I ever ordered much from h and m but.....)
It's just too tempting for me..
I'm quite pleased I have managed to get the boys 2 new iPads for Xmas and with a hefty discount and by the time we sell the old ones it will be like getting 2 for the price of 1 😀👍🏻
I'm very happy about this. I feel like I've been very frugal!!
Just need to convince Dhs family to forgo adult gifts now....😁
I'm also going to donate to unicef rather than send countless pointless cards this year.
Hope everyone else is getting on ok?

Oh! Forgot to mention Ds2 is starting piano lessons soon!
So I need to find a cheap second hand keyboard!

You're doing well. It's not so easy keeping things chugging along for the DCs while still trying to rein in spending overall.

Thanks cozie
Hmmmm....Not sure I would say I'm doing "well" but it could be much worse!!!
We only have 2 more rooms to paint now and am hoping my 5 litres of paint (bought half price on bank holiday weekend!) will stretch
We were going to go away for ds2s d bay (using dhs hotel points)
But now we are having a family tea party instead
Dh also wanted to go away for my b day next month but I'm going to try and convince him just to go to an English heritage place (we are members) for the day instead
Ds2 is having issues separating from me again so I'd rather not have all the drama!
I've got a 50th do in October and my work Xmas do in December but they shouldn't be too spendy
I'm trying to enjoy the relative quiet (ha!) before October half term - it all seems to ramp up after that doesn't it?