Debt mutual support thread number 4 .... every journey starts with the hardest first step

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
and my THIRD
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2062902-Debt-Number-3-For-those-who-feel-they-are-drowning-and-want-a-way-out?msgid=48505428#48505428
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

Talk...I like to eat out too. It gives me a break. I don't enjoy cooking and find it a chore.
It's also something I have do everyday 365 days a year.
Some days it's nice to have a break for one meal a day once a week.
Tbh this thread is starting to get a little bit too judgmental for me...despite what it says in the opening op.
Good luck everyone x

I work fulltime so weekend is only chance to bring them to sports etc which I think is so important for a lifetime of fitness & interest in sports ! I don't let let out on the road to play after school etc also want them to learn music as it's a great gift for kids - again it's at weekend. If we had nothing planned at weekends we'd all sit around eating :)

Awe bless you Badvoc, TiP meant no harm...

I totally get where you are coming from.

It's DS birthday soon and he is driving me mad!! He's after a new range of toys which I have budgeted for and will get him. But he wants it NOW! Apart from it being annoying lol it's made me believe that I have made him into this 'now now now' creature as if I'm honest I would always just buy him what he wanted, when he wanted it. So it's a good and bad experience.

Same with eating out, he be quite used to going out for lunch/dinner at the drop of a hat...now though it's eat at home or I'll make us a lunchbox to take out with us...

Snuggling in bed this morn he asked why we've not been to Spain yet this year :o/

I need to support him away from this sense of entitlement...

Sometimes when you are out with the kids, paying for a meal is the only way. Picnics are fine but in the heat they can just go manky.

I went to Warwick Castle the other week on free Sun tickets + 3rd ticket bought online in advance. Couldn't face doing a picnic so we ate at the castle and it WAS expensive (burger/chips/drink x3 = £20ish) BUT when I saw other people lugging cool boxes and rucksacks around all day (the car park being 30mins walk from the castle), I was so glad I just had my handbag!

I saw one Mum waving her hubby and kids off up the steps which take you on the walk over the walls and up the tower - they had a rucksack and a coolbox and a picnic blanket so one of them had to forgoe that part of the day to stay with the "stuff".

I think I see TIP's questions as challenges to our thinking rather than a judgement.

It's a question I ask myself with every purchase... Do I need it ? Could it be bought cheaper ? Etc

This debt business is a bloody long slog isn't it?

I posted earlier in the month about my sons curtain/blind dilemma

Anyway I used some existing material with some curtains from eBay £36 total (for 2 windows). They're a design that he'll like ( not seen them yet). I'm really pleased with myself but it took a good few hours of tussling around with material and clips etc. I won't win any prizes for detail either.

I wouldn't have done that 2 years ago. I'd have paid someone to do made to measure or some such bollocks. I would have justified it to myself but ultimately I'd rather be £1200pcm better off each month than have naice curtains and treats. The end is in sight!

Well done on the curtains !

We do eat out sometimes - usually the children and not us if we are out but my shift has been maybe taking flasks instead of buying juice, or buying sandwiches and fruit and not a snack like cake and coffee. So I'm not lugging picnic baskets yet, but I am saving money and shifting attitude. Not sure if that makes sense?

Yes just seen the curtains!
Top tip - saved all the cardboard boxes and chucked children plus boxes out into the garden - they created a fort, a wall, little houses, brilliant.

Sorry, yes, not meaning to be judgy at anybody so much as genuine wonderment at the habits that create debt.
If I'm on an "outing" I'll often buy lunch
BUT
try to do so economically.

Today for example, breakfast at Fisherman's Wharf was a side order of eggs and a coffee - because I did not need to eat much.
Lunch at starbucks in Ghiardelli Square was half a panini and a small coffee
BUT dinner will be expensive!

And yes, it cost me a fortune to get here but I'm worth it

Nerf - make the transition to picnics you will be so smug when your lunch costs 10% of the non basket luggers :)

We leave our (homebargains AA) picnic hamper in the car with the cool box and walk back to eat.

Quite often in the bigger places like Warwick or Blenheim people have left by the time we want lunch so you can move the car nearer. I suppose it wasn't their thing or the kids kicked off.

I have allergies so most resturants are out for me if I want a coffee etc.

Nows the time to buy picnic stuff, lots of places are marking down picnic sets or plastic plates.

We usually just bring a bag (ikea food shopping bag does fine!) with rolls sandwiches apples treats & drinks. DH carries it :)

burgerking.co.uk/uploads/home/july-vouchers.pdf

It doesn't hurt to have coupons in your purse for fast food places.

Nice find fluffy, I prefer BK to McD but it is much more expensive.

I do usually take drinks/crisps/apples on a day out, just don't do the whole sandwiches thing. I'm as bad as the kids I guess - fish and chips or a burger always wins over sandwiches made hours previously!

Went to the beach for a day recently and left the coolbox in the car full of cans of Aldi coke and bottled water, and had a bag with crisps and apples, and it saved loads but we had parked well so it was only 2 mins away. But I didn't take a full lunch - a day at the seaside HAS to include fish and chips out of paper, right?

Haha, sorry to laugh and not being mean, but it's the kind of oooh picnic, let's save money and buy a hamper, saving money because they're reduced mentality, that got me here!

I am going to think more about picnics actually, the children get all excited.

regarding picnics/eating out wgen on an outing.
I come from a family of cheapskates frugallites, so I'm used to it. and I don't even think about buying food while out! I suppose it's just second nature.
so, if I were to give a tip on it...
when you buy eggs, hardboil 6 and pit them in a box in the fridge. use them like fruit for snacking - so when you go on a picnic, throw one each in the bag.
use ice blocks from the freezer inside a coolbag (not box) inside a rucksack. it's lighter and easy to carry.
we get things redyced too, and freeze tgem for later. don't fancy sandwiches? cook a pizza and slice it to eat cold on your picnic.
other fpods like satsumas, apples, grapes, bags of raisins, yoghurts (spoons!) and juice boxes are all cheaper to buy from the supermarket than at an event/museum/etc, and as you eat it, the bag gets lighter.

it's not the cheapest picnic, but it's the least hassle

also, talking of handbags, I've never done "handbags" - I've always had a bag that's a rucksack style - it has to be big enough to carry an a4 leverarch file, and as such it's big enough for anything!
I've always managed to find stylish and heavy duty.

We take picnics everywhere & take pride in eating lovely baked rolls (but the half baked from lidl) with lovely fillings ! If you have some treats for kids like crisps etc they don't feel hard done by :D

days out don't even need to be expensive.
like, we went to wildwood in january because it was £5 each instead of £9. it was well worth it - and had a fab picnic area.

we got the annual pass to howletts (wild animal.park about 15 miles away), which okay, cost us £26 each adult, but it means we can go back as many times as we like. "shall we go out for the day? yes! we can go to howletts"
but kids are normally just as happy with the park (and we've got qiite a few locally to cgoose from)
we're also fortunate here to be really close to the beach - we can drive or get the train.

I come from nottingham, which has no beach, but the market square is cool for kids with the fountains, it has a beach for the summer brought in! and it hss loads of cheap and free tourist attractions (the castle, wollaton park/hall, colwick woods, etc).

lots of national trust places used to have free grounds and you just paid to go into the hall. many a summer day was spent walking round the free bits

tha

that

that sounds lovely snowie

we have a bread machine and often make a posh italian loaf - tomato or olive thing. and we take that out with with us to tear off and dip into hummous.

Thanks for the vouchers Fluffy

Not posted for a few days but have been following.
We're off to France through the hurricane tomorrow, I've just bought food to eat on the ferry, we'll take bottles of tap water, a flask of coffee for dh. It's surprising how well you can picnic and still spend significantly less than eating out. Of course there are savvy ways to eat out too, vouchers are good and just things like drinking tap water rather than pricey drinks from the menu.
Our holiday will be frugal in lots of ways but with some treats. If the weathers dry it's easy as we just go to the beach. The car is quite a sight, we invested in a bike rack and roof box a few years ago which have been great investments as we take everything with us. A bit extra spent on fuel due to extra load but less expense while away.
What strikes me from these threads is that there are so many ways to reduce debts, if we continue to share ideas and take encouragement from each other it can only be to the general good

Yep - agree with old fashioned ideas.... Just a bit of make do and mend; lowering expectations etc.

I'm the queen of the flask and Tupperware.

We went out earlier. DH and I had a really interesting convo about whether to buy ice creams. I thought of you all. I'd made a picnic, but obviously ice creams are the one thing you can't take in advance.

We had planned to eat out tonight. In the end we did get the ice cream and didn't eat out. DCs were toooooo tired. It was lovely as the ice cream was a REAL treat as they never get them from the van. We came home and ate (supposed to be away overnight - long story involving hurricane Bertha ). Anyway we had a great day, came home and DH went to get m&s deal for £10

Whole day for under £15 for four people. Awesome