Debt mutual support thread number 7 ....... Spring is coming - let the sun shine into your finances and your life

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last six threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2258202-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-6-start-the-new-year-with-a-clear-purpose-and-keep-moving-forwards-even-by-tiny-steps?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Hi All,

Just popping in to bump. I haven't got too much to say as I'm still being really bad with money but I have had a bit of a boost this month as due to moving DD to new pee school I'm not having to pay any nursery fees over the summer which saves me about £550 which puts me back on the straight and narrow as I've been starting each month having to pay off a small overdraft and then never quite getting on top of myself - over spending again and repeating the cycle.

I've been looking carefully at my financing and my main problems are spending on eating out. I spend a HUGE amount on this probably close to £250 a month all told. I also gave a beauty product obsession and spend quite a bit on children's clothes. I'm constantly 'cheating' my own budget and not including certain things.

Debt is pretty much the same to what it was in January

We have been spending quite a bit on doing the house up over the last few months (need to move as live miles and miles from jobs which costs us a fortune and need a bigger house too) and we've needed to pay off a holiday (week in the Lakes in a cottage) but mainly I just make spontaneous large purchases e.g. pop into M&S and spend £60 on clothes for the children, which hadn't been planned / budgeted.

I'm coming to realise I don't have much will power. I'm the same with food. I'm 5"6 and weigh 10st so not huge but look my best at 9"3 but I can't go more than a day without indulging.

I've been trying to change (and on this thread) for a year now and I'm starting to believe I'm a lost cause!

Not really :)

Will someone give me a much deserved kick up the arse please?

Pre-school!!!!!!

Well I won't kick you, but I do understand :)
Buying my kids stuff is my weakness. To be fair ds1 is growing like a weed ATM so it's necessary but still...I closed my next account for that very reason...just too easy.
My health is still not great...an now anaemic and feel pretty rough. Also managed to break my toe yesterday! What a clumsy bint I am :)
I have just spent £12 on clothes....for on interview on Tuesday!..I have also applied for 4 more NHS admin jobs.
Fingers x!
It won't be much. But any money is good ATM!
Dh and I have managed to re jig our mortgage rate too which will save us £200 per month.
If I get the job we should be theoretically £700 per month better off than we were at the end of June!
Would be lovely to get some savings behind us.

Good luck with the interview Baddz! My DH gigs with a covers band for extra and it all helps.

Just been strawberry picking with the children - £3.60 so quite an inexpensive activity. Off to visit a friend down south tomorrow and need to keep spends down. I'm setting a budget of £75 which should be reasonable. Tickets are £50 for me and DS and friend is frugal so I'm sure we won't be doing anything too pricy on the Saturday. I'll suggest a National Trust property actually as we both have family passes.

We should be better off in the Autumn too as child care costs will reduce but of course need to save for the house move - which is something I'm doing spectacularly bad at!

Ursula
Consider your shoulder very firmly grasped

Now then, your eating out habit is actually causing three problems

• costing you more money than you have
• making you eat more calories than you need
• stopping you getting into the habit of planning forwards rather than reacting to situations.

It has to stop.
Write onto your calendar, a month in advance, which three days per month you will eat out, and write a total (including booze) budget on each.
THen you have to select within your plan.
No other takeaways or eating out other than those three.

All other meals need to be pre planned : shopping lists. Only reduced stuff on impulse.

Now, kids clothes.
Turf out the whole of their cupboards and put stuff in piles

• one pile for worn more than 100 times
• one for worn 50-100 times
• one for worn 10-50 times
• one for under 10 times

Now add up the cost of everything in that last pile and see how much you could have saved for better things

You're right about the eating out and I will take your advice TP. The thing is - my lack of control with money and food actually just makes me feel really bad about myself and is almost a kind of self sabotage.

We're so close to being able to move but I'll get us in a right mess if I don't save the costs we need.

The food thing could be easily solved if I didn't indulge every blinkin' day and I think three times a month sounds more workable. There's no way I could become an angel over night!

I think tip is spot on and 3 times a month is plenty. You wouldn't be going cold turkey overnight.
I very nearly went to a coffee shop for a coffee this morning. Then I thought about it and decided I would save the £3 and go home :)
I have some trousers to take back that I didn't wear on holiday so that will be £20 back.

my lack of control with money and food actually just makes me feel really bad about myself and is almost a kind of self sabotage.
So planning and taking control will have all sorts of positive feedback s...

which 3 days have you picked?
What budgets have you set for them each?

Okay well one needs to be h txt Friday when I'm meeting an old friend for afternoon tea - £12.50

Another will be when I go into town for the evening with another friend. We usually go somewhere cheapish - £30 for the night got including drinks.

I think I'll leave it at that as we go on holiday in a few weeks and although we're stayed big in a cottage and mostly eating in (DH is FAR more frugal than me) we will have a couple of eating out days - but take picnic too.

Now to stick to it! Xxx

Also Baddz - posh coffees and their ilk are a major downfall for me so well done! I'm sure looking after small amounts of money must be key. Not that I really do it! But ... I have to keep believing that I can get better. I must stay in budget this month. I wonder if I could finish this month with some money left to save?

My Income for month: 1965

My outgoings:

Food: 350
Council Tax: 100
Water: 55
Electricity: 160
Child Trust Funds: 40
Credit Cards: 300 (I'm paying a lot more than minimum to try and get it down)
Mobile: 15
Broadband Package: 25
Union Fees: 15
Insurance: 15

So that's ... £910 which should leave £1055 ... That sounds like a lot! I normally have £350/400 of childcare to pay too (use childcare vouchers at work too or it would be closer to £650!)

I'm going to check my bank statement because I must be missing something ...

Ahh ... Good job I'm not a maths teacher - comes to 1065! So ... 900 left.

Back from checking banks accounts - knew I'd forgotten something! It's that £150 overdraft that I keep running up each month - entirely because I seem to over spend at each amid every opportunity!

So - this means I have £750 disposable income this month. I am a teacher and it is my summer holidays with my young children so I'm going to try and save £250 - which is £250 more than I've ever saved before (last time I saved any money was when I was pregnant with my 3 year old).

I must also not finish month in overdraft again.

Surely I can do that? I'll have to stop looking on all my go to shopping websites though. I'm not being flippant - I think I actually have a problem.

Shopping online is a major issue for me too....click click it's just too easy
Have you thought about de registering or Unsubscribing to their tempting e mails?
I've done that with a few
Off to aldi and asda today for the food shop
Then off to pick up my new interview clothes from adds - £12 for a skirt and blouse!

Agree with the unsubscribe.
On your email settings, change it so that pictures do not load by default : grey boxes are less appealing than clothes and tat
Each time an offer email comes in, scroll down and hit unsubscribe.
EVERY TIME

THen you will only shop for stuff when you need it
rather than when the retailers need it

Hello - I've been lurking since Nerf started her first thread - and just wanted to say thank you.

At the time, I was circa £25k in debt on four credit cards and my overdraft was maxed out to the point where payday meant I was £10 in credit - and then promptly back into the red & still paying off my student loans. And then frittering money because it was a small amount in the grand scheme of things - and then planning to do amazingly frugal weeks and failing instantly. And so it kept going.

And next month ( simply due to the dates - I got my bonus on the same day the statement is produced), I will have paid the lot off. I didn't use complex spreadsheets - I simply made a standing order for £700 for one credit card and then min payments, shoved them onto 0% interest - and slowly worked my way through them. Then upped the standing order as each of the cards got paid off. i also stopped putting anything on to a credit card once I got the overdraft sorted. The standing order went out on the first along with all the DDs. I then started actually checking my balance and using cash rather than cards for day to day spends.

I'm now feeling slightly weird though - I've been in debt ( differing amounts) for seven years ( not including the student loans) every time it went down, something happened. The only person I've ever told was my mum - and most people will look at me and assume that I'm fine with money - even have investments and savings - so have had a huge amount of guilt and shame as I think I shouldn't have had such a problem. Weirdly, I think it would have been easier to admit to being a drug addict than being in debt.

I just really want to say thank you to everyone who did post on this thread. It helped enormously to know there were other people who were also working through debt - and that they were keeping going even when the proverbial shit hits the fan or things are simply crap.

Bookish
You are our new hero.

Nerf is still around somewhere. She will be as delighted as I am that you made it work.
Quietly, steadily in a controlled way.
Well done.

Cava time ,

Bookish BLOODY WELL DONE!!!

Bookish well done !!!

Don't be a stranger in future.

I have nothing of value to add to this thread as am going through a spendy time. Summer is always tough for me with children to entertain, people to see. I do search out free things, but I'm also spending here and there. Also, had to get DH a whole new wardrobe thanks to a size change. We were saying that we never just randomly pick up clothes, so we end up in a situation where we suddenly need to get loads. Never do this with the kids, always us. So I reached summer and have been living in work wear with 1 pair of jeans for weekends (or washing a lot through half term/alternating with jammie bottoms). Now faced with 7 weeks off and had to go and get a few things. They are never expensive - I look in sales/supermarket/matalan - but they add up.

Anyway, no more debt incurred, but nothing saved either.

After feeling a bit more in control for....oooh....all of a week (!) In the last day I have;
Had to get ds1 some new clothes. Got his whole winter wardrobe for £44 in the asda sale but...still. money I didnt budget for.
Car has sprung a mystery leak! It's off to the garage on weds.
And my tooth is playing up again but I can't afford more ££££ treAtment so aM going on Friday and ask him to take.it out :( it's cost me £800 in failed root cAnal treatment so I'm.going to ask for him to take it out for no charge.
Am Very fed up :(

Oh dear baddz I'm sorry about your tooth. If you've been recently they cover it for a few weeks after I think ie they do something and three weeks later there's a problem, you go back and it's under warranty, for want of a better explanation!

Last weekend I applied for a virgin card for DH but he's not heard back yet. Fingers crossed though as if we can get his last high % card onto 0% it will make a big difference.

We have agreed not to start throwing money at the debt until sept though, I want to take the kids out on a few days out this holiday, nothing flash but they need a bit of entertaining so one big day out a week would be nice. Plus we are redecorating the kids rooms and out kitchen and dining room, just a re paint to freshen up but it all adds up and really needs the 'shabby' in shabby chic addressing!!

Things are ok otherwise. Still waiting to hear from the tax credits people about the overpayments and really hoping I can repay over twelve months but I don't know how these things work so just waiting to see.

Might take kids to a craft room later to do some deco patch. They love this place but we haven't been in a long time as it's pricey given the homemade ice cream in the parlour next to it. They wanted to go Easter time but I said they'd have to wait till summer so a deals a deal.

Hope everyone's ok. I'm getting over a chesty virus thing, hoping we all stay well for the rest of the holidays!

We've just moved our debt onto a Virgin 0% card for 26 months - we reckon we can pay it all off on that time...if I get a job! :)
I am certainly going to ask for the dental work to be done free of charge. I've paid enough out lately!
We have also re jigged the mortgage into a new rate - the low rates will all go up soon after the an announcement by mark carney - so I wanted to get in quick!

Baddz
You may not realise how incredibly momentous those changes are - but I do.

The fact that you can get access to 0% and low rate deals with the market as shitty as this implies that your credit score is looking pretty darned good.

Keeping the debt under control and chipping away at it every month has resulted in your score getting better month on month

not to let you borrow more
but to let you live your life more cheaply.

WELL DONE

Thanks tip.
Our credit score has always been excellent, thank goodness.
I am pleased we have done it. Ditto the mortgage.
I feel like we could be debt free in 2 years :)
if I have all my teeth taken out now
:)

Living life cheaply.
Yes.
Exactly.

Thank you. And honestly, I really couldn't have done it without you. All of you who contributed to any of these threads.

It was Nerf who inspired me to just start doing something. And I don't know why, but her first post was really inspiring - about not being able to talk about it, but having to deal with it. I can remember my best friend being really critical about a mutual friend and my brother being derogatory about his brother in law and just thinking that I was an absolute failure. And the debt kept growing and I was really scared, but didn't know what to do.

I'd looked at Moneysaving expert but they were too "aggressive" for me - I know they work for loads of people but cutting down everything just meant I spent more and felt more guilty and shame. And kept failing. And this thread meant I felt able to do "something" - however small and insignificant it felt at the time compared with the total - and just to keep plugging away at it. I am still feeling quite weird - especially as it's probably one of my major achievements but I can't tell anyone in real life as I never told anyone at its worst. And now, there is nothing to telll.

As quite seriously, very few people would ever believe me.