Debt mutual support thread number 5 .... the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from the last four threads in the series, the most recent of which is here.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2142758-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-4-every-journey-starts-with-the-hardest-first-step

We live in a society that makes it incredibly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
The posters on threads are here to help people get to where they want to be.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

I see it's the mid-month momentum drop on here .

We have gone mad this month - no new debt or anything but a lot of unnecessary "treats" for DH starting new job and me being out of hospital

Just sat this morning and did a new written budget for our new income and allocated everything I could think of a category. I'll be setting up standing orders for savings to go into our ISAs from next payday on and making sure all we have left in our personal accounts is pre-agreed pocket money to avoid this false impression we have £££ to spend!

Half term is creeping up and is normally spendy so will try and plan for each day to avoid this. We have a lot of DIY stuff to do in the house most of which we already have the materials for (e.g. painting the bathroom, touching up paint in downstairs cloakroom) so I'll be getting on with those things and putting up out winter curtain liners, tidying the garden for winter, taking last loads of stuff to charity shops etc. I'm also visiting my family for 3 days of it which will mean low spends as they will cook for me and refuse all ££ and DH lives on toast when I am not here

I am currently on a really serious challenge to spend nothing on food for rest of month, we've overspent so grossly this month and no more bills need to be paid so if we can avoid spending on food then that will remedy things a bit.

MissA I think it's OK to treat yourself on occasions like that! New jobs and treating yourself while ill definitely require a few indulgences to offset the upheaval IMHO.

I have had my Sainsbury's voucher for getting BT internet - I thought it would be £80 as I'm sure that is what was advertised. But the voucher seems to be £150 - spent £50+ yesterday and still have £90+ on it. So that should get our shopping for a few weeks, which is great. Couldn't believe how little we got for our money though compared to Aldi.

I am having some teeth out on Wednesday so I guess I won't be spending anything towards the end of the week as I'll be flopping on the sofa holding my mouth!

Ds1 poorly now so £££ on calpol and stuff over the weekend :(
Hopefully he is back to school tomorrow.
It's my flu jab today but am feeling a bit bluergh...wonder if I should still have it?

Bad day here. Both DH and I keep moaning. I feel like money is ruling our life. But then part of me thinks we've spent it over the years and now we paying the price.

I'm sorry for negative posts.

It's ok to have a bad day.
We all do.
Money is the only thing dh and I argue about...it's really depressing.
I keep doing a weird thing :$
I keep going online and filling my basket with lovely things....then I delete it all :)
Feels oddly good :)
It's like shopping but without the debt at the end.
Very rarely I do keep one or two bits from the basket, but it always sleep on it first.

Tbh you always find something to argue about.

True!

Thank god Im no alone. To be fair we dont argue about it. He can a bit shirty if I ask him why he has overspent.

I bought food that I had not budgeted for - I put this on my AMEX card which has been paid off and I have reduced the limit to £700 (thats as low as it would let me). The food is for a 3 day diet plan. (just normal stuff that i didnt have in) I need to lose 3 stone. I have lost some and reduced my body fat % and increased my muscle mass well - Im training 3 times per week.

The other thing I bought was a sport bra (not owning one) and some cheap joggers both from Asda. My one pair wasnt dry (blooody rain) and I cant go swimming thanks to AF (grrr). I did try on several other items and I didnt buy any of them.

So like I said to DH, practical purchases nothing flippant but I still felt bad. I have budgeted fo the money to pay off the card.

Im pleased I have free arts festival stuff planned for kids at half term and group on for a burger meal treat with DH one lunch time. Just need parking money and careful petrol use for that week.

Peonies glad your feeling better I'm sue those treats helped a little!! Well it great you can save some too. We the same not able to spend anything for the rest of the month. DH mentioned this and I said but what do you actually need. We have everything we need inc a nice gym to goto when we have no money to go anywhere else (kids swimming, tennis, club lounge with friends with a play area for kids - not pounding the treadmills!)

Badvoc hope your LO is better soon, cant help spending on meds really. Although if you CBA you can get Calpol on prescription.

Well I got 4 boxes of Monsters University lollies for 25p each from Sainsburys and three trays of chicken for £1.90 each.

Has admitted reality and turned on my heating.
Hoodies over jumpers got silly.
But am fasting today so looking forward to a huge bowl of soup for supper - that will warm me up

TiP I gave in this week when I was wearing a thermal long sleeve vest, thin jumper, thick hoodie, scarf, jeans, 2 x socks and fake UGGs. And was cold.

andsmile, badvoc the only thing we used to argue about was money but now we're on a written plan we rarely do argue at all. It used to get pretty bitter (lots of shouting and tears from me, lots of silent defensive refusals from DH)

Wait until you have a house to decorate missA. Now that's arguing.

Paint charts can be very controversial, you wonder if you ever knew them at all.

I finally convinced dh to get rid of bt tv package We signed up for the EE broadband deal. They have an offer for £2.50 For unlimited broadband for 12 months if anyone is interested. There is also a link on MSE website for £120 Amazon vouchers if you pay for a year's line rental up front. I can't link because I'm on my phone, but maybe someone else has a link?

Hi all am starting to feel like there's light somewhere, sometime starting to feel some relief of the reduced childcare plus not impulse spending on short family breaks - that was my major emotional spend. Am spending a lot of time thinking about my past attitude to money etc & that's helping a lot. Finally able to buy some necessary bits for family (shoes in sale etc). My aim for this month is to somehow hold onto & start building that elusive cushion fund. 50 in it so far I hope I don't transfer it out only 10 days to next payday. I was due in hosp next week but it's been pushed out a month ish which means I've saved paying 125 excess next week. That'll give us a bit of relief too.

Staying on today NSD inc no petrol use

Ive decided to a take a leaf out of Snowies book and look for the light instead of flailing about

Ive totted up latest balances total C/C debt = £18,587

By January I expect it to be £16775. I'm also trying to think about what it will mean when we have paid this off (est 2 years)

andsmile
you'll not know yourselves.
and yes, focus on the glass half full
as those who look for the good things tend to find them.

snowie
glad the mindset is helping with the money :
remember that what kids value most of all when they are older is the memories of undivided parental attention (think back to your own happiest memories .... one of mine involves watering the garden with my grandmother)

thanks TIP

Thanks Tip ! Unfortunately we're also time poor both working FT but we try our best.

If anyone has any ideas how to cling onto the cushion fund for a real emergency when cash is low etc I'm all ears. I need it for say doctors or other emergency but I literally can't build it up as there's always something to buy (usually food !). I do meal plan but still I need to dip in. Hopefully this weekend will be quiet & we can just get through to thurs week without major spending. Although loads is needed ! I'm not going to fix things in the house until I have 250 emergency built up. Only 200 to go...

Just place marking, will be back later. Have one month mortgage arrears, and between me and dp about £10k in debt. I need to face up to this. I have cried and cried about it today.

bearleft
Do not cry.
You have taken the hardest first step
this is a supportive place
pull up a chair, get out a pad of paper and a pen and work out where you are and we'll try to get you towards a better place

hello bearleft Ive been there too.

Your mortgage arrears a priority then - have you rung you lender, explain your situation and ask if they are able to help with catching up on that missed payment.

10k it's done, its gone - when you can sit with your figures etc people on here can help you work through it all.

x

Can I run our ins and outgoings past you wise people?

Dh is out of work, waiting for confirmation if he'll get JSA. I work part time, earn about £175 per week at the moment, but am constantly looking for more work (only just starting up). We currently get £100 CTC per week. We should also get some help with the mortgage interest and with council tax.

Our current bills are

Home insurance 13.72
Council tax ?
Pet insurance 11.00
Water 30.00
Gas/elec 95.00
Life/critical illness insurance 33.00
Tv licence 12.12
Broadband 2.50 (for 12 months)
Mobiles 70.00 (can't reduce until end December)

How would you split this between our outgoings?

Obviously we also need food and some petrol (only for getting to interviews and the odd rare outing). We also have a dog and 2 cats and spend about 40.00 on pet food per month.

There is likely to be a shortfall of 300.00 on the mortgage payment each month. Council tax probably also a shortfall of 35.00 per month.

I know there isn't enough, but just am unsure of how to prioritise the bills. I also appreciate I haven't given the full income, as we are still waiting to hear re JSA. I've tried using entitledto.com, but in the past it has never been correct!

Help!! It's really getting me down, I'm constantly doing sums in my head, no matter what I do, it doesn't add up

Those utilities seem very high for just the 2 of you?
Have you tried to switch?
Also, come December you need 2 cheap payg phones.

Pet insurance is costing you £132 a year. Does that include all vaccinations and worming? How many times have you claimed on it?
IMHO cancel that and 'self insure'
Pet food : do you buy in bulk - have you switched the pets across to dry food as its a lot cheaper and as good for them.

Council tax likely to be around £100 a month

All utilities : get them onto direct debit as then they are locked numbers and you cannot be cut off.
Gas/Electric : Make a real point of turning everything off at the wall (chargers are a killer over time) and turn thermostats down a fraction.
It adds up.

So : your income plus CTC is around £1200 a month
House related costs are : mtge + life ins + insurance + c.tax + utilities + tv = ....
Communications and travel = £125
Animals = £50
Food = ......

Yes, you will be short while DH is out of work.
The missing numbers will tell you by how much
Work out how much short and then work out how much short with JSA and that will assist in working out what jobs will fill the gap

I'm being harsh and I realise this is subjective - Ie my opinio is related to my financial priorities (and I know others dont agree with mine) BUT...

I would look to get a cheaper house insurance quote - a little high. Id take th risk and cancel pet insurance and critical/life illness insurance. These can be reinstated when you get back on your feet a bit more.

If you are viewing this situation as temporary is it possible to switch to interest only until your DH gets a job .....

I pay £100 per month for Gas and Electric...people tell me this is high (we live in a newish 3bed semi so well insulated) - Is there anything you could do to get this down, I know I should be trying a bit more.

So currently you have £1100 per month?

Figures provided = Bills total £ 268 - how much is your mortgage, you havn't actually said and CT?

Leaves £832 to cover mortgage, pet food, food and petrol and CT

You should be able to get your food to £160 per month if there is just two adults. Plus £40 pet food = £200

£832 - 200 = £632