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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

How much does his ex really get?

504 replies

WaspFactory · 09/01/2013 11:11

How much money does a single parent get in benefits? I ask because my partner is paying his ex over the odds in maintenance because he thinks she is getting next to nothing. However, a friend of mine says his ex gets more money than him due to the amount of benefit she receives.

Can anyone tell me how much (roughly) per month it's possible to get as a single SAHM with one child? Bearing in mind that she is living in their old house with a mortgage on it?

OP posts:
olgaga · 09/01/2013 12:48

Why don't you sit down with him and work out your own budget to see if you can actually afford to have a baby? If nothing else it should concentrate your minds.

Booyhoo · 09/01/2013 12:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Wallison · 09/01/2013 12:51

The 15% thing is a red herring, I think. I mean, obviously, it costs more to raise a child than 15% of your net income. I spend far more than that on my son - it doesn't even cover the cost of living in a two-bedroom place as opposed to a one-bedroom place, for eg.

groundhogday17 · 09/01/2013 12:52

I'm struggling to see where cheese has been vile tbh

Boggler · 09/01/2013 12:53

IMO I think that he Op's bf has a moral duty to maintain the payments he's already committed to. It's not the child's fault that dad went off with ow, so why should she suffer financial detriment because said ow now wants a baby? If op wants a baby fine finance it from what you have leftover after paying the ex wife the agreed maintenance level - how do you know she could manage on any less? And why should she have to? The bf's priority must be to his dc, and making sure that they are provided for and if that means paying over the odds a bit then so be it. When the dc have to move house because mum can't afford it and dad won't help anymore do you really think your position as potential sm will be an easy one to manage?

groundhogday17 · 09/01/2013 12:54

"I mean, obviously, it costs more to raise a child than 15% of your net income"

You can't make a comment like that without knowing what the income is. For example if the income is £150 per week, then 15% is not very much. But if your income is £100k p.a., then 15% is a hell of a lot.

And the 15% alone isn't supposed to cover the cost of raising the child. This is supposed to represent ONE parent's contribution. So double that and add child benefit + tax credits and you get closer to the amount being contributed towards the costs.

WhistlingNun · 09/01/2013 12:55

The 15% thing is a red herring, I think. I mean, obviously, it costs more to raise a child than 15% of your net income. I spend far more than that on my son - it doesn't even cover the cost of living in a two-bedroom place as opposed to a one-bedroom place, for eg.

Completely agree!

It's a totally unfair amount.

My ex pays £30 a week. So to be 'equal' i should then contribute £30 a week. So £60 a week is apparently enough for my dd to survive.

Bollocks. i pay far more than that. After School club, food, gas, electric, toys, school stuff, travel etc.

And if he ever has another child, this money will be even less! How is that fair on my dd? It's bad enough he doesn't see her (she's 5 and he's not seen her since birth), leaving me to totally bring her up by myself, there's a chance he won't be held financially responsible for her either in the future.

Sickening.

Booyhoo · 09/01/2013 12:55

calling someone a dickhead is pretty vile.

groundhogday17 · 09/01/2013 12:59

Boohyoo you yourself swore in one of your first posts so I'm not sure you get to take the moral highground on swearing

EnjoyResponsibly · 09/01/2013 13:01

I read posts like Whistling and think I couldn't begrudge a single mum a couple of glasses of wine in the pub a week.

happynewmind · 09/01/2013 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Booyhoo · 09/01/2013 13:02

shite is hardly the same as calling someone a dickhead.

groundhogday17 · 09/01/2013 13:04

Oh, you actually have a rating system for swear words. Okay...............

groundhogday17 · 09/01/2013 13:04

foulmouthed is foulmouthed imo

Booyhoo · 09/01/2013 13:06

one was a personal attack teh other wasn't. there's the difference. MNHQ seem to agree.

groundhogday17 · 09/01/2013 13:08

lol I see a post was deleted upon a poster's request (yours I assume) but I didn't see any decision on the relative grading of swear words. Although if you insist your foul language is reasonable then by all means persist. It does though make your putting down of other posts as "vile" rather laughable though.

chickensarmpit · 09/01/2013 13:10

Why does CSA go down if the father decides to have kids with other women? It's so bloody wrong!
My dad did the same thing when he ran off with step-bitch. Us kids were the ones who suffered because she had to keep throwing babies out. Don't get me started on my dad not buying us 4 kids winters coats because it wasn't fair on the step-brats. Boy i am bitter.
You have a child, you pay for that child. If the new woman on the scene doesn't like it, tough!! Find a bloke with no kids then!!

Booyhoo · 09/01/2013 13:11

no i dont report posts unless i think they're trolling. someone else responsible for that.

MNHQ also agree that swearing is fine on MN. they dont agree with personal attacks. the vileness of his/her post was in the personal attack on me.

groundhogday17 · 09/01/2013 13:13

I personally think resorting to swearing is foulmouthed and very much un-necessary. It reflects on you in a way which detracts from the moral highground you seem eager to claim.

Booyhoo · 09/01/2013 13:13

and it wasn't deleted at a poster's request.

CheeseandPickledOnion · 09/01/2013 13:19

Then it was deleted because you also broke talk guidelines.

You swore, I swore, so what.

Your responses on this thread to the OP have been pretty vile too, and it appears I am not the only one to think that.

I completely understand where the OP is coming from.

FairyJen · 09/01/2013 13:25

I'm sorry but if op is worried about paying for future children she needs to cut her own costs/outgoings not her step daughters or keep her legs closed!

An I'm not a bitter ex or lp. I'm with the father of my dc.

Snorbs · 09/01/2013 13:29

Why does CSA go down if the father decides to have kids with other women?

As I understand it the reasoning is thus:

Imagine a couple. They have one child already. They subsequently have a second. If income is more-or-less fixed, then the cash available to spend on each child reduces as there are now more children to spread the money between. Unless they were very well-off they'd have to tighten their belts a bit to increase overall spending on their children but each individual child would get a bit less than the one child on its own would have got.

If you now imagine the same couple with one child but they subsequently split and the NRP goes on to have another child. The NRP's overall outgoings increase as there are two children to cover. But each individual child gets less.

I'm not saying this is the right way of looking at it but it is why the rules are set the way they are.

AmberLeaf · 09/01/2013 13:30

You want him to pay less when go on ML?

I hope he is paying over the odds or you may be in for a shock!

He sounds like a decent sort though, I really think you should show him this thread so he can see where your mind is at.

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 09/01/2013 13:30

Booyhoo. It seems that the op would like the information so that she can make sure things are fair, nothing wrong with that. That may well mean giving even more to the ex in maintenance for all we know.

Op. You do know that being the other woman never does well don't you?