Debt mutual support thread number 4 .... every journey starts with the hardest first step

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
and my THIRD
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2062902-Debt-Number-3-For-those-who-feel-they-are-drowning-and-want-a-way-out?msgid=48505428#48505428
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

Bleurgh. Bus pass number two, school shoes, we are skint again. But no debt has increased so I guess we're good.

Didyou I'm kind of OK - can't wait until payday but moved into our new flat today which will be cheaper.

We have been eating a load of random meals to eke out the shopping and so we weren't taking too much food to the new place. Last night it was some pasta with mushrooms, parsley, butter and then a glug of brandy from last Christmas which I thought would jazz up an otherwise boring meal - it was actually nice! Getting bored of porridge, pasta and toast but have got apples, carrots and eggs and some spices to liven things up.

Does anyone use a bread maker? Do they actually save money? Found ours today in a cupboard which we'd been bought as an engagement present so I was wondering whether it would be worthwhile to use it again...

Nerf...that's it I guess. Not adding to the debt is a bloody good start!...at least that's what I keep telling myself :)

Love a glug of brandy to jazz up the meal

I have a bread maker. I no longer eat bread.

It just reminds me of Kirsten allsop figures.... This is what you SHOULD be doing... Yeah that's why we're in such shit because of our bread profligacy.

Exactly re bread. I am not sure it actually saves money. But I guess some 'homely' hobbies might be good to have over my frugal winter!

I use my breadmaker, I think a loaf costs me 30p.

Ooh maybe I'll have a go!

I think with the bread, it's not that you couldn't buy a loaf cheaper than home-made, you probably could do, but it would be the nastiest, cheapest bread. Whereas a home-made crusty loaf will be the equivalent of a £2 loaf, but only costs you 30p.

I think it's about getting the nicest food at the cheapest prices, that way you won't feel deprived and end up running out and buying everything in sight on a credit card.

Hello all,

Well our shower is going to cost us £140. Fuck it. So that's going to have to go on either the cc or overdraft. Bah!

But... apart from that debt hasn't increased so I guess that shows we can manage on our budget. So I guess I should be feeling positive about that.

I realise I am a bit of an emotional spender though. The day I found out about the shower and felt a bit down about it I went to tesco and managed to spend £17 basically on junk food -ice cream, kit kats, pringles, all kinds of utter rubbish. But it did taste nice ...

I have a bread maker and I love it. My mum gave it to me years ago (she didn't use it enough and thought I'd get more use out of it) and it sat in a cupboard for a very long time. When I realised the extent of our debt I started tackling our inflated groceries bill and thought I might as well try the breadmaker. It's made a huge difference - we've saved loads of money, the bread is so much nicer and fresher and I'm not throwing out half-eaten stale supermarket loaves any more. And the homemade pizza is fantastic. I love putting the machine on last thing at night and waking up to the smell of fresh bread. I'd never go back to buying bread now

I do that Fairy - £20 here and there on crap food when feeling shit. I'm very fat because of this so it's the habit I MUST break. Was doing well but had a couple of ill days this week and it really knocked me. Bloody emotions. Bah!

Ok I'm converted - going to try some bread tomorrow! Tonight is our first night in the new house.

I feel rather tearful right now but it will be fine. Can't really afford a taxi with the last few bits so we're having to ferry back and forth on public transport

It will be FANTASTIC trainers

trainers I can smell the delicious warm bread smell wafting through your new flat already!

You could try apple and cheese sandwiches with it - I used to get these in a little deli in Belfast when I was in sixth form - slices of mature cheddar, really thin slices of apple, thin scrape of mayo or butter on the bread, a few lettuce leaves and pickle if you have it/if liked.

Sounds mad but was delish!

Mmmmm homemade bread sounds delicious :) hope you have a lovely night in your new home trainers.

Oh it's so hard with the junk food habit isn't it Kinky. I get really fed up with my mum always trying to say how delicious salad is and why don't I eat that instead.... errmmm because it doesn't taste as nice to me?!

I've transferred the money for the shower over from the cc. Oh well. Start again re saving and budgeting..pray nothing else breaks....!!!

Hi excuse me for butting in I'm struggling to pay debts too - at the current rate will be paid off in about 3-4 years (sigh). Finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel as kids getting bit older & childcare a bit less from this month. Also started an emergency fund so soon will be able to worry less. I have a couple of questions if anyone has opinions would be grateful ! The way I have things set up (both working FT DH works 4 days per week, 2 kids 5&7) my monthy salary pays all bills mortgage insurance loans etc and literally every penny is allocated. DH gets paid fortnightly (€800) & this is used for childcare, petrol, clothes & groceries so it's slightly more flexible. We had been living on about €90 per week for clothes & groceries (way below recommended for family of 4) but now can afford about €120-140 provided no other unbudgeted bills due (which hasn't happened yet tbh !). I have a couple of questions 1) DH refuses to deal with finances (instead prefers to moan) so we're in a situation where I control it all & he gets money from me ev month instead. I had to agree this ages ago as he would start rows when it was day before payday looking for cash etc. and i would be under pressure. i give him €150 ev month which he's meant to manage if he needs it for coffee, work nights out etc. however he spends it all in one go & then when something comes up he has nothing left & still complains to me he's living in poverty. I still have to pay his phone bill, buy his clothes etc. Lets say he spends it all in one go on beer. I think it's a high enough amount considering. When it runs out he has a go at me looking for more: sometimes I give him an advance from the following month etc. he's not happy but if I gave him 500 it would all still get spent. I'm exasperated. I never go out or buy clothes but as I control the funds in fairness I can put cheap makeup on the Tesco bill if I have to (don't buy makeup either once a year !)
2) I save €225 of monthly salary in work for holiday fund I'm wondering if I should continue or stop this in January (first option) and instead pay debts or relieve living expenses. It probably means no holiday and tbh life is hard enough both working etc need something to look forward to. Also pay private health insurance e220pm but I will need this soon. (Not UK no NHS waiting lists v long if anything happened).
3) I had planned to plough all the childcare savings into debts (46k) but as we've been living below standard for so long (never any new clothes & frequently very empty food cupboards just enough for school lunches & dinners with pasta etc) there are lots of things needed that we could use a bit of the extra for. I have about €500pm extra now I could use for better clothes for the kids & badly needed house maintenance as well as some medical costs coming up soon. Or to build a cushion so we don't have to scramble if something happens looking for credit we can't get or begging family.

Any thoughts ? I'm saving €260 per month was hard this month (first month!)... I ended up borrowing from family as school costs were so high !

trainers I know you've already decided, but.
we boughta breadmaker for ourselves for christmas, (the year vefore last), mainly because we wanted to experiment with homemade bread.
anyway, we bought local, and worked out that it would ccost aboit 50p a loaf for 2 years, provided we used it at least twice a week (to take into account the cost of the breadmaker)
we don't use it as much as we did, but we use it at least once a week (we used to use it nearly every day)
it's great for naking pizza dough, too, and different flavoured bread to make sandwiches more fun.
we love it.
we can set a timer on it too, so we can wake up to a fresh loaf
the other advantage is tthat if you don't have any bread for tomorrow, you can put one on, which means you don't have to go to the shop wgere you'll be tempted to "just get this and this while I'm here"

ooh, and as with a kenwood chef, if it lives out on the counter you will use it. if you put it in a cupboard, it becomes annoying to get it out every time you need it.

Snowie

I'd lose the holiday and halve his allowance.

Tough times mean tough measures.

hi snowy
I have to say I'm worried that he spends €150 a week on beer!
i'd say you need to allow him less, not more. :(

Snowie I agree with dropping the holiday fund. With 46k of debt I'd be plugging all the money I possibly could into paying it off as soon as possible.

The way you and your dh organise your finances is very different to the way dh and I do ours, do you both have the same spending money? Dh and I pay everything into a "household" joint account, all bills etc come out of that and then we split whatever is left to spend between us (it's not much!) We transfer this amount to our own single accounts. When it's gone it's gone. Perhaps if your dh could see something like that working and know there is no more money he wouldn't keep asking for more? I'm not sure. Just an idea.

a month, sorry.

definitely do not think about stopping the health insurance if not in UK!

Snowie
You are not butting in, you are joining the gang.
Holiday fund : stuff that : slam it all off debt - a year or two without expensive holidays is an essential part of learning to be nmore careful
Allowance : greedy little sod thinking he can blow money on beer when you are that in debt. £50 a month and beyong that he can beg IMHO

trainers
I love our bread machine : do not make that much bread now , but its great fun making half white/brown bread for kids sarnies
and yes, dough to then make pizza or plaited loaf or rolls is the best ever - it gets used at leat twice a week

Thanks for the replies all good advice I did think of that joint account idea I'd have to set something up though & hardly any point really to transfer in e100 each a month as that's all it would be ! This is half how we got into flipping debt because we never discussed properly and I'm the "fixer" so no matter what happened I'd always have a solution usually in the form of more credit (now gone).

I think the holidays will have to go you're right I could do with that extra cash ev month as a cushion. Just today the handle of front living room window fell off & no cash to get it repaired, I'm worried about someone trying the windows. It's so hard not having emergency fund. I might seal it up with no more nails tho would prob be more costly to repair in the future.
How do I tell DH he's getting less cash. He will go mad. I was thinking e50 ev 2 weeks on his payday that would save about e500 a year.

He'll just have to accept that you are BOTH in the shit financially, and austerity is the way out.