im so stupid and now im paying for it

[PleaseHelpIDontKnowWhatToDo]

ive been coming on here for a few years now but i have changed my name for this as im so embarrassed. im 24 and still live at home and i dont have any children.

i originally came on here when i was having troubles with my mum who is an alcoholic. people on here really helped me when my mum was abusive etc.

anyway a few years ago i was going out with someone and i took out a loan as i was living at his half the week and home the rest. i coldnt afford to pay his family rent as well as my own plus food, living etc, plus other bits and pieces.

ive not had a bad life (compared to others on here) but ive found it a struggle. if im miserable or depressed my release is buying stuff. ive lost my best friend this year and split up with my ex at the end of last year. i dont have many friends so i just take myself off shopping. its the buzz i get when buying stuff.

no one knows about this but it has got to the stage now where i have no savings, no way of saving as i am paying out so much each month and hardly anything to live on

i know how stupid i have been and i am ashamed. i cant beleive i could be this stupid. i was awake at 4 this morn thinking about it all and if i went to CAB about debt consolidation would that mean the people i owed money to i.e. catalogues, credit card etc could come and take stuff ive bought or would i just be able to repay a lower amount each month.

im sick with worry and am hating myself for putting me in this situation. i cant talk to my family as they would just say it is my problem and to deal with it.

sorry this is so long

how much do you owe?

i do think the CAB would be your best starting point - they're the experts on this kind of thing.

in total about 20,000

ok. i'm not an expert, but i believe most creditors will accept repayment plans - even if it's a tiny amount. using bailiffs is usually a last resort for them.

have a look here for CAB info on debt.

good luck.

thanks, i just hate myself right now. its like an obsession and i just cant stop.

I know this is the stock response to most things on MN, but have you had any counselling about having to deal with your mum's problems, and about your shopping habit?

no, i havent. im too ashamed. my family is full of "strong" people and i guess itry and be like them . i dont want to appear weak (if thats the right word) plus i work and counselling would prob be during work hours and i cant afford it

It is stronger imho to admit a problem, like you have done here, and try to get it sorted out.

It isn't likely to go away by itself.

i know. i was in the bath last night wonderin if it would just be easier to kill myself. silly i know.

i have days when i feel like that and days when i think i'll manage and be ok. also i know i dont have the guts to do something like that..thankfully

Have you ever seen a programme called 'Spendaholics' ?. Have a look here - it may of some help to you.

Hope somebody with real advice will be along soon. Good luck

You could try National Debtline on their free number: 0808 808 4000 between the hours of 09:00-21:00 Monday - Friday or 09:30-13:00 on Saturday. They also have lots of good advice on their website: www.nationaldebtline.co.uk

There is also the Consumer Credit Counselling Service (CCCS) & their freephone number is: 0800 138 1111 helpline is open from 8am to 8pm Monday to Friday. Their website is: www.cccs.co.uk

Both these organisations are for helping people & they are not loan companies or anything like that. There are people out there in much worse situations than you - so don't think you can't get yourself sorted out.
Good luck.

Thanks to everyone for being so kind. i know there are people worse off than me. i think its getting to me coz i just feel so alone. when i was young all i wanted by the time i reached this stage in my life was to be married with kids.

now im here and i dont have a partner, best friend, children, my own place etc. feel a failure

PH, check out this website here . Martin Lewis regularly appears on Jeremy Vine's show on Radio 2 and he is very good. One of the chat forums is debt-free wannabe and you will pick up lots of advice and support - they won't judge you.

Good luck!

Pleasehelp....have you actually written it all down in detail? I mean what you owe to whom, the percentage interest, monthly payments? That's the first step. Moneysavingexpert (recommended below) is excellent, but I would try joining the discussion on the website below. After you've had a browse, suggest you try posting your statement of affairs (they show you how on the website) on this discussion board. Believe me, you are not the worst on the board, and heaps of people will offer support and constructive advice on where to cut costs and what to do. Try them - I think they could be great for you.

thanks for these. wil have a look at home tonight. i cant cut back anymore as i have about 30 pounds a week for a life and food andnearly all the rest now is on debt

PH, you're only 24! You've got years ahead of you to find a partner and have kids.

It's so normal to worry your life isn't 'on track' when you're in your 20s. You've spent your teens imagining how much better things will be when you're 'grown up', and then it turns out life isn't that simple .

But if you can get some help sorting out a repayment plan (which may mean paying more manageable amounts over a longer period), you will get through this and get back some control of your life.

nothing 'weak' about seeking help when you need it! strong people may look strong, but do you know what they are hiding under the surface? admitting you have to deal with this is very strong. definitely agree with other MN-etters who suggest CAB - they will give you FREE good advice . if feeling bleak , call samaritans. this is a solveable problem and you have taken the first step.

You've taken the first brave step. You realise you have a problem.
You need to write down all of your essential debt by that I mean Rent,food,clothing,car insurance etc if you pay towards gas electric and telephone.
Everything else is a secondry debt. Write down all the people you owe money to and the outstanding balance.
You then need to decide how best to sort this out. I wouldn't recommend getting into more debt to pay it off.
Don't go to any company who will charge you a monthly fee to make reduced payments. I think there might be someone call payplan that don't charge.
Life is for living,don't beat yourself up,take control and move forward.

hi there . well on friday i tool control and phoned up about an IVA . spoke to a really nice lady who went through it all with me, asked me loads of questions and is putting me forward for one.

i just wondered if anyone else had been through this and what an IVA is like
thanks
x

just bumping in case anyone else has been through IVA

thanks

Contact Payplan . They are free, and very helpful. Mind if I ask how much debt we are talking about? Is it as much as say a year's wages?

I hate when that happens!

Payplan

hi thanks. yes it is slightly more than a years wages. i have already contacted a company but just wndered if anyone else has been through it.

I would be very weary of any company who promises to get you out of debt but want a payment for it.

Realy, I urge you to tlk to payplan. They are not for profit (i.e. nothing in it for them) and will give you good sound advice. Please please call them before you sign anything or give anyone any money.

Do not file bankruptcy if at all avoidable.

what sort of organisation did you contact, PleaseHelp?

its first class debt solutions. i havent signed anything. am waiting for the woman to phone me back today to check on some things . they didnt mention anything about money to pay them