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How much does his ex really get?

504 replies

WaspFactory · 09/01/2013 11:11

How much money does a single parent get in benefits? I ask because my partner is paying his ex over the odds in maintenance because he thinks she is getting next to nothing. However, a friend of mine says his ex gets more money than him due to the amount of benefit she receives.

Can anyone tell me how much (roughly) per month it's possible to get as a single SAHM with one child? Bearing in mind that she is living in their old house with a mortgage on it?

OP posts:
groundhogday17 · 09/01/2013 17:32

Wow just read the other thread about the ex giving her £5k. So he doesn't know about the affair yet OP went on to accept £10k from him!

Boggler · 09/01/2013 17:34

Op that poor child's life has been definitely ripped apart, she's gone from having a family with mum and dad to just being her and mum and seeing dad sometimes. If you had children of your own you would never be able to say such flippant arrogant things - "her life's not been ripped apart, she just has separated parents like loads of other children" you're totally heartless and I hope your bf sees sense and makes for the door before you start demanding he pays less for his dd, then cuts down the time spent with her so he can be with you more etc.

AnAirOfHope · 09/01/2013 17:36

I get it.

Right so he spent xmas with his dd and not you and you relised you will always have to share him on special holidays like xmas and eadter with his dd. So you think if you have a child he will have to spend it with you as your a family and if he must see dd she can join your family xmas.

Right?

WaspFactory · 09/01/2013 17:38

cinnabar - it was the money issue that worried him, which has mostly been resolved.

As I've said countless times, in the long term, money is not a problem.

OP posts:
flowery · 09/01/2013 17:38

There is something distastefully gleeful about the OP's recent posts.

Hopefully it's just a defence mechanism as it sounds as though underneath it all she is feeling far far from secure in her life with her boyfriend, unsurprisingly. It's all a bit panicky.

groundhogday17 · 09/01/2013 17:41

OP you're really coming across quite unhinged now

WaspFactory · 09/01/2013 17:41

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ArtexMonkey · 09/01/2013 17:43

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SparkleSoiree · 09/01/2013 17:44

There are a couple of websites that will give you a rough guide as to what benefits a single parent could be entitled to but remember that maintenance is not means tested against benefits so really its a pointless exercise in trying to find out. Even if you did it is not right that you should then sit with those figures and decide for yourself how much his ex needs to live on and support their child. That is her own business. It doesn't affect the maintenance at all.

I think the most important issue you should be considering, far more important than financial planning for any future children is trying to help your partner's daughter settle down into her new family structure. Yes, millions of children's parents are separated but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with when it happens to them and it affects a lot of them for the rest of their lives, affecting their schoolwork, their friendships, future relationships and potential future prospects. You seem to underestimate the rolling impact it has on both parents, the children and any new partners trying to build a relationship. To rush in at this point and actually plan a baby when the dust hasn't even settled yet with your partner's break up (and believe me 6 months in a marriage breakdown with children involved is nothing compared to the years these things can rumble on for) shows a lot of niavety and lack of understanding about how things are for others involved in the situation.

I say this as a stepmum to 2 boys for 8 years who STILL struggle with their parents living apart and whose dad helps out financially over the top of legal requirements without question. Yes the early days were fraught with DH and his EX both trying to reset their new boundaries but thankfully those days are gone now (and is a normal part of a marriage breakdown and they have to be allowed to go about it without interference) and we are all at a more civil point in our lives. It has taken a long time to get here, many tears, arguments and solicitors letters.

The maintenance payable is set out in the CSA calculator, is payable by your partner and is deemed HIS legal responsibility, not yours too. Whilst you may feel it's coming from your pocket too he still has to pay that whether he is with you or not. You need to mentally separate it. When we do our monthly finances the maintenance payment is up there with our mortgage and council tax - its a priority. The extra payments for their children are made as and when DH's EX approaches HIM to request the assistance. He makes the final decision but always lets me know first as a matter of courtesy that money will be leaving our bank account.

I really feel you need to take a step back and ask if you are ready for a life of being a stepmother, a partner to a man with an EXP and child and for a lifelong financial obligation to somebody else's child (we all know money doesn't stop being spent when our children turn 18!) It can really mess with your head if you are not in the right place mentally to start with and I have seen a few relationships breakdown after 2 or 3 years before children have even come along in the new family...

AThingInYourLife · 09/01/2013 17:45

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Reaa · 09/01/2013 17:45

If money not a prob in long term then ffs wait b4 ttc

WaspFactory · 09/01/2013 17:46

Artex - I know, good eh?

What do you do that you have so much time to become borderline obsessed with me to the point of reading all my posts? Not complaining, after all I am an attention seeker - right?Grin

OP posts:
AnAirOfHope · 09/01/2013 17:50

You have been given an answer on the first page. You must be too stupid to read it.

happynewmind · 09/01/2013 17:51

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Boggler · 09/01/2013 17:51

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AnAirOfHope · 09/01/2013 17:55

Im a SAHM and im looking after our baby sat on sofa bf all day

I have all the day to waste on here thanks to my dh Grin

ArtexMonkey · 09/01/2013 17:56

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ArtexMonkey · 09/01/2013 17:58

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WaspFactory · 09/01/2013 18:00

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WaspFactory · 09/01/2013 18:04

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EnjoyResponsibly · 09/01/2013 18:05

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HelenMumsnet · 09/01/2013 18:06

Evening all.

We know this is the kind of thread that can get everyone's emotions running high. But please can we remind you all of our Talk Guidelines, especially that it is against our site rules...

  • to attack anyone personally

  • to trollhunt (ie suggest someone is making things up and/or posting purely to mislead or wind up)

If you have any concerns about any poster, please do report them to us at MNHQ - and we'll take a look.

Boggler · 09/01/2013 18:07

Not sure why I was deleted, just said I'd read op's other threads and they're very enlightening.

ProphetOfDoom · 09/01/2013 18:09

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TheCrackFox · 09/01/2013 18:09

Wow, you lead such an interesting life.

Almost like reading a novel or an article from a magazine.

Go ahead and have a baby. Great idea. When you and DP split up in a few years time you will be minted enough to pay for the baby all on your own.