MMC experiences please

[CurlyWurly1991]

Hi, I should be 7+6 today but after a private scan yesterday I found there was no HB and baby was measuring 6w2d. Sac as expected for my gestation. Just trying to get my head around it all. As it was a Friday I have to wait until Tuesday to speak to GP - duty midwife said I would need to be referred to gynae as not yet ‘booked in’ as antenatal. Made things much harder than they needed to be.

What should I expect? I’ve had no bleeding but since the scan some strong period Pains. I have stocked up on OTC painkillers and big pads. Fearful of pain and lots of bleeding, having read up I would prefer the surgical option but appreciate it may start naturally before I get the chance to request it.

should I be cancelling social stuff? Getting childcare for my 10y old? Letting work know? I’m due in on 4th Jan.

thanks so much

Did you contact epu? They should book you in for another scan to confirm before you decide how to proceed.

Hi @Pumpkinspice13 there doesn’t seem to be an EPU at my hospital here. I called the midwife duty line and as I hadn’t had the booking appointment she said I wasn’t on their system and would need to go to the Gp to be referred to gynaecology. Seemed a very roundabout way of doing things. Alternatively I guess if I went into a&e with bleeding in pregnancy I may get a quicker route but think that would be rather unpleasant and a long wait etc.

Sorry @CurlyWurly1991 it's so heartbreaking. Sending you a big hug right now x

I have only had the pessary option with my MC's. I didn't want to stay in hospital at all so decided it was best for me.

In a nutshell, they took my bloods to make sure they weren't viable pregnancies and then a few days later I went into the EPU and they put the pessary thing inside you and then within I'd say around 4 hours the bad cramps start and everything starts to come away, make sure you are always very close to a toilet at this stage as it's shocking how much does come away. When I was a similar stage to you I went to toilet around 5 times through the night to pass everything out and then it kind of really steadies off quickly, it so strange and just need really big pads for around 5 days max but feel really quite fine pain wise after that first awful night.

I know everyone is different but this is generally how it's gone for me.

Hope you get on okay with whichever option you go for x

Thanks @MudandMoet thats really helpful. I’m sorry to hear that you have been through this.
I’ve read through some of the threads on MMCs and it is good to hear a realistic version of what women have actually experienced. The ‘like a heavy period’ narrative sounds unhelpful and I want to know what to expect. I guess I’m unlucky that my scan was Friday of a BH weekend so I’ll have to wait until the 2nd to speak to the GP. Woke up feeling very pregnant today, is so cruel isn’t it xx

Yes it's so very cruel, I feel so sad for you right now. I think the uncertainty of it all doesn't help, what happens next and all that, you've just lost a baby and then you have to go through the rigmarole of sorting and organising passing it. No one really ever tells you what to expect.

I remember after my first MC when I'd just had the pessary inserted (you have to lay there for a short while after) as soon as I could leave I virtually ran back to the car, sped all the way home and was just freaking out waiting for something to happen sat on 10 towels! (it didn't start until around 11pm)

That feeling of what you end up passing is the strangest ever, I can only explain it like gold ball size pieces of jelly flying out. Really strange!

Sending you another big hug today, hope you're okay xx

I really appreciate your kind words @MudandMoet it does mean a lot.
Im mentally calculating the timescales and if the hcg test will be needed over 48 hours the very earliest they will confirm the missed miscarriage is Thurs 4th Jan, it’s just really stressful as life continues around us, doesn’t it. Things like being able to get to hospital for tests while having my 10 year old home from school for the holidays, dropping her at school, that sort of thing. We have work starting on the house on the 8th 😭 it is going to be very stressful needing to be at home waiting for things to happen with all that going on. I think I will push for surgical management from the GP presuming things don’t happen naturally before then. I guess I will also ask to be signed off work.

So sorry you are going through this, I am currently going through the same, I had a 12 week scan 3 day’s ago to find the baby’s heart stopped at 8 weeks 3 days, currently waiting to pass it, I’ve also had strong period like cramps since last night but so far no blood, I have to call the early pregnancy unit next week if nothing happens to either do the pessary tablets or the surgical management, it’s absolutely devastating isn’t it, sending you so much love and hugs I haven’t stopped crying xx

@Francescarae Oh I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this too, and have only found out at 12 weeks. It is devastating, I feel for you. I am crying a lot too, but need to hide things from my 10 year old which is tricky (she didn’t know about the pregnancy and we decided not to tell her as so much complex emotion around it).
I’ve also had some strong period cramps in the night and some bad headaches, yet still have the on/off nausea and bubbly tummy and sore boobs of feeling pregnant. No spotting or bleeding yet.
Have you got support around you? Partner, family, friends etc? I’ve told a couple of people but feel like it’s such a private type of pain and some people just don’t know what to say.

So sorry you are still having pregnancy symptoms that must make is so much worse, mine stopped at 10 weeks but I just thought it was because I was getting to the end of the first trimester, in hindsight I wish I pushed for a scan.

I do have a lot of support, ours was IVF so everyone knew we were doing it, but I’m finding it very difficult to speak to people as I can’t deal with Some of the comments they say, they do think they are being nice and supportive but I just really want to be left alone which sounds awful I know! Fiancé doesn’t really want to discuss it as I think he is trying to put on a brave face which doesn’t help either. I hope you have the support, must be hard to stay strong for your 10 year old but you’ve got this.

I just think it’s hard for us to move on when the babies are still with us, it’s so cruel, I’m dreading what’s to come but in a way just want it over with.

im also worried about going out in case something happens. I think if nothing happens by Wednesday I’m going to see if I can go for medical management with the pessaries and tablets xx

I'm sorry I can't add anything but I just wanted to say you were in my thoughts @CurlyWurly1991. I'm sorry to hear its ended like this.

@fr4zzledmum thank you ♥️ I really appreciate that xx

@Francescarae it’s so hard isn’t it. My partner like many men I suppose struggles to talk about it much. He has asked me to try and distract myself, think about other things etc, which is easy to say when you aren’t waiting for the miscarriage to start. For them it is the shock of the news but then they can move forward, like you say we still have the baby inside and this odd feeling like our bodies aren’t ready to let go. I think your plan about the medical management sounds sensible. I’m not sure what I will be offered. I’m really quite scared about it and I guess that is the unknown. Like you I feel I can’t be far from home which is pretty hard to keep on with life.
are you going to take some time off work? X

yes it’s easier for them to move forward, mine is being very positive about next time but im definitely not ready to think about that yet.

im due to start a new job next week which is awkward, I’m going to try and take the week off as I have no idea physically how I will be, I think people usually take a couple of weeks off by the sounds of it but everyone is different. are you going to take time off? Xx

@Francescarae oh that’s really hard with starting a new job. You really have to put yourself first in this situation. I think I will ask to be signed off for 2 weeks. It’s not ideal, I have to train someone up and it’ll mean extra work for my colleagues etc but - we are experiencing really significant emotional and physical trauma and we need to take the time we need. I hope your new employer is sympathetic (I’m sure they will be, and regardless we are protected by maternity law). It’s tricky though as I don’t necessarily want my work to know about TTC. I don’t even know if we will continue trying.

It is really difficult with employers, I was unfairly pushed out of my old job as I was open with my employer about my early pregnancy, so I am now very wary of mentioning anything.

yes definitely take a couple of weeks it doesn’t sound ideal being at work training someone.

don’t lose hope, see how you feel in a few weeks or months.

keep me posted with how things go with you and I’m always here if you need a chat xx

Sorry to hear you're going through the same @Francescarae - life can be so cruel at times.

I know everyone is different but I was back at work within a few days as I'm self employed and had a few deadlines the same week I couldn't miss. It was surreal how quickly after that first night I felt more back to normal with just the odd paracetamol. Mentally I wasn't fine but I wasn't prepared to share my story with anyone other than DH so I had to hide that and stick a smile on.

Like I say, everyone is different but I think if you can get through it mentally and you're struggling for time off then maybe you can use less than 2 weeks.

Hugs to both - as if it's all not hard enough xx

How are you feeling today @Francescarae ?

Still having cramps, but still nothing has happened I’m definitely going to call the early pregnancy unit tomorrow morning. Feels so awful starting the new year like this.

how are you today? Xx

@Francescarae similar here. Really painful cramps in the night and thought it would start but nothing yet. Really hate this limbo. Have GP phone appt tomorrow. Hope you get some help from the EPU and we both get a plan in place x

Keep me posted how you get on. My cramps have been more painful at night, I’ve also had a headache today which I wonder if it could be a drop in pregnancy hormones x

Yes me too, I wonder why they are so much worse in the evening/night. I definitely feel less pregnant today and almost normal so my hormones definitely changing.

I recently had a missed Miscarriage, Similar to you no heart beat or fetal pole found at 7 weeks scan. I know how devastated you will be feeling, I do feel your pain😞
my pregnancy was through ivf, so I was taken progesterone, which I belive ‘helped’ by body hold on to pregnancy as soon as I stopped I started bleeding on day 4, it was painful but not complete agony. Some large clots passed not sure exactly what I didn’t want to look to much, bleeding lasted just over a week for me. But after first few days I had no pain. Everyone is different, I hope it isn’t too bad for you, it’s the waiting for the inevitable that is the hardest, sending love xx

@CurlyWurly1991 Im so so sorry to see you on here lovely, I was on the due August 2024 group with you. It’s so utterly heartbreaking, I’m thinking of you. I had surgical option with my MMC at 10 weeks with twins which I’d recommend, just like a period with a few clots afterwards xx

Thank you for sharing your experience @dancingmonkey and I’m so sorry to hear that you have been through this too xx

@warmbutteredtoast thank you xx I am sorry to hear you went through this as well. Pregnancy after miscarriage must be such a worrying time, I hope you are doing OK xx

I had a missed miscarriage around new year a few years ago. It was a bad time. I’d gone for a private scan around 12 weeks as dh couldn’t get to the actual 12 week scan. No heartbeat. Only stopped a couple of days before apparently. I managed to get a surgical management booked in but had to wait 5 days because of new year. I did get pains in the interim but no bleeding actually happened. I didn’t want all the waiting round and bleeding with two children at home. I was also a bit scared of what I might see as it had looked very baby shaped on the scan. The surgical management was very straightforward, virtually no bleeding afterwards and I was pregnant again second cycle following it. They will probably try and push the tablets on you because it’s cheaper. If I was around the 6/7 week mark I might consider it but it’s a very personal thing and depends on your individual circumstances. Sorry you’ve had this news.

@toomanyleggings I’m sorry to hear you went through this too. It is good to hear you were pregnant again soon afterwards. I don’t know if we will continue trying as I think the experience has woken up DH a bit to the realities of pregnancy… we are also a bit older and worried about various risks. We are blessed with a 10 year old already.

@Francescarae I hope you’ve managed to speak to your EPU? I am waiting for a call back from the GP as I asked to be referred (seems it is all dealt with by gynaecology at this stage). Initially told I should just wait for it to pass naturally but I said I can’t keep waiting, baby stopped developing 2 weeks ago and no spotting etc so I need things to move forward.