11 weeks pregnant.. Think I'm miscarrying

[Dollymixture77]

Hi there

I'm 43 and 11 weeks pregnant today.
Straight forward pregnancy so far until last night. I experienced a small amount of brown discharge.

This morning I have a small amount of dark red blood with a dull lower back ache.
I also have some stretching sensations in the right side of my stomach
But no Cramps as yet.

I didn't think I would fall pregnant again, so when I did I wasn't sure how I felt. I Have 2 boys already and just thought I would now be too old to concieve.

But the thought now I could be losing this baby has filled me with dread and it has made me realise I always wanted a 3rd.

I know it's just a case of seeing how this pans out.. And there's not much I can do.

But I was just wondering if any of you ladies out there have experienced a similar thing and might share your thoughts on how it all turned out.

@Dollymixture77 I decided to go for medical management after waiting 1 week for the miscarriage to start on its own. The waiting was just too much for me and I wanted to get the process underway. To be honest, I didn't experience any of intense cramping or the sickness I was warned about. Medical management worked well for me but maybe I was just one of the fortunate ones.

Maybe see what they suggest today after your scan this afternoon. I know that options are a bit limited at the moment with Covid but medical management should be an option should you decide to go that route x

@Heartbroken2020

Sorry been trying to home school..
My appointment is 14.40.
Im so glad you are coming through the other side... Thank you for your support.. It means a lot 💙
I feel sorry for the staff at the early pregnancy unit.. They must have to break a lot of bad news. I was already in tears before I even went into the clinic room Saturday as I had to sit opposite a lady who had just been seen and was in bits and I couldnt even hug her. I just offered her the box of tissues and tried to give her my most supportive eyes 😔 Heart breaking 💔

@CamillaEsther
Thank you for your reply..
It's helps to know people's experiences..
I've had some very mild cramping but still no blood.. I guess its only been 3 days and my body still hasnt really caught up with what's going on. I will ask their advice today...

Thank you once again for all of your thoughts and advise..

Will update you when I can x x x

I can't sleep...
The moon is so bright tonight.

Today's appointment was equally as tough as the first. I felt pretty strong going there but it seemed to last forever once I entered the clinic room. The sonographer had a student nurse with her so spent ages going through everything. She talked me through the screen, explaining that the baby was still inside the pregnancy sack. It seemed to take an agonisingly long time for her to go over the options which had already been explained at the first appointment. But I sat there just nodding politely staring at her mask covered face, trying to hold it together.

She said I would bleed heavily and said I would know when it passes. Jesus.
I Couldn't wait to get out of there.

Went to my Dad's grave again afterwards and gave it a spring clean. Which helped, surprisingly. I fi d the graveyard a calming place.

I have opted for the natural course of events.. Hoping that my body is kind to me.

I feel scared.
Scared and lost.
Just waiting ..

♡

I'm so sorry for your loss.

It's heartbreaking to see your worst fears on a scan. I've been there too and i hope you are ok this morning, physically i mean. Mentality is different and it's always ok not to be ok

Hello OP. I am very sorry for your loss and that you are now having to endure this awful period of waiting. I am in a similar position to you. I am 39 and have 2 children and became pregnant again by accident. My baby was growing in my tube. I tried medical management but it didn't work and I had an operation to remove the tube at the weekend. Even though this wasn't planned I am so, so sad, but feel so grateful that I already have 2 beautiful children who are bringing me so much comfort. My partner is very supportive but sees the situation as a medical problem whereas to me it's the loss of our third child. It's a very hard and lonely experience. Especially at this time when you must go to all the appointments and receive all the bad news on your own. I hope my post let's you know that you are not alone.

@Dollymixture77

I hope you managed to get some sleep eventually. This is just the worst time... yesterday must have been so tough, especially because you had to go on your own.

I really hope your body is kind to you too.
How are you feeling today? Handholding from afar. Keep talking here if you want to, it really helped me when I was at my lowest and it’s nice not to feel so alone.

Hi,
Hope you managed to get some sleep in the end.
I passed my MMC naturally at 11 weeks and, physically, it wasn’t as bad as I feared. It started off quite slowly - I was worried that there would be a whoosh but that didn’t happen. Over the course of the next week, there was a lot of blood but very little pain.

I knew when I’d passed the sack with the babies in and wanted to have a good look at it, although I know that lots of people flush it away - obviously, either is fine. DH took it and buried them on our farm near where my dad’s ashes are scattered.

There is an excellent post pinned on the Body and Soul board about dealing with practicalities. I found that wearing the Tena pants designed for incontinence made me feel much more secure than just a pad.

I hope things resolve quickly for you and am thinking of you.

@User8008135

Thank you so much for your kind words.. I'm sorry you have experienced this too. May I ask how long ago it was.. Are you OK now?

I've been slowly bleeding today.. Similar to a period. But I also had 1 dark red blood clot the size of my thumb nail.. Was wondering if this could have been the baby?

I just feel numb if I'm honest. I'm glad I dont have to see anyone. I can just work my way through this at my own pace. Although I'm back to work in a couple of weeks so I'm hoping I will be through the worst of it.

@ladyflower23

Oh gosh.. I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through a similar thing. And to go through a medical procedure and then surgery must have been bloody tough 😔 Whilst doing it for the most part on your own. It would seen men do and can see it differently to us. We feel it.. We physically experience the loss. And I guess sometimes it's easier if they do detach themselves to help them deal with it on a practical level. I'm so glad you have 2 angels to help you through. 😇

Will you try again?
Hope you are OK.. Sending love 💗

@Heartbroken2020

I did eventually get some sleep around 5.
Then I sleep outside in the sun this afternoon. I didn't fancy a walk today, worried I may bleed too heavily.
I think my body is slowly going through the motions. I don't have too much pain yet. My body is normally good to me.. Well mostly.

Your hand is greatly appreciated.. ❤️
Hope you are OK too..

@Chickoletta

Sorry to hear you have experienced this too. But thank you for sharing your experience. I'm glad it wasnt too bad for you and not overly physically painful. I hope it helped that you were able to say a peaceful goodbye. May I ask, was it obvious when you passed the babies? As Ive lost a few blood clots over the last couple of days but nothing that stood out. It does scare me of what I might see.

Thank you for signposting me to the pinned post. I will definitely take a look - I am thankful for any advice or words of support.

Thank you for your thoughts, they mean a great deal 🙏

Hi Dollymixture, my mmc was a good few years ago before by first dcs birth. It doesn't hurt anymore and I don't think on it too much but when i do i feel a little sadness. My dcs births after helped though i did have panic and anxiety during my pregnancies. I had what i now recognise as another very very early loss after the mmc but that was painful physically but i was so very depressed after my mmc that it really just added to it.

I felt very numb too, then started spontaneously bursting into tears. Therapy helped and my DH and friends support. Be kind to yourself, you've been through a horrible time and trauma. Draw in support you want but also don't be afraid to step back too. Sometimes we all need to not support others and just be there for ourselves

Do you have a lot of support?

I'm not sure on how things would look, unfortunately things didn't progress for me so i ended up having surgical management. I hope you are past the worst of the physical now.

It's a terribly shit and unfair situation.

@Dollymixture77
My babies stopped developing at approx 7-8 weeks, not sure how developed yours were. I thought I’d passed them previously as I had a lot of large clots but then I passed something solid, the size of a large hen’s egg, which was definitely very different from anything that had happened before. At this point I also felt instantly better - hard to explain, just physically better - the mild cramping I’d been experiencing suddenly stopped and I felt ‘well’. From that point onwards, the bleeding lessened and was more like the end of a period.

Hope you’re doing ok. X

@Dollymixture77 How are you doing today?

Good morning

Once again thank you for all your replies.

@User8008135

I'm glad your dc helped you move on from your sad experience, and that you had support from friends and your husband.

Nobody knew I was pregnant (for this very reason) other than my partner, so it's been a bit rubbish having to inform family and friends. I wasn't going to tell anyone but they started to suspect as I became a little quiet and withdrawn from social media groups. I find it difficult to pretend and hide things, so they are pretty much aware now and have sent their love and virtual support.

@Chickoletta

Thank you for sharing your experience. It helps to know what I should be looking out for and what I might experience.

I bled very heavily last night for the first time since this process begun (on Friday night). And everything just seemed to fall out of me. Some type of dark red tissue - perhaps placenta? I tried to look (sounds gruesome) but didn't want the little soul to just fall down the toilet without me knowing. But I can't be sure what I lost as it was all so dark red and so much of itm
I had some cramping and a few stabbing pains ( similar to those you feel at the end of pregnancy) but nothing unbearable. My stomach seems not so swollen today, so perhaps the baby has passed.

I still feel quite numb to it all. Glad my body seems to be doing the right thing without intervention.

@Heartbroken2020

I'm doing OK.. Just a little low

I have moments of anger and often escape to the bedroom when I need some space from the boys. But try and involve myself in the home schooling, mealtimes and bath/bed time routines.

How are you all doing during this lockdown..

X x x

It's 2 weeks today since I first showed signs of miscarriage and it's been a very bad day for me.

Today would have been my 13 and half week scan. It should have been a special day.

Instead, one of my closest friends told me she was pregnant and that she is due around the same time as I would have been.

The hardest thing is that I was just about coming through the other side, most of the bleeding and pain has subsided, and I was starting to feel stronger.

Now I will have a permanent reminder of what I've lost. My friend lives around the corner. We have sons of similar age. We had talked about having another one around the same time. Now that will just be one of us.

This has completely flawed me and I haven't cried so much since this whole thing begun. I know it's not my friend's fault and it's wonderful news for her. And had it been next month it would probably not affected me as it has. But now everytime I see her ( she lives just around the corner from me) it will be a bittersweet experience watching her hit all the milestones I would have in my pregnancy with the baby due in December.

I'm not sure if anyone is still following this post but If there is someone reading this and this has happened to you, how did you best deal with it and am I being irrational?

I spoke to my mum today and she reminded me that I have 2 healthy children and I am 43. That doesn't seem to ease the pain today. I do know how lucky I am.. It just doesn't stop me hurting..

Thank you for your continued support

I'm sorry I haven't been in your position but I didn't want to leave you in the middle of the night with no answers.

I know your mum will mean well but really it doesn't matter if you already had 100 children. Or how old you are. You're perfectly entitled to a knowledge this is unfair and painful and heartbreaking. That's ok. Just allow yourself to feel what you feel.

Re your friend - it's tough. Hopefully she'll be mindful of that. I had a successful pregnancy at the same time as my brother and sister in law lost their first baby and I felt really conscious of their pain even though they were lovely. It's also ok to feel jealous or envious or pissed off.

I remember when we were trying for our first baby with no luck. A friend announced her pregnancy and it really upset me so your situation is not the same but I hope you understand the comparison. I felt totally angry with the whole world. I did not wish her any ill obviously but I wished it were me AND her and was annoyed it wasn't.

Take care - sorry for the rambling!

Oh I'm so sorry that's shit. This happened to me. I managed to drag myself out to a special do for someone and another friend announced her pregnancy. Due shortly after my babe would have been. It floored me too.

Your mums comments and attitude are insensitive, really enrage me as they are so common to say but so hurtful. You will find few people like that and a few will positively surprise you.

How i got over it? Time honestly. And i avoided her and others pregnant a lit. Counselling too to talk about my poor baby with someone.

@Dollymixture77 I wish I could offer useful words of advice but I'm feeling very similar to you. Some days are still bad for me and it's been almost 3 months since we found out about the MMC.

I'm trying to focus on the lovely life I've got with my husband but I keep finding myself fighting of the dread of never knowing what it's like to be pregnant and feeling the baby grow. I've had 3 consecutive miscarriages and the recent one was the furthest along I'd managed to get. At 41 with low AMH, I suspect I'll never experience a full term pregnancy now but there is still a tiny bit of hope and this seems to get me through.

It doesn't matter if you have babies already or if you've never felt the joy of giving birth - a loss is still a loss and it's happened to you. You feel the physical pain, you deal with the day to day emotions that creep up on you when you think you're coping ok. It's your body and your thoughts.

Not everyone experiences the heart wrenching loss of a pregnancy (thank goodness) but you have and you are grieving. It's ok to grieve and it's ok to feel angry. It hurts and it's shit x

Dear @thaegumathteth

Thank you so much for replying.. Your shared experiences help me to process my own.
I didn't realise how much I would actually turn to this group in my darkest hours..
But by god has it turned out to be my saviour.

I have a good circle of friends but sometimes I feel a burden / Debbie downer always offloading on them .. I don't want to be the ' drama queen' and if I'm absolutely honest - it makes me feel weak.

And it is particularly emphasised during this blasted lockdown. I generally am the happy go lucky one that checks in on everyone and I feel perhaps I should be over this by now.

But my friend's pregnancy has really rocked my world. I've been very tearful over the weekend.. Got drunk over a friends
(garden!) and had an emotional coversation with my partner. So I guess if nothing else, her pregnancy has helped me to let it all go.

We have since had a frank but tender text conversation about our situation and we are both very understanding of each other. I told her I just need a little time.

I still hate the world a little.. But today I have decided that my body now needs a new approach ( in contrast to the last 2 weeks of wine .. Late nights and murder documentaries!)

I'm starting the couch to 5k app and will be giving myself plenty of rest.. Good food and feel good books and movies.

I need to focus on the positives and clim back out of my hateful hole!

Much love 🌹

Dear @User8008135

Gosh isn't life just so cruel. I'm so sorry you've been through this too. It's such a smack in the face have that constant reminder when you're trying to process your own loss. And then with the added guilt of knowing that it's not anyone's fault and everybody should be able to revel in their glorious pregnancy news.

I normally make such a big deal over people's new bumps.. But right now I need to protect my heart.

My mum, good bless her, is just so shit in these situations. I think she can't deal with sadness or grief, so she tries to gloss over the situation and focus on the positives in life. But it always feels like she's dismissing or downplaying my pain, when sometimes you just need to acknowledge it, let it happen and slowly work your way through it. It also makes me feel like I'm a drama queen and that I should stop feeling sorry for myself.

I don't want to fall out with her.. So I stay clear for a bit. I think my mum could do with letting it all out sometimes. I think in all honestly shes probably feeling terribly sad for me.

The thing with time is.. Doesn't it just drag..
Wish u could hibernate until. Christmas!
( altho that's when bub would have been due)

Hope you're not in a really good place

Much love ❤️

@User8008135

• NOW!!!!!

HOPE YOU'RE 'NOW' IN A REALLY GOOD PLACE!

(I'm not that bitter and twisted.. Yet!)

Dear @CamillaEsther

Oh darling girl... ❤️

Mother nature is a cruel woman at times.

You break my heart.. I'm so sorry that you haven't been able to fall... Yet... ❤️

It's souls like you that help me to realise that I am damn lucky.. Even though I am suffering right now.. I have 2 beautiful little faces to lift my spirits each day when things get all a bit too much.

You are on such a difficult journey.. Yet you remain so positive. You are an inspiration to me and I hope I can be more like you.

Dont give up girl.. You have a strong spirit and a thankful heart.. You were made to be a mama 🙏

Much love ❤️

So here I am again...

And looking for more advice..

It's been 3 weeks since I started to miscarry and the test is still showing I'm. Pregnant. Do I need to seek further medical advice? I'm just not sure who I would call in this instance.. The GP? Medicom? Early pregnancy unit?

Xx

@Dollymixture77 I didn't want to read and run. I'll be honest, I have absolutely no experience in this but I would suggest calling your GP - they'll be able to offer you some peace of mind or refer you to the right person if required.

Sending lots of love

Call your GP, they can last a while as pregnant but just in case there is products retained or the slim chance it was a twin pregnancy and you only lost one.

I'm so sorry it's so shit.

Hello Dolly

Ive just read your whole thread and wanted to give you a big hug it seems like if youre still reading as pregnant after 3 weeks that you may need to contact the Early Pregnancy Unit again to be sure.

(I was released from hospital yesterday with my 2nd MC and that was the advice they told me)

It could be nothing more than some clots that need moving, which are full of hormones that'll make your body still think youre pregnant, v cruel i know.

Your pregnant friend will be fine if you give her a little bit of distance. Be kind to yourself love and allow yourself space to be calm and get back to being 'you' there'll be plenty of time to be a supportive friend in the future, no need to rush

Dollymixture77 my Pregnancy Tests we're still showing positive 4 weeks after my miscarriage. Told to test again a week later and it was still positive. EPAU called me back in for another scan and I still had 15mm of tissue left inside me. Was given the option of carrying on as before and letting nature take its call, misoprostol or a D&C in the end I went for the tablets because by that point I'd been miscarrying for 5 weeks. I'd already had one huge bleed with lots of hand sized clots and was told on my first suspected miscarriage scan Baby had dropped down and was on my cervix. Sac had also collapsed at the scan 4 days later so once I'd had the huge bleed I assumed everything had come out. The misoprostol flushes out the rest of the supposed 15mm of tissue. That tissue was a Baby so god knows how that was missed on my scans!!