Debt mutual support thread number 4 .... every journey starts with the hardest first step

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
and my THIRD
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2062902-Debt-Number-3-For-those-who-feel-they-are-drowning-and-want-a-way-out?msgid=48505428#48505428
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

WHAT?? I thought I'd get told it was feckless and stoopid to even consider it (but in a polite way). I'm taking the DCs later today. Let's see what they make of it.

BTW my son loved his curtains. Despite the fact they're a bit Heath Robinson he thinks they're cool. I'm so pleased.

We had dinner with friends last night. In order to take a bottle of wine without breaking into a tenner I used loads of coppers and spare change at the self service till. Made my day.

Keatsiepie you should put every penny of your raise towards debts :) I read "your money or your life" ages ago and that's what it said to do as you've been living without it until now !

Didyoueveh - well done but then did you have to bring a bottle of wine ? Could you have not drank & taken flowers from your garden instead ? I have done this before (though not for dinner ) :)

I don't think it is feckless, Didyou, if your family want to spend the money on that instead of something else. If you know you are all fit and active and will make amazing use of it, then I don't see it as a waste of money at all, but it is £175 that isn't there for something else.

I, however, love the idea of having a gym membership at the spa down the road but I know it will be a case of a swim once or twice a month that is obviously not worth £175!

You might spend that on the gym, I might spend that on a takeaway each week and a Sky movie package (it's why I am fat). I think it's just acknowledging that we can't have it all. Trying to do it all is what got me in debt. It's learning our priorities.

I wish I could love the gym. I'm very jealous of Talkin's yoga body pic!!

Kinky you hit the nail on the head trying to do it all got me here too. Having said that of all our sacrifices I miss the gym the most I loved it and used it a lot plus it's the only time I was ever properly toned or motivated to keep fit. My bmi is 25 which I know is ok but I'm not happy with toning etc or weight. Lack of time keeps me unfit too it's too hard to get out for a run/walk after a long day of work plus commute. Ifi was in the gym I would def go. Mine has an offer of 125 for 4 months but in 2 years I'll join again. I loved the weight machines the most - instant results for very little effort ! I just feel bad working FT then going to the gym 3 times a week it's stealing time from the kids really.

Am at said expensive gym. It's awesome. I'm so getting money's worth. Very unlikely to actually join up.

As for the wine. Yes. It was very necessary. And I don't have flowers in the garden!

Hi everyone. I wonder if I can join you...

I know the wonderful mantra you have about no judgment but I've been an absolute tw*t with regards to money over the last few years and I now really need to sort myself out. I've been making steps in the right direction but still have a bit of a long way to go:

Debt 1 (a loan): one payment left of this from next month's pay then it's done - my one glimmer of hope...
Debt 2 (credit card): it's one of those incredibly high interest ones. Couldn't afford to pay this off all in one go, but surely if I try and go at it 100 a month then the interest will basically undo all my efforts?
Debt 3 (overdraft): can't live without this, it's basically the last week of the month for me
Debt 4 (payday loan): yes, I accept I'm an utter idiot. This is the last one I'm taking out, ever.
Debt 5 (credit union loan): this was meant to sort me out properly when I tried to sort my finances out last time.

I have a decent secure job and always make the payments required on my loans, but can't ever seem to get by without a loan. I'm living payday to payday. Seriously, I get paid on Thursday and I have 10 in my wallet. How on earth is this possible when I live on my own, have no kids and hardly any responsibilities?

I tried plugging everything into the debt calculator but my outgoings (loan and credit card repayments, rent, bills and travel) look to be more than my incomings before I factor in luxuries like food or contact lenses. Idiot, idiot, idiot.

I think I'm going to get in touch with my credit union and ask to extend my credit union loan so that I can pay off the payday loan and some of the credit card in one go this month. It'll mean it takes longer to pay that off but otherwise I just don't know how I'm going to cope.

I just feel like such an idiot, I don't even know where it all goes...

Right first forget the debt calculator for now. You need 3 lists:1- income list them & add up total 2-loan payments add up and total 3- normal outgoing eg all bills. What's left over ev month is available for groceries & clothes.

If you find you don't have enough for groceries etc you need to a) reduce your loan payments by talking to creditors ASAP b) reduce bills / other outgoings.

Once you have enough to live on and pay bills then you can sort out paying your loans off early one by one - highest interest first etc. (this is the snowball method).

The worst part is writing the first list of outgoings you may find you don't earn enough monthly to pay everything which will mean some very tough choices eg wearing glasses for a month (I was that soldier).

Best of luck !

Thanks so much for the response Snowie. Yes, the thought of wearing glasses for a month is hell but it has occured to me and may well prove necessary... I know I'd be prepared to do it, but it's just so easy to put your head in the sand.

I think I need someone to keep me on the straight and narrow IRL and am planning on sitting down with my boyfriend this week and talking it through - we're thinking of moving in together soon so I know I need to get things in better order before that happens. In terms of online support, I've bookmarked all the debt threads and plan on reading them when I'm tempted to commit to going for a drink or a weekend plan that I just can't afford. I've already cancelled my stupid overpriced haircut that I was going for on payday - I would so love to be a bit spoilt at the moment but I'll only wind up feeling shit when it comes to the end and I'm paying for it. If it gets too birds' nest-y, it's Supercuts or the bathroom mirror for me! (I used to be pretty handy with cutting my own hair - surely that skill doesn't leave you?!)

I feel slightly sick looking at my outgoings before I've even factored in anything that isn't going to a landlord/money man/utility company but know it has to be done.

I dream of a world where I have savings... when something unexpected happens and I go 'shit, that's awful, but I'll just top up the savings next month'. With the amount that I'm paying in debt each month I could have a really healthy savings account if it were going into my own coffers. Sigh.

I know it's so hard I went through a phase of not opening the post last year which caused awful problems. Nearly at the end of the mess now ie can start paying back faster.

Make sure you put everything on the outgoings list it's easy to forget small things like all insurance payments, motorway tolls, everything ! We all have our spending triggers at the expense of necessary payments. If you forget something & you're short say 10 in a month that's 10 you have to find for a loan payment & can cause you way more in the long run.

Good luck bite the bullet

Dealforthekids
You have taken the hardest step which is admitting you need to change.
For that alone - well done.
Now, freeze the credit card and credit union loans and leave them alone for a bit.
Get the payday loan whumped.
Go teetotal/low caffeine and no eating out / takeaways for a month and you'll crack it.

And yes, before getting a place with your other half, get your finances under control as then you'll be a lot happier.

Kinkydorito
FWIW the yoga body is a combinaton of middle age vanity and medical essentials - I have badly damaged knee cartilage and every pound I put on means an extra day a month of pain walking .... its a no brainer

deal I think you ought to pay debt 2 off in chunks despite the interest.

What are your outgoings? Can you reduce them?. I used to think I was really frugal but then I started shopping at Aldi and making my own laundry detergent & realised I hadn't been frugal at all.

Deal, welcome...and well done for facing into things

Do you want to give us a run down of your outgoings? See if we can offer any advice to reduce them?!

deal if you snowball the debts smallest to largest you might find you get traction on them, especially if as TiP says you can "freeze" the credit card.

Have a look at Dave Ramsey's website and see if his method appeals - it's changed my life.

Hello Deal, good advice so far. Id probably try to get rid of the payday loan first because of the fear factor.
Just having somewhere to be honest about the debt is a relief for me, and I have someone/s to tell when I make an extra payment

Fluffycloud - how do you make your own detergent ?! I usually get lidl tablets. I know what you mean about being frugal - when we're out the other end of this we'll be so loaded. I'm saving for this Xmas for a change & tbh I think we'll have it's leftover to put off debts in jan.

Re the snowball method / debt priorities - I agree with the other posters you need to decide which one you want to pay off first it might not have the highest interest rate but it could be the highest stress. Or the smallest balance so you pay something off completely sooner.

2nd paragraph for deal

Laundry gloop

2 bars white soap (sainsburys for me because its BUAV approved) grated in the food processor.
8oz (250gm for young people) of soda crystals (65p in homebargains)

Mix the grated soap in 2lts of boiling water in a pan and stir until dissolved, don't leave it on the hob incase it boils over. Not that I've ever done just that

Add the soda crystals, stir till dissolved. Add the mix to your chosen container eg a bucket or a large Tupperware type container. Nothing flimsy that can melt.

Add another 5lts boiling water.

Stir.

Leave to set. I use one capful eg polish cap per wash.

It's not good for whites but I use tesco smart price bio powder for them because its not tested on animals.

I wash on cold and my clothes still come out clean.

Thanks fluffy! I'll just nip out and buy a food processor then I'll save loads of money

Ok brilliant I have a few questions :

What is BUAV approved (as don't have sainsburys here is it anti vivisection?)
Is it ordinary white soap ie hand soap ?
Does it ruin your food processor ?
I'm assuming from the description it stays gloppy. I'm wondering how I could keep my kids ( and cat) away from it :)

I have made the laundry gloop, but grated the soap by hand, it's not a problem.

I haven't got a cheese grater hence using a food processor.

It doesn't damage the machine, I use the coarse grating plate.
White soap is just hand soap in a bar.
BUAV is an anti vivisection organisation.

It sets and the water comes out a bit. My cats never shown interest in it. Yet.

I have never made gloop (I do sometimes think life is too short :)) but I did try soap nuts and Eco balls.
They were both rubbish tbh.
The soap nuts just lathered but didn't clean and the Eco ball just didn't clean.
So I am back to non bio gel. I have to use non bio as both Dh and ds1 have excema.
I use the co op one as you get 2 bottles for £5 :)
I do use bio tex as a pre soak though but then of course have to rinse thoroughly.
I use microfibres cloths for cleaning. They are very good. I use method cleaning products - they are good for asthmatics as they don't use any nasties. They aren't cheap but last ages.
In other news the carpet shop have agreed with me that my new carpets are faulty and I picked a new one today!
Am so pleased.
We are off on our hols on Friday so need to get writing my lists!

I think I will give it a go & buy white soap next shop I've seen soap crystal was wondering what they were for .
I have to say I do prefer natural cleaning products as I think people splash chemicals around waaaay too much in their homes. However I don't clean only bare minimum so I find washing up liquid usual cleans everything ! I don't usually have any spray products anyway & sometimes cif for bathrooms etc. or i make a spray from whats on hand luckily we don't have any asthmatics in the house as it is very dusty really ... I just don't have the time I don't know how people do it !

I agree with Badvoc. I flirted with soap nuts etc and they were just dreadful. I now just look for bargains on branded stuff or Aldi's own. I bought some soda crystals but forgotten what for. Maybe it was to bulk up the powder??