Still waiting for the inevitable

[indecisivewoman81]

Hi everyone. I've been lurking on this board since Thursday when I found out at 11 weeks that my baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks and my womb was full of blood.

Having to be in the rook on my own with my husband waiting outside expecting good news will haunt me for ever.

I have to go back I'm next Thursday for a re scan and been told to wait it out.

I have only had small amounts of spotting although my back feels achey and I can't stop crying.

What I want to know is, when will it properly start? I have two children at home and I don't want them to witness anything.

I feel like I am in limbo and frightened by the next steps the pain and blood.

Can anyone offer any advice? A hand hold x

No one can tell you when it will start unfortunately, but if it was me I'd likely wear a pad just in case for when it does start. I'm my experience of MC, it didn't start like a tap being turned on, it's spotting which gradually becomes heavier, so I wasn't caught off guard.

Sorry you're going through this

Agree, no one can tell you when, you just need to be prepared practically.
Have pads in, get really decent pain killers, think Codiene based either from the pharmacy or a prescription from your GP, don’t make plans to go too far from your home and bathroom/loo.
If you have people who can help with things like school run, to & from nursery/school with your other kids because you may not be able to do this due to bleeding/pain.

The latest for me was knowing at 7 weeks and not actually starting to miscarry until 13 weeks, it will come.
All the best at this horrendous time.

Thank you both.

My husband has gone out to buy heavy duty pads and co-codamol for me.

I am dreading it. My back is beginning to really ache so I'm wondering if perhaps things are starting to happen.

I hate this.

Hey.
I had a blighted ovum at 9 weeks. I had a private scan. Got referred to the NHS the next week at 10 weeks. Said the sac had grown but still wasn’t big enough so had to wait another week.
Went back this Tuesday so would have been 12 weeks and told the sac was still growing and they were able to call it luckily.
The whole time I was in a lot of discomfort and spotted a lot.
However nothing happened naturally and I had an MVA on Thursday to remove any remaining tissue.

Such a horrible thing to go through & honestly all the waiting and not knowing what will happen is the worst part of all of it. I just kept getting told to rest. Had to have 2 and a half weeks off work through it all. (I’m a teacher and there’s no way I could have 1. Hid my emotions and 2. Been on my feet all day. Was also sooo anxious I would start to miscarry while teaching and just thought how unfair on the kids that would be🤦‍♀️.)
Now I’ve had the MVA I feel so much better & going back on Monday.
I hope you get it sorted soon & I know it’s easier said that done but just try to relax the best you can. It’s one of those horrible things you just have no control over .

No one can say when it will happen and if it will happen. It’s why I couldn’t go for the natural or medical options. I needed it to just be over so I could start to move forwards.
Please take care of yourself regardless. It’s one of the worst thing to go through emotionally so I know exactly how you’re feeling.
Lots of crappy films and blankets on the sofa with tea & hot chocolate ! X

Hi OP, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I had a MMC in May/June (it was so drawn out, it spanned over both months). I too had to go for scans by myself and then break the news to my husband at home. I had a scan and then a re-scan a week later to confirm. Unfortunately I then waited another 3 weeks for the MC to progress. The waiting was horrendous. My understanding is that for most women who opt for natural management, it happens within 2 weeks. But as we all know, each journey is different and unique. Good to hear your husband is stocking up on heavy duty pads (unfortunately "maternity" ones are best in this situation) and pain relief too. I found a hot water bottle helpful too. I don't have any other children (just my angel baby) and so I can't imagine how difficult it is for you to balance all of this.

Please do continue to talk on here if it helpful to you. Sending love and strength 💗

Hi ladies. I am relieved to find this post to knoe I'm not alone. Sorry you are going through this too @indecisivewoman81. I don't have any tips or advice as I'm at the same place as you OP but just wanted to share / talk.

I found out on Monday at our dating scan (11weeks) that our baby stopped growing at 9 weeks and that there was no heartbeat. I'm so grateful that DH was with me during the scan, I cannot imagine having to do that alone. We had a scan at 7+5 weeks and all was well with a nice strong heartbeat so did not expect this at all and are both devistated.

I have my appointment on Monday 5th for a 2nd scan & to discuss the plan with the Dr but I have been hoping it would happen naturally, but do far it hasn't . I don't think I can wait for it to happen naturally for weeks & weeks though...

I've been cramping slightly these last few days and my back & hips have been really really aching. I, like you, am hoping it's the start of something because it feels like the start of a period but nothing is happening.

It's currently 6am and I've been up since about 3am with insomnia. I slept terribly last night too. I don't know if anyone else experienced insomnia before their miscarriage? I wondered if it was hormones.

Hope you're doing OK @indecisivewoman81 & I'm glad DH is looking after you 💕

Can you not just request an erpc? I had four children at home and I didn't want the uncertainty of waiting about. I found out I'd miscarried at 10 weeks and no bleeding by the time of my erpc at a week and a half later. I had positive tests for 4 weeks after so I think it would have been a long road had I not gone into hospital. The erpc was very straightforward at least physically and I had zero pain and very little bleeding after.

Hi @sausage1990

I'm so sorry you are going through the same thing it's absolutely heart breaking and I don't know bout you but my emotions are all over the place.

Like you I have been waiting for something to happen but nothing much is. My back is achey and sometimes actually hurts but not enough to warrant pain killers yet. Yesterday I had about 20 minutes of painful period pain cramps and I thought "this is it" but I ended up having bad diarrhoea TMI and only a bit of blood.

I am not back into hospital until Thursday so have a bit still to wait. My friend suggested I go for a walk today to kick start things (that is similar to labour and needing to be active) so I am going to do that today but not too far in case it really starts and I am out.

How are you doing?

I too an having trouble sleeping but mine is more getting off to sleep not staying asleep.

Tooday is the first day my pregnancy symptoms have settled down. My boobs don't hurt and I managed porridge for breakfast (which I haven't eaten for 11 weeks). I am hoping that that means the hormones have dropped.

If it helps to talk, keep posting. You are not alone. X

@batteries

I have heard rumours that the hospitals are not offering ERPC because of Covid which is worrying.

I hope that's not the case! That would be really awful. Women shouldn't have to just suffer at home. When I had mine it was Christmas and they did try to fob me off with the tablets but I just insisted that I wanted it doing

At the hospital i went to they did an MVA under local x
Worked fine & already feel loads better.

Might be worth asking what they’re offering x

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've had multiple MMCs and i know it's hard.
On only one occasion did I wait to see if it came out by itself but it never did and I needed an ERPC in any case. You can wait literally weeks which is very hard.
If you can I would definitely push to have surgical management unless they can give you drugs to help.

In terms of bleeding, it really shouldn't be that bad. I hope so. Much love to you all going through this.

@indecisivewoman81 I've not had any bleeding at all. The fact that you've had a small amount suggests that maybe things are happening.

My symptoms have been reducing over the last week, whereas before I had nausea & indegestion 24/7, now it tends to only be after 2pm. I've not had any breast tenderness anyway so that's not different. My back ache has definitely needed a wheat pack or a warm bath to help it and I have considered paracetamol but avoided so far. The cramps haven't been bad... Except once it twice & like you I ended up going to the toilet and it eased. It's all very confusing.

I'm feeling a little apprehensive about my appointment and making decisions tomorrow, and im not sure what my hospital are doing with regards to covid because there are cases at the hospital and my health board has one of the highest number of cases in Wales... So far though the staff have all been excellent, very considerate & nothing has been too much hassle.

I'll let you know how I get on. Xx

Good luck tomorrow @Sausage1990 I will be thinking of you.

It's such a horrible situation to be in and I am so grateful to this board because it makes me feel less lonely. Even though my husband is being very supportive it's just not quite the same.

Xx

Hi all. I’ve had the same news today. I should be 12 weeks but baby is looking like it’s 6 weeks as it’s 4mm. I was told I need to go back on Monday for another scan which I don’t understand why that is? Can anyone explain?
Did people go for natural, tablets or operation? I can’t believe my body has held onto this for so long. So so cruel. No sign of it happening anytime soon either. Are there many pros / cons of medicine / operation?
It was so hard being in there alone today - the search with the ultrasound felt like forever. I hope everyone is well. I’ve no idea how to process this at all. Xxx

@Littleonefirsttime so sorry you received that news :( it's likely they are rescanning just to make sure they are right and to confirm nothing has progressed/grown since the first scan.

I have experience with both the medical management and surgery this time last year so I can give you my experience but it is different for everybody and what went badly for some isn't the same for everyone.

I went to my EPU and had the tablets inserted. I went home and within a few hours started having intense stomach cramps. I lay down in bed with painkillers and a hot water bottle but nothing came until I stood up and then lots of clots, about the size of my palm all sort of shot out when I stood up. Because they only seemed to come when I was moving around or stood up I decided just to stay on the toilet and this was much easier. I ended up back in EPU as I couldn't cope with the amount of clots I was passing and so they had to scrape them out for me (this was horrendous) then I was sent back home. I couldn't get off the toilet and this went on for a few days then it turned into more like heavy period bleeding and was much more manageable.

2 weeks later I still had positive tests and some bits were still left behind so I had the surgical management which I really wish I'd gone for in the first place but they pushed me to do medical management. I arrived at 7am, put the gown on and had the anaesthetic, woke up 30 mins later, throat a bit sore from breathing tube but otherwise completely fine and was given a bit of time to eat/drink/go to the loo and then I was able to go home. I felt fine in terms of pain, although obviously really sad. If, God forbid, I was in that situation again, I'd choose surgical management.

So sorry you are in this position xx

I'll add that the pros of medical management is your DP can be there to look after you, you've got your own bed and comforts around you and it's a lot more private at home as well

@ShalomToYouJackie thank you so much for sharing that. The medical management sounds traumatic - not going to lie. What an awful thing to go through. The operation sounds better to me at the moment so hopefully this is recommended to me. We are discussing these after the scan next week. The thought of another scan is vaguely giving me hope for some reason... it’s all just such a cruel situation and position to be in. Thanks again x

@Littleonefirsttime sorry it's such a horrid story but I thought it's important to be honest as I wish I knew what was going to happen. The staff at EPU said it would be a little bit painful and like a period but I did find it extremely traumatic and still think about it a year later.

My advice is, if after your scan next week you do need to make a decision, push for what you want, regardless of what they recommend for you. They were against me having surgical management as it was only about 7 or 8 weeks I think, I wish I'd been more assertive x

I had back pain for a while but no real blood until the cramps started properly. And then it was gradual and not overwhelming - but of course each experience is different.

I am so sorry you are going through this x

Hi @indecisivewoman81 so my scan and appointment today went ok. As expected there was no change in baby so we can now move forward with the medical management. They confirmed baby was 9+1weeks so I will need to be in hospital for the medical management and I'm going in tomorrow. I'm nervous and very emotional but I know it's the right choice for us and I also feel a sense of relief having a plan now rather than being in limbo.

The nurses & Dr's have all been so supportive, answering all of my questions even the hypothetical ones like "what if X or Y happens" and my silly ones like "what do I wear when I come in" .... So tomorrow is the day.

I got a print out if my scan today as a keepsake. I don't know if it's standard practice but for me I wanted a copy because it's all I have left of this pregnancy. 2 scan photos. I don't know if it will be helpful in the long term but I didn't want to regret not getting one. I'm happy with my choice. I'll keep it with my other scan in my memory box 💕

How are you doing lovely? Hope you're OK. Xx

@Sausage1990 Thinking of you today xx

Ah @Sausage1990 I hope today goes okay for you and that it is all over and down with soon so that you can begin to emotionally heal. It's so awful.

Is medical management tablets?

I am still in limbo, every day I have some bleeding but it is mainly just like a light period although I did have one large ish clot. I don't think anything is going to happen before Thursday (when I have my repeat scan) so will have to choose my options then.

All of them terrify me to be honest. I don't feel like being brave anymore.

Let me know how you get on my love. I really hope everything goes okay xx

@ShalomToYouJackie thanks lovely!

@indecisivewoman81 hun you are strong enough... I don't feel it either but we have to be, we don't have a choice. We will get through this 💕

Yes it's 4 tablets but I think they will be inserted as a vaginal pessary. Then it's a wait and see game. I will let you know how it all goes. For me surgery didn't feel like the right choice if I was able to pass everything following the tablets, I know it's painful (I've read it's horrible) but for me it just felt the less scary option and more manageable mentally. We will see. Either way it's happening and I'll get through it.

And if I don't tell myself that I'll just cry because I'm feeling quite scared about it all but I don't want to let myself feel it too much or I'm guna get into a state. It will be OK. Xx

@indecisivewoman81 also you don't have to be brave. I'm being brave at the moment in time because I need to get to the hospital but in general I don't feel brave. I've already cried this morning. I'm scared and I don't want to have to go through this. It's really really shit. And today is going to really suck.

But being vulnerable is also brave because its hard to be vulnerable and let the hurt in.

Sending you such a big hug... I need that as much as you xxx