Dr's advice on waiting to conceive after missed miscarriage

[sausagemcgrah]

I underwent medical management 2 weeks ago for a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks. I visited the Doctor today, and was advised that I need to wait for at least 1 if not more periods as there is 'an increased risk of miscarriage' if I were to get pregnant again straight away. My Doctor is normally very good, and I would not question her word, but I have not read this anywhere. Is she right? I hope not as the thought of being pregnant again soon is the only thing that is getting me through this!

[92108]

Sabs1981I clicked on 'my mumsnet' and then on 'email options.' I then selected to receive CAT messages from other users. I'm not sure if that's the trick or whether there's something else to it such as a subscription but do try again.

[louisesh]

HISABS1981. Thanks for your message.Yes i too have been absolutley worn out.Are you going to try again, in the future, sorry if that question is too foreward!!! Thats my lack of diplomacy ,i m afraid. Hope you ve a good support network mine are fantastic from husband,family and friends. Hope you are taking care of yourself and pampering yourself.I m just about to book myself a spa day.You nap as much as you need it s all soo hard though isn t it? Ihave to stop myself from thinking what week i would be now and just aim for the future and take comfort from the fact that all my friends who have been through this experience previously now have kids.

[Sabs1981]

louisesh am so desperate to start trying again, but havent even had my 1st period yet
Have got amazing DH, family and friends who have rallied aroung me, and lots of people who have come forward to tell me that they too have had miscarriages, which I never knew about before and gone on to have kids.
I stayed at my mums for a week when it all happened and she was so strong for me,a complete rock.

[sausagemcgrah]

Hi everyone,

louiseesh, I felt like that for the first 2 weeks and then started to feel more hopeful about the future. It's funny how everything was good because I was pregnant. As soon as I wasn't, I didn't look forward to anything else in life either. It's getting better though.

sabs1981, sorry to hear of your loss. Are you going to wait for the 3 months? It's so hard isn't it, when you're so desperate.

Can I ask... I did a pregnancy test yesterday, as I want to know / make sure it is negative as we are trying again and I don't want to mistake a positive later down the line from a new pregnancy when it's this same old one. Anyway - it's 3 weeks post missed miscarriage and it still showed positive? Anyone had similar? How long can I expect the hormones to stay in my body? It's so frustrating as I feel so back to normal physicaly now. It's sad to think my body still isn't.

92108, sorry to hear of your loss. I hope you're doing ok.

[92108]

Sausagemcgrah, thanks for asking.
Every time I think I'm done crying something I see or something a person says brings it up.
I chose to get pregnant for my husband because I could tell how much he wanted children. I was always scared about the labor & delivery. After miscarrying at home, labor doesn't worry me so much anymore. Since my mc I have truly felt that I want a child. I suppose it is much easier to appreciate what a precious gift a child is if you have one taken away.
We'll probably try again in December since the timing would work out well for us to still travel home during the summer as we are currently living overseas.

[louisesh]

Don t know how long it takes for your hormones to settle down.We are just going to start trying again as soon as physically able and assume the next pos test we do reflects the 2 nd time i m pregnant.How exciting? and as you say it gives you something to look foreward to.

[neolara]

Depending on when your pregnancy ended, it can take up to 5 - 6 weeks for the pregnancy hormones to leave your body. When I had a medically manged miscarrage at 12 weeks it took 5 weeks to get a negative pregnancy test. When I miscarried at 8 weeks, I got a negative about 2 weeks after.

[sausagemcgrah]

Thanks neolara. Your situation seems to be the closest to mine that I've encountered (I was 12 and a bit weeks too) so I imagine it might well take the same length of time for me. How are you doing now? When was your miscarriage? I have a few questions you might be able to answer if you don't mind? They're a bit more personal though?

[vonsudenfed]

I've had two missed miscarriages - one two years ago at nine weeks and one in August this year at nearly 11 weeks (with a healthy DD in between).

Both times I've been under the care of the truly excellent EPU at St Thomas's. They told me very clearly that there is no medical reason not to get pregnant straight away, it is really only for the dating of the pregnancy that they prefer people to wait.

Having said that, I don;t think that it's a coincidence that I got pregnant again just after my due date; I think it took me that long to get over it.

But St Thomas's also told me this time round to take a pregnancy test ten days after bleeding was over to make sure it was negative, and if not, to come back in for a scan in case the miscarriage wasn't complete (I miscarried naturally, so I think it's more important to do this check if you don't have a D&C). So it might be worth checking that out.

92018 - I was v tired also, but I think that was anaemia due to the blood loss, so it might be worth getting that checked out.

Hope you are all OK; it's crap isn't it.

[sausagemcgrah]

Hi vonsudenfed,

Sorry to hear you've been through all of this twice. Yes - it is crap!

That's interesting about being told to take the pregnancy test after 10 days. Arrrgghhh. I am so confused. I keep thinking it's normal to still get a positive test now, then I keep worrying that I've got products remaining. I think I'll ring the unit again on Monday.

[CryptKeeperOprocta]

I think the reason that they tell you to wait a cycle is so that when you do conceive, it's easier to work out your conception date.

I had a mc in August 2007, my second in a year. Two periods later I had conceived again. It came as a real shock as we had decided to stop trying for a bit. I had just started a new job! The result is wriggling about on the floor in front of me, so stay positive. It's horrible, but it can have a happy ending.

[TinkerBellesMum]

If you don't wait until you have your first period it can leave things inside you and put the next pregnancy at risk. When you've had a proper start to your cycle you know your body is ready.

The time to ignore them is when they say to wait for three months for a normal miscarriage (some complicated ones like molar need longer) that's more about them making a judgement on whether you can cope with it or not.

[maximum4]

Just clicked over to here as new and I was hoping to give a bit of hope and support.

I have 4 healthy children and didn't ever think it was going to be that way!

We had 8 years of sub fertility - fully investigated and no cause found. And then wham out of the blue - I got pregnant (we were ttc) but it hadn't been happening and nothing had changed except I had had peritonitis following appendicitis - I actually had thought that that would probably cause me more problems from a fertility point of view.

Sadly, I miscarried at 6 weeks and was devastated, but I then conceived again a few months later and miscarried at 11+ weeks and that was so painful physically and emotionally.

The first one I kind of accepted and saw it as a +ve sign that I could conceive, the 2nd I couldn't accept and I probably was at my lowest emotionally ever - I was so raw.

However, we picked ourselves up and started again ttc (I had an ERPC after the 2nd) and within a few months I was pregnant again. It was the most stressful 9 months of my life, but DS1 was born at 40 weeks on his due date and I cannot describe the relief we both felt.

Unfortunately I had 2 more miscarriages at 6 weeks and 10 weeks, with another ERPC, before DS2 was born again after a normal pregnancy birth etc.

Again another miscarriage at 6 weeks, and then a difficult pregnancy - I started bleeding at 8 weeks and continued all the way through bleeding and being hospitalised, steriods at 28 weeks and DS3 was born a few weeks early and needed SCBU for 1 week as was quite poorly initially. He is now fine and a real tough nut! (All the way through this pregnancy I was sure I would miscarry, as my previous experience with the others - if I bled I did). So he was our miracle baby - surviving against the odds!

And then I went on to have DD - very much unplanned, but very wanted, and very normal from start to finish!

I think what I am trying to say is try and stay positive even when things are crap and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel, because, we honestly did not ever see ourselves with 4 children in those dark times and I just want to give you some hope. I know we are all different and that what I went through was individual to me - but don't give up.

PS I did have investigations into the miscarriages initially and no cause was found but after my 4th miscarriage they found a problem with clotting - I think, and I was put on aspirin - I am not sure if they still use it now as that was 8 years ago.

[TinkerBellesMum]

maximum4 reading your post I was going to ask if you've been tested! I'm on Aspirin and Heparin and without them I wouldn't have Tink or a viable baby in my tummy. I'm surprised with the amount of losses you have had that you weren't put on Heparin too, but I'm sure I know their reasoning which is rather as it means they don't understand the drugs.

[Sabs1981]

sausagemcgrah thanks for your message. Yes, 3 months seems an eternity away, but I guess I just have to be patient...

92108 we'll have to keep each other updated with how its going, seeing as we are going to TTC during the same month (if you want to that is!) I feel exactly like you. Since my MC my desire to have a child is even more stronger. Louisesh good luck to you too!

CryptKeeperOprocta, maximum4 thank you for your positive stories...gives me hope

[TinkerBellesMum]

Sabs1981 it's totally natural to have a strong desire to have another baby after a miscarriage, after any pregnancy even. You're at the most fertile time straight after being pregnant which is why women often concieve naturally after an IVF baby.

[louisesh]

Just done a pg test and remains as showing positive, although very faintly positive.Need for it to be showing as negative so i can move on. It doesn t seem right that 10 days after a medical management and 4-5 weeks after my fetus stopped growing the test should still show as positive.However do think my hormones are settling back to normal as my skin is clearing up, which had become awful.Hope everyone is coping in their own way i m trying not too focus too much on what could have been and aspring for the future.

[sausagemcgrah]

Hi everyone,
Louisesh - I'm still testing positive (and yes - I am doing a test everyday - A little obsessive I know!)and I am 25 days post medically managed miscarriage now. Grrrrrrrr. It is so so so frustrating. Like you I NEED a negative so I can try and get past this and look forward again. Another hurdle to get over for us. I sometimes wish pregnancy tests had never been invented. Then we just wouldn't know and be able to stress about it. I just wish I wasn't so impatient.

How have you been feeling? Ever since I found out I was still testing positive I've been very down.

BACK AWAY FROM THE PREGNANY TESTS. Repeat mantra to self.

[sausagemcgrah]

Also - neolara - please accept my apologies for my ignorance in my last post to you on here. I got confusted. I'm sorry. . I hope you're doing okay.

[sausagemcgrah]

and along with getting 'confusted', I also got confused.

[louisesh]

I understand what you re saying.25 days thats a long time isn t it? It is very frustrating and it must be costing you a fortune!!!! {I get mine free from work!!!}. I think i m going to try and leave it for another week before i perform a repeat test.Werid isn t it? you spend ages wanting a positive test and now we want a negative test.Are u ok physically? i still feel v.tired but as i m still off work is not a problem as can have a siesta in the afternoon

Emotionally not too bad.Went shopping today and saw a teddy with the words "baby s first xmas" which bought a lump to my throat but had to think it will happen will just take a little longer than i orginally hoped.

SAUSAGEMCGRAH please take care x

[92108]

sabs1981, that sounds like a good idea. Let's do that. I'll check in from time to time. (The medical care here in Qatar almost makes me wish I'd tried right away just so I could deliver at home next summer. It's so difficult to get appointments scheduled even at a private hospital.)

[sausagemcgrah]

Hieveryone,
louisesh, yes - physically I'm fine. In the last few days I've been convinced my period is about to start, with a lot of lower back ache, and period like pain / feelings... but nothing. It feels a bit like when I was waiting to get my periods back after breast feeding for a year though actually - like things are 'warming up' again. Let's hope so. I have a horrid feeling it's going to be ages yet though - probably because of those silly pregnancy tests. (You'll be pleased to hear I haven't done anymore since. It doesn't help!)

How have you been feeling? Are you still having a little siesta? (that sounds lovely by the way!) I had been having a little nap every afternoon when I was pregnant, and even if I'm tired now I can't bear the thought of it, as I feel like. 'there's no baby now, so I'm not allowed.' Weird I know! MOn the positive side my house is looking cleaner than it has for months and I'm doing lots of cooking!

Hope you're doing ok x

[louisesh]

Hi SAUSAGEMCGRAH i m not too bad thanks for asking.Was just a bit concerned as i finished bleeding then started again and a bit fed up as thought was all over with.You are ALLOWED a nap if you want one as its your bodys way of "healing"Well done for stopping the pregnancy tests don t think it will do us any good.Its sad how your hormones take soo long to settle down after the event.Have booked myself some major pampering having a manicure and my hilights done next week.Then making sure i ve got stuff to look foreward to.Before i return to work i m visiting family and seeing friends and then i ll be halfway through the month.Halfway till things start to get back to "normal" hopefully halfway before we can start trying again

See something s come out of this mess ; you could be the next Nigella or female jamie oliver!!!!! LOL

[sausagemcgrah]

I think I'll be the next of the two 'big, fat ladies' (is that what they were called?) the way I'm going. Cooking generally = baking. Yummy yummy cakes.

Your pampering sounds lovely, as does your visiting plan. I am definitely trying to stay busy too. Can't believe it's all nearly a month today since everything happened. I guess in a way that has gone quickly at least. Are you returning to work next week? How long did you have off if you don't mind me asking?