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How much does his ex really get?

504 replies

WaspFactory · 09/01/2013 11:11

How much money does a single parent get in benefits? I ask because my partner is paying his ex over the odds in maintenance because he thinks she is getting next to nothing. However, a friend of mine says his ex gets more money than him due to the amount of benefit she receives.

Can anyone tell me how much (roughly) per month it's possible to get as a single SAHM with one child? Bearing in mind that she is living in their old house with a mortgage on it?

OP posts:
Susan2kids · 09/01/2013 14:14

WaspFactory: along with others. Its nothing to do with you his payments are made by law. If he chooses to pay more good for him.... unless you are concerned hes neglecting your joint children its entirely irrelevant.

EnjoyResponsibly · 09/01/2013 14:15

Christ on a bike!!!

Is what Artex posted true.

this is the reason the term "fucking cunt" was poetically coined I think.

WaspFactory · 09/01/2013 14:16

Artex - all of my posts since I joined MN have been research about having kids, 'can I afford it', 'what are my chances of conception' etc. Yes, I want to have a baby with my BF, yes we have a slightly messy situation, but we're in love and I'm very happy. You can judge me if you want to, this seems to be a very popular past time on here, but nobody's perfect.

OP posts:
FairyJen · 09/01/2013 14:16

And it's people like you wasp that give sp a bad name not to mention to seem to represent everything I despise in people/women.

No wonder ex doesn't want her dd round you/your house!

DontmindifIdo · 09/01/2013 14:18

OK, so assuming you aren't planning to have DCs straight away, how about you put together a 2 year savings plan. Start with sitting down with your DP, working out what your living costs are and agreeing to split them 50/50 now - if that leaves him with very little after paying childsupport, tough, or you'll consider moving to a cheaper place so he can afford his 50% of your bills.

Any difference between what you pay now and what you would pay if you were only funding 50% of the bills, you save. And every other spare penny, you save, on the understanding you need enough saved to cover your 50% of bills for 1 year so that if you do go off on maternity leave and your DP hasn't had a pay rise in that time, then you can cover 'your share' and not need him to support you in that time.

What he spends the difference between his share of the bills and what he earns is his business, if he wants to over pay on childsupport that's his choice as much as if he chose to spend it on expensive shoes or mountain bikes or anything else. What you spend (or save) with what's left over from you paying your share is non of his business either.

obviously, if you get married this would need to be reviewed, but right now, his CS payments are his business, so long as they don't affect you.

If, when you look at it, he's not able to afford paying 50% of your bills, or that you aren't able to afford it, then you need to look again at your outgoings and arrange a lifestyle where you can do that.

Remember, once you've had a DC, you will have to factor in childcare payments if you are goign to return to work, this would be a 'household bill' for you and your DP, and would need splitting 50/50 (never let a man you live with treat childcare payments as 'your' responsibility to pay, they are a household bill) - assume around a grand a month if you are working full time. Before you start trying for a baby with this man, you will need to look at that and work out if he could afford that too along with his other financial commitments. Do not be a SAHM with a man who's previously walked out on another family, even if you could afford it. You need to keep your CV up to date just in case history repeats itself.

olgaga · 09/01/2013 14:18

I have assumed your OH has a gross income of £35,000 and 52 nights or less pa contact, and used the CM options calculator (link above).

He would be expected to pay £101pw (£437 per month) in any case. So even if he pays the bare minimum you're only going to be £60 per month better off.

And she may well be unable to afford the mortgage if she lost that money. Do you think he would be happy about making his SD homeless?

On the above figures, if you have a child his maintenance for your SD would be £86 per week, or £372 per month.

In your calculations about being able to afford to support yourself and a child by going back to work full time, have you considered the cost of childcare? Unless you earn seriously good money I think you'll find it a struggle.

OneLittleToddlingTerror · 09/01/2013 14:20

Interesting what ArtexMonkey said was on OP's other threads. It's an eye opener really. I was trying to be polite to Wasp, but maybe I shouldn't have to bother.

WaspFactory · 09/01/2013 14:20

haha @ 'tricked my BF into having a child'. He knows I've stopped taking the pill, he decided it wasn't a risk before we had US.

I'm just off to get my new witches hat fitted, see you all later Grin

OP posts:
Booyhoo · 09/01/2013 14:20

i retract my comment about cheese, it's people like OP who are the truly vile ones. tricking someone into parenthood? disgusting. lets hope he sees the light before you have persuaded him to cut his maintenance payments for the child he chose to have willingly!

and if by any stroke of luck the exwife has seen this i hope she shows it to him.

CheeseandPickledOnion · 09/01/2013 14:20

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots I actually don't disagree with much you've said.

I'm very much presuming that this question has been asked on the back of a discussion between the OP and her P. It appears that way since they have discussed he cannot continue £500 indefinitely. I haven't read it as her trying to ringfence money and take it back from the ex. I've read it as her trying to obtain further information about the situation to further discuss with her partner.

I also agree it would sensible to save and plan. However, it maybe that they can't save due to the amount of maintenance being paid? We really don't know the whole story.

OneLittleToddlingTerror · 09/01/2013 14:21

Um what ArtexMonkey said was true. I assume a link is ok with mn towers?

google search result on WaspFactory posts on MN

Booyhoo · 09/01/2013 14:22

xposting.

so you are trying for a baby?

OneLittleToddlingTerror · 09/01/2013 14:23

Yes, Booyhoo see
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a1654005-Cerazette-went-in-the-bin-last-night-hooray

EnjoyResponsibly · 09/01/2013 14:23

One are you Ian Rankins agent Grin

DontmindifIdo · 09/01/2013 14:25

Oh just seen about your other threads. Dear lord, so you'll ignore my sensible post about being able to make sure you can afford to pay your way...

OK, you're in debt and can't afford your current lifestyle, you need to move, you need to get your finances straight as a couple and then start savign for a baby.

Or you could just throw away your pills, hope for the best and pray that it wasn't the drudgery of family life that led him into your bed, so that couple with sky high debts won't lead him to the next woman's.

OneLittleToddlingTerror · 09/01/2013 14:26

EnjoyResponsibly no, the work before was sloppy. I should have gone for "waspfactory site:mumsnet.com" instead Grin

FairyJen · 09/01/2013 14:26

You actually say in your post re childminders you have avoided children and people with them all your adult life.

Erm bollocks much?

ArtexMonkey · 09/01/2013 14:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

olgaga · 09/01/2013 14:28

So it looks like I just wasted quite a bit of time here trying to help a fantasist.

Honestly OP if what Art says is true then my gast has been well and truly flabbered.

Thanks for making me feel like a proper mug. Angry

Booyhoo · 09/01/2013 14:29

why is OP laughing?

fackinell · 09/01/2013 14:30

Where does it say Wasp is 'tricking' her DP into getting PG in that thread? I know the OW and money side of things is angering a lot of people but its not fair to accuse Wasp of trapping him when they're using condoms till he gets his head around it!!
Fair trial, folks.

CheeseandPickledOnion · 09/01/2013 14:30

reads rest of wasp posts

Waves white flag and retreats.

EnjoyResponsibly · 09/01/2013 14:30

Olgaga don't feel bad. Support is what MN does best.

Updates spreadsheet with Waspfactorys name for future reference.

Booyhoo · 09/01/2013 14:31

i misunderstood from what another poster said facking

FairyJen · 09/01/2013 14:32

Arf @ "gast has been well and truly flabbered"

Grin