TRIGGER WARNING - Miscarriage- is this normal? VERY GRAPHIC

[Ermmmmidunno]

I was in the process of miscarrying a couple of days ago. I was meant to be 9 weeks but maybe measured at 7+6. I had a scan today confirming there was no heartbeat.

I thought it would come out in clots but I’ve passed the whole thing in full. I can see it clearly in the sac.

I don’t know what to do with the fetus. I can’t sit down, I’ve got blood all down my legs.

Help!

I’m fucking traumatised

Oh I'm sorry to hear this!

First step is breathe. Close your eyes and just breathe.

Have you anyone you can phone to come around and sit with you at all?

You dont have to decide right this instant what you wish to do with it.

Maybe get freshened up first and see how you feel after. Have you got a shower you could quickly jump into it?

I'm sending you a massive hug and handhold.

Thanks.

My oh is on his way but he’ll be an hour.

My mum is meant to be here but she’s prioritising a fucking cake that’s in the oven

I'm sorry you're going through this. A miscarriage is traumatizing. There will be A LOT of blood, much more than you might expect.

I just sat on the toilet to let it gush, and flushed without looking. Then get loads of towels and lie in bed on top of the towels for a bit with no bottoms on. The blood may pool inside you as you like down, so be ready with a nappy-like towel when you stand to go to the toilet next.

Then just keep repeating the process - toilet, flush without looking, clean towels on bed and lie down, hold towel between legs when you stand.

The worse lasted about 4 hours for me. Remember to eat, the very heavy blood loss may make you feel dizzy. Paracetamol will also help.

Sorry again that you're going through this.

I don’t want to get either OH or mum to deal with it either as I don’t want to traumatise them either

Didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry op. Towel idea sounds like a good one, and a shower. Let your partner help you. And feel how you feel x

Oh bless you, I'm so sorry.

If you've got a little bit of earth in your outside space, dig a hole - it won't be difficult if it's been raining where you are, it is here - put it all in, wrapped up if you want. Put some stones on the top to mark it and to deter foxes. Later on you could plant something or maybe plant a couple of winter and spring flower bulbs to come up next year.

I hope you feel better soon (you will, I promise, I've been there), and that it won't be long until either your mum or husband arrive.

All the best.

Oh you poor thing. As EAIOU said just breathe for a moment.

Get yourself cleaned up a bit if you like and wait for your husband. Sending you a big cuddle. Take lots of time and be kind to yourself xx

I don’t want to get either OH or mum to deal with it either as I don’t want to traumatise them either

I absolutely understand what you mean. Your mum and DH can help you in more indirect ways if you prefer - making you food, keeping the house tranquil, making tea, providing towels etc.

I didn't want my DH near me when I miscarried (at 13w). We had 3 children at the time though and it was a Saturday, so DH took on the role of taking the kids out and keeping everyone quiet so that I was left in peace.

Just chuck used towels in a pile and sort out later when you're more clear thinking.

I'm just really sorry you're going through this.

Get an old towel, wrap it in a towel so you can’t see it and place the bundle in a sink.

Then get lots of towels for your bed and go lie down.

When your DP gets home you can decide together to bury it or take it to the hospital or GP to handle, your GP surgery might also suggest other ways of dealing with it. No need for either of you to look in the towel again.

Take some painkillers and try and sleep for a while.

I hope you feel better soon.

Sorry I hope you feel better soon was a stupid thing to say.

Can you get to your shower/bath?

I would lay the foetus into a small container if you can, toilet paper can be too absorbent and “stick” just in case you want to look at her/him a last time to say goodbye. Equally it is okay to just want to ignore it all and flush the remains down the toilet as there is no right or wrong. Personally I think I would prefer to have it and bury it in my own time.
Your husband really needs to be part of this if you can let him- it’s his baby too so he will only be as traumatised as you but you can at least share that with him rather than shut him out. Sorry your mum is being unhelpful, she is maybe hurting a lot too but doesn’t know what to do to make it better for you so fussing about something silly like cake instead.

I'm so sorry

No helpful advice, I can only imagine how damaging that must have been. Love and support to you.

Thanks all.

I tried calling the EPU but they weren’t that helpful but I don’t think they could hear me. I’m guessing I’ll still need to go to my second scan tomorrow?

My mums put it in a bag by the sink. I’m just sat in the bath with the shower head in between my knees.

I’m in so much pain I can’t sit up right.

I just didn’t know it would be this awful. The clots and chunks I could deal with but seeing the whole thing in full, sack and all has really horrified me.

Turns out I rang the wrong number as I’m an idiot. I spoke to a really helpful lady at the EPU so at least I don’t need to go back tomorrow.

Thanks again for everyone’s support.

I think the worst is over. This has been the shittest day of my life so far

Didn't want to read and run.

Make sure you manage any pain you might be left with. Stock up on anything that gives you comfort - blanket, slippers, food. Get cosy.

Take as much time as you need before resuming anything normal.

Take time to decide what you want to so with the sack etc, it's your call entirely. Sometimes people flush, some people plant in a planter.

Be kind to yourself

So sorry that you are going through this OP. One day at a time and allow yourself to heal. The Miscarriage Association lets you plant a Forget Me Not in their online memory garden, you can write a message with it. The posts never get deleted, mine is still there 6 yrs on. Hope it might help you a bit going through this.

Ps it's now called Stars of Remembrance
www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/your-feelings/marking-your-loss/stars-of-remembrance/

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

This happened to me, I buried the fetus in a plant pot. There's no right or wrong thing to do with it.

I personally found that the pain and bleeding was the worst for the first 2 hours of passing the fetus, and after that it really started easing off

I'm so sorry. This happened to me.

You poor thing, what a horrible shock. Let people look after you now and do whatever you need to to feel better

Sending you lots of love OP. Exact same thing happened to me and I was not expecting it to be like that. It is traumatising and an important time to look after yourself x

It's so very common and no one talks about it. It happened to me too. Traumatic. Keep it for the moment until you decide what to do. I panicked and flushed it away and I still regret that. You can bury it if it would give you comfort.

Medical professionals don't give a shit before 24 weeks. It's awful.