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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

have put on 5 lb in a week...

39 replies

Heathcliffscathy · 10/04/2009 18:22

miscarried 10 days ago. it was only early, 6 and a bit weeks pregnant.

i'm miserable, we were away this week, and now back home and no baby coming.

feel so flat. am irritable and shitty with dh and feel so crap that i'm comfort eating like this.

feels like nothing will ever be ok again. i know that is totally irrational.

OP posts:
LaDiDaDi · 10/04/2009 18:29

So sorry to hear this soph.

I've no experince of what you're going through but really it's ok to feel like you do. You have lost your baby and although things will be ok again they will not be the same.

Your dh will be feeling sad too and I'm sure will understand that it's your hurt and grief that is causing you to be snippy. Have you talked to each other, properly talked , about how you are feeling?

Although I'm not religious and I don't know if you are perhaps some of the Easter message of renewal and life coming forth after loss will be of comfort to you.

{Hugs} and sympathy.

Hope that someone who knows you better can come along soon for some more personal words of comfort.

lissielouwithbunnyears · 10/04/2009 18:31

oh soph, i won't say that it will get better, but it will get easier to bear. your hormones are a bit wild at the mo. you need to grieve. youve not just lost a baby, but a future. xx

Original poster
Heathcliffscathy · 10/04/2009 18:31

wandered around the town we were staying in yesterday and went into 3 churches but couldn't find and candles to light, i really wanted to.

i've been reading some of the miscarriage threads, and i know that my grief is NOTHING compared to those that have lost later in pregnancy or at birth. i just feel so empty and so sad. i miss the thought of the baby that is no longer there so much.

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Original poster
Heathcliffscathy · 10/04/2009 18:33

the people that have said to me ' you do know that this happens a LOT and that you might just have thought it was a late period before the days of testing' have not helped at all...i knew i was pregnant from the day i was late, and for two weeks planned and hoped and felt a baby growing inside me. and two weeks may not be a lot but it's a lot of time to dream.

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MuffinBaker · 10/04/2009 18:36

Oh no.

I remember your post about being pregnant.

It never gets easier to come to terms with having a m/c ime, but it is less right there as time goes on.

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

lissielouwithbunnyears · 10/04/2009 18:36

you are entiltled to your grief. people unfortunately say the wrong things when they dont know what to say. and the only way you can truly understand is to have gone through it yourself.

Original poster
Heathcliffscathy · 10/04/2009 18:37

i know. i had NO IDEA how awful it is.

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LaDiDaDi · 10/04/2009 18:37

I hope that you have told them to keep their mouths shut with their unhelpful comments.

You were pregnant and you knew that you were and you desperately wanted to be so of course you dreamed and planned and have now had those dreams and plans taken away.

Hope that some people in rl are being more understanding.

MarsLady · 10/04/2009 18:38

soph... I catted you. I can't find your email addy. Try me on lovelymars at aol dot com. Missing you!

MarsLady · 10/04/2009 18:40

Soph... there is NO comparing when it comes to grief! Absolutely NO comparing. Grief is exactly that! You lost a baby, your baby! I'm so sorry that this has happened but you are allowed to grieve. If I were there I would hug and hold you tight my lovely.

Original poster
Heathcliffscathy · 10/04/2009 18:43

ahhh thanks mars. will email you...

i was almost euphoric the day after it started...i was really sad, but also felt so madly madly in love with dh and ds, so suffused with how lucky i am to have them. that hasn't gone, but it has been sort of overrided by feeling totally shit tbh!

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ScorpiowithabigS · 10/04/2009 18:45

Soph - my sweety you have lost your baby, your hopes, your plans & dreams. Grief does not run in a straight line - I am 10 weeks after my mc and still nearly think of my baby (lost at 5+4) daily, and still cry sometimes.

It is the shittest thing ever; physically, emotionally, having to deal with others too...

Keep your chin up. It's nothign YOU have done, i promise.

ScorpiowithabigS · 10/04/2009 18:47

the confusion i htink is normal - i surely felt it and also felt the hugely in love thing too - i wanted to start making love again asap to show my feelings, iyswim. I also felt like i pushed my luck with God - the baby was my 4th pg, i have 3 beauitful children; why did i ask for anymore?? But we are allowed to try for more children, to love more than 1 2 or 3 of our children.

I hope all this is coming out right. I think im trying to say your feelings are normal, no matter how odd they seem to you.

Original poster
Heathcliffscathy · 10/04/2009 18:49

what lovely posts scorpio. thanks.

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Original poster
Heathcliffscathy · 10/04/2009 18:50

i had the wanting to shag thing too

we didn't...we haven't actually and i'm not sure what is going on with that. i didn't stop bleeding til yesterday so that is a factor (although it isn't when it's a period iyswim).

i need to talk to dh i guess.

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MuffinBaker · 10/04/2009 18:52

Maybe he felt this bleeding was different and wanted to wait until you let him know you were ready.

LuluisgoingtobeanAunty · 10/04/2009 18:53

just wanted to add my thinking of you thoughts to the thread. loads of good , sage advice. don't feel obliged to be 'over it' , take it at your own pace x

ScorpiowithabigS · 10/04/2009 18:54

I bet you 10000% he is waiting for you to say you can and want to - my DH was very wary i was doing it for me, not for him.

(glad you said shag i didnt know if i 'could' here, lol)

Original poster
Heathcliffscathy · 10/04/2009 18:54

yup. it is me too tbh, not just him. i suppose i feel so shitty don't really feel v desirable. and the eating for england isn't really helping with that.

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pointydog · 10/04/2009 23:38

that is just awful and very sad

psychomum5 · 10/04/2009 23:45

sophable.........grief is grief, whether is be for a 'dot' (ie, like my miscarraige at 5wks after DD2), or a great grandma (with DHs grandma).....you cannot say that one os more 'worthy' than another.

I will never ever forget DS1's twin (brother....altho there is no proof), and I lost him early.

DH will never foreget his grandma.

both touched us, in different way yes, but they both had places in our hearts, and caused us to dream and imagine times in the future.

you will one day wake with joy again in your heart, and look back with fondness and forward with hope, but right now.........you have sadness. don;t hide the sadness tho,..it makes us who we are and shapes us it to who we are to become.

my sympathy.

kay1980 · 10/04/2009 23:50

Hi sophable I know what you're going through I had an MC 5 weeks ago (my 3rd) I have one DD who is 8. I am still feeling really s*y about the whole thing now and shouting at my DH quite a bit which doesn't really help but luckily he is very understanding. Found out this week that one of my best friends is PG due a week after what I would have been which I think has set me back a lot in the healing process but I am slowly getting used to it. Please don't beat yourself up about feeling like c*p etc its only natural.

Original poster
Heathcliffscathy · 11/04/2009 15:18

triple crap today. everything feels empty. I should get productive, go running, do ds's photo album (finally) and about a billion other things that might help but all i'm doing is sitting here feeling like crap.

i feel so sad.

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Original poster
Heathcliffscathy · 11/04/2009 15:19

and i keep looking at houses like moving house is going to help! idiot woman.

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iggypiggy · 11/04/2009 18:57

spohable - just wanted to say - I never actually knew how it felt until it happened (or is still happening I guess) to me... I have never cried in this way or felt so miserable and i never could have imagined that I would feel like this.

Am still waiting for my MC to properly happen - but I completely understand how rubbsih you feel. I couldn't feed the dog the other day - can't even explain why just couldn't face i just couldn't (DH had to do it - dog didn't starve!) I couldn't do anything that day. But have felt better on other days - guess it affects us all differently - but is really very horrible. I hope you feel a bit better soon. xx