im so stupid and now im paying for it

[PleaseHelpIDontKnowWhatToDo]

ive been coming on here for a few years now but i have changed my name for this as im so embarrassed. im 24 and still live at home and i dont have any children.

i originally came on here when i was having troubles with my mum who is an alcoholic. people on here really helped me when my mum was abusive etc.

anyway a few years ago i was going out with someone and i took out a loan as i was living at his half the week and home the rest. i coldnt afford to pay his family rent as well as my own plus food, living etc, plus other bits and pieces.

ive not had a bad life (compared to others on here) but ive found it a struggle. if im miserable or depressed my release is buying stuff. ive lost my best friend this year and split up with my ex at the end of last year. i dont have many friends so i just take myself off shopping. its the buzz i get when buying stuff.

no one knows about this but it has got to the stage now where i have no savings, no way of saving as i am paying out so much each month and hardly anything to live on

i know how stupid i have been and i am ashamed. i cant beleive i could be this stupid. i was awake at 4 this morn thinking about it all and if i went to CAB about debt consolidation would that mean the people i owed money to i.e. catalogues, credit card etc could come and take stuff ive bought or would i just be able to repay a lower amount each month.

im sick with worry and am hating myself for putting me in this situation. i cant talk to my family as they would just say it is my problem and to deal with it.

sorry this is so long

im at work so havent got statement in front of me. they have given me a 11000 limit. im pto about 8 on it. i have a loan which i took out yreas ago which has another 8500 plus catalogues and bank overdraft

Have you always lived at home ?

You have to do whatever it takes
if getting the bus is more hassle but much cheaper
DO IT
I had to do it with a 3 yr old in tow every single day - tok me an hour longer than driving, we both got knackered but I could not afford to lose the £30 per week it saved me
You have to be BRUTAL
You CAN get out of this without bankruptcy and you will be glad you did it
You will also never make the same mistakes again

yes although the last 2 boyfriends i had i alternated my time and paid money to. also my ex was in alot of debt so i used t pay for most things when we were togehter

I actually don't think your situation is all that grim. I've seen worse (including my own). If you want to save your credit and get back on your feet, I think taking on a second job is not a bad option. What about just working Saturdays? You could babysit for say £50. That's an extra £200 per month and put you back in pretty good standing. Maybe you could find someone who works Saturdays and needs regular care for a long day for their kids.

i know i will never make the same mistakes again as i hate the situation i am i n now and if i could turn back the clock there is no way i would have ever taken out that first loan

AND STOP BUYING THINGS FOR OTHER PEOPLE.

Life is way too short to date men who don't pay your way (and theirs!)

i know. guess thats why im still single. been f**ked over twice by trying to help men out

you need to look after yourself first.

Look at it this way - at least your time is your own, and you can spend it working to pay your debt off.

What's to stop you working Saturdays during the day? e.g. a travel agent, shop, estate agent?

oh no no no no no.

Be thankful you are single and childless from these losers. Choose wisely in future.

BTW, where are you?

i always seem to choose nob ends who treat me like cack. think its just me being to scared to lose someone coz of ending up alone and its happened already. i know im only 24 but as ive said before all i wanted since i was little was to have a family of my own and kids to look after.

im so envious of people on here

i live in bromley, kent

Hiya pleasehelp

I've done work as a debt adviser in the past and I know how overwhelming it can be when you don't know what to deal with first.

If you go on the National Debtline website (I'm not good at links sorry) you can download an information pack and deal with it yourself. Ideally if you can get to a CAB, which is hard if you're working full time I know, they can explain it all properly, advise you of your options and even contact creditors on your behalf.

First things you need to do are:

Find the last letters/statements from each of your creditors which show how much you currently owe them.

Decide which are priority debts and which are non-priority. Priority debts would be things like rent, mortgage, Council Tax, HP agreements as they have more serious penalties if you don't pay like eviction, repossession of property, prison (for Council Tax). Non-priority debts are credit cards, store cards, catalogues etc where the ultimate penalty is a CCJ.

Work out what your income and outgoings are. Be realistic about your outgoings don't underestimate. From that work out how much money you have left over every month/week.

Now is where it gets a bit complicated! You can then make offers of payment based on your total debt e.g £20,000 and how much money is left over every month e.g £150 which means that each creditor gets a proportion of the left over money depending on how much you owe them. There is a calculation to help you do this - I'll try and keep it simple.

You take each creditor one at a time and divide the amount owed to that creditor by the total debt. Then you multiply that by the amount of money left over. This will give you a sum for each creditor.

For example: Barclaycard - owed £5085.

£5085 divided by £20,000 multiplied by £150 = £38.00 per month to offer to B/card

M&S Storecard - owed £3500

£3500 divided by £20,000 multiplied by £150 = £26.25 per month to offer to M&S

I know it's really complicated so don't panic if you don't understand. You could always divide the money up equally between them as a last resort.

You can then write to each creditor and explain that you are going through some difficulties. Tell them that your offer of payment is pro-rata and request that they freeze any interest. State you are requesting that they accept your offer for a period of 3/6 months and if your circumstances improve then you will resume normal payments or increase the current payments.

The National Debtline pack has sample letters you can use and should explain how to do the calculation better than I can! If you ring them they can send the pack out to you if you can't download it.

As an aside, and I'm not saying things would progress this far, but creditors do not have to accept your offers and if they want to they can pursue you through court. However, the court would not order you to pay more than you can afford and as long as you kept up with any payments the court ordered you to make then the creditors can not take further action against you e.g bailiffs.

The worst thing you can do is ignore the creditors as they will not stop chasing you and if you can show you have tried to negotiate with them then it will go in your favour. You may have to put up with your credit rating being knackered for a few years but this can be unavoidable unfortunately.

Finally (phew) what I have described is a debt management plan but there are many other options which could be more suitable for you and so you should contact the not-for-profit organisations others have mentioned for further advice. If you do ring up or go and see an adviser make sure you have up to date letters/statements handy which show how much is owed as this will help the adviser get a clear picture of your position. There is so much advice out there and so much more I could add but I've gone on too long already.

You're by no means on your own and nobody will judge you. As others have said counselling to help you deal with the reasons why could be really helpful otherwise the debts could carry on spiralling. You've done so well in facing up to it so far. Take a deep breath and go through it all properly - it will be such a huge relief for you!! Good luck with it all

thank you bacon baps. i will have a look tongith when i get home. i cant believe how nice and caring everyone is being .im so not used to it.

No problem. I'm off work at the mo and seem to suffering withdrawal symptoms from not being able to give advice. This is the second thread I've stuck my oar in on today!

And as regards wanting family, home, husband etc - I'm now 36 divorced with 2 teenagers and expecting my third child whose father wants nothing to do with it. I often wonder how I got to this age and still haven't sorted myself out! No money, no assets but my children are everything and for that I'm thankful. You've got so much time ahead of you - don't panic! Don't take any crap from men and put yourself first. You'll be fine

thanks

x x

I think you have to either go down the route of making pro rata payments which will take you longer to pay off.
Or if your credit rating has not been effected yet swap you credit cards to lower interst ones. Take on extra work etc.
I think you spend because you want to be loved and want people to love you for what you can give them. Love it'll will happen when you least expect it to.
Keep us posted on your progress.