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Debt mutual support thread number 4 .... every journey starts with the hardest first step

999 replies

TalkinPeace · 25/07/2014 21:35

This thread follows on from Nerf's incredibly useful
FIRST www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1969188-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-people-who-are-massively-in-debt
and then SECOND
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2011878-Debt-support-thread-2?
and my THIRD
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/a2062902-Debt-Number-3-For-those-who-feel-they-are-drowning-and-want-a-way-out?msgid=48505428#48505428
threads about realising you are in and supporting each other out of debt.

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/1987219-SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important thing to remember is

  • yesterday is as past as the Crimean War
( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )
  • this is an anonymous forum
( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers )
  • this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt
( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it.
The long term results for you, your marriage and your children are worth it.

OP posts:
tintingirl · 29/07/2014 17:50

£270 seems excessive - is that for one child?

Last year I paid £22 for a blazer for my 6ft tall son, £8 for a tie and then will get the trousers elsewhere - 2 pairs is enough. Got 2 packs of 2x long sleeve non iron shirts in the uniform shop, £11.95 a pack but buy one, get one half price so £18 for 4 shirts. Logo'd PE top £14, plain shorts/trackies from sports direct. No need for jumpers etc until at least October - my eldest never bothered at all. The only big expense was leather Vans at £60. Not worth it but all the kids wear them so I said OK. Lasted all year.

This year I'll replace the shoes, shirts and trousers only.

Get the bare minimum and add to it if necessary, but don't buy everything.

Nerf · 29/07/2014 18:05

Yes 270 is a lot. I will take the list and see what is necessary and what can be bought elsewhere. Dds school (also a grammar) had such strict guidelines on skirts that surprise surprise only the school shop sold the right type. He will need two blazers - very messy child and won't cope with the sanction stuff if he gets messy and a detention the next day. I'm not planning on spending it of I don't have to. I might buy one shirt and one trousers so I can take them with me to other shops to compare.

Baddderz · 29/07/2014 18:13

£270!? Is is gold plated!?
Just got to get the boys shoes

Nerf · 29/07/2014 19:22

Ots south east and a grammar. A lot of the kit is specific to the school shop because it is a certain design/length that no one else makes. We had all this with dd and the grammar school - trawling shops for skirts we could embroider etc to no avail.
I can't do much more than go with the list and see what's essential and what's possible to buy anymore.

Nerf · 29/07/2014 19:23

Thanks for all the outrage - I am sharing it and not trying to spend this much.

Snowie2 · 29/07/2014 21:59

Can I join ? Debts exc mortgage e47k but at least mortgage arrears cleared this year. All from years of paying massive childcare costs, paycuts, tax increases, some definite over spending (holidays & weekends away to escape debts/reality). DH & I have had rows over last piece of cheese in the past. Never able to save an emergency fund so had to rely on family for anything like car costs etc. always seems to be something extra due every single month! Trying to finally build a small cushion by cancelling consultants appointments etc.

Until now have been living on below poverty levels to pay for groceries etc but this year childcare will decrease giving us a bit extra every month.

I want to put extra into debts but realise I should start spending a bit more on groceries (in a good cook can stretch a lot !) & clothes for all of us plus treats the odd time. (Eg cinema, going out). But still looking at about 5 years to clear short term debt during the best years of our kids lives :( most debts built up before we had to kids through just bad planning mainly. Finally have a good budget just need the strength to stick to it & not be tempted by a(cheap !) weekend away for the kids (guilt from working FT).

Last christmas was unbelievably tight but we used the grocery budget to buy them bits every week (and argued amongst ourselves over the cheese) :D

Never go out together as can't afford babysitters, family cover work childcare when we are stuck.

Unlike me my kids will grow up knowing the value of money after hearing us talking about making e20 stretch for a week !
I know all the tips I need to stick to them :D

If I had one months debt repayments as said above I could do so much with the house which is falling down around us :(

tintingirl · 29/07/2014 22:32

Nerf - can you get one blazer, tie etc and then add a 2nd if/when needed? When my son has temporarily lost his, he can borrow one from list property for £1deposit which is never reclaimed (now have 2 spare blazers and tons of ties!).

Snowie - I had £44k debt 2.5 years ago and am now at £21k. It IS doable. I agree about "best years of their lives" and I am trying to balance that but also want to be clear to help them at Uni etc. Stepchange have been amazing, as has this thread and the mse forums. Every journey starts with a single step and I am so glad I took the step towards financial freedom.

Snowie2 · 29/07/2014 23:02

Thanks ! What sort if sacrifices did you make ? I can handle buying nothing for myself (frequently no cleanser, never buy makeup etc) but when I feel like the kids are losing out when we both earn an ok wage but are gone all day that really gets to me !

Nerf · 29/07/2014 23:13

Tin tin that's a good idea! I can start with one and then get more if necessary - why did I not think of that?

Nerf · 29/07/2014 23:14

Hello snowie!

Snowie2 · 29/07/2014 23:26

I'm in Dublin we don't have step change only MABS who ate great but over stretched & don't really deal with debts like mine if you're managing ok yourself. Tried to negotiate with creditors managed to have arrears cleared after 2 years negotiation on mortgage but other debts no relief just demands & judgement threats. Insolvency not an option. Determined to pay it all off ! It has to get better now it's tidied up a bit. I have to manage this all on my own DH does not want to know so I just give him an "allowance ev month". (Don't ask !) Then again I got us into this too ("sign this it's for the new kitchen" c. 2007!).

Sorry for the rant! A few friends in same position but the debts are in their mortgage so less painful ;)

PeoniesforMissAnnersley · 30/07/2014 08:19

Hey snowie! I recommend listening to Dave Ramsey's radio show (free on his website and updated daily!) and, if you can get it in the library or very cheap second hand his book The Total Money Makeover - it has changed my life.
In October we had around 21,000 of consumer and car debt, that is now around £8,000 and falling as we attack it with everything we can.

The basics of his approach are:

  1. get on a written budget with no luxuries
  2. list your debts smallest to largest
  3. start paying minimums + £5/£10 (or even £1 if that's all you can afford) on all debts except the smallest - pay every spare penny you have off this one until it is cleared
  4. move onto the next smallest debt and pay everything you have off it until it is cleared

A lot of people get angry with this approach and worry about interest rates etc, but I have found it works, and the interest is negligible if you're paying things off fairly quickly. Obviously if you can move debt to 0% cards do that, although make sure you CUT UP and CLOSE the old cards as soon as the transfer is made. Also check the transfer fee - we didn't bother transferring our last card onto a 0% card as the transfer fee would work out at more than 5 months interest, and it will be paid off before that.

We sold a lot of stuff on eBay, every little bit adds up and made £427 in about 4-5 weeks which went off the debt, i found even small extra income really made a huge difference.

We're doing a carboot sale in about 10 days and I'll list another load of stuff on eBay before I go back to work.

tintingirl · 30/07/2014 08:43

How old are your kids snowie?

Sacrifices:

  • shopping at Aldi
  • clothes from primark and ebay
  • contributions from family members for "big" birthday/Xmas pressies, like a tablet for example
  • no package holidays for several years - we camp alot (camping in Belgium was cheap and fun, as was the all inclusive activity holiday in Wales -groupon deal)
  • free days out in summer - no theme parks - getting a rescue dog saved money as they are happy to go to dog friendly places (parks etc) which are almost always free!

Gains:

  • less stressed out mummy
  • more exercise
  • know the value of money
  • have learnt to budget alongside me = skill for their future
PeoniesforMissAnnersley · 30/07/2014 08:54

I second Aldi shopping, I was Shock at how much cheaper it is - 3 bell peppers for 88p, big bag of spinach for c.80p, great seasonal offers too. DH loves the "bargain aisle" where they keep all the random stuff Grin

I find meal planning saves loads of money, time and effort - not only do I spend less, but I always know what's for dinner that night and I waste hardly any food thee days.

I try to have "freezer/cupboard" weeks where I use up everything in the house and spend nothing or almost nothing - that really stretches the grocery budget.

Freeze all leftovers, even if in small/single portions and then have a "pot-luck" night where everyone has something different from freezer dinged in micro - saves you cooking and uses up wasted food.

Home-made pizza costs almost nothing and kids love it - I use tinned toms to make sauce (reduce on hob with a little chopped onion and garlic), make the bases from flour, water a bit of yeast. Top with anything and everything!

tintingirl · 30/07/2014 11:04

I second home made pizza! I do dough in the breadmaker and buy the really cheap pasta sauces and my kids prefer it to Pizza Hut or dominoes. I often do a pot luck night as well. My grocery bill is £250-£280 a month for 3 and that includes wine (only Aldi wine though!)

Didyouevah · 30/07/2014 11:33

Yay to Dave Ramsay. I'm a total convert.

Yesterday I went to the local supermarket on our estate and swept up the marked down stuff before closing. Did 3 packed lunches, dinner and ice cream for £3.43 (used £2.50 nectar points). Love just using self service tills to put my loose change in and coming away with a bag full of stuff.

They'll be seeing a lot of me Grin

Didyouevah · 30/07/2014 11:35

Tintin I love the fact a rescue dog saved you money - that's lovely.

We're about to rescue another too.

Mum4Fergus · 30/07/2014 12:04

Have never looked into the Dave Ramsay stuff, will have a look online later. Yay to self service tills here too lol I get DS involved and he feeds all the coppers in for me!

11pds of Tesco vouchers arrived which has boost on them (so 5=10) which I'll use to get last of DS school things and maybe a few next size up for when he takes his next sprout!! Or I might treat myself to something, I've lost nearly 2st recently so could do with some new pants lol but we'll see Grin

Nerf, those uniform costs are wild! I got 4 pairs trousers, 2 pairs shorts, 6 polo shirts, 2 branded sweatshirts, shoes and gym shoes (Clarks), socks and underwear for just under 100pd, 30 of which was paid in vouchers.

All on track budget wise for me. Money away for short break for DS and I, think Mum might come too so have added a little on to budget for that too.

Anilec · 30/07/2014 16:04

Dave Ramsey has a LOT of great info and a really easy 'Baby Steps' plan to get rid of debt. I would also recommend a couple of good UK blogs:

mortgagefreeinthree
frugalqueen

Also, thought of something else I do. I know when you're paying off debt then trying to save as well is not a good idea (except for when you build your emergency fund). But since the start of the year I've been saving every £2 coin and also my 50ps in separate tins. I'll open up the £2 coin tin next week and that will be holiday spending money. The 50ps will be saved until Christmas for presents/spending money.

I'm quite intrigued as to hwo much I'll have saved!

Mum4Fergus · 30/07/2014 16:24

It's Elaine at MortgageFreein3 that I mostly follow...

Nerf · 30/07/2014 16:32

I'm off to google Dave Ramsey

Baddderz · 30/07/2014 17:40

I'm off to aldi on Friday :)

pixiestix · 30/07/2014 20:22

I'm going to try that with £2's for a Christmas fund I think Anilec. I could do with a bit of a boost for that pot.

Didyouevah · 30/07/2014 21:47

Just got back from clothes shopping trip. Have got £86 worth of clothes for.... Drumroll.... £22

Did a clubcard boost and had M&s vouchers through work.

Yay!

TalkinPeace · 30/07/2014 21:55

LUFF hearing folks on here get tight fisted !

I'm offline for a bit but you know that I'm keeping fingers and toes crossed for all of you
AND for any newcomers

OP posts: