MMC experiences please

[CurlyWurly1991]

Hi, I should be 7+6 today but after a private scan yesterday I found there was no HB and baby was measuring 6w2d. Sac as expected for my gestation. Just trying to get my head around it all. As it was a Friday I have to wait until Tuesday to speak to GP - duty midwife said I would need to be referred to gynae as not yet ‘booked in’ as antenatal. Made things much harder than they needed to be.

What should I expect? I’ve had no bleeding but since the scan some strong period Pains. I have stocked up on OTC painkillers and big pads. Fearful of pain and lots of bleeding, having read up I would prefer the surgical option but appreciate it may start naturally before I get the chance to request it.

should I be cancelling social stuff? Getting childcare for my 10y old? Letting work know? I’m due in on 4th Jan.

thanks so much

I'm honestly shocked you were told you'd need to go through gynae?? I've had two MMCs at nine weeks both before booking in appointments and was treated by my EPU both times without a GP referral. I'm so sorry they're making you take such a rubbish route.

The second was diagnosed on New Year's Eve last year so I really feel for you as I remember how much the bank holiday delayed everything.

In terms of treatment I had the pessaries for the first one (which was a blighted ovum) and it was very much just like a heavy period with limited pain as there was only lining and an empty sac to come away. For the second there actually had been a baby and a heart beat so I went with the surgical option as I couldn't bear to see it. The surgery was quick as painless as I was asleep and the whole thing was done with in a day. I had very minimal bleeding afterwards.

Thank you for sharing your experience @TheBirdintheCave I’m sorry to hear you have been through this more than once. I agree it’s a bad system here, or maybe I was poorly advised initially by the duty midwife.
Neither my GP or myself can get through to the EPU or hospital reception by phone so I’m no clearer on what will happen. There is then a doctors strike starting tomorrow until 9th jan which is surely likely to have an impact on non emergency care. Just feel like I have to put everything on hold to just wait for myself to miscarry without any intervention, it’s horrible.

Hi, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m in a similar position. Managed to get an appointment with gynae assessment on NYE due to spotting for a week and mild cramps. I should have been 6 weeks 4 days but they could only see a sac resembling 5 weeks. My dates are 100% correct, had my positive at 10 DPO so it’s impossible to be only 5 weeks.

They couldn’t confirm miscarriage there and then as some women get the dates wrong so I have to wait 2 weeks for a follow up scan to confirm. I’m now just sat waiting. My body doesn’t seem to be miscarrying naturally yet and it’s just so awful being stuck waiting. I just want to move on now.

I hope you can get through to EPU soon and get some answers.

Hey, I’m still waiting for the EPU to call me back, I’ve asked if I can do the medical management with the tablets as nothing has happened and I’ve realised the longer this goes on for the longer it will be before I can do another embryo transfer, how are you today? I had a very very tiny amount of spotting last night but hardly noticeable and then it stopped also cramps have completely stopped too, it’s now nearly been 5 weeks for me since the baby’s heart stopped and it stopped growing so getting a little concerned at how long they want me to wait xx

@CurlyWurly1991 I really hope you can get through to them soon. So ridiculous that not even the GP can reach them.

And thanks, it was a dreadful time. I went on to have an early IVF loss in the summer too BUT can now happily say I'm 21 weeks with our rainbow baby.

I have everything crossed that this gets resolved for you quickly and you get your rainbow very soon afterwards <3

@Wish23 Oh I’m so sorry to hear that. It is so hard with an early loss when they don’t know if they can confirm a heartbeat would show yet. I know what you mean about them wondering re dates in case we miscalculated. I did read one thread where there was a positive outcome but sometimes you know your dates and how it’s impossible to be any earlier gestation. Personally once I know the pregnancy is non viable I want to move forward physically so I can deal with the emotional side (beyond the initial shock) because that will take longer.

@Francescarae Good you are being offered medical management. I hope it is over quickly and you don’t experience much pain. I’m in awe of your strength with doing IVF, this much be so hard when it has been so hard fought to get to this stage.

@TheBirdintheCave I am so happy for you that you are 21 weeks pregnant ❤️ it must have been scary getting to the 12 week mark. Your beautiful baby will be so worth it all xx

I’ve finally got through to EPu and offered an appointment and scan for Friday morning so will find out about next steps then. That will be 1 week on from the private scan and 3 weeks since baby stopped developing so surely enough time to offer some treatment. Unless things move forward naturally of course. My cramping has also stopped - wonder if it was the shock of the scan that started it. No bleeding yet .

i really hope you get answers and options with your scan on Friday. I am going in on Friday at 9.30am for the medical management (tablets) I’m really scared about it as she said it can be quite painful but it’s got to be done and I didn’t want to take the surgery due to the risk of scarring and I obviously want to try again. Keep me posted with how it goes.

I said I would call them if anything happens in the mean time xx

@Francescarae aw you will be OK. I think it is good that they are honest about what it might be like. I’ve read a few accounts on mumsnet and none of them are the ‘like a heavy period’ that the nhs website says and my Gp said to me today, unfortunately. I really hope it is over quickly for you and you can try again and you meet your rainbow baby this year ❤️

Yes I would much rather them be honest, she said they might be able to fit me on on Thursday so will call me back if they can. She also said that it generally can take the mind a couple of weeks to tell the body what has happened so the only calculate the waiting time from when you find out.

they said they will give me anti sickness too I really hope it isn’t too bad but I think it will be but it’s got to be done I suppose.

thank you I really hope I get there, spent most of my 20’s TTC just turned 30 last month so hope I don’t have to deal with all of this for my 30s too xx

Firstly, I'm so sorry OP.
I had a MMC at 10 weeks a few years ago.
I had wiped and seen some blood but then it stopped. It hadnt made it past 7 weeks/sac.
I chose not to go medical and let nature take its course.
I spent a few weeks 'waiting' for it. I had period pains.. and spotting on and off which eventually got stronger. I didnt stray too far from home and took it easy otherwise carried on as 'normal' (I have an older child so had to keep on parenting).
Eventually, after a few weeks, I had a day of much more pronounced pain, and bleeding, which culminated in a very painful hour and the passing of something more 'distinct'. As my midwife friend who
Guided me through it had reassured me that there would feel like there was an 'event' which that was. After than, i continued to bleed for another week or so.
And that was it.
It was painful, but manageable thank god.
You do have to look after yourself and keep a
Close eye on level of bleeding though. It's not always so simple.

@Francescarae I really hope it is over quickly and you can move forward. Such a difficult thing to go through. I’m so sorry to hear about your TTC journey too. I have an older child but after years of dithering started TTC last year and this was the first time we conceived. Sadly my DH has changed his mind and I think we will stop. We are older (I’m 37, he’s 46) and I think the risk of various things is becoming very real for us.

@moderationincludingmoderation I’m sorry to hear that you went through this too. I have heard similar stories about natural miscarriage. Like you with an older child, my worry is her hearing/seeing something and being scared. She doesn’t know about the pregnancy but is very perceptive and probably knows something is up. My worry with the natural route is it taking a long time or happening unexpectedly. We have builders in next week! I don’t know what to tell work, etc. It’s just too uncertain which makes the emotional pain of the loss harder tbh. I gave birth naturally without pain relief etc but in this situation i want to take the ‘easiest’ option. I don’t think they will offer it to me though.

Totally understandable to want to have some "control' over it.
I had the luxury of being freelance and managing to take some time off work, and we didnt have much on at the time. I think my instincts just knew it was the best option for me at the time.
And I'm sure your own instincts are telling you what is best for you right now xx
I hope you're ok OP

I’m so sorry for your loss, OP. I had a MMC before Christmas - at the first scan, I should have been 11 weeks and measured only 6 weeks; then at the second scan a week later, a second embryo was discovered; and finally at the third scan, another week later, MMC could officially be diagnosed.

I chose surgical management as the quickest way to get back to ‘normal’, as by then the embryos had been not developing inside me for longer than they had been developing, and I just wanted to be able to start moving on. The two weeks of knowing and waiting for scans were the longest of my life.

I had the surgery on 18th December and had some pain afterwards on that afternoon, but only period-like cramps. Bleeding was relatively minimal, and it’s completely stopped now. I had a negative test a few days ago, which I think is relatively quick, and I think I might be ovulating now, although I’m not temp tracking or anything - just waiting for my next period so we can TTC again after that.

Re. The surgery, I was very worried and anxious about scarring too, but I was reassured by posters on here and also by the surgeon/doctor that the risk is very low. They use a new ‘device’ (sorry, not sure what the right term is) which is much gentler and reduces the risk of scarring further.

Please feel free to ask anything about the surgical option if you decide to go down that route at any stage. I’m happy to talk about it and definitely found it the right choice for me. Take good care x

Sorry to hear you're going through this 😞. I had a MMC at 8 weeks. Waited about 2 weeks and nothing happened naturally, so I had medical medical management. It was pretty grim but I had it on the Friday & was back at work on the Monday.

Thank you @meepthebeep and @Lizzypet for sharing your experiences. I’m so sorry to hear about so many women suffering from MMCs. It is such a horrible thing to go through.
@meepthebeep I am going to ask for surgical management and see whether that can be done quickly. If not then I may go with medical. I’m just really anxious about having the miscarriage at home next week as our windows are being changed and I won’t be able to sleep in my bed or use some of the rooms of my house. It’s just really bad timing to need to be alone at home / in the bathroom undisturbed! My DH is reluctant for me to try and reschedule the dates of it as he has the week of annual leave so will be here to deal with the workers. It’s just I will not feel ‘safe’ at home iyswim which will probably make the process more difficult than it already is.

How are things @Francescarae ?
I was feeling ok yesterday then it hit me today like a deep depression.
No sign of things moving, so I’m just cancelling everything right now.
Planning to work though (wfh only) to take my mind off it a bit (this isn’t working).
the people I’ve told about it seem to find it hard to talk with me and after initial sympathies have said no more. That hurts. It reminds me of when Ive had bereavements, people don’t know what to say/think you need space but don’t even check in.
just want it to be over!

Hey @CurlyWurly1991 I feel exactly the same as you today, it started last night before I went to bed he sadness hit me so hard too, it’s like my heart hurts and I’m wondering if I will ever feel normal again, I have the opposite to you where my family are trying to support me but just say all the wrong things which is making me feel worse, also staying at home is making me feel really down but I don’t want to go too far from home, I just want it all over with but still don’t know how I will move on from this, I’m sure we will get there with time but to be completely honest it feels incredibly hard, our hormone levels are probably dropping too which is probably making us feel worse, I’m here if you want to talk it’s nice to have someone that understands.
we will get through this xx

@Francescarae yes I feel all those things too. It’s hard to do much because you are thinking ‘what if it starts’. I feel scared when I go to bed at night because it feels like if it happens naturally that is when it will be… still getting bouts of nausea it’s just sad. I know we will both be OK once we can put the physical part to one side we can start to heal emotionally, I hope.

Hi @Francescarae How are you getting on? I hope your appointment tomorrow provides some clarity about next steps. I’ll be at the EPU too tomorrow, but nervous as I don’t know what to expect. It’s usually a very busy area of hospital so I was thinking to take some distractions in case I’m left waiting a while.

Hey, I was just thinking of you actually wondering how you were. Im okay still no change though, had a tiny bit of spotting this morning and then it stopped no cramps or anything so I think the medical management tomorrow will definitely be the way forward im really scared about the pain and what I might see, and it feels like it will really be over after tomorrow which is making me really sad, I’m not going to lie today has been a struggle for me and I’ve felt very lonely. Hope you’re okay, yes take distractions with you I’ve been to the EPU 3 times already through this sad pregnancy and every time I was kept waiting for what felt like a life time. Are they doing another scan for you and discussing options? I will be thinking of you, what tim are you going in? X

@Francescarae I hope it all goes ok and is straightforward for you. I’m at EPU waiting to be seen.

Me too , just waiting. Sending hugs xx

@Francescarae I hope you are doing as well as possible in the circumstances and have been treated kindly at the EPU.
I had the second scan and luckily they took into account the first scan, second sonographer called in to confirm and I was offered the options for management. Decided on surgical and am booked in for Monday morning. Feels a relief to have a plan in place and the nurses were so kind and gentle. Made me a cup of tea etc. Honestly makes such a difference when going through this.

MMCs are horrible. I'm going through one right now. Blighted ovum in early November last year. I'm still testing positive but a bit lighter now. I've had three heavy bleeds, the first two were very painful, bloody and lots of clots. The third one was much heavier and came out of nowhere; imagine being at your in-laws' house and you start passing golfball-sized clots and have to get back home to sit on the toilet for hours. It's shit. Stay in contact with your EPU and test every week to check your hCG levels.

I’m happy they were kind to you and you have a plan, the surgical option definitely sounds like the easiest.
i had to wait for 4 hours at the EPU because of the strikes, but they were really nice and seemed really sad for me, I’ve had the medical management half an hour ago so just have to wait now for it to happen I’m a little scared.
they said if I am pregnant again they will scan me every 2 weeks from 6 weeks which is good. Want this done now so I can focus on trying again.
I hope you’re okay x