Today's the FIRST and we still have each other :)

[MummyMcKT]

A thread for all of us who were due in 2010 and who've bonded through the last few weeks.

It doesn't matter where your head/heart's at on this journey at the moment just as long as you want some company....

Sorry you are feeling down McKT and I hope it gets better soon.

Cadmum so sorry for your losses. I understand the FB issues too - I've got PG friends moaning about not being allowed to drink alcohol or eat runny eggs! I have been hiding a lot of people at the moment so that I don't end up screaming to the FB world!

YRMOTB I am sitting here in tears wondering if I even have a bit of my heart that isn't broken I have really got to stop letting little things like that set me off!

Anyway (fingers crossed, touch wood and anything else I need to do) I have only needed 1 paracetamol today so far and the bleeding has almost stopped.

I can't believe that there are people due in March already - where have the last 3 months gone?

5 weeks today til I go on holiday!! DH has given me the go-ahead to book the Venetian

Sorry velvet, I didn't mean to make you cry with that. If it makes you feel any better I was crying as I wrote it.

That is a lovely way of looking at it, YRMOTB. Made me well up too!

Cadmum - I also understand the FB issue. I have a friend on there who is a few weeks ahead of what I should have been, and just after my ERPC, her status was all about how she had heard her baby's heartbeat for the first time. It really upset me, as I would have loved nothing more than for my baby to still be inside me with a beating heart.
She has more recently been moaning about her ggrowing boobs, lack of alcohol, wriggling baby, counting down the weeks before maternity leave & her fear of labour. It makes me want to make "lucky you to be approaching labour soon" comments, but of course I don't.
I always feel a real pang when I read them though.

Glad the bleeding seems to have stopped for you, velvet.
Glad you have a nice holiday to look forward to.

YRMOTB what a lovely lovely way to put it although its taken me all day to come back and write something without getting teary. But don't apologise at all I am teary alot these days xx

I'm feeling a little down so wont say to much today but I hope you are all feeling ok. My day has been pants but I have opened a bottle of tattinger and plan on at least 3 glasses before bed annnddd i have to work tomorrow ;-)

x x catch up properly soon ladies xx

Quick post just wanted to say Evening All!

Really like the sparkling idea YRMOTB - "Spark" by Amy McDonald is the song that reminds me of my twins - my little spaceman and astronaut bobbing around lighting up the sky

Def in the middle of a mini slump just now - I know it'll pass and it seems there's lots of us feeling the same

Find myself drawn to the baby aisles in Tesco etc staring at all the stuff I should be stock piling (must send DP food shopping instead lol)

Am crossing my fingers my period will arrive soon - haven't wanted one so bad since I was 12 and wanted to be a grown up! (and soon recoiled in horror when I realised what it was like! ha ha)- am thinking it'll be a positive physical sign but will prob freak me out!

Fingers crossed all my doom and gloom is PMT!!!

Will post tmrw and say hello to you all individually - have been enjoying reading everyones news You're all a fab group of mammas x x

YRMOTB No need to apologise. Maybe it is better to blub in the early(ish) days. Your wording was beautiful. Our hearts will begin to heal; it just takes time.

Fordy Sorry that your day was pants. Did the Tattinger help? I seem to remember that the sadness comes in waves. Be kind to yourself.

McKTastic A mini-slump seems reasonable. You have been through so much physically and emotionally with some tough decision making thrown in. You really need to take the time to grieve and feel the losses. I would never dare to say that losing twins is harder but for me it did have the added torture of knowing that I am unlikely to conceive twins again..

Loopy I am sorry about your daughter's teacher. Having a constant reminder of where you ought to be will be difficult. You are bound to find that it makes you sad while knowing that she has every right to feel happy. It is really not fair!

Pinkchampagne People who moan about pregnancy discomfort are so fortunate to be experiencing them rather that the pain of loss. If only that was easy for them to remember.

Velvetcu Great work on the Venetian. I hope the five weeks speeds by but that the holiday itself lasts ages. I am sorry that you are feeling so heartbroken but hoping that today will be a better day.

jakey A gas leak sounds horrific! Glad you were OK. Your peaceful walks in the hills sound heavenly. How great to have a BF's house where you can seek refuge.

As our l.o. would have been due in the last couple of weeks, it seems normal that I should have a few down days but I don't think that another living soul has remembered when I was due. Even dh hasn't mentioned anything. My immediate family is very stiff upper lip about these matters. If I tried to talk to my mum she would lecture me about not trying to fall pregnant ever again because this experience scared her. With my dad, sadness of any description is not tolerated; when he asks how things are going the desired answer is in the range of fine to great. My circle of friends from around the event still live back in Switzerland and they are naturally getting on with their lives. At least two of them were actively TTC when I left and one of them recently had her baby.

FB is horrible. I have always hated it but when you are feeling down about anything it just seems extreme to have to listen to everyone else's success stories. I am fortunate that nobody has posted scan pictures recently. I found out at the 20 week scan that there was no longer a heartbeat. Things had been fine at a scan at 16 weeks...

Sorry for the long rant... Off to get back to RL. Everyone has a chaotic day ahead and I need to figure out who needs to where, when. Thank heavens for the business of some days.

YRMOTB that was beautiful. I am trying hard not to start blubbing at my desk, I keep trying to read the thread about poetry but I can't make it past the first couple of posts without bursting into tears.

sending a virtual hug to fordy, cadmum and McKTastic and everyone else having bad days.

I'm really not enjoying the sunshine. Where I work is right in the middle of a tourist town and it seems the world and it's dog has brought out their little babies. I thought I was past the stage were just seeing a baby affects me but I'm welling up again.

It's been a bit quiet on here eh?!

Hope it's an indication that we're all enjoying the sunshine and not that we've burrowed into in our own wee cocoons in the midst of slumps/R.L hassle

Tis gloriously sunny here in Scotland Just a pity none of my shorts etc can fit over my hips!!!!

Cadmum - families are a complicated bunch! Am hoping on the whole that your immediate family at least try to mean well. It must be difficult moving around when you could do with the support of those who held your hand through tough times. Your DD1 sounds very thoughtful I have had the very same thoughts about twins. Will always feel our family should've had that double dimension. Am looking forward to hearing fab things about Cambodia once you've settled in a bit more.

Fordy - hope you're feeling a bit brighter too. Am quite impressed by your taste in fizz Can almost hear the cork popping from here!!

Velvet - Venetian/Vegas!!! Hope you're feeling a bit better too. What did you decide to do re work this week? (sorry if I've missed that in a previous post) Was sorry to read your other post re doctors notes following your ERPC - hope you've managed to get a wee bit more information.

Loopy - That must be so difficult seeing your daughter's teacher on a daily basis

How's the hol slimdown going?

PinkC - Have you googled Velvet's hotel yet!? How's you today?

QueenOTCW - Is the tourist place you work worthy as somewhere I should consider a visit to this summer?! We're still looking for inspiration! I went to uni in Edinburgh and the festival season was always heaving!

How are you doing Jakey?

Hope everyone is well and everyone that continues to read this thread are continuing on their journies as best they can.

Football tonight - don't know if that'll make for a VERY busy thread or a quiet one.

If our garden didn't resemble a jungle we'd have a bbq tonight instead we're going out for eats with DP's cousins (same age as my folks but closest family he has as his died when he was in his teens)

Much love to you all

(Still no AF but am seem to be climbing out of the mini slump )

I haven't googled the hotel yet, but I will do. Sure it will make me very!

I seem to have put on a few pounds that I can't shift too. It is almost like when you have had a baby & there is that stubborn bit of weight left over, that just won't budge for a while, no matter what you try. But seen as I only had a 12 week stretched stomach, I should have no trouble shifting it!

Glad you seem to be coming out of your mini slump, McKTastic. You are bound to get these moments.
I remember just wanting that first period to come too. You just want to feel your body is getting back to normal, don't you?

I have googled the Venetian, and OMG I am so jealous! That looks amazing, a perfect place to relax for a night. The t.v in the bathroom caught my eye, I am a bath Junky, but cant have them as in my house we have a 3/4 size bath and I am 5'8, nearly. I am at work today,boo.

loopy I hope you enjoy your couple of days off, make sure you relax and have a couple.

MckT I hope your meal was nice, what did you have? (food appeals to me atm, given my diet!)

queen are you in North or South Wales? I love wales, I have friends on Angelsey.

fordy I hope you feel a bit better today, want to come and talk about it?

pinkchampagne How are you?

waves to everyone else I may have missed.

This weekends mission is a poetry analysis. Eew.

Ps I am meant to be running the great north run in September. I am running in aid of Candlelighters, which is the children's Cancer unit at St James' Hospital in Leeds.

Morning!!

Was up pretty early for someone with no weans! There ARE some perks to being back to work - your body clock resets to "early" and I'm hoping to make the most of enjoying my days.

Glorious Glorious sunshine today - If I do actually get out and about this summer and do some walking/cycling/general moving about I might just actually get some colour in my cheeks AND get fitter/slimmer (am still munching the family sized choc bars - You're in good company loopy! so it's all aspirational at the moment BUT achieveable or so I keep telling myself )

YRMOTB Missed you off last time - sorry.
Curse of not having made notes that time!

I ordered cajun chicken but they'd ran out so had steak (which I REALLY like!) Forgot that I should've ordered it rarer than normal as it was served on a sizzler so not the best but a steak all the same. Not one of the best restaurants in our area but DP's (older) relies REALLY like it so we suffer! (Think 1980's salads?!!!???)

How long's the run? Good cause - have you set up a justgiving page? Hope the training's going well.

Loopy Am glad your DP is buying you treats - you just need to train him to buy ones that don't affect your hips!! (I am bloody hopeless on that count and live opposite a supermarket - bad! bad! bad!)

Hope your working day passes VERY quickly. Crap that you and YRMOTB are not out enjoying the sunshine yet but hopefully not too long. Beach tomorrow sounds lovely. My friend lost her LO last year - he was a few weeks old - and the family always look for heart shaped stones when they head to the beach to take back to him. Might be a nice idea for your LO?

PinkC Know what you mean re body getting back in shape. I am convinced I'm going to be like this till after I've had a successful pregnancy then I'll lose the weight!!! (Postivive thinking and all that! I'd like to lose much more before I get pregnant again - more positive thinking! - although would rather have that baby so am not making it a condition of trying IYSWIM - I'm not huge but to be as I'd like will prob take me a good few months and I'd rather not wait. All so bloody confusing - I know being overweight can affect things but midwifes didn't say I was at my booking appointment with the twins!)

Hello Hello everyone else! Am echoing the final sentence in Loopy's most recent post

We're off oot for the day - food and a wee trawl round junk/charity shops. Something i like doing and usually do with a mission in mind (today's is to acquire lots of toy cars for my nephew so he has more age appropriate toys to play with when he visits!!)

Hello Lovelies, I am sorry I haven't been around I have had a rubbiisshhhh week and am glad its all done with. To start with my nan has her appointment through with her cancer doctor so thats on tuesday coming and I am going with them so hopefully they will let me go in with them. Also my car had its MOT and service and that came in at over 600 squids....and I know money isn't that important but flippin heck its alot of money!!

I have been feeling pretty low about everything else to but my period is due to so I am putting it down to that, I cry at the hint of a baby on tv or in the street...its pants right now. Buuttt the Tatti helped mid week...and I have a lovely bottle of red lined up tonight!!

McKT I hope you are feeling ok today and your lunch and bit of shopping have been fun for you today x

Cadmum, facebook can be the devil at times, there are a couple of people I need to hide for a while but I haven't worked out how to do it yet. Do you think your family are unsure about whether they should talk about the baby? maybe they don't want to uspet you in any way??

Loopy, have a wonderful time in cornwall, i would really like to go, where abouts are you going??

QOTCW I hear you about the babies being everywhere, its tough isn't it?

Velvet, the venetian...WOW!!!! How are you doing? ARe you back to work yet??

PinkC I keep thinking every day that todays the day I am going to be good, that I have to losse some weight and then it seems something else happens and I reach for the choccy...maybe next week!

YRMOTB hats off to you for your run, are you looking forward to it? I am not a natural runner at all, but love the idea of it, maybe its something I should get stuck into..

Soo I am off to catch up on last nights Big Brother...I hear rachael went out which I was rather pleased about.

x x

Hello ladies. I thought I'd join you over here. A month to the day since my MC and I seem to have eaten enough chocolate to put me in maternity wear.

There are indeed babies everywhere and apart from getting to work, I don't seem to be able to manage much else.

Hello

Did you find anything good in the junk shops McKT? DHs parents are antiques dealers so he has traumatic childhood memories of junk shops and boot fairs so he refuses to go!

YRMOTB good luck with the run - I am so unsporty I really admire anyone who actually gets off their arse and does something!

Loopy hope you have a great holiday and come back feeling a bit brighter.

Fordy sorry you are having a bad week - I think periods are going to be bad times anyway coz its another reminder that we arent PG.

74claire welcome, sorry that you have to meet us under these circumstances.

I went into work on Friday afternoon, cried a bit but actually felt much better afterwards. I'm back properly next week - school hasnt fallen apart and everything is the same as I left it unfortunately.

On the plus side - I decided a week ago that chocolate and sweets were not helpful becasue getting fat made me feel worse and i have lost 5 lbs so only another 4 to go and I will be happy with my weight again

Hello to all I have missed.

My 16 week appointment was booked in this Thursday so I trying not to focus on that too much.

Hello everyone

Glorious day here again Been out and about and am having a quick catch up with things before heading to folks house for a BBQ.

Hope Father's Day has gone ok for you all. I wrote a card for my DP - wanted to mark the day for him - I wrote it ok but had tears in my eyes when I read it again after he opened it. Who knows where we'll all be this time next year but I hope it'll mark better times for us all.

Hey Velvet lol re your DH's junk traumas! It's something I've always liked doing. Have roped my DP in now too! We managed to find a few cool cars for my nephew when he visits and a few ladybird books from my generation that I've decided to try and collect - have a tonne up my parents attic but think there'll be arguments with my sister if I try and claim them all back!!!!

Good for you re losing 5lbs

Hope next week at work goes well. Am glad your visit on Friday was ok - hope knowing nothing much has changed there has made you feel like you did the right thing for yourself in taking the time off you needed. I found the first few days back tough but am now seeing the summer hols in my sights so it feels more bearable.

Welcome 74claire Am so sorry you're here. I hope you've managed to enjoy some of the sunshine this weekend - It's hard when all you manage to plod through is work but don't be too hard on yourself. It takes time to feel half normal again. This a journey none of us want to be on. I've felt very supported by everyone here so hope you find some comfort with us too.

Fordy Hope your week-end's been WAY better than your week! Pants about your car - they are SO expensive but I'd feel pretty lost without mine - I've a similar bill to settle for mine this month

Hope all goes well on Tuesday - must be a worrying time for you and your family.

I like the sound of your booze supply!! Hope you enjoyed BB with a glass bottle of red

Hope you've all had some week-end fun Better get going.

Hello all!

McKTastic and YRMOTB I'm working in Chester which I have to admit is very pretty and historic, and currently is full of the Halfords Cycle Tour Series people making a hell of a racket putting out barriers and hospitality tent. I live in North-East Wales, which is nowhere near as pretty as the rest of the country. I'd love to live further south as I'd learn loads more welsh. It kinda damages my welsh credentials when I can't really speak a lot.

Also YRMOTB, well done on entering the great north run, loads of luck with that! I'm currently sore all over from completeing Chester Hospital's Moonlight walk on sat night (10 miles!!)

Fordy I'm sorry you're still having trouble looking at babies on tv, but OTOH i'm glad i'm not the only one. I've really got into 'sons of anarchy' but everytime the little baby comes up I'm in tears especially the last episode.

Hoping for a lovely week for everyone, the sun is still shining and I'm determined to enjoy it!

Just a quick one to say good luck with your nan tomorrow fordy hope it all goes well. I shall be back in a couple of days after my next assignment is handed in. Enjoy the sun, I won't be!

Just popping in to say hello. Have not been on for a few days as keep losing my internet connection.

Sorry you are having a tough time atm, fordy.
Hope all went ok with your nan today.

Velvet - well done losing 5lbs. Wish I could do the same!

Haven't had time to read through all the posts properly, but hope you're all ok & enjoying the sunshine.

Evening all

DP is out with the boys tonight Far from having a productive evening I promptly fell asleep on the sofa and haven't eaten proprely [ mental note to give self kick up the bum and get life sorted! ]

Loopy Bumps are hard Really makes you feel like it should be you too. There's lots of things that are reminding me it should be different - I was writing dates in my work diary for next year today and kept thinking I shouldn't be at work for any of them - 2011 should've been MY Mat. Leave

I think it's natural for you to notice the families of four - it's where your's is in your heart.

I'm still able to spot twins at a distance. Was convinced ours would've been two boys so can cope ok unless that's the case then it's a reminder of what we've lost. I don't think being pregnant again will erase those feelings but at the moment I think it might ease them - it's just not knowing if that's on the horizon that's hard but who knows what the future holds for all of us (fingers crossed for positive things )

I buy a fair few crap magazines too and am now very aware of how things should've been when I see pics of celebrities who have recently annnounced pregnancies and are around the same stage

Queen Chester sounds lovely (albeit without the bikes!) Well Done on the moonlight walk - you're putting my sofa surfing to shame (which can only be a good thing!)

YRMOTB You shouldn't be reading this but if you are taking a wee breather from the studying I hope the assignment is going ok. You WILL get it handed in. Oh! when I think back to the number of all nighters I've pulled in my time

PinkC Glad you're connected again I'm keeping up with here but find myself reading and not responding to other threads on m/c. I read a few today about people experiencing what we did and felt guilty for not replying and offering support.

Hasn't Velvet done well

Hope things went ok for your nan today Fordy. Hello everyone else!! Still hot! hot! hot! here - am glad I bought a "summer" duvet at the week-end.

Ok - countdown to DP coming home rat a**ed!!! (which I might add he hardly ever does! Am just happy he's out having some fun!)

hey girlies, I'll pop back later but wanted to thank you all for your kind thoughts. As I thought it didn't go well yesterday, she has extensive stage small cell lung cancer with 2 other tumors already,one in her pancreas and the other in her liver or kidney ( I'm not usre which as the doctor was mainly focusing on her lung). She isn't fit and well enough to have any chemo either so we just have to look after her and they will manage her symptoms for her adn make sure she is in no pain. Rubbish eh? Oh and AF made an appearance yesterday....I am hoping to get myself and my emotions back on track a little more now but we will see.
ok, back later to catch up with everyone, as I am late for work x x x