Debt mutual support thread number 7 ....... Spring is coming - let the sun shine into your finances and your life

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last six threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2258202-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-6-start-the-new-year-with-a-clear-purpose-and-keep-moving-forwards-even-by-tiny-steps?

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads, new and experienced, are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

That's what we are hoping! That's also why I am fighting the compulsion to change destination. I figure they need the support.

Stick with Greece : if they do crash out of the Euro, any extras you have to buy will be unbelievably cheap

Hello. Haven't had time to read the whole thread, but just reading the first post made me cry.

I ask about to go back to work after my maternity leave, and I will have 20k debt over 3 cc and a 1.5k overdraft.

Myself and dh keep our finances separate so he doesn't know about all of it. He contributes his half of all joint outings.

I have had quick look at the figures and it is just about manageable but I'm off to look at the links in the first post.

Any words of wisdom on where to start will be greatly appreciated.

I wonder if it's more of a relationship issue that needs addressing first?

Is the baby his? What about childcare costs?

I know TiP will say different, but I'm a huge fan in Dave Ramsey method. I can explain more but a quick Google will suffice!

Good luck x

Yes both children are his. He pays half of all childcare costs, they are one of our shared costs.

I just read my own question back - sorry if it sounded rude

I'm just wondering why not shared income and expenditure?

What would he do if he knew about the debt? Would he really not want to help?

I think the first thing would be complete honesty with your dp.

We decided a long time ago to keep our finances separate, we both liked the idea of keeping our own money we could do what we liked with. Any other shared expenses are discussed and split 50:50. It does sound a bit odd I admit. He probably would help, but i dont really want him to if I'm honest, Its my debt and I would like to clear it on my own.

Ok - last question from me... What was the debt on? Was it living expenses whilst on mat leave?

It strikes me that many of us get in to debt just over stretching day to day. Not on lavish expensive flashy items or exotic holidays.

If it's the former then would it not be his responsibility too?

About 12k is debt from some time ago, which I was paying off slowly before maternity leave. Yes I guess a fair amount of the extra was household expenses during maternity leave so I do see your point on that one.

Fish bless you, I know how you feel. I had card debt years ago, no where near as much as yours but I hid it from my DH up to the point I knew I had to tell him as we wanted to start trying for a baby. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, I don't open up easily at the best of times and it took me two hours to get it out, by which time he'd convinced himself I was going to leave him......he was actually relieved it was 'only' about money! He was fab, we remortgaged to cover it and I haven't had credit again, until this year when I had to help him out!!

My point is that even though it's your debt, you are a team and just him knowing about it will help you feel so much better. Yes, he might be angry at first, but you'd probably expect that anyway. I bet he'd rather know sooner rather than later.

Do stick around, the folks on this thread are so supportive whether it's a good day or bad. You're never alone here

Yes Jick has said exactly what I was thinking. Sometimes the thought of it is actually worse than the problem.

Any idea how he thought you were managing? I mean, he knows how much food etc costs. Did he think you were using savings?

We both brought debt to our marriage and we don't always agree on finances but the whole process is 'shared' iykwim.

As for tackling it... If you really do want to go it alone id recommend working out a budget then snowballing the debt.

Dashing in before work to say
Quasi Welcome to the gang, this is a very supportive little corner of MN.
First off, you have to be honest with your DH.
It will be horrible for a few hours and then much better for many years.
If you have them, go through the card statements and see exactly what it was spent on.
If the receipts are household he will, and should, support you to clear it.
If its all fripperies, you'll have to massively relearn your habits.

And, right away, get the direct debit turned into a standing order : it works

TiP

Well I did tell DH this morning,.thank you for the kick up the backside I needed to do that. I have asked him for 100 extra a month so he can help pay off the debt quicker. He didn't say no, so that's a good start.

I sort out a standing order this week. I am going to work on a budget, what does snowballing the debt mean?

I think tip means welcome to fish I've been around for a long time but serial name changer.

Snowballing is where you work out the debts in order of interest rate. Pay the most you can on the highest rate, minimum on the others. Once that debt is gone you adopt the same approach with each one until they're all gone.

Hi all, long time lurker and occasional poster here!

I'm in a real pickle and need to start facing up to my debts rather than burying my head in the sand and avoiding phone calls, scary letters etc.

Loan 1 - £5111.23
Loan 2 - £792.92
Card 1 - £274.68
Card 2 - £686.28
Card 3 - £1042.60
Card 4 - £1522.36
Card 5 - £3132.22

Total - £12,564.29

In a nutshell these are all old debts that were serviced well up until 2009 when I took my 1st mat leave, then went back part time. I stuck to a DMP religiously from 2009-2013 and got the figure down from approx £22,000 to the above figure. November 2013 saw the start of 2nd mat leave and everything went to pot, DMP abandoned etc. Thankfully I've not accrued any interest (Lord knows how?!) since then, but they've all pretty much defaulted and been assigned to DCA's.

I'm still PT and with high child care costs my available sum to service the debts is not very big. Am married to a very supportive DH who is aware of the situation, and he's been shouldering the majority of the household bills while I contribute to the childcare bill and cover food, household sundries, swimming lessons for DCs etc.

Pre DH I bought a flat in 2004 which I've held on to and used to rent it out, although its been empty since March 2013 and the council tax costs have crippled me. It's now on a 150% bill due to being empty for 2+ years, and I'm slowly clearing the arrears before starting on the 2015 bill. First step is get the bloody flat rented out as that would help massively. I've enquired with the council about the empty homes loan help and should be eligible for some assistance.

Apologies for the massive post, just needed to get that off my chest!

Sorry quasi and fish : was skim reading.
Fish the trick is to make every penny paid off count for the most so throwing everything at the highest interest one first makes the biggest difference.

Hi bookworm
Those debts are horrible, but doable.
Are they all on standing orders?

Can someone explain the standing order thing to me again please? I know there's a post with the explanation in somewhere but I can't find it wally

Hi Jickchick .... It's in the spreadsheets thread linked in the op.
The principle is that if you can afford this month's payment this month, you can afford it every month. So rather than the amount you pay dropping each month with the direct debit, you hold it the same with a standing order.
What then happens is you are paying a few extra pence then a few extra pounds off the capital every month.
This snowballs
And the repayment period drops from 18 years on a normal "minimum by direct debit"
To around 2 years ....

There are posters from the earliest threads who have actually done it (as well as several of my real life clients)

Thanks TiP, I couldn't remember why it was SO instead of DD!

Jickchick
Have a play with the spreadsheets as even those who hate columns of numbers love seeing them head in the right direction :-)

I am going to try tomorrow to release some equity in the house.
£10k (that the minimum) to pay off out debts and put some money in the
Bank.
It would be an increase of about £45 per month (for the next 18 months til the fixed rate ends)
No idea if it will work. Prob not. What should I say TiP? What will make them lend us the money!? Excellent credit rating btw. No arrears ever.
Interesting thread ATM on growing up on poverty. It's really made me think about my spending habits and why I do what I do (hoarding toilet roll etc)
If we get the money and manage to okay it all off I will need to spend a lot of time thinking now about my spending and budgeting.

I'm on that thread too baddz. Really interesting.

My only thought about releasing equity (I know you didn't ask me!) is that you're borrowing money to clear debt, so increasing the debt. I'm not sure you can borrow your way out. It's like shifting debts but continuing to spend on the ccs. Unless behaviour changes it could be a slippery slope.

I dunno. I'm really tempted most days. Ours is on 0% though so it'd be crazy.

Yes. Exactly.
My behaviour has to change.
I really thought I was the only one that felt that way or beanies that way and although our debt is all (well 90%) house related I can see that I have disordered spending habits.
This is something I am going to tackle, whether we get the money or not.

Baddz
Converting unsecured debt at a high interest rate to secured interest at a lower rate is only a good thing if you keep to the same repayment term.

Refinancing with longer and longer loan terms (as Greece keeps doing) just increases the banks profits.
So
If the current debt is costing you £300 a month
then add it to the mortgage where it will cost you £50 a month
but still pay £300
That way you'll clear it in lickety split time
and not have spare cash around to spend badly

but yes yes YES to re-learning spending habits
its like the weight loss people learning how to eat like a thin person
you need to learn how to spend like a stingy person like me