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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

TRIGGER WARNING - Miscarriage- is this normal? VERY GRAPHIC

45 replies

Ermmmmidunno · 14/08/2019 15:21

I was in the process of miscarrying a couple of days ago. I was meant to be 9 weeks but maybe measured at 7+6. I had a scan today confirming there was no heartbeat.

I thought it would come out in clots but I’ve passed the whole thing in full. I can see it clearly in the sac.

I don’t know what to do with the fetus. I can’t sit down, I’ve got blood all down my legs.

Help!

OP posts:

DearTeddyRobinson · 14/08/2019 17:37

I'm sorry for your loss
I had medical management of my MC but we planted a tree in the back garden to remember the baby by x

FleurNancy · 14/08/2019 21:26

Oh I'm so sorry. The same thing happened to me. It just fell out into the toilet. I stared at it, made my mum look (I was at her house) and then flushed as I didn't know what else to do. Placenta came out a few minutes later, I flushed that too. It was all very weird. It was my 4th mc but previous ones had been nothing like that. Look after yourself and take time to grieve. The Miscarriage Association has some helpful advice.

Pieceofpurplesky · 14/08/2019 21:29

Hi OP I had this too. It's a real shock. Just sending you an Unmumsnetty hug x

Wearenotyourkind · 14/08/2019 21:30

I'm so sorry for what you're going through, OP. Sending love to you

SleepingIsOverrated · 14/08/2019 21:34

Op, I'm so sorry. Sending so much love to you. X

Griefmonster · 14/08/2019 21:37

Hello x same happened to me. I put mine in a little sock and made a paper box with a message on it and took it to the beach and set it off on the waves, bobbing along until I couldn't see it any more then sat a little longer. I think of her every time I'm by the water. I can remember it so clearly. 6 years ago. I'm so sorry for your loss and the awful shock of how it has happened. Be so gentle with yourself x

gnat99 · 14/08/2019 23:22

Oh Margot, I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through, it’s so unimaginably sad. Sending hugs. Hope you are with your OH now and feeling supported. Good luck with your recovery

allhalekale · 14/08/2019 23:30

I’m so sorry for your loss as well. You’ve been so brave. Big hugs x

cailinvelo · 14/08/2019 23:36

OP my heart is breaking reading this, I'm
Sorry you've been through this. You've been so so brave today. Sending xx

Brenna24 · 14/08/2019 23:43

I am so sorry. My first miscarriage was like that. My EPU had wanted me to go in for surgical management (I didn't want management, I wanted it to happen at home). In the end it happened at home before my operation date. The EPU were going to send what they got from management for a group cremation with other miscarried babies and then all the families had the option of going to a memorial ceremony at the crematorium at a later date. I put the baby in an old takeaway tub as that was all I had to hand, then wrapped it in a bit of the material we used for our tables at our wedding and tied it with some ribbon from my hen do and put a wee electric tealight on it. The EPU gave us the option of handing it in to them.for the group cremation but my husband wanted to take the ashes to his family plot in Italy, so in the end we got on touch with a funeral director and they organised an individual cremation. They warned us that we may get no ashes at the end (and the ashes must have been far more coffin than baby) but in the end we did have something to take to Italy. Our baby is now with the baby of a cousin who died at a similar gestation, which somehow gives me comfort that he isn't alone. There are options for cremation via EPU or funeral directors, you can bury him or her in a plant pot, or pretty much anything else that you want to do. I hope that you find an option that brings you peace. I hope that the pain eases off soon too. Mine did once the sac and baby had passed. It took 5 days before the bleeding was lighter and 2 weeks to stop bleeding entirely. I bought pull up nappy pants for teenagers to get me through those first 5 days of bleeding.

Original poster

Ermmmmidunno · 15/08/2019 02:19

Thanks again everyone and to all of you sharing your stories.

It’s still under my sink in a bag. I can’t bury it in my garden but my mum has offered to bury it in hers so I’ll ask her to take it tomorrow.

I can’t sleep. I can’t get the sensation of passing it or the image out of my mind.

I flicker between disgust at it then sadness that I couldn’t protect it.

I think there is some beauty that it was in the sac though. I feel like it was cocooned in a way.

I just want to know what went wrong. It looked so normal for this stage in the pregnancy. I was getting such strong test results.

I’ve had about 4 hours sleep but now my mind is racing.

I don’t really like referring to “it” like that but I don’t really know my thoughts atm.

Sorry I’m just rambling

OP posts:

7salmonswimming · 15/08/2019 02:30

Ramble away. This has to be one of the most traumatic things to happen to a person: the passing of a child/foetus, directly from you.

Don’t feel any pressure to be normal, to get on with things, or any of the other “should” things. Take the time you need to get your mind settled. Seek help if you need it.

It’s the middle of the night for you, but there are plenty of us awake in other parts of the world. Talk, if you need to.

Original poster

Ermmmmidunno · 15/08/2019 07:22

@7salmonswimming - thank you for your kind words

I just want the bleeding to stop. I want to start trying again.

OP posts:

Griefmonster · 15/08/2019 07:56

Good morning @7 I think that's a beautiful description - "cocooned". I find counting helps me when my mind is racing or describing things I can see and touch around me. You will still be in shock, and in the middle of this very physical process. Try to concentrate on here and now and getting through this hour, this day. One step at a time. You are doing so well.

Beamur · 15/08/2019 08:10

I has a m/c more than 13 years ago and still remember the gut wrenching sensation of the sac passing. Unfortunately it's something that does stay with you, although the pain does fade with time.
Unless you've had a miscarriage before you may be unaware of how grim and bloody it can be. If you have to tell people, be prepared they may not know how to react or what to say.
Be kind to yourself, you'll get through this.
Can you take a few days off work to recover?
There may be no 'answer' or reason for this, quite a few women miscarry and go on to give birth to healthy babies. I figured with the child I miscarried there was something incompatible with a viable life for that foetus.
Hugs

Original poster

Ermmmmidunno · 15/08/2019 09:59

I can’t help but feel this happened because it wasn’t “loved enough” which I know is really irrational and stupid.

I’m all over the place this morning

OP posts:

DogsandBoysmeanMud · 15/08/2019 10:01

Just read your first message. Apparently you can take it to a funeral director for them to dispose of.

Beamur · 15/08/2019 12:56

Feeling a mixture of emotions is not unusual. As well as the physical side of this, there's a lot of emotions - it is a kind of grief.

MargotsFlounceyBlouse · 15/08/2019 16:01

You are bereaved and it takes time to come to terms with that. Miscarriages are physically and psychologically traumatic so there's that to process too. I found I'd feel profoundly sad, sadder than I ever had before, and I'd burst into tears at odd times for a few weeks but over time it's more just a sense of sadness when I remember. It was 15 years ago and time is a great healer. I remember not wanting to read websites about miscarriage because that would make it a fact that I'd had one, an odd kind of denial. It's common apparently to dream of swallowing the baby to "put it back inside" which I didn't have myself but I can understand. Your brain is desperately trying to make sense of things and it's a confusing upsetting time. It's hard to talk about the details as it's weirdly taboo which is crap as it's so common. Talk it out here if you need to and let your loved ones take care of you.

Sami121 · 15/08/2019 19:49

@Ermmmmidunno
Im so so sorry you're going through this. Its the worst experience. I had a miscarrage last month at 10 weeks i was totally underprepared for it. Im still bleeding 4 weeks on. I dont have much advice really apart from to look after yourself and take any support on offer x

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