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How much does his ex really get?

504 replies

WaspFactory · 09/01/2013 11:11

How much money does a single parent get in benefits? I ask because my partner is paying his ex over the odds in maintenance because he thinks she is getting next to nothing. However, a friend of mine says his ex gets more money than him due to the amount of benefit she receives.

Can anyone tell me how much (roughly) per month it's possible to get as a single SAHM with one child? Bearing in mind that she is living in their old house with a mortgage on it?

OP posts:
fuckadoodlepoopoo · 09/01/2013 13:57

Were you friends with his wife too?

fackinell · 09/01/2013 13:57

Wasp, I don't think you've put anything on here that wouldn't apply to several thousand people. I get paranoid about RL recognition too.
Unless you're recognised by your arse being on fire for the flaming you're getting!! Grin

AnAirOfHope · 09/01/2013 13:57

Why do you want a baby in a 6 month relationship?

How long have you been together?

When are you planning on starting ttc?

If the ex was working and paid the mortage and then db left and she is paying it now then you can take his name off the mortage right? The house belongs to the exwife as she paid for it.

Her money is her responsability and NOYB. In fact your boyfriend does not have to tell you what his finance is like.

30% of his income are you sure he doest have another child?

DontmindifIdo · 09/01/2013 13:58

oh but OP - leave it a couple of years before having DCs with a man who's walked out on one family when a better offer came along. You need to know he's not going to be 'miserable' with you and walk out then. If he's already paying maintenance to one woman, unless he's a very high earner, you are going to be a difficult position. Regardless of what he says to you (I bet he claimed you were his soulmate), his actions are more important.

FairyJen · 09/01/2013 14:00

wasp quite clearly you could NOT support baby 100% on your own as your saying you cannot afford one even as a couple without cutting his maintenance.

If you were to separate what % would you be expecting off him?

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots · 09/01/2013 14:00

Cheese, the 'general attitude' is that it's up the the child's father how much maintenance he pays to support his child, not the OP. Yet the OP thinks she can work out how much of the maintenance is 'fair' and how much she can ring fence for maternity leave when she isn't even pregnant. Unless her DP has invited her to have an opinion on this, she should keep her nose out of this agreement. It's hard enough to reach an agreement on maintenance without someone else trying to ear mark part of money intended to support a child, for their own purposes.

Shit happens, and people adapt to life events as the happen. But to calculate how much of maintenance your DP is paying, can be clawed back for your own use while off on maternity leave? Nah, sorry, that just doesn't wash. Call me 'old fashioned' but I think if you are planning to have a child, and you have a budget to work with, you save as much as you can before getting pregnant to cover your losses while you are on maternity leave. You don't eye up someone else's money i.e. the child's money, to cover your losses while not earning. IMO.

WaspFactory · 09/01/2013 14:00

Fackinell - reassuring, thanks! I suppose if she did recognise me I could run away and name change - in fact I'm starting to think I might anyway as I clearly represent everything that is bad with the world

OP posts:
olgaga · 09/01/2013 14:01

OK I am going to try again in case OP returns because my post above might have got lost in the bunfight.

I suggested that the sensible thing to do would be for the OP to sit down with OH and look at their own budget and see whether they can afford to have a child, and what the financial impact would be.

I would also add that in the OP it says:

I ask because my partner is paying his ex over the odds in maintenance because he thinks she is getting next to nothing. However, a friend of mine says his ex gets more money than him due to the amount of benefit she receives.

So it isn't the OH who is questioning the amount paid, it's the OP, on the basis of what a "friend" of hers has said.

Why would the OH "think" she is getting next to nothing, if that wasn't the case?

She is on benefits - she will be getting the bare minimum, and that will reduce over time as prices are going up higher than the 1% cap.

You can try to calculate the benefit she receives here.

She has a mortgage, so she won't qualify for housing benefit. The most help she will get with her housing is SMI - mortgage interest support. So that is help with the interest, not the mortgage repayment. That is paid direct to the lender, so she won't see a penny of it.

As for child maintenance, you can make a rough calculation here of what your OH would be paying if he were to withdraw all other support. Frankly unless your OH is being exceptionally generous I doubt whether it will make much difference to your budget - however it will no doubt make a huge difference to hers. Therefore if you care about your SD, as you say you do, would you really want that to happen?

Your suggestion that if she would allow it, your OH having more contact with the child would lead to a reduction in her costs is rather wide of the mark. It will make no difference to her fixed costs in relation to housing and utilities, which make up the biggest proportion of her budget.

I think if your OH is so concerned about being misled by his ex he should raise it with her. However, if she is on benefits and trying to pay a mortgage, I can guarantee you she won't be "more money than him".

You may feel it's your business because you live with your OH, share living costs and are planning a family. But his relations with his ex are not really your business, they are his responsibility to maintain.

I think you'd be very unwise to have any discussion with your OH about this on any basis other than your own joint budget.

WaspFactory · 09/01/2013 14:02

FairyJen - long term I could, I would just need him to support me until I go back to work FT.

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 09/01/2013 14:02

Well £500 doesn't seem like a whole lot, really. £250 certainly isn't.

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots · 09/01/2013 14:02

I know 100% that I could support him/her on my own, if I ever had to.

So why do you need the maintenance money if the above is true?

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 09/01/2013 14:05

Like he is his wife you mean?

FairyJen · 09/01/2013 14:06

You said 100% that means all child are costs living expenses etc etc etc

Oh wait as long as he helps before you go back to work? What if his next woman us unhappy with him supporting you?

Face it op you put yourself in this position and wrecked a family while doing do. SUCK IT UP!

WaspFactory · 09/01/2013 14:08

Olgaga - I am currently taking up the slack because my BF is struggling with money. What my friend said about his situation just got me thinking, I have never suggested to BF that he should pay less.

OP posts:
ArtexMonkey · 09/01/2013 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OneLittleToddlingTerror · 09/01/2013 14:10

Wasp just one word of advice. If you can 100% support your own child, you wouldn't need to look at his money for maternity leave. I assume you have a good job, and that should pay for your maternity leave. I don't think I can 100% pay for my DD, but I can afford the maternity leave without needing DH's pay. It's 3 months of 90% pay and then about £500 to nine months, minimum. (Excluding what additional benefit your employee have for you). You should still be entitled to your bonus, but pro rata. By being more frugal, you might be able to stretch that 3 months pay for the 9-12 months you plan to be on leave if you do earn as much as you implied.

You need to look at your financial situation and think more carefully about the 100% statement if you can't afford the maternity on your own pay.

fackinell · 09/01/2013 14:10

Yep may be an idea. I NC when I realised my user name was linked to my fb account

TBH if you don't NC, you'll be dragged across hot coals for this thread forever. I wasn't an OW as she left him yrs before we got together but SPs in general are shot down in flames for having any kind of opinion which I find very sad, considering the majority genuinely try hard to go out of their way to understand how the children feel. I was always pleasant when I met his ex in the street but she clearly hates me and I have the good grace to allow her to pretend she hasn't seen me now. DP's DD often does the same and I'm accepting that (although harder to take).

FairyJen · 09/01/2013 14:10

If what art found is true you should be fucking disgusted with yourself!

AnAirOfHope · 09/01/2013 14:10

30% of income each month and he gives her £500 per month for there child so he will give you £500 per month for your child.

Is that enough for your ml?

WaspFactory · 09/01/2013 14:11

FairyJen - We might struggle a bit at first, hence the original question. I wouldn't consider having a child if I couldn't afford it. Thanks for your support, it means a lot.

OP posts:
EnjoyResponsibly · 09/01/2013 14:11

So really he's not a very nice bloke at all. It's guilt money.

He had an OW, who also knew he was married, and ditched his DW and DD to be with her.

He and OW are now considering another child, after 6 months!?

ExW now faces having to leave her home, having her income reduced and raising her daughter alone.

Have I missed anything?

OP I hope you and DP are super-happy together.

To OP's DP's ExW: I hope you dig in girl and get every single solitary penny you can.

ArtexMonkey · 09/01/2013 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 09/01/2013 14:13

Oh my god! You're trying to trap him into getting you pregnant!? And you say you love him? Really? That's not love its a desire to own. And you were good friends? What sort of friend does that?!

What a massive mistake he made when he took up with you!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 09/01/2013 14:14

Careful Artex, you'll be off in a puff of smoke Wink

Have to say I've been watching the OP's posts on this and other threads with, um, interest, at the rapid developments.

FairyJen · 09/01/2013 14:14

wasp you have thrown your pills away and are effectively tricking your bf into having a child you CANNOT afford.

Shame on you!

Ex good luck to you. Get every penny you can!