Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

How much does his ex really get?

504 replies

WaspFactory · 09/01/2013 11:11

How much money does a single parent get in benefits? I ask because my partner is paying his ex over the odds in maintenance because he thinks she is getting next to nothing. However, a friend of mine says his ex gets more money than him due to the amount of benefit she receives.

Can anyone tell me how much (roughly) per month it's possible to get as a single SAHM with one child? Bearing in mind that she is living in their old house with a mortgage on it?

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 10/01/2013 23:50

Oh I didn't mean to make you sad, you seemed too thick skinned for it to be possible!

I like wine. Non-alcoholic tastes like crap. It is lovely to have a couple of glasses to unwind. I wouldn't drive, but I can still care for my children and am in full possession of my wits should they be needed.

AnAirOfHope · 10/01/2013 23:56

A CM looks after your child when you are not there, when you are there you are looking after the child. Its the same, the child needs the same level of care from a CM as he/she needs from a parent. If you would not want your CM having a few glasses of wine when your child has a nap why would you think its ok for another adult to have a few glasses of wine when the child slepts?

Because you dont like my opioion you are trying to make out i have a drinking problem. Im sorry i dont i have an opioin on drinking while in sole charge of a child.

Alcohol is a drug that affects people emotionally and phyically if you dont want that affect have a soft drink!

AnAirOfHope · 11/01/2013 00:01

thick skinned

Are you confusing me with OP or someone else?

I have an opioin about alcohol consumption and childcare. Guess what its allowed to be different from yours Shock

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 11/01/2013 00:02

Okaaay.

DioneTheDiabolist · 11/01/2013 00:03

Oh get over yourself Airofhope. The vast majority of parents know their limits. There is nothing wrong with having a few glasses of wine or whatever as long as it doesn't impact on your care for DCs.

To suggest that a parent drinking is the same as a CM drinking suggests that you don't understand the difference between working and relaxing at home.

AnAirOfHope · 11/01/2013 00:04
Confused
AnAirOfHope · 11/01/2013 00:08

No i dont understand the difference between a CM looking after a child and a parent looking after the child. I would want the same level of care whoever was looking after my child.

Wallison · 11/01/2013 00:26

I think it was your comment about not seeing the point of drinking one or two glasses of wine that have made people a bit Hmm - it's as though you are saying that if you're drinking you have to get drunk to make it worthwhile.

AnAirOfHope · 11/01/2013 00:36

Why do you need alcohol to relax?

I meant its cheaper to drink water or soft drinks so why have alcohol when you are not tippes or feel the affect of it but waste more money on.

I dont see the point when there are better alternatives.

AnAirOfHope · 11/01/2013 00:40

Why do you want to drink alcohol when your child is being looked after by you instead of a non alcoholic alternative?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 11/01/2013 00:47

Because nice wine is nice. And if you don't have an alcohol problem it is perfectly possible to enjoy drinking a couple of glasses over an evening and have your childcare abilities unimpaired.

Wallison · 11/01/2013 00:49

I don't see that anyone has said they need alcohol to relax.

And as for not feeling the effect after a glass or two - well, I certainly do. Not to the point of incapacity, but giggly and warm, yes, so it's not a waste of money just because I'm not raging drunk.

AnAirOfHope · 11/01/2013 00:54

If your child was sick and you were drinking and couldnt drive you would not be able to look after the child as well as you would have if you had not been drinking. Why risk that for a few glasses of wine?

I just dont think its worth the risk.

DioneTheDiabolist · 11/01/2013 01:00

Alcohol has never impaired my ability to look after DS. This is the case for the vast majority of parents. I do not drive.

AnAirOfHope · 11/01/2013 01:00

"Relaxing at home"

"Its nice to hekp unwind"

So it affects you but not your ability to look after a child? I dont see how that can be true!

There is no law about it and if its what you want to do fine. I chose not to drink alcohol when looking after my children.

AnAirOfHope · 11/01/2013 01:02

Well if everyone else does it then it must be ok!

Mosman · 11/01/2013 01:05

From what I have seen of relationships that break down often the man does pay more than required for the sake of the children.
One friend is in a very good job £50,000 plus she is a teaching ass was a waitress when they met. If he demanded the house was sold and gave her 50% she couldn't use the 50% to provide a home for his children so it's better for him to pay the mortgage, give her the house and start again as he is far more capable of doing so.

Wallison · 11/01/2013 01:06

Looking after a child is not the same as driving a car. I mean, I don't drive but I'm a musician and I certainly can't play the violin after even one glass of wine, but that's because it involves complex motor skills and brain processes. Mopping up sick and sitting propped up in bed while a poorly child nuzzles into you, even all night, does not require the same level of brain activity.

DioneTheDiabolist · 11/01/2013 01:11

I know it doesn't effect my ability.

One night 3 years ago DS got really sick in the night. Despite having drank 3 glasses of wine I was up, dressed, had DS stripped washed and dressed and in a cab on the way to the hospital in less than 10 minutes.

I get that you chose not to Airofhope, you know how you react to alcohol and have made an educated decision regarding your circumstances. Your choice however does not qualify you to preach to others or suggest that their parenting is impaired.

AnAirOfHope · 11/01/2013 01:50

Im trying not to preach.

I think its common sence that if you drink alcohol your sences are impared therefore what you do will be impared.

I have three good reasons why not to drink but not one good reason to drink when looking after children and that why i chose not to.

It is my personal opioin to not drink alcohol when looking after children. Everyone else does not have to agree with me. Even the law doesn't.

You dont have to justify why you need to drink alcohol when careing for your children to me or anyone.

FanFuckingTastic · 11/01/2013 02:15

I can't drive a car or operate heavy machinery, and I probably wouldn't wake up at night without a great deal of noise from my children because I am medicated for various illnesses. Probably worse that a couple of glasses relaxed parent and I still think I am a ruddy fantastic mother.

So whilst I applaud your willingness to go without for your child, you must remember that many don't need to or have to and do quite well in any case. I can tell you now that the shot of adrenaline one gets when their child is in need of medical help is generally more than enough to sober up any mildly influenced adult. I live off of adrenaline after my son had an operation and require care through the night, and not until he was well again did tiredness and fatigue overtake me. Most people know their limits.

AnAirOfHope · 11/01/2013 07:27

Drinking alcohol is a choice medication is not. Im sure you would chose not to be ill and take meds where people chose to become drunk knowing the effects it will cause.

You would not drink at work or drink drive so why drink and lookafter young children? I think they are worth more than the baseline.

People think its ok because they want to do it.

FanFuckingTastic · 11/01/2013 08:39

Most of the medication that I take has an element of choice to it, very little of it is necessary for me to live. Most of it gives me comfort, removes pain, nausea,anxiety. I could function without it and sacrifice my wellbeing and comfort for the kids. But I choose to be comfortable and to have some quality of life. Its not that different a choice.

AnAirOfHope · 11/01/2013 09:18

I think that taking pain meds to enable you to be confortable so you can play with or do things with your children is better than not taking it and struggling to do what you could with taking them.

People drink alcohol just to relax when the kids are asleep is not posative or benefishal!

I also think the amount of alcohol that is consummed is important. One glass of wine with dinner fine i dont think it would affect a person too much but two bottles of wine on an empty tummy would make me feel unconfortable about the persons ability to look after a child.

The would have to be a limit but how and where it was set and enforced would be tricky.

As adults its your human right to do as you please as long as it hurts noone else. I dont want to row or preach and im sorry if i upset you.

I think there is not a law agenst it because if you were passed out and a child got hurt then it would be neglect not drunk in charge of a child.

BeerTricksPotter · 11/01/2013 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.