Debt mutual support thread number 4 .... every journey starts with the hardest first step

[TalkinPeace]

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
and my THIRD
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2062902-Debt-Number-3-For-those-who-feel-they-are-drowning-and-want-a-way-out?msgid=48505428#48505428
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

Yay...thanks TiP-marking place

Marking place. (Have nc- was nemesisofthevole)

Hello!

Hi!

Ready to report for duty!

Morning Debtors!

Keatsie I'm just catching up with the end of the last thread but I honestly didn't know whether to laugh or cry at your description of your walk to the police station. It was so sad and so very well written. Your poor hair!

Hi

Ahhhh fresh new thread! In its honor I'm going to get ready for a fresh start in August. I know we can do better than we have been.

pixie hahaha thanks! My poor hair indeed, it looked so affronted by the situation Actually since telling you guys about it I finally feel like I can put the whole sorry episode behind me. As TIP says "yesterday is as past as the Crimean War" -- I find that genuinely comforting.

Yay! Shiny new thread and here's to much debt destruction for us all.

Some things I've been doing this year to debt-bust which others might find useful:

As well as the fixed payments that TiP recommends, I also do a daily 'coin sweep' in my online account. Whatever the pence amount is of my balance, I move it into my Debtbuster online 'envelope'. If it's less than 50p, I make it a pound and whatever pence amount it is. When I've got £10 in the Debtbuster account, that gets paid to my credit card. Probably ends up being another £25-£40 a month payment but because the amount is so tiny at the time, you don't notice it.

I'm also increasing the main payment to the card by £10 a month which means it ends up being more but you don't really notice it.

Here's a total random for you...comes from finally watching a prog Id Sky+d ages ago....

I'm a great one for my spreadsheet, it forecasts up til 2021 lol Anyho...my plan has always been budget; emergency fund; repay consumer debt; then a 50/50 split between mortgage and pension. The prog last night was Bank For Mym and Dad and focussed on the rising cost of care for the elderly...and if I'm perfectly honest my folks have never featured in my financial outlook...but I'm wondering if they should? And if they do, where the heck do I fit them in?!

Did warn you it was random lol

Mum - I'm a spread sheet nut too but up to 2021 is impressive! Yes - if parents don't own their own home and have some pension they are going to need help. I know mine will. When my dad properly retires from work next year I will be paying him to do school pick up and drop off for me.

Thanks for the support regarding my friend and also my aunt. They've both hurt me so much. I have never EVER. Begrudged my aunt her lovely big house in Canada but I've also never been aware, until now, how she viewed my situation. I'm mortified.

I remember reading TIP's post about how her friends would never comment on her situation and it got me to thinking how all of mine do and how inadequate that has made me feel and how it has lead to some poor spending choices on my part.

I don't know if it's my age (32) but all my friends seem to talk about are houses, money and babies. I find both topics a little difficult due to being in a slow recovery from PND and relish all opportunities to discuss other topics (I don't mind talking about money here obviously!). I tried to take advice and arranged to meet a woman from work yesterday for lunch thinking that what I need as much as more money is better friends. What did she want to talk about? Houses, money, houses, babies ...

My favourite person to spend time with at the moment is a nearly 70 year old man who likes to talk to me about literature and philosophy. It's what my friends used to talk about before they succumbed to competitive consumerism. I'm not saying I'm immune - and taking pleasure in nice things has it's place - but it can be a sickness and certainly it has brought me nothing but unhappiness.

On a positive note - the hair story made me howl :)

Golden...yes.
"Comparison is the thief of joy" is one of my favourite quotes.

Comparing does not do harm so long as people are accepting of different choices.
People without children have more disposable income.
People who work full time have more money but less leisure.
People in secure jobs have more long term plans but less flexibility.
It is never possible to know what makes another couple's relationship tick so stop trying.

Visiting somebody and saying "what a lovely kitchen, I am jealous"
is very different from saying "what a clever utensil rack, I'll try that"

Its about being secure enough in your own skin to take the positive and let the negative wash past.

Big houses in Canada - yep but land is cheap and its effing cold in the winter so thankyou but UK houses are appropriate for the UK.

Do not let people make you feel inadequate.
"your house is small and horrible"
"lucky you won't be invited into it again"

ah, yes, caring for the elderly.
dh's mum died this month, after having been in a residential home for about 7 years. she had to pay for her care, and it completely ate into any inheritance, having to sell her house.
so, it works out that dh will get less than 10k inheritance.

guess who just had to broach the subject of paying of my credit card debt with it :(
it's horrible to gave to do that, but it makes so much more sense than effectively payingg £50 a month off on the debt (interest is about £150 and I'm trying to pay off £200 a month. it's 24.2% apr
the loan at least is 8% and has a definite end date.

and we are in desperate need of a new kitchen - thr cupboards are falling apart, the cooker hardly works andthe floor is just gross (and breaking)
we've got a good fridge/freezer and freezer and new washing machine (last year after the old one just stopped working and cost too kuch to repair)

.

hello all! Am packing madly for tomorrow's departure. Feeling hot, sweaty and cross.

The colleague who is driving me (and himself) to the summer school tomorrow has demanded to come over in an hour to load the car, even though we're not leaving until 10.30 tomorrow so I'm suddenly in a mad rush! At least he suggested a cold glass of something after we load it though

marking my place, will update tomorrow with my month end figures

Badderz that's a great quote.

Doing my biweekly freezer cooking this weekend. We have been a little slack lately about takeout food (nothing expensive, but it really adds up) so am determined to be more disciplined in August. And the garden has been amazing. It's lovely not to be spending a fortune on produce every week. I'll be sad when frost comes.

Marking place from my week away with family!

So here we go *my first monthly totals"

Debt 1 - 3983 3973

Debt 2 - 4494 4484

Debt 3 - 2124 2114

Debt 4 - 140 0 Closed and Gone!!!

So far this year paid 3.2% off our debt. DP lost his job a week ago so my projections of hitting it hard for a couple of months has gone on hold but I should still be able to pay more than my agreed minimum with them.

Yes.
It's one I use a lot tbh.
I have a sister. She is married to a pig. But a rich pig.
She is - effectively - a single parent. He does nothing with or for the dc.
He causes her untold stress - in fact he treats her life staff.
But she puts up with it because she likes the lifestyle.
Awful thing to say, but true.
I look at her life...her ability to buy anything she wants, dc spoilt, multiple holidays a year...and I would not change places with her for the world.
They are 2 of the most discontented people I know. They are stuck In their house which neither like due to negative equity - they bought at the height of the market and are on an IO mortgage so have paid none of the capital off.
They have done no maintenance so it needs a lot doing to it, the backyard is a disaster zone.
She begrudges spending money on anything but herself :(
Very very sad.
We holiday in the UK.
We don't go out much.
I buy clothes from e bay :)
But...we are happy. Life is not easy but is good.
Love to all x

Well done winter!
Lovely to see it going down isn't it?
Sorry to hear about your Dhs job :(

Have not had a good July debt reduction wise but have had some good times with friends and family so not wasted money, just not quite "on message"!
Whether we make our target of getting rid of the overdraft by the end of August or not is at the mercy of a few things;

1. How much dh is paid at the end of July (he is due various quite sizeable extra payments, overtime, annual lump sum allowance but doesnt know whether all will be paid or not
2. How much we spend on holiday which is probably weather dependent. We are going to a static caravan in Brittany. Loads of free beach stuff to do and facilities on site but if it rains you're a bit stuffed
3. As with every month, the unexpected extras, problems with house and car and all the new uniform and shoes for the dc going back to school having both grown several inches since last September!

Having said all that, our debt figures make much better reading than they did on January 1st so we have to feel positive about that

Badd, that doesn't sound a very rich or sensible life. Some people seem to be rich in a big house but have masses of debts. Sensible or richer owners of big houses repay mortgages as quickly as possible and always go for repayments not interest only. She might be better off setting up her own business, earning her own money and buying her own house longer term as it sounds like a house of cards about to fall down.

Good luck to everyone repaying debt. It is what I have tried to do in these last few years of low interest rates before they rise again although my spare money seems to go on massive tax bills. I hope the state is grateful. I have holes in my knickers.

A house of cards! Yes.
That's exactly how I describe it too!
She just told me this morning that bil is getting rid of his almost new range rover...hopefully he will get enough back so it doesn't end up costing them money!
But I don't know...I know someone is trying to sell on their last 2 cars (which they are still paying the lease on....)
I know she has an account with next - as do I. Except if I buy anything I pay it off.
There is £££££ on hers.
They have an IO mortgage for nearly £300k.
Can't sell, no equity.
They have made no will and no provision for their kids.
BUT she can go,shopping every day and spend as much as she wants. If she wants something she gets it.
She has just had a brand new car.
She bought my nephews consoles last month @£200 each. No reason. Just because they wanted them.
Now...don't get me wrong...my dc are spoilt too. I buy books and DVDs and stuff but...I think that level of consumerism is obscene.
I do wonder if that is where her stress comes from...knowing it all built on a house of cards?