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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Yesterday I had miscarried- today there is a heartbeat

82 replies

cupofteaplease · 15/04/2009 13:27

I have posted this on my ante-natal thread, so appologies for repeating myself.

Basically I had a scan 2 weeks ago that showed a baby with heartbeat, but 2 weeks smaller than I was expecting. So I had another scan yesterday at the same private clinic and she informed me that the baby had died. No heartbeat was found, so she referred me to the EPU this morning.

The lovely sonographer was very matter of fact. She said she appreciates that when these things happen you just want them over with quickly so you can move on. I totally agreed. But she had to do the scan to confirm everything and prepare a report for the doctor. So she did the trans ab scan and could not see clearly, so she appologised for needing to do the TV scan.

She started the scan and showed me the sac which she said should look like a balloon, all round and taught. She explained that mine was deflated as if it was 2 weeks after the party. We all had a bit of a laugh and she took the measurements. She was pointing things out and explaining what was what. Then she moved the probe around and showed me the 'fetal pole' from a different angle, as she explained it was lying on a vessel, so she needed another view of it.

Then she stopped and spun the screen back to her. She was pulling lots of confused faces and called her colleague over. All of a sudden they both said, 'mmm! Oh!' and then they spun the screen back. She said, 'do you see what we see?' dh said yes and began to well up, I hadn't dared look until now- so when I glanced at the screen I was very surprised to see a little heart pumping away.

I got a bit 'cross' at this point and explained that I didn't understand because my baby had died. She said, no, as far as we are concerned, there is a heartbeat so your baby is still alive.

SO, the upshot of it is- baby seems to have got smaller since my first scan 2 weeks ago, and is only measuring 3mm. However, they were really disgusted with the private sonographers measurements from the 2 scans, apparently she had typed up things on the report that were an impossibility. However, the baby has grown a small amount since yesterday's measurements.

I said to the sonographer- so, basically there is still a heartbeat but the baby is too small so it will probably die anyway. She said, 'I'm not saying that- you are!'

Afterwards with the nurse, she had her little wheel out and was trying to convince me that my dates could be out (but agreed that a 3mm baby could not be 7 weeks, which is the absolute miniumum I could be if my dh had miracle sperm that lasted 10 days lol!) But she swore that 'miracles happen all the time, God willing.' She said the heartbeat was not slow or irregular.

My dh is adamant that everything will be ok, maybe the baby is just small. I am not so sure as I don't want to get my hopes up. After all, I was told yesterday that the baby had died. I also do not understand how a 3mm baby can have a heartbeat.

I have to go back for another scan next Wednesday and take it from there. But apparently, my baby is still alive and I am still pregnant. So overwhelmed, I just don't know what to think.

Anyone with a similar experience? Any advice- obviously prepare for the worst?

OP posts:
LissyGlitter · 21/04/2009 16:33

Poor you cupoftea. My thoughts are with you.

PlumBumMum · 21/04/2009 19:49

Oh Cupoftea hope your okay, sorry your sister wasn't very supportive,

I had a friend who had a mc and she had told everyone she was pg as soon as she found out she had even bought her dd a tshirt saying I'm the big sister, so all she could think about was how many people she had told, people she didn't see that often etc, so I think its up to the person who they tell and when so don't be thinking about that too much

Let us know how you get on tomorrow xo

MmeLindt · 22/04/2009 07:49

Sorry that your sister was not more sympathetic.

If it helps, I was pretty much on bed rest and was taking progesterone tablets and I still miscarried. I don't think that there is anything that you can do or not do, if you are going to m/c then you cannot stop it.

Of course it is a proper baby, what a ridiculous and insensitive thing for your sister to say to you. for you.

I hope that your friend is more help to you.

MrsBun · 22/04/2009 08:06

Oh my, people can be so bloomin insensitive can't they!! My sister was the same when I mc'd and then when I was preg with DD and told her she told me not to get too excited. I never said anything but I still get very cross when I think about it.

What time is your scan? All limbs crossed for you

jardins · 22/04/2009 09:10

Dear Cupofteaplease, I am so sorry for the emotionally and hormonally draining past few days. I am supporting you from a distance (France). I mc at 6 weeks end of March this year, so it's still really fresh in my heart and mind (although I do feel much more human now) and I felt so isolated in my grief despite the kindness of some of my entourage and my wonderful DH. Although my mc (completely natural, thank goodness) took about 5 days it was a rollercoaster ride as some doctors were giving me (false) hope whilst others were all gloom and doom from the start. So, dare I say, I understand a little of what you're going through.

Your sister's words seem like a slap in the face. How's your DH faring?

Let us know how you are.

cupofteaplease · 22/04/2009 13:34

Well, an update. My scan this morning revealed my baby, curled up in the corner, still measuring 5 weeks fast asleep

So it's all over. The doctor has looked at my case and has described this as a 'slow miscarriage'. I appologise for explaining in layman's terms, but basically he said a division probably failed to occur at 5 weeks, but my body did its best to keep things going. After my scan last week, clearly my body gave up.

He said things look like they will occur naturally, and the fact that I am having some bleeding when I wipe is a good indication of this. However, as I have had a prolonged natual MC before I am not very pleased about this being drawn out again, especially as I have been waiting for this news for 3 weeks (not that I would have wanted them to do anything when the baby still had a heartbeat).

I have to go back on Monday for a scan to see if everything has come away on its own (he predicts it will happen over the weekend...) and he has told me to come prepared for an ERPC that day if it is not all clear.

Thanks again for all the virtual support during this tricky time

OP posts:
nickschick · 22/04/2009 13:40

Im so really very sorry for you xx

it seems so little a thing to say for something so sadx

me23 · 22/04/2009 13:45

have only just seen this thread I'm so sorry.

YanknCock · 22/04/2009 13:46

Been following along for a while, hoping for better news for you.

People say so many idiotic things after miscarriages. Even my DH tried to comfort me with the 'it just wasn't meant to be' line---I'm not sure anything beyond 'I'm so sorry' is really ever welcome or helpful.

I'm sorry this is dragging out so long for you. I had a bit of a rollercoaster myself with my MC. Symptoms disappeared, blood tests indicated things weren't progressing, but then early scan showed good size and heartbeat. We were so depressed, and then suddenly over the moon again. A few days later I started to bleed and it was all over very quickly.

It sucks to have your emotions dragged all over the place. I don't know what else to say, except that I'm so sorry this happened, and please please please know that you didn't do anything wrong.

northender · 22/04/2009 13:46

So sorry to hear your news, glad you've found support here.

MmeLindt · 22/04/2009 13:47

So sorry that your worst fears have been realised.

I had an ERPC and the procedure itself is fine. The waiting is horrible though.

Take care of yourself.

castlesintheair · 22/04/2009 13:48

very sorry to hear this cupoftea

PlumBumMum · 22/04/2009 14:18

Oh cupofteaplease sorry to hear this as was still holding out abit of hope for you

claireybee · 22/04/2009 14:30

So sorry cupoftea

MrsBun · 22/04/2009 14:58

oh no, so sorry to hear this. Had an mc last year so know how you feel. Was also a bit of a rollercoaster with oh dear and then yes it's fine and then all over. My heart goes out to you.

cupcakefairy · 22/04/2009 16:14

So sorry about the sad news I know how you feel with the 3 week wait...we too had to wait 3 weeks going back each time to be told they still weren't sure if baby was ok, then another week for the actual medical management once we knew baby had died. It was absolutely hellish so I really do feel for you. Have a hot bath and try to relax; I know it is so hard to do!

One consolation is that if you do have to have the ERPC at least they are saying it will be same day. My hospital said if I had to have it it would be a 2 week wait! Really hope the next few days are as painless as possible for you. Big big hugs xxx

Bicnod · 22/04/2009 16:36

really sorry to hear your news cupoftea... thinking of you and sending huge hugs x x x

treedelivery · 22/04/2009 19:43

Oh cupoftea

Such a thought - your baby curled up fast asleep. Oh cuppa, that has made me well up. It is a peaceful thought, and I wish you some peace of mind soon. All our thoughts x

nappyzonecannotcycleuphill · 22/04/2009 19:54

really sorry to hear this cupoftea
Take care of yourself x

princessmel · 22/04/2009 19:57

Just seen this thread

So sorry cupoftea.

ilovesprouts · 22/04/2009 20:04

so sad sorry to hear your news my dd had mc at 8 weeks take care

LackaDAISYcal · 22/04/2009 20:09

so sorry to hear of your loss cupoftea

Senging you strength to deal with things over the coming days.

stillenacht · 22/04/2009 20:13

so sorry cupoftea, have been reading your thread

slightlycrumpled · 22/04/2009 20:17

So very sorry cupoftea. Take very good care of yourself.

Bettymum · 23/04/2009 09:28

So sorry cupoftea, best wishes for Monday x