Waiting to miscarry

[SuperSharpShooter82]

I went for an early private scan ten days ago that showed baby with a heartbeat but was measuring a week small. Should have been 7+2 but was measuring 6. Despite the scan ladies being very positive I didn't feel right about it and booked a rescan.

Went in this morning and baby was measuring smaller than last scan and there was no longer a heartbeat

Was then sent to my EPU where they did another scan which showed the same. Despite having the two private scan reports and the NHS one, I was told I have to wait a week and then scan again to confirm. So I now have another appointment next Tuesday but have been told things may happen naturally before then.

I am devastated at what has happened. This would have been a much longed for second child. However, in some ways I am relieved because I have known since that first scan something wasn't right. That said I feel like this is worse because despite KNOWING what has happened I am now waiting. I feel like I am in limbo I hate feeling like there is something dead inside me and I just want to get on with things so I can move forwards.

Please can anyone advise on what happens now? I don't feel I had any options talked through with me so have no idea what to do if it doesn't happen before next week. I'm also worried about what pain I might feel and what I might experience if it does happen naturally or what happens next week. I don't know whether I should go into work or just sit at home and wait

I am so sorry for everyone who has gone through this, but advice or experiences people feel they could share would be much appreciated xxx

I had my scan today which showed everything has passed naturally which is good. However, they did say I might have a small polyp which needs investigating. Hoping it’s just a blood clot that will sort itself out but knowing my luck it won’t be. Anyone experienced this?

I’m so sorry for all of you going through this, I’m in the same boat having found out this morning that there is no longer a heartbeat (9 weeks) head is all over the place and need to decide how I want to manage things. The EPU are calling me tomorrow to see what I want to do. Absolutely gutted right now 😔

Hello @Pea1984. Glad you have passed it all. I am not sure about the polyp but it's good news they have found it and I am sure it is not a cause for concern, I do hear these things are common.

I'm sorry you find yourself here @ClumsyFool . It's a shitty place to be. Take your time to make a decision, it's a lot to think about. We are all here for a hand hold and any questions, moans, worries you want to let out.

My follow up scan today showed some remaining tissue. I want to avoid surgery at all costs so have opted to take a tablet. In an ideal world I would want it to come out naturally but I feel I'm "in the zone" and can do this. I will take it tomorrow morning. My parents have DD and husband can stay with me.

Hoping for what happened to you @BadBadBeans and that I have a second event tonight. Until then, I'm having some Love to all, amazed by how strong is women are. You can do this ladies xxx

@SuperSharpShooter82 fingers crossed you won't need the tablet lovely. So handy though that they can scan and see what is going on in there. I found after the two main events I still passed the odd clot for a few more days. Bled in total for 17 days including a few days of spotting at the end. But some people bleed for a much shorter time.

Wishing you and everyone on this thread the easiest of times. It is a really gruelling thing to go through. Make sure you rest up and don't push yourself too soon, even when it's over xx

@SuperSharpShooter82 I have deleted all my pregnancy apps but yes I think I should be 9+4 today, and have got the bloating to match! I feel like shit as I’ve come off my medication for depression/anxiety and also migraine, so am suffering from both but without having a live baby inside me to make the suffering worthwhile. I haven’t been to the GP yet but have told work so am off this week and will ask for a sick note at the EPU depending on what happens. I want to have the ERPC as I don’t think I can go through the trauma of all that bleeding, it sounds horrific.. well done for coping so well, and hopefully the tablet helps get the last remaining bits out

Forgive me if this is a stupid question but what did you do when you were sitting on the toilet for 4 hours? I feel like I would find that uncomfortable and a bit distressing, like I would never want to go back in my bathroom again. But I guess once it happens you just get on with it and cope somehow. Glad you have your mum to support when DH isn’t there, especially with your DD as well. Luckily my DS is staying with my DPs parents for two weeks so I don’t have him around while I’m dealing with this, but I’m going to need my DP to be off work when I either have the ERPC or miscarry naturally as I don’t have anyone else close by.

@BadBadBeans thank you for the kind words and for sharing your experience, it is really helpful knowing how many others have survived this awful thing.

@ClumsyFool I recognise your username from TTC threads, so sorry to see you here in this situation. Take as much time as you need and don’t feel pushed into a decision - the risks are low with all of the options so it just depends on what you think is right for you. When I was at the EPU I was in total shock but have started researching the options now, as I wasn’t ready to hear them immediately after they scanned me. Good luck for when you speak to them tomorrow.

I’m feeling less tearful but still randomly crying on and off, particularly if DP gives me a hug I just feel all the tears come to the surface. I just feel fed up with waiting - waiting to get my BFP, waiting for scans and now waiting to miscarry just sucks doesn’t it. Hugs to everyone on the thread

Hi @mostimproved do what you've got to do my lovely. There is no right or wrong decision. Only you know what you think you can cope with and what will work for you.

It's weird because four hours seems ages... but it went quickly. I was talking to DH and crying and I also vaped a lot. I used to be a smoker, gave up years ago, before DD but still miss it. DH vapes after giving up before DD was born and I sometimes have some, although not since finding out I was pg again. So I had a lot last night! It helped. I was able to get up and do stuff, like make tea, it's just I felt more comfortable sitting on the toilet where it could come out. It was no way as painful as labour(I was induced which was horrid and ended up with an EMCS). We watched the thunder storm and at one point I sent him back to bed and sat reading mumsnet threads!

Whatever you decide to do you WILL get through it.

I also feel a sense of relief now as I know it's nearly over. The waiting was worse.

Thank you for your kind words, I’m so sorry we are all in this shitty horrible situation. I’m so drained and exhausted but can’t sleep as I seem to feel so anxious.

I think deep down I never expected this pregnancy to last with all the issues it’s had, thought it was a chemical initially as started bleeding very soon after getting my bfp, but then the tests kept getting stronger after the bleeding. Had spotting again so went to GP who referred to me EPU who did bloods every 48hrs until they were high enough to do a scan.
Then the first scan showed what they suspected to be an interstitial ectopic, second scan ruled this out, third scan (8 weeks) showed growth but the sonographer was concerned that the heartbeat seemed slow at times, so by today’s scan I wasn’t optimistic but was surprised by how shocked I was to be told there was no longer any heartbeat. DH has been brilliant and both sets of parents have been over for a short time and been lovely so I do know I’m very lucky to have plenty of support bit my heart is so broken right now.
@SuperSharpShooter82 really hope that things happen for you without needing further intervention, you’re in my thoughts.
@mostimproved I’m so sorry you are going through this with the added extra stress of not having your meds to all going through or have gone through this horrible time.

Oh OP, I really hope you don't need to pill and it passes naturally tonight. You sound so strong, you're amazing. Glad you're feeling relieved - wish I could feel the same, I just want my baby back!

You're right about the 4 hours going quickly. Yes like you say it sounds like ages but after I came around after momentarily passing out at the last contraction and push when i felt the hugest amount pass out of me, I asked DH what the time was and was so shocked, he commented on how long I'd been in there and I couldn't believe it had taken 4 hours. Although I was in agony (most excruciating pain ever) throughout for some reason I think it makes you totally lose track of time because of the focus on what is happening to your body.

I hope now you continue to have the support you have had to get you through the final physical process and can start to heal emotionally

Oh @InDreamland I really feel for you. I don't know if you have any DC but I think the only reason I am able to be so pragmatic is because I have DD (who is amazing!). The Dr today told me that the only reason this had happened is because that sperm and egg weren't compatible. It sounds so simple after what we have been/are going through but I like that explanation. You will get your baby sweetheart. We all will. This time around just wasn't meant to be.

Thank you everyone. Having this space at a time like this makes you realise how powerful MN is. Please all keep talking and posting. It's good to share and talk through this experience and I couldn't do it without it xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sadly I don’t think it’s worked today. They said it would start two-four hours after taking it. I took the tablets over four hours ago with some cocodamol. Nothing has happened except I feel TOTALLY out if it and fell asleep! Going to ring the EPU in a couple of hours. Not sure what I do if it doesn’t work - wait, try again or go in for surgery 😞 Fucks sake 😞

@SuperSharpShooter82 Oh no sorry to hear that, after all you've been through I wish it could be all over for you! Hope the EPU are helpful and you don't have to have the surgery if you don't want it. Good luck whatever you decide.

I'm having some this evening - not too much in case things start to happen but I wanted to have a glass or two before starting TTC again when this is all over! There are a few babies and pregnant ladies in the pub but I actually feel like it gives me hope seeing them rather than feeling bitter - maybe it's the wine haha.

How is everyone else getting on?

Ive drunk loads since I found out @mostimproved  Having a glass of wine now too!

Today's medical management failed. Still bleeding but nothing happened except the co-codamol knocked me out and I fell asleep for pretty much the whole day!

The EPU are calling me again tomorrow to see what I want to do. I have been told I need to wait 72 hours and then have another scan but they advised that if there is still tissue I should opt for surgery rather than try the pill again. Really wanted to avoid that as I am so scared of the risks. I'm feeling pretty fucked off today.

I'm emotionally drained and exhausted. I was all psyched up for today and just feel I am no closer to the end of all this.

How are you today @ClumsyFool and @Pea1984?

xxx

Hi,
I’ve just read this post and feel so sorry for you all going through this.
It happened to me at the beginning of December.
I wanted everything to pass naturally and waited 4 days for things to start. The bleeding and pain became very intense so the hospital said I needed to go in and be monitored. I had passed a lot but still had some tissue remaining so they asked if I was happy for them to remove it using a speculum rather than have the procedure.
It wasn’t very pleasant but was actually just like having a smear test done twice over. Much better than having a procedure that I really didn’t want.

Maybe you could see if this is something that they could do for you too?
Really hope you aren’t kept waiting for very much longer xx

Oh no OP I'm so sorry you're still having to go through this physical side of the process. I really feel for you. It's just horrible.

I'm glad you can be pragmatic about what has happened, maybe it is your DD who has helped you with this, unfortunately I don't have any DC, only our little angel bean I'm now grieving for, this was our first pregnancy which took 5 years to conceive and so I really feel like I've had my heart ripped out amd trampled on.

I really hope the EPU can help tomorrow with completing the physical process. It's just awful when you feel it's dragging on and it affects being able to heal emotionally

@SuperSharpShooter82 I'm so sorry. With my second mc the medical management failed also, I took a second dose as things hadn't moved at all. Second dose also didn't work straight away. I was having acupuncture (to try and help with the pregnancy) anyway so I rang her and explained and she did acupuncture for me. I passed the pregnancy the next morning. No idea if it actually did anything but at least it made me feel like I was doing something.

@SuperSharpShooter82 I’m so sorry that thimhs still aren’t complete, you are doing amazingly though.

The hospital called today and I decided to go for surgical management, which surprised me but somehow just felt like what I needed to do, had to go to EPU at the hospital to sign paperwork and talk through everything and I have to say that they have been great throughout, really supportive and I feel like everything has been explained thoroughly, the Dr we saw tonight explained that I am being referred to recurrent miscarriage clinic (this is the furthest any pregnancy has ever made it) It has to come from GP so may take some time but at least something is happening. Going back for the surgery first thing tomorrow morning.

Thank you so much to those who have shared their own experiences, not an easy thing to do but please know that it has been helpful

May I join?

I've had a really really shitty week. I'm 6 weeks 5 days. Had some bleeding on Sunday and suddenly felt different. I rang the epu and they couldn't fit me in directly for a scan so sent me to an abortion clinic.. who couldn't see a pregnancy matching my dates. I was hen told the epu was a walk in clinic and I really shouldn't have been referred to bpas

So off I went to the epu, they spent 4 hours failing to take bloods with 7 people having a go and eventually getting it from my foot , hcg was 70Anyway scan booked for the next day. They couldn't see anything either so sent me away with a leaflet on ectopic pregnancy and told me to come back today for more bloods.

Took another 3 hours to get bloods again from my foot which bloody hurts! My hcg has gone down to 21 and they said it's not a viable pregnancy.

I've got to go back for more bloods on Friday as they need to monitor me until it gets to 10.

I have no idea whether I will miscarry or whether it's already happened. I feel so rubbish :(

@shapelyglass I’m so sorry you are going through this horrible situation. When do you have to go back for the next bloods? All I can say is keep talking and don’t bottle anything up. It may help to write down any questions as you think of them as I have found that when they ask at the hospital if we have any questions I have nothing but will end up thinking of something later bit then forgetting again by the time they ask next time around.
Look after yourself and ensure you give yourself time to grieve for your loss for you.

I hope today is going ok @ClumsyFool Am thinking of you. Well done for making your choice and doing what is right for you. We are here when it's done if you need us xxx

I will have surgery next week now if the remaining tissue isn't gone. They said they have to wait a week between scans so will scan Monday. Am still bleeding like a heavy period and really want nothing to be left at the scan. Really want to avoid surgery.

Hello @Shapelyglass what a rubbish time you're having, I'm so sorry. The waiting and back and forth is the worst. I hope you get some answers soon and can begin to move forwards.

Thinking of you too @mostimproved and hope you are doing as well as you can be xxx

Sorry forgot to reply to you @InDreamland! I am so sorry you had such a hard time getting to that pregnancy. Are you having tests/treatment? I am crossing all for you that you are pregnant again very soon. You will get your baby my darling xxxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone, so sorry for your losses and what you are all going through. It just highlights how strong women are. You are all amazing.

We went for our 12 week scan on Monday to find no baby, just a sac. I've had pregnancy symptoms and no reason to think anything wrong, apart from a bit of spotting on Saturday I feel angry and cheated. And scared as it's got to come out and I'm not sure what to expect this time.

I had a mmc in 2016 and that was horrendous. So much blood, so many clots, not at all the 'heavy period' I was told it would be. I was 40, first pregnancy and yes, I felt that my heart had been ripped out and trampled on. I had a month of work and bereavement counselling, which I would recommend.

We were very fortunate and our daughter came along in 2017, she's perfect and wonderful, but we would like her to have a sibling, but I'm 43 now.

Thinking of everyone having to go through this. It needs talking about more as it is so devastating - physically, mentally and emotionally.

@Shapelyglass sorry you are going through this and having to wait for more bloods, also getting blood from you foot sounds really painful. Hope you get some answers soon.

@ClumsyFool hope today goes well, thinking of you.

@SuperSharpShooter82 that must be frustrating having to wait again - hope you can avoid having surgery.

Not much to report here. I have had some greyish discharge and random sharp pains, but called the EPU and they said they won’t do anything before I have the next scan on Monday. So I’m just lazing around at home waiting for Monday to come.

God getting blood from your feet does bloody hurt! My arms are so bruised from all the attempts! I think it's about to start. I've got some pink bleeding going on now. I'm actually so relieved! I've got the gp at 4.30 to try and talk it all through and I need some pain killers.

Thanks OP - I do think that all the emotions from the last 5 years TTC mixed with those from the mc have just all exploded and turned me into an angry, anxious, jealous, bitter and resentful person as I feel like such an inadequate disappoint and failure. We did have tests/investigations before I got pregnant and nothing was found but I asked to be referred back to the infertility clinic and I'll be asking them to test for killer cells etc this time. I feel hopeless, and I just dont believe I'll ever get pregnant again or have a baby now. Like I'm cursed. I hope you can avoid surgery next week and can start to heal emotionally and physically.

Sorry to read so many others are going through this, it's just the shittiest thing to have to go through. I hope you all have good support and take the time to heal

Went today for what I thought was going to be my 12 week scan, to be told that there was no longer a heartbeat and that the baby was measuring 8.3 weeks. I'm absolutely heart broken. It took 3 attempts at IVF to get here (costing thousands).
I've got to go for an operation next week to remove everything.
How on earth do My DH and I start moving on from this?