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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Delayed miscarriage

82 replies

disneyqueen91 · 23/01/2020 20:20

On Tuesday we went for our scan and found out our baby died at 9 weeks. I've opted to wait it out for the time being as I'm not ready to let it go but I just wanted to ask if anyone else had the same feeling and what was the first sign you were loosing the baby? With every twitch I'm like OMG it's now. I don't feel like I can have any medical help at the moment as I want to keep my baby as long as I can ( I know that sound silly) any help would be great.

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disneyqueen91 · 26/01/2020 11:06

@seaduck I'm sorry this happened to you but thank you for commenting that's helped a lot.

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mrsmb03 · 27/01/2020 12:12

@disneyqueen91 How are you? I had a very eventful night. I think zi miscarried last night. I still haven't slept properly, my husband said I fainted I vaguely remember it. He got scared. But I am ok. I hope that was the big one and won't happen again. I also hope I have passed everything or is about to in the next 24 hours so process of recuperating and healing will start soon.

Sending you prayers and good thoughts. X

disneyqueen91 · 27/01/2020 12:20

@mrsmb03 fingers crossed for you that everything has come away and that side of it is over for you. My bleeding is on and off and all my cramping has gone so I think I've got a bit to wait yet.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, let me know how you get on and how you are feeling 💐

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mrsmb03 · 27/01/2020 12:24

@disneyqueen91

I feel ok at the moment. I prepared myself but when it actually happened it is something you'd not expect. Pain started around 1 am and settled a little after 3am. If it took longer that that I dont think I could make it at home I would have gone to a&e because the loss of blood was a very scary thing. You are strong you will get through this. x

HelloViroids · 27/01/2020 12:29

I can’t help with any practical input as I also had a D&C (usually called an ERPC for MMC), but sending Flowers and support to everyone going through this. I am now 13 weeks pregnant again and praying this will result in a healthy baby - although I still grieve the loss of my first.

mrsmb03 · 27/01/2020 12:44

@HelloViroids Wow! So good to hear you're expecting again , praying and sending you good wishes that your baby is healthy and all will go well with delivery. How long before you TTC? Your MMC your first baby? How did you find out you're going to miscarry? x

Nics23 · 27/01/2020 15:17

@mrsmb03 @disneyqueen91i hope you’re both doing ok Flowers I had my surgery this morning and am just waiting to go home. It all went well, and hopefully I can start to process and move forward now.

mrsmb03 · 27/01/2020 15:49

@Nics23 oh wow have you? How do you feel? So you had a d&c scheduled? May you find healing and get well soon. Sending you prayers and good wishes. x

disneyqueen91 · 27/01/2020 16:04

@Nics23 I'm glad it went well for you. I wish you all the best in your healing. I'm still in the early stages I think. A bit of cramping but nothing else. Fingers crossed it's soon. 💐

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disneyqueen91 · 27/01/2020 20:14

@mrsmb03 did you know when it was starting? Did you sit on the loo? Sorry for the personal questions when you're so upset 💐

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HelloViroids · 27/01/2020 20:39

@mrsmb03 thank you Flowers MMC was my first pregnancy, we had to wait about 5 months to TTC as after the MMC we were told there were signs it could be a partial mole pregnancy and had to wait to confirm it wasn’t. We found out about the MMC at our 12 week scan.

mrsmb03 · 27/01/2020 20:59

@disneyqueen91

Please ask away, I am more than happy to share as much info if this would help another lady. Well when we had our follow up scan the nurse gave us a some sort of a talk, she was ever so helpful so had some idea of what it would be like. I also prepared, medication, spoke to my husband that when the pain starts to be ready. I cleaned house and prepared the toilet. I bought loads of pads and a maternity pad.

I have been light bleeding around Friday evening after the scan, Around 9.45 pm Sunday night I had a discharge that I felt was heavier than normal, told my husband I will lie down and I had pain, he said it must be starting. So we were monitoring. I went to bed and tried to sleep around after 1 am I woke up and felt period pains - I think you will kind of think is this it but won't know for sure but if it getting more painful and not going away then it is likely that is the big one. So I just lied down and had a wait and see, then the pain gradually got severe and you bleed in your pad that it would be filled, I sat on the toilet because I wasn't sure how much more blood will come out. I changed my pad then while on the toilet, then went back to lying down, around passed 2 the pain is got worse that I can't lie down that I neither sat nor stand up, kind of curled up while holding at the edge of the bed frame, kind of standing up, sitting this was the only position that I was able to make and then I bleed again and the 2nd pad was filled, I thought I need to go to the toilet or I will mess up the carpet as I have wet my newly changed tights. I was going back to the toilet with my husband holding me when he said I dropped down the ottoman and was out for a second or two, he tapped my face and said something like, wake up or what am I doing? I remember I said I'm going to sleep. I remember after that on my way to the toilet when I stood up straight after the curling position I was so lightheaded I felt light all around my head and I said to myself Oh my goodness, After that I went to the toilet again to clean myself and change my pad. I think your instinct will guide you on what to do. When I was in the toilet as if peeing I felt clots come out, you will feel it because it would be like a flop like a chunk of tissues are coming out, the first time it happened, 3x times something came out. I did not have a look, I was too lightheaded and scared to look, the 2nd and 3rd time I could not see in the toilet anything so I left it.

Everytime I changed a pad, I put a new pad on a new underwear, it was important that I felt as clean as possible considering the circumstances. I would say the intense pain for me lasted an hour or little over and the whole process was between around 1 am with contractions then subsides then contractions again and the whole thing subsided a little after 3 am. My husband called 111 to ask advice because he said I passed out and was worried. They sent an ambulance, they were brilliant as they were at our house within 5 to 10 minutes. They checked my blood pressure it was 98/55 but it was kind of in my normal range so they said it was okay, they said my heart rate was okay and so is my oxygen, so I did not go to the hospital. Maybe prepare an overnight bag just in case you have to go to the hospital. I told my husband that if the bleeding came back as intense as it was the first time around we would call 999 and go to A&E because there is no way I will bleed that much in be and have that intense pain again for more than 2-3 hours, paramedics said the same thing. So we monitored what will happen. Around 4 am I was getting back to my normal self and felt okay. We hoped that was the big one and not have a repeat episode. My husband and I couldn't sleep because of what happened so he gave me a cup of tea and I think I ate something after. I did not take any painkiller because I was waiting for the time I cannot take the pain anymore then I will take it but I did not have to. Don't be afraid to take it or call emergency services if you have to.

Don't let this scare you because it might be different for you. I would just say try to prepare as much as possible with medicine near on hand, water, pads nearby, towel, tissues, food maybe after it happens as you feel weak and hungry.

This lady's story helped me have some idea on what was to come, I don't think I had that much pain but it is good to prepare. Her story was beautiful.

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/story/an-account-of-a-natural-miscarriage-at-home/

Good luck to us. x

disneyqueen91 · 28/01/2020 00:13

@mrsmb03 sorry you went through all of that. I've started 'contractions' and I've had what I think is my 'show' I'm not feeling to bad at the moment but I can't sleep with the twinges so everyone else is asleep (I have mum and my husband here.) I'm snuggled up watching friends. I feel so awful because I want this to be over now but I don't want it to happen. I've feel like such an awful mum, I'm supposed to keep my baby safe and I couldn't even do that. I hate bedtime at the moment though as it's the one time I have nothing else to do but see the baby on the screen and hear what the man said about our baby. I'm so angry that I didn't get offered a photo of my scan. It's like it's not real without proof.

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seaduck · 28/01/2020 12:00

@disneyqueen91 your message made me want to reply as you sound so fed up, you aren't an awful mum at all, I dont know you personally but I'm sure you have done literally everything you can in your pregnancy to ensure that your baby is fine. These things can happen at random and with no reason and it is so unfair.
I hope you have got some sleep and that you are feeling okay today Flowers. Please take care.

Char2020 · 28/01/2020 12:12

I’m so sorry for your loss. We found out just this weekend that we had lost ours at 8+2. We had a scan at 7 weeks and everything was great, saw it’s little heart beat, we were over the moon. We were due to have our 12 week scan today but brought it forward To Saturday as I had slight cramping and felt something was wrong. The scan confirmed our worst fears. Over the weekend the cramps got worse and I started bleeding and within a few hours I had miscarried. This was our first too. Everybody is different but for me the pain wasn’t too bad and I didn’t need any pain relief, there was quite a bit of blood until everything passed then it went to being a bit heavier than a normal period. Hoping this doesn’t last too long but I went for another scan yesterday and they said there is still some placenta left so I have opted to wait and see if my body does the rest on it’s own. It’s devastating when this happens but we hold onto the fact that it’s nobody’s fault and there was just something wrong with the little baba. Thinking of you xx

disneyqueen91 · 28/01/2020 12:21

@seaduck @Char2020 thank you. It's been exactly a week that we found out. I've just been so low the last two days due to bleeding but no end result. I'm feeling much better this morning though, my mum has made me peanut butter on toast (still having my pregnancy cravings) and I've already had a nap as I find it easier sleeping in the day. I love having this community I find it helps so much! I know lots of people who have miscarried but none the same way as me so they don't understand the waiting.

I'm thinking of you all and thank you for helping me on this journey ❤️

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Char2020 · 28/01/2020 12:35

It’s so difficult to take our minds off it when we still have the pregnancy symptoms. I still have some of mine too and am still tired all the time. Just make sure you look after yourself and do what is best for you, don’t feel bad for taking some time out to just concentrate on you.
I only joined today but have been reading posts on here since I found out I was pregnant. I love this group and everyone seems so helpful. Take care xx

seaduck · 28/01/2020 12:46

@disneyqueen91 it must feel unbearable to have to wait like this without knowing what to expect, especially if you keep thinking something is starting. I'm glad your mum is there with the snacks. Do take this time for yourself.
Have you had any further contact with your EPU? I dont know how it works, but do they have a timeline of how long they would be happy to wait for the natural miscarriage before suggesting intervention or is that led by yourself?

disneyqueen91 · 28/01/2020 12:52

@seaduck I've had no further contact with anyone in the medical profession. I got a phone call on the day I found out telling me my options and I was told I can do whatever I want whenever and they wouldn't contact me, it's up to me to contact if I feel the need. It's all new to me but I'm just going off what others said and seeing how I feel. I hope that helps.

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mrsmb03 · 28/01/2020 14:54

@disneyqueen91 Please do not hink you are a bad mum, please do not think any of this is your fault. You did not want this to happen, and if your baby can her you and feel you he or she would know that he or she is loved by you and the people that you love. Concentrate on yourself and getting better and know that you matter and your well being at this moment is of utmost importance.

I've called EPU yesterday and left voicemail asking them for advice on what is next, when will I get scanned to check if everything has passed. No one has called me back. But I'm expecting a phonecall from my nurse tomorrow to check on me.

Thinking of you and everyone here. You're all very strong ladies. xxx

FoxtrotSkarloey · 28/01/2020 15:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

disneyqueen91 · 28/01/2020 15:57

@FoxtrotSkarloey I'm so sorry you've been through this twice. None of your post was to much information. I'm happy to hear about everyone's experience in detail. I'm a control freak by nature so it helps me to have as many facts and scenarios as possible.

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Nics23 · 28/01/2020 17:10

I had surgical management of miscarriage scheduled-it’s different to a d&c but has the same outcome. I couldn’t bare to wait for potentially weeks, and I have fibromyalgia so my body wouldn’t cope with a long miscarriage. The surgery went well, and I feel ok. Empty, sad and lost, but there’s minimal bleeding and some pain but nothing too bad. It sounds like you’ve had a really difficult few days, I’m so sorry.

@disneyqueen91 I’m so sorry you’re still going through this. I’m glad you have your family looking after you

mrsmb03 · 28/01/2020 17:42

@FoxtrotSkarloey Thanks for sharing your story and explaining in a very logical way how our body is doing what it should do - it gave me comfort and hopefully acceptance on this whole experience.

@Nics23 I'm glad all went well for you and you are feeling okay. Did they give you tablets to kicktart the process of surgery? May this be now the start of recovery for you.

GrumpyHoonMain · 28/01/2020 17:46

When I miscarried one of my twins nothing happened - my body re-absorbed it and there wasn’t even a trace when we had our follow up ultrasound. I didn’t bleed, I didn’t feel any cramps, and I wasn’t unwell at all. I was told by the nurse that this is more common than people think even with single pregnancy.

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