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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Yesterday I had miscarried- today there is a heartbeat

82 replies

cupofteaplease · 15/04/2009 13:27

I have posted this on my ante-natal thread, so appologies for repeating myself.

Basically I had a scan 2 weeks ago that showed a baby with heartbeat, but 2 weeks smaller than I was expecting. So I had another scan yesterday at the same private clinic and she informed me that the baby had died. No heartbeat was found, so she referred me to the EPU this morning.

The lovely sonographer was very matter of fact. She said she appreciates that when these things happen you just want them over with quickly so you can move on. I totally agreed. But she had to do the scan to confirm everything and prepare a report for the doctor. So she did the trans ab scan and could not see clearly, so she appologised for needing to do the TV scan.

She started the scan and showed me the sac which she said should look like a balloon, all round and taught. She explained that mine was deflated as if it was 2 weeks after the party. We all had a bit of a laugh and she took the measurements. She was pointing things out and explaining what was what. Then she moved the probe around and showed me the 'fetal pole' from a different angle, as she explained it was lying on a vessel, so she needed another view of it.

Then she stopped and spun the screen back to her. She was pulling lots of confused faces and called her colleague over. All of a sudden they both said, 'mmm! Oh!' and then they spun the screen back. She said, 'do you see what we see?' dh said yes and began to well up, I hadn't dared look until now- so when I glanced at the screen I was very surprised to see a little heart pumping away.

I got a bit 'cross' at this point and explained that I didn't understand because my baby had died. She said, no, as far as we are concerned, there is a heartbeat so your baby is still alive.

SO, the upshot of it is- baby seems to have got smaller since my first scan 2 weeks ago, and is only measuring 3mm. However, they were really disgusted with the private sonographers measurements from the 2 scans, apparently she had typed up things on the report that were an impossibility. However, the baby has grown a small amount since yesterday's measurements.

I said to the sonographer- so, basically there is still a heartbeat but the baby is too small so it will probably die anyway. She said, 'I'm not saying that- you are!'

Afterwards with the nurse, she had her little wheel out and was trying to convince me that my dates could be out (but agreed that a 3mm baby could not be 7 weeks, which is the absolute miniumum I could be if my dh had miracle sperm that lasted 10 days lol!) But she swore that 'miracles happen all the time, God willing.' She said the heartbeat was not slow or irregular.

My dh is adamant that everything will be ok, maybe the baby is just small. I am not so sure as I don't want to get my hopes up. After all, I was told yesterday that the baby had died. I also do not understand how a 3mm baby can have a heartbeat.

I have to go back for another scan next Wednesday and take it from there. But apparently, my baby is still alive and I am still pregnant. So overwhelmed, I just don't know what to think.

Anyone with a similar experience? Any advice- obviously prepare for the worst?

OP posts:
ScorpiowithabigS · 15/04/2009 13:30

Goodness me, so sorry to hear all your ups and downs.

I don't really know what to say, apart from that a hb is a good thing. Were they sure about 3mm? Seems ver ysmall to have a hb, like you said.

Bicnod · 15/04/2009 13:31

Don't have any experience of this but just wanted to say that I will be thinking of you and really hope that your baby hangs in there...

Are they able to scan you again before Wednesday? It seems a long time to wait...

x x x

psychomum5 · 15/04/2009 13:32

its a heart beat, and the snographer sounds very reassuring and lovely.

hod on to that

messymissy · 15/04/2009 13:33

What a roller coaster you have been on.

Just wishing the best for you and stay as positive as you can, good luck for the scan next Wednesday.

LackaDAISYcal · 15/04/2009 13:34

Oh you poor thing, I can only imagine the uncertainty. No similar experience, but I do know that seemingly impossible things can happen when it comes to conception.

I know of someone who was told she was miscarrying after a bleed, and had a D&C. she was called back in as they thought she had had a molar pregnancy as her HCG level was continuing to rise, was scanned and a heartbeat was found. Her "D&C" is now five months old.

I hope that everything is OK, and that you get some other inspirational stories and support to help you through the next uncertain week. {{{{hugs}}}}

Bleatblurt · 15/04/2009 13:37

Oh wow, that gave me a lump in my throat. I have no advice I'm afraid but I will cross all I can that you are going to have your own little miracle happen.

changer22 · 15/04/2009 13:38

I haven't had your experience with the heartbeat/no heartbeat but I did have to keep going back for repeat scans. The sonographer at the EPU insisted that I couldn't be 8 weeks pregnant and was at the most 6/6.5 when they found a heartbeat. But I'd had a positive pregnancy test on my 4 weeks (what would be on their dates 2/2.5 weeks). Also after 16 years of being with DH I knew the date of conception which didn't fit in with their dates either!

I'm with psychomum - go on the heartbeat rather than the measurements.

cupofteaplease · 15/04/2009 13:45

Wow- thanks so much for your quick replies! I am so uncertain now, it's all such a muddle. I was devestated yesterday when I was told I had miscarried- I still have pregnancy symptoms, no sharp pains or blood loss. But I had read a lot on MN about missed miscarriages so I accepted what I was told. I posted here and received some lovely support and advice.

I think if I can hold onto the heartbeat rather than the measurements, as suggested here, I may be able to remain positive.

I'm worried for dh though. He didn't come to the first 2 scans so I don't think it hit him until today- he keeps saying, 'when we have the scan next week and they say everything is ok, which they will do...'

OP posts:
Laugs · 15/04/2009 13:47

cupofteaplease I'm on your antenatal thread and saw this in Active Convos and came on hoping it would be you (haven't read the antenatal one yet). Hang on in there! I know you must be feeling so confused - you don't want to be hopeful again in case you have to experience the loss again next week. But I suppose being hopeful is all you can do really. Will be keeping everything crossed for you xx

Rosa · 15/04/2009 13:57

Cupoftea - Good luck and best wishes from all of us on Little Italy . It was you that was in Urbino right ???.
If not positive vibes anyway !

cupofteaplease · 15/04/2009 14:13

Thanks Rosa- yes it was me in Urbino, good memory! I found out I was pregnant the day I flew home.

OP posts:
CherryChoc · 15/04/2009 14:24

Don't have anything to add, just wanted to send you some positive thoughts and gentle un-mumsnetty hugs!

llareggub · 15/04/2009 14:29

Lots of positive thoughts your way. My dates were 2 weeks out, by the way. I never really believed the scan date because really according to that I knew I was pregnant before it was possible to know, if you see what I mean. I had a miserable early scan which showed a tiny baby for dates, no heartbeat etc. I'm now 36 weeks, and yes, miracles can happen. Good luck!

OrmIrian · 15/04/2009 14:30

Good luck cupoftea!

cupofteaplease · 15/04/2009 18:29

Thanks again. Dh has said in any future pregnancies- no early scans! They have given us nothing but heartache this time!

OP posts:
LackaDAISYcal · 15/04/2009 21:51

I had an early scan with my last pregnancy cupsoftea as I had had previous miscarriages, and at 6+1 weeks I was told there was no fetal pole seen. My pregnancy before there had been a heartbeat at 6+3 so I spent the weeks between than and my dating scan shitting myself that something was wrong. It was all fine and he is now almost 6 months, but that early scan did cause us a lot of grief and worry.

I'm not sure, after that experience, how useful early scans actually are.

Will be thinking of you next Wednesday

cupofteaplease · 16/04/2009 17:46

Feeling pretty down today. Wish there was a way of KNOWING if this little bean will make it. I keep Googling all the time to compare sizes and heartbeats and dates... my mind is fuzzy with all the infomation. All I know is that I am 10 weeks pregnant, and at 11 weeks with both my girls I saw a healthy baby with arms and legs. The sonographer said my baby this time still looks like a gummy bear and measures 5 weeks.

I think I had accepted the news on Tuesday that I had lost the baby. I'm finding this waiting game now really stressful.

Dreading going back to uni on Monday as my mind is loopy at the moment.

Please let this baby grow.

OP posts:
Springflower · 16/04/2009 18:25

Hi there, What a stressful and difficult time it sounds. It does sound like you are fairly sure of your dates though and that the baby doesnt seem big enough to match what would be expected. I know that things can change though and I really hope it does work out for you both.

castlesintheair · 16/04/2009 18:31

Is there any chance it was a twin pg and you m/c one? I really feel for you, it is so stressful but it sound's like you might have a little fighter on your hands.

treedelivery · 16/04/2009 18:33

God you must be knackered. I guess you are in the middle of the great 'holding in of breath' till Monday.

It will no doubt be a really long bloody week - I guess just fill it here and perhaps manic cinema going/movie watching.

Will be waiting with you.......

Bicnod · 17/04/2009 19:56

Hey cupoftea - how are you doing today? Thinking about you x x x

cupofteaplease · 19/04/2009 18:54

I'm feeling pretty low today. I went to my friend's hen party this weekend and obviously didn't drink alcohol, because technically I am still pregnant. However, people asked me why I was not drinking and I lied and citied antibiotics, but I felt really sad. I sould be approacing 11 weeks pregnant and should have been feeling excited about sharing my news soon. This waiting is so hard.

I am due back at uni tomorrow morning. Again, I was hoping to tell my friends tomorrow my happy news

Above all, I feel so alone. Only my dh, and two friends who I don't regularly see, know so I feel like I'm doing this all on my own. Dh won't talk about it.

He rang me today to tell me that his best friend's wife has just given birth. He was so excited and pleased for them whereas I feel so jealous and sad, which is horrible of me. I don't know how I'm going to get through the next week.

OP posts:
yappybluedog · 19/04/2009 19:01

the waiting must be unbearable

keeping fingers crossed for you

onadietcokebreak · 19/04/2009 19:07

Big hugs, keeping my fingers crossed for you

Themasterandmargaritas · 19/04/2009 19:07

cupoftea, your story has brought tears to my eyes, what a difficult time for you. Good luck at Uni tomorrow, would it be so bad to tell your close Uni friends what is going on? At least that way they would be able to give you some support and might be able to help you take your mind off the waiting. Good luck.