Feelings after miscarriage

[hewlettsdaughter]

Hi everyone

This is my first post to mumsnet so apologies if I should have added to another thread instead of starting a new one. I've just had two early miscarriages a couple of months apart - both times I was only 4 or 5 weeks' pregnant so I hadn't known that I was pregnant for long. I don't feel terribly sad, I don't blame myself, but - at the moment - I DO feel angry. Has anyone else felt like this?

Cheers for the info quackers. Feeling much more normal today than I was when I started this thread. Could be because I've already stopped bleeding (much quicker than last time, assuming it really has stopped).

HewlettsDaughter - I have a Persona that I don't use if you want it. They can be reset and all you would have to buy would be the sticks. It's just sat in a drawer so you'd be welcome. Let me know if you'd like it and I'll post it to you. You can't get my current email form Tech as it's changed - perhaps I should update it - so just post here.

Hi again, so please you've stopped bleeding! That was really quick! You can move on now so much quicker! I'm really pleased for you. I think the issue in the end for me was when am I going to stop bleeding and you get really obsessed with it, especially when you think it's all over and then they find more products even after an ERPC. That in itself makes you feel better doesn't it!Luchar is offering her Persona - that would save you a bit! As she says they can be reset so you would be like a new user. Glad you're feeling better though!
xxxx

Luchar - thanks v. much for the offer, that's really nice of you. However I'm not sure I can wait ~3 months for Persona to get used to me! I'm lucky in that I don't seem to have a problem actually getting pregnant - or I haven't so far anyway. We will probably stick with our previous approach (which was do it often!).

How are you feeling today quackers?

Hi HD - I'll have to shorten it - hope you don't mind!!Thanks for asking!
Premenstrual!! - which is great I suppose means I'm getting back to normal! We;re going on hols on Tuesday for a week and I'm hoping we can chill out! I'm really chuffed cos the doc was going to give me some hormone tablets yesterday but I told her I had not bled for a week and can I wait another cycle first. So hopefully things are getting back to normal a bit! Its been a right long haul. Going for it again in a couple of weeks and I can't wait! I suppose i should try and loose a stone first but I'm really keen to get going! Or as my Doc says - 'crack on'!!!
How are you? 3 months would be a long time. I have heard someone say they got the ovulation sysmbol in the first 3 months but it's not normal. Another way is to try the temperature method. IT's about £12 for the pack. You need to be fairly regular though and the first month it detects the temperature rise it's too late usually so you use the infor for next month. Otherwise its those predictor kits, but I founf you need to hold on to your wee for 4 hours!!!! OOOHH!

It's good if things look like they're getting back to normal. Going anywhere nice next week? Chilling out sounds like an excellent plan

I had trouble conceiving and thought the advice from the doctors might help re conception - have sex often, twice a day with no more than 2 hours between each session, in the week before your ovulation date. Apparently the sperm count on the second attempt (!) is higher therefore more chance. Also, apparently you have a better chance if the sperm are sitting there waiting for the egg.

I know. Didn't work for us (thank you IVF) but that might be the performance anxiety it brought on in both of us. (don't know how to do smilies!)

Twice a day? With no more than 2 hours between each session? I wasn't thinking THAT often..!

We couldn't work out how to be that organised!

Hi again HD! Just thought I'd come back to this thread and chat with you here as we are both in Limbo between m/c and ttc!! How's the last week been? Have you had any changes in your feelings? It's still abit soon after isn't it! I am getting better I have to say but it bring sit all back when you read the new threads like the one today. It's evry sad and not something you can just talk about with anyone - that's why I love Mumsnet!!!! You actually sound really positive and I'm pleased you are dtermined to try again soon!!!!

Oops. I just told DH I would stop reading mumsnet at 9 then I found your post, quackers...

Physically, I'm absolutely fine now, so I think I'm lucky there. Mentally, I did feel weird for a while. I was never really sad exactly, just disappointed (and angry). I'm not sure I took enough time off work - it was odd being there and trying to act normal. I didn't really want to tell anybody at work about what was happening (athough I have told a couple of people there since). Mumsnet has been a great help (I think I've become obsessed!).

At the weekend I decided that what I wanted to do was ttc again straightaway. DH was keen too. A couple of my friends told me they had early miscarriages and then went on to get pregnant immediately afterwards - so it can be done! Of course, not everybody is ready to try again so soon, either physically or emotionally, but I reckon I'm as ready as I'll ever be!

What's happening with you?

Yes it is addictive!! My DH is always saying I bet you're on Mumsnet when he can't see me! I'm on it at work alot too!
I had quite a public m/c unfortunately because I was so far gone and in some ways it was good too because people knew to leave me alone until I spoke about it. I had about 3 weeks off work but that was because of all the complications after and having to go to surgery etc.. Even then when I did go back to work it was another 2 months until I was ok, so I was very very frustrated!! Fortunatley I found someone on Mumsnet who had the very same circumstances with the complications and we now actually chat every day offline and we really help each other!
I am so ready to try again! It sounds like you recovered physically quite quickly after your last m/c so there should be no reason why you should wait. That's what my doc's told me too until I had the probs and then they said wait 3 periods. I'm glad I have really because they are only just regulating! I feel my body is right now though and ready to conceive again. Mentally I don't think you ever get over it you put it to the back of your mind more and as time goes on hopefully a new baby will come along!!

It does sound like you've been through the mill recently. Can I ask how far gone you were when you miscarried? (you don't have to say). I know everyone says a very early miscarriage is still a miscarriage but I think I have been lucky in a way.

It's great you found someone in the same circumstances as you. I bet that's been a real help.

Hope you're holding on to that holiday feeling....

Hiya! Yep still feeling great after hols!! I was 15 weeks but the baby had died at about 10. I had never felt right throughout the pregnancy but because I had got past the 12 weeks felt I should not have been worrying. The docs tried on 2 occasions to find a heart beat but put it down to their doppler not being very effective. I cried in the surgery because in my heart I knew there was something wrong. The stupid doc even told me to do another pregnancy test if I was so worried so I did and it was positive - of course it was, my body was still pregnant! I had cramps in bed that night and a week later started to bleed and I knew that was it. A and e sent me to the gynae ward and the scan showed it had died at 10 weeks. It was devastating. They sent me home as the baby was 10 weeks. I still had a belly though and that stayed for another month until they did an EVAC even after the foetus was passed, there were still products. My own doc thought it was twins beacuse of the circumstances and they do run in the family but I don't think of the loss as twins. Even then bleeding continued and they found a piece still in there. Fortunately I avoided another EVAC and passed it the next day.
I really am feeeling so much better about this. The physical part of it took over completely and now thats ok - I'm ok!
I was just gutted that it took so long for my body to realise that the baby had died. I can't help thinking it would have had a heart beat even though it was for a couple of weeks. When I passed it I was a friends doing a cosmetics demo to 20 people and it came out in the toilet, I couldn't even pick it out and keep it as there was no lock on the door and someone was trying to get in. So I had to flush it away and carry on - that was probably the hardest bit.
Sorry I went on a bit there! - I haven't spoke about it properly for a bout a month so I think I just needed to write it down!!!!
xx

Oh quackers, all that must have been really hard. I really felt for you when I read the bit about what happened during the demo... It's great that you are feeling more positive now though - I wonder how many other mumsnetters out there are in the same position, either ttc or ready to ttc after miscarriage?

I think it's dead hard for anyone having a m/c and evryone's got a story to tell. Sounds like there's a few that have conceived again though afetr m/c fairly quickly! Here's hoping we'll be celebrating again soon - COME ON!!!

Quackers, my m/c was similar. I got to 14 weeks and was given a scan, that is when I was told there was no heartbeat. The foetus had died at 10 weeks. I had the contents removed next day which was pretty awful but nothing like you went through. It took a few months for me to get back to normal and I know it is going to have a big impact on my next pregnancy. Hope we will all be on the March/April baby thread

Hi Everybody
Dipping my toe into this thread again. Will know on Monday (ish) whether pregnant this month after m/c nearly 8 weeks ago. Don't feel pregnant though and usually get really early symptoms. Was starting to feel better about m/c and being able to try again when went back to hospital this week for follow-up scan as they found a cyst on my ovary at time of m/c. Cyst is now larger and have fluid in lining of womb, said either early pregnant or will need to go in to have exploratories for both. Not sure if it is all in mind but since scan have had pain in my side even waking me at night. Now am paranoind haave something wrong with me as well.
Sorry for rambling but it really does feel like one thing after another at the moment and it doesn't help being in NZ and so far from family.
Anyway, good luck to everybody trying.

Sibble, I hope it is good news for you on Monday.

Quackers ... I know how you feel about the thought of your baby dying but your body not knowing it.
I was 12 weeks when I started to bleed and the scan showed a 9 week fetus with no heartbeat. I was devastated that I had been carrying it around for 3 weeks but my doctor did tell me that that might not have been the case. He said that it was highly likely there was something wrong with the baby and that it was developing slowly and only got to 9 week size in 12 weeks when it died IYSWIM ...
I don't know how true that was but it did make me feel a lot better!
Sibble ... will give you a ring tonight .... sorry you are feeling low .... you need to pick up the phone woman!!!!

Good luck for Monday Sibble! Bunny 2 - I really hope that we will be chatting on that thread!! Good luck trying this month!! I won't be trying for another 3 weeks yet but I've had such strong urges to jump on my husband - he can;t believe his luck! He wants to wait until after a wedding we're going to so we can have a nice evening together and have a few drinks and relax! I think your body knows when the time is right and that you've recovered!!! I never thought I'd feel normal again!!!! But I do!

I was the same, thought I'd never stop crying. I dont suppose we will ever be quite the same, it was the saddest thing I have ever been through.

Well did test day early (one of the early detection ones meant to be Ok 3 days before period due) and not pregnant. Couldn't wait. Think am becoming slightly obsessed as have done 4 this week (3 before they were even going to work!!) Have to hide them from DH so he doesn't think have completely lost the plot. Indulged in wine last night when friends came for BBQ and now feel guilty. Thought I was OK about it all but keep crying this past week, maybe ttc makes you think about it too much. DH also upset me, asked him whether he thought about the baby and what he/she would have been like and he said not at all. Said thougth that was really heartless and he said what is the point thinking about it, there is nothing to think about, there is no baby. Know what he means but nevertheless could have poked his eyes out with hot poker. Maybe I am premenstrual, am not normally like this, or could be that have been up since 5am with DS again.
Sorry for rambling.

Sibble ... DH was the same with my m/c ... once it was over it was over ... I just couldn't get my head around it at all ....
Sorry you are not pg ... hang in there babe ... it will happen!!!

Sibble, I suppose it's different for men because they haven't experienced the physical side of pregnancy and miscarriage themselves. However much they wanted a baby, it's probably easier for them to move on afterwards. That doesn't mean they shouldn't be sensitive to how their other half is feeling though...

Bunny2, I love the idea of meeting up on a March/April thread!

Quackers - you sound like you need to get on with it, girl!