Waiting to miscarry

[SuperSharpShooter82]

I went for an early private scan ten days ago that showed baby with a heartbeat but was measuring a week small. Should have been 7+2 but was measuring 6. Despite the scan ladies being very positive I didn't feel right about it and booked a rescan.

Went in this morning and baby was measuring smaller than last scan and there was no longer a heartbeat

Was then sent to my EPU where they did another scan which showed the same. Despite having the two private scan reports and the NHS one, I was told I have to wait a week and then scan again to confirm. So I now have another appointment next Tuesday but have been told things may happen naturally before then.

I am devastated at what has happened. This would have been a much longed for second child. However, in some ways I am relieved because I have known since that first scan something wasn't right. That said I feel like this is worse because despite KNOWING what has happened I am now waiting. I feel like I am in limbo I hate feeling like there is something dead inside me and I just want to get on with things so I can move forwards.

Please can anyone advise on what happens now? I don't feel I had any options talked through with me so have no idea what to do if it doesn't happen before next week. I'm also worried about what pain I might feel and what I might experience if it does happen naturally or what happens next week. I don't know whether I should go into work or just sit at home and wait

I am so sorry for everyone who has gone through this, but advice or experiences people feel they could share would be much appreciated xxx

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. It must be a horrible thing having to wait for it to pass. I have had 2 miscarriages and both happened naturally. One was pretty painless except for backache. The other felt like very intense period pains for an hour or two, then nothing. I passed the baby the next day.

If you do not start bleeding and cramping, they will probably offer you a vaginal pessary to induce the miscarriage. This can be painful but it can also be quite pain-free. If that doesn't work, they will offer you a D&C where they remove the baby surgically. This does not hurt but you may be a little sore for a while.

You should try to talk the options through with someone. The Miscarriage Association are very helpful and knowledgeable, I'll find a link now.

for you at this horrible time xx

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk

Thank you xxx

I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's s really horrible time. Do take the time to read through the 3 options on the miscarriage association website. I'd also recommend having a read of the thread on here about coping with the practicalities of mc in case you start the natural process before you go back to the EPU (which is what happened to me) - I found that thread really useful.

I hope you have some support at home x

So sorry for your loss. Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. I am going through the same thing. Went for an early scan at 8 weeks but measured 2 weeks behind with no heartbeat. Went back a week later and there was no growth so told it was a mmc. Went to EPU yesterday to be told I have to go back again next week to have another scan. It’s such a drawn out process. I’m bleeding lightly - started brown on Saturday night but now red with a few clots. Pain in the evenings but not a lot else. The waiting is awful. Luckily I’m not at work as it’s the school holidays but I’m too scared to go out in case it starts happening. DH has been amazing and taken time off work but will have to go back at some point. Just hope it happens before then or I can get to next week when I will ask to have the surgery.

Hello @Pea1984. I'm so sorry you're going through this too. It's horrendous.

Was this your order pregnancy?

I am going to the dr to get signed off later this morning. I am also worried about travelling on the tube (my journey is an hour) in case it starts happening. Thing is I don't know how long to get signed off for as what if nothing happens? I have no idea how long it will take if it's next week either.

It's so scary not knowing what to expect but at the same time wanting it to hurry up!

I really hope they don't make me wait another week if it gets to next Tuesday.

Please stay and chat on here if you need to. It's nice (wrong word) to have someone in the same boat.

Thinking of you and sending hugs xxx

I have been signed off for 2 weeks OP but had a weeks off before then as you can self certify the first week so 3 weeks off in total. The 2 weeks sign off was done the day after the actual mc when I went for the second scan that confirmed the mc. Definitely stay off work, it's not just the physical but also the emotional side of things you need time at home for. I too have a 1 hour commute on the tube so there was no way I was going to chance that. Even if it started at work you really want to be home for it and close to your local hospital if needed.

I think from reading MN everyone's mc takes a different amount of time to happen after finding out about a mmc.

Sending you and everyone else going through this lots of hugs!

Hi @InDreamland So sorry you are also going through this. I can't comment on what is to come but the waiting is awful and it's only been a day!

I am not sure I will be able to self certify. Reason being that I was off most of last week because I was vomiting, which cruelly hasn't stopped yet I will see what the dr says but I am prepared to take as much time as I need. Work will just have to wait!

Hugs to everybody going through this cruel process and thank you for taking the time to reply to me xxx

It will be hard waiting and after too, it's a really tough time so you definitely need to take all the time you need to deal with and heal physically and emotionally

I am in a similar situation, should have been 12 weeks, scan today measured 10 and No heartbeat. I saw a heartbeat at 6+4 hate this waiting game

Hello @starlightmagic and sorry you are going through this too. Was this your first pregnancy? Sending love and strength.

I feel like I am getting some dull, period like aches tonight. But then I have felt similar a few times since being pregnant. It's also so subtle I'm not sure if it's just my mind imagining things...

I should have been nine weeks on Friday. I've gone from having all these hopes and dreams to hoping I see blood when I go to the toilet

Fingers crossed for us all that this waiting game ends soon so we can begin to move forwards.

How are you ladies doing? The cramps went up a gear yesterday afternoon and bleeding was heavier but I still don’t think that can be it based on what others have said on here. I haven’t noticed passing anything that could have been the sac etc. This was my first pregnancy and I’m at that point now where I just want it over so we can try again. Hope everyone else is holding up okay x

Hi all.

Sorry you are still going through this turmoil @Pea1984. I really get where you're coming about wanting it over. This limbo is horrible.

I some cramps/aches but nothing worse than the twinges you feel when your period is coming (and I get these a few days before). A small bit of brownish discharge this afternoon and nothing else.

Just want to get on with it. Whatever it is going to be

Hi @SuperSharpShooter82 I remember you from the previous March thread as we went for an early scan at the same place on the same day, and sadly I am now also in the same situation as you. I had another private scan which showed no heartbeat and no growth, now EPU have scanned me and said the same thing, but I have to wait for a rescan before they will do anything. It feels so cruel as I've had three scans now and don't want to wait for another to tell me what I already know.

I hope you have the outcome you want with regards to the different options, and hope you are having a restful time away from work

Hello @mostimproved, I remember you too. I am so so sorry to see you here

I'm also not going to lie, I'm also angry. Probably irrationally so, because there was nothing they could do, but I'm angry that scanning place didn't listen to my concerns when I said a week was too far behind, they just dismissed me and sent me away.

I know that won't help and there is nothing they could have done, however I KNEW something was wrong and feel like they didn't ask me back for a rescan, just sent me away.

I know that's illogical and I'm probably just finding someone to blame in my hurt. But seeing you here too after we had the same experience has really pissed me off!!

I am supposed to be 9+3 today and the bleeding has started. Also getting period pains but nothing I can't manage as yet.

Got my second NHS scan tomorrow morning and hoping to take the medical management (pill) as I just want to get on with it now.

Again, I am so sorry you find yourself here too. Please stay in touch as you go through this. It's horrible and sad and lonely but I take comfort that we are not the only ones who are going through/have been through this. There is lots of support and knowledge on this board, I have been reading lots and it's helped hearing women share their experiences.

Much love darling, keep posting and keep strong xxxx

@SuperSharpShooter82 so sorry that you're here. I just wanted to say that with my miscarriage in April I was in a similar position to you - pregnsncy measuring 6 weeks but I should have been 9. I was also cross that even though I ASKED for information about what to expect and what my options would be, the lady said I had to wait till the scan the next week to talk about that. Well, by the time that scan rolled round I had already had the worst of the miscarriage. I relied on Google, the miscarriage association website and these boards for help and information. I got given a really informative leaflet at the next scan - but it was too bloody late by then.

My biggest advice would be to get maternity pads in because if you do miscarry naturally then ordinary sanitary towels won't be enough. Once the bleeding starts please don't go into work because you probably will need to be sitting on a toilet for a long time. And don't go back too fast - I thought I was good to leave the house the day after what i thought was the main event, and then had another big bleed while I was out and had to rush home.

If it helps, I didn't actually experience any pain. I know some people do but I didn't. It was a surprising amount of blood though and I felt so washed out afterwards that I took iron supplement for a week or so which really helped.

Best of luck to you xxx

Thanks @BadBadBeans. I'm ok. At least, as ok as I can be. I've had a week to process the confirmation and a week before that where I knew the scan wasn't right and expected the worst.

Not angry at the nhs, irrational anger directed at the private scan place who I feel fobbed me off! @mostimproved also had a scan there on the same day, we were the same gestation, but got the same small measurements and now having the same experience, so that is what has set my anger off!

Got maternity pads and have been signed off for 3 weeks. Dr is happy to give me more time if needed too. No way I want to be in work right now.

It's heartbreakimg that you and others arw going through this OP. Good that you got signed off for 3 weeks - I've been off for 3 weeks (2 weeks post-mc, 1 week waiting between the 2 scans and had natural mc night before second scan), due back to work tomorrow but not sure if I am ready for it. I hope tomorrow goes as smoothly as possible with medical management and you don't experience the pain I did

@SuperSharpShooter82 I totally understand the anger; I felt the same way and it has made me realise they are not interested in the outcome as long as they get paid, so they have no incentive to offer a rescan or any reassurance as it makes no difference to them, whereas at least in the NHS they have been more caring. If there is a next time for me, I don't think I'll bother with early private scans and just go via the EPU from the start, as at least I know they are not financially motivated. The feeling of handing over your credit card and then being given the bad news is horrible.

I agree the threads on here are a comfort - it stops me from feeling like I’m the only one this has happened to, and I like to be prepared for what is to come. I am terrified of things starting naturally, like you I want it over and done with. I haven’t decided which option to go for if they give me the choice. Fingers crossed the medical management makes things quicker for you so you can start to get some closure. It’s such an awful feeling being in limbo isn’t it.

Thank you for your kind words, it really means a lot, and obviously I don’t wish this on anybody but it’s nice to know I’m not alone. It’s weird but it actually made me think, I wonder how many other women around the country or even the world are sitting there in the same situation, or how many had a scan the same day and got the same news or will do in the next few weeks. I feel sad for every single one of them, it’s like I am upset about the fact that miscarriage even happens at all rather than just being sad for myself and DP.

Speaking of, how is your husband/partner taking it? I feel conscious that it’s his baby too and he is upset, but I need him to look after me which luckily he is doing very well. I just hope he doesn’t feel like his feelings are being ignored.

I’ve just had to endure people coming to view our flat as we are selling it and one brought a baby with them which almost set me off crying, but we can’t put the viewings off as we are keen to move for our DS to have a bigger house and better school, so I’ve got to suck it up and be brave!

Sorry for the essay, and I hope tomorrow goes as ‘well’ as possible for you.

Hi @mostimproved you articulated yourself much better than I did! You're right, they didn't care at all. They were happy to send me away, heartbeat seen, baby seen - checklist complete in their eyes. No further questioning about dates, measurements, any reassurance or further check ups. Just a ten minute slot and payment done. And as I keep saying, I KNEW it wasn't right and couldn't be right! Bastards!

If it makes you feel any better, and I know that is unlikely right now, my EPU said that next pregnancy (all I want right now) they will book me in for a six and eight week scan based on a previous miscarriage. So at least we will get checked without paying and have proper support.

None of that changes what is happening right now though and it sucks.

I really want to avoid a d&c if possible. Simply as I am aware there are some risks (albeit small) of scarring etc. I know if I am lucky enough to get pregnant again, I will be anxious enough and I just don't want any further worries.

How are you feeling? You should be 9+3 ish right? Same as me?

My husband hasn't been great I'm afraid. I think this is more because he is hurting and also that he feels guilty. He kept telling me not to worry after that first scan, we saw the heartbeat right? He didn't understand dates etc and told me I was being silly. I booked and went to the second scan alone. I think he is also dealing with this and as a result of it all he has gone into his shell and shut down

Have you been to your gp? Have you been signed off?

XxxxxxxX

Well that was one of the worst night’s ever but at least it’s all over. Or at least I think it is.

I don't think I was quite prepared for what happened so forgive me if I'm graphic but it might help other people...

I woke up at 3am and felt like I was leaking. Just like a heavy period, no pain. Went to the bathroom and saw I had completely soaked through the maternity pad I had on, through to my pjs. There was also a lot of clots. More than I have ever seen in a period so I knew it was starting.

Whoever said earlier in this thread that I wouldn't want to leave the toilet, was right and thank you. I spent the next four hours on and off the toilet. I was surprised at how much 'stuff' came out. At times it felt like it was falling out. Other times felt like my body was pushing it. The pains got stronger but I was able to manage with just ibuprofen, although even then it still felt like a very painful period. I wanted to wipe myself and found using kitchen roll was better than toilet paper. I used pretty much a whole toll over the four hours. When I did get up, to go and eat more water for example, I was wearing two maternity pads stuck side by side as there was just so much coming out.

My husband stayed with me throughout and we watched the thunder and lightning. Felt almost appropriate that the weather was violent and stormy, like a universal shift. A storm to clear the sky.

DH got our daughter up and dressed and gave her breakfast. I stayed upstairs in the bathroom. Then he left for work and my mum came. DD has to go to nursery and I don't drive and didn't feel comfortable walking her or getting on the bus, the pain had subsided but I was still bleeding heavily with a few clots. So my mum drove us both.

The pain then stopped and bleeding is now like a heavy period. Still wearing a maternity pad but able to walk round Tesco with my mum and get some stuff for breakfast. I am hungry which is a good sign and I am also very tired and feel drained.

My stomach has gone down massively. My mum commented that it looked like I had lost weight.

I was so worried when it was happening that I wouldn't be able to get to the hospital, at times I didn't feel like I could get off the toilet and I’ve got my follow up appointment at 11.30. But I am now happy with this timing as I feel much better and hope they can check me over.

Now at my mums and about to have a bacon roll. I feel ok. It was horrible but I am pleased it is over. Quite anxious about any complications but will ask the hospital today. All in all I am glad it's happened naturally and I am pleased it was at night so me and my husband could deal with it together.

@SuperSharpShooter82 Sounds like you dealt with the whole thing really well. I'm so glad your mum is able to be with you today. I just want to say be prepared that there might still be a bit more to come - I had a three-hour 'event' on the first day and then the same again about 24 hours later. Some people do get it all out in one but it turned out I didn't and that caught me by surprise.

Hope your hospital appointment goes well. That's great that your EPU will give you early scans next pregnancy. Mine don't do that.

@mostimproved I'm so sorry about the experience you have had and I really hope the process of miscarrying goes as easily as possible for you x

Thank you @BadBadBeans. I appreciate you being honest. I am a control freak and being prepared in anyway is good!

I'm glad you had the support at home to get through it last night. It really is the worst experience, sounds similar to what I went through exactly 2 weeks before you. Again I'm so sorry for your loss, it's just a shit time. It's good though that you are hungry amd eating. Hope all goes as well as it can do with the scan today