Am I in denial? No heartbeat

[Pancakesandbutter]

Hello. I am 8.5 weeks pregnant. We know the date we conceived so even taking 5 days off for sperm surviving, I would be 8 weeks.

Went for a private early scan 2 weeks ago, could see gest sac, fetal pole and yolk sac. No heartbeat and told to come back 1 week later. CRL 2.1MM

1 week later, same as above but CRL 3.4MM. No heartbeat.

1 week later, same again but CRL 4.2MM. No heartbeat.

I thought she may be wrong so I booked a different place the following day. I was told CRL 3.8MM, gest sac 1.86CM and no heartbeat and to attend early pregnancy.

Both places scanned me internally.

But I still feel pregnant, haven't bled and just don't believe them. Am I in denial? I don't want to phone early pregnancy. I feel like I want to wait until 12 week scan which is in 3 weeks and hope for the best. Please help. Any advice at all please, I would be so greatful. Thank you

[Furryrug]

I'm so sorry .I really wouldn't wait, you need to be seen as soon as possible xx

[Findyourneutralspace]

It does sound like you need to contact EPAU. Sorry to hear things aren’t how you’d hoped at this stage.

[Mummyboy1]

I'm so sorry but there would be a heart beat by now.

[Olika]

As they have scanned you now 4 times and in all occasions no heartbeat, I would def contact early pregnancy. I know it's heartbreaking to go through but sooner you get this sorted the sooner you can try again. Good luck!

[Cowlover89]

I'm so sorry to say this but if there was no heartbeat at 8.5 weeks then it sounds like a miscarriage. You can still feel pregnant. Could be missed miscarriage. I had one. Sending love and hugs x

[Pancakesandbutter]

I really appreciate all your replies and honesty, thank you from bottom of my heart. I phoned early pregnancy and someone has called back to ask me to go in at 2.30. She did say these private places aren't regulated, that's given me more hope? It's an awful feeling. I know I will know soon, but I really don't want to and feel like I sound nuts :(

[Emma005]

I’m so sorry it is pure shock and denial when this happens and so painful I still feel it months later am here to chat whenever you need ♥️❤️‍🩹💔

[KatieJ345]

I’m so sorry, this happened to me at my 13 week scan (the baby was measuring 10 weeks and no heartbeat). With a missed miscarriage, the body doesn’t realise it isn’t pregnant anymore and you can still have the symptoms. I like you wondered if there was a mistake at first as I was in shock but it wasn’t a mistake. It is best to get this dealt with quickly as the further along you get, the harder the physical process can be if you go for medical management.

[helplesshopeless]

I'm sorry to hear this, I went through the same recently. You will need to have a scan at your local EPU. Unfortunately they don't accept non-nhs scans for legal reasons and so you'll likely need to have two scans a week apart with the EPU before they can confirm for sure, but if there's been no heartbeat detected yet it does sound likely that this is bad news :( contact EPU and they'll take it from there with you. All the best

[Pancakesandbutter]

Hello. I thought I'd update you all as you were all so kind to take the time to reply. Early pregnancy confirmed I've miscarried at 5 weeks, but everything else around it has continued to grow to 8 weeks. Body hasn't registered it so those of you who said that's why I still feel pregnant were right. If I don't pass it myself before the next scan next week (no hope, just they're protocol) then they'll get me in to manage it.

So sad and I'm so sorry to everyone else this has happened to. Hopefully once the pregnancy is out I'll feel a bit better, but just feel so attached to it still x

[Olika]

I am so sorry to hear this. There are lots of us who unfortunately had to go through this all but we ended up having healthy pregnancy later so don't give up. Make sure you grieve your own way and once you ready you can try again. ❤️‍🩹

[Mailys]

So sorry to hear this. Nearly two weeks ago I also had a miscarriage. I was ten weeks but found out from losing it, it came away. So sorry for you. Get plenty of rest and look after yourself. It's a tough time, both physically and very much emotionally

[Pancakesandbutter]

Thank you everyone. The replies I've had have been amazing and I was a wee bit more prepared after reading your honest responses. I have a leaflet to decide what to do if it doesn't happen naturally. The surgical one looks the least painful and easiest way, sad as that sounds.

I'm sorry for those of you that got even further along, can't imagine how hard that must have been ❤️

I've never really posted on Mumsnet but so glad I did :)

[PinkRoses1245]

Sorry to hear this. I had a similar situation recently but without knowing in advance I had a very sudden loss at 11 weeks but sonographer estimated it had stopped growing at least 2-3 weeks before. I hadn’t had a scan before it had happened. I’m glad you got checked.

[Torganer]

I am so sorry. I have had 4 miscarriages now and they don’t get any easier - 2 after I’d seen a heartbeat! I would definitely recommend surgical if you feel that’s an option for you. My first was a blighted ovum and I miscarried 5 days after the scan and it was painful, felt like labour pains, much worse than period pain. The surgical management was painless, had minimal bleeding after and the benefit of knowing when it was going to happen (I passed the first on my own as my husband was at work and it was miserable).

After the surgical ones, my husband picked me up, we had a cry, watched a film and ate and drank all the things I was previously not allowed. It felt a lot easier.

[Pancakesandbutter]

That's awful to go through. Thanks for sharing it with me. How are you now?

[Pancakesandbutter]

@Torganer

I am so sorry. I have had 4 miscarriages now and they don’t get any easier - 2 after I’d seen a heartbeat! I would definitely recommend surgical if you feel that’s an option for you. My first was a blighted ovum and I miscarried 5 days after the scan and it was painful, felt like labour pains, much worse than period pain. The surgical management was painless, had minimal bleeding after and the benefit of knowing when it was going to happen (I passed the first on my own as my husband was at work and it was miserable).

After the surgical ones, my husband picked me up, we had a cry, watched a film and ate and drank all the things I was previously not allowed. It felt a lot easier.

I'm sorry for your losses too. I think I'll take your advice on surgical if I can. For some reason, I have alot of shooting pain tonight. Its quite bad. Maybe because I've accepted it, it's starting to happen. Just can't believe the pain on the same night I was told. Our bodies are so weird and wonderful

[Pancakesandbutter]

@PinkRoses1245

Sorry to hear this. I had a similar situation recently but without knowing in advance I had a very sudden loss at 11 weeks but sonographer estimated it had stopped growing at least 2-3 weeks before. I hadn’t had a scan before it had happened. I’m glad you got checked.

That's awful to go through. Thanks for sharing it with me. How are you now?

[literalviolence]

So sorry OP. This is a lot to go through. Let yourself grieve your loss.

[CluelessInLondon]

@Pancakesandbutter I'm in a similar situation to you experiencing a miscarriage at the moment and just wanted to say how sorry I am for what you're going through. Look after yourself and I hope you have lots of support around you.

@Torganer Just wanted to say thank you for sharing your experience of surgical management - I am probably going to opt for that if my body doesn't move anything along before my next scan later this week, so it was helpful to hear from someone who has had it before. So sorry to hear that you have had to go through it multiple times.

[Pancakesandbutter]

@literalviolence

So sorry OP. This is a lot to go through. Let yourself grieve your loss.

I really appreciate your comment thank you :)

[scrantonelectriccity]

Really sorry for what you're going through.

Everyone's experiences are different but I've had medical and surgical management, medical management was really painful and traumatic, surgical was "easy" and painless

[Pancakesandbutter]

@CluelessInLondon

@Pancakesandbutter I'm in a similar situation to you experiencing a miscarriage at the moment and just wanted to say how sorry I am for what you're going through. Look after yourself and I hope you have lots of support around you.

@Torganer Just wanted to say thank you for sharing your experience of surgical management - I am probably going to opt for that if my body doesn't move anything along before my next scan later this week, so it was helpful to hear from someone who has had it before. So sorry to hear that you have had to go through it multiple times.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through too. I hope it's OK to ask. Have you had any bleeding? I don't have any signs at all. Feels horrible sitting about with all the pregnancy symptoms knowing nothing is coming of it.

[CluelessInLondon]

@Pancakesandbutter No problem to ask at all. I've been bleeding for a little over a week (started last Saturday night) but never very heavily, mostly noticing it when I wipe but not seeing much on a pad. That was what prompted me to go to EGU as I hadn't had any bleeding up to that point, no implantation bleeding or anything, so I was worried about it suddenly starting even though it wasn't heavy. They confirmed at a scan last Tuesday that baby had no heartbeat and are going to do a confirmatory scan this Thursday. Other than light bleeding I've had a bit of mild cramping and back pain but not anything I've even needed painkillers for, so it doesn't look like my body is in a hurry to give up the pregnancy. It's a horrible feeling being in limbo, so I'm probably going to choose surgical management when I go back on Thursday so that I can at least feel that it's "done" and I can start to return to some kind of normality.

[Pancakesandbutter]

@CluelessInLondon

@Pancakesandbutter No problem to ask at all. I've been bleeding for a little over a week (started last Saturday night) but never very heavily, mostly noticing it when I wipe but not seeing much on a pad. That was what prompted me to go to EGU as I hadn't had any bleeding up to that point, no implantation bleeding or anything, so I was worried about it suddenly starting even though it wasn't heavy. They confirmed at a scan last Tuesday that baby had no heartbeat and are going to do a confirmatory scan this Thursday. Other than light bleeding I've had a bit of mild cramping and back pain but not anything I've even needed painkillers for, so it doesn't look like my body is in a hurry to give up the pregnancy. It's a horrible feeling being in limbo, so I'm probably going to choose surgical management when I go back on Thursday so that I can at least feel that it's "done" and I can start to return to some kind of normality.

Yeh the week long wait for second scan is hard. I do feel the same as you, hoping it will happen quickly to be "done" rather than waiting around.

I think the majority on here are advising the surgical option. I had said earlier it looks the least painful and easiest way, but even saying that makes me feel guilty. I just want it all over so I can get on.

Let me know how you get on the rest of the week. I can't believe how many women this happens to, its very rarely spoke about anywhere.