Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Missed Miscarriage- coping with the waiting

49 replies

Paranormalbouquet · 27/01/2018 10:46

I found out at 8+5 earlier this week that I’ve had a MMC. Waiting a week to rescan but my dates are 100% right so I know it’s over. I’ve miscarried before but earlier and spontaneously do this is different.

I had a speculum cervical check and 2 transvaginal ultrasounds on Wednesday and only since then have had tiny amounts of bleeding (mostly brown blood). My nausea is gone today having been bad before so I think my hcg levels are dropping and am hoping I’ll just start bleeding.

How do you deal with this waiting period? I’m strangely desperate just to bleed and get it over with. I’d like to avoid an ERPC but can’t have weeks of traipsing over and back to EPU to check its completed either.

OP posts:
Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman · 27/01/2018 10:52

Sorry you are going through this, I went for 8 week scan and no hb. I went to work, carried on as usual to help pass the time I guess. I was hoovering when contractions started (I am a cleaner) actually passed an intact foetus and sac at a customers home. The bleeding quickly slowed down, pains lessened right after . Luckily she is a friend also and she she came home she lit the coal fire, I had wrapped everything up and we sat had a coffee and placed it on. It was nice to be able to say hello /goodbye and have a sending off of sorts. Just do whatever you feel is best for you. Hospital wasn't for me, my dh wasn't there but I didn't have to deal with both of us which was easier. Take care.

Original poster
Paranormalbouquet · 27/01/2018 11:00

I think I’d be ok if I was bleeding, the waiting is stressing me out. I worked from home the past 2 days but think I’ll just get back to normal now until bleeding starts properly- have had 3 days of very light bleeding. Not sure all the moping around is helping me tbh.

OP posts:
Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman · 27/01/2018 11:05

I was lucky I suppose, scan on the Wednesday and all over by Thursday lunchtime. Me and dh were booked to go away for wedding anniversary on the Friday, we still went - was nice to have to peace to recover and gather our thoughts. We accepted we weren't going to have another dc.

Original poster
Paranormalbouquet · 27/01/2018 11:38

This is number 3 in a row. I think we might have to come to the same conclusion.

I’m just desperate to get this over with so I can move forward.

OP posts:
PanannyPanoo · 27/01/2018 18:02

I found out at 12 week scan I had had a mmc at 8 weeks. Spotted slightly for a few days at 13 weeks than nothing. I had a holistic massage and the masseur spent a long time on my stomach.She was very gentle and very kind. I felt like I had a very peaceful space to say goodbye. Within 3 hours my contractions started and within a couple of hours it was all over.
So sorry for your sadness.

Emmageddon · 27/01/2018 18:06

So sorry for your loss, the waiting is hard I know. You just want it to be over, so you can acknowledge the loss, grieve for your baby, and move on as best you can. I hope it happens soon for you. Flowers

PrimeraVez · 27/01/2018 18:43

Really sorry you are in this shitty situation. I should have been around 10 weeks by my dates when the hb stopped, having been visible on previous scans. I waited a week and ended up opting for a D&C because I couldn’t bear the idea of it happening when I was at work or on public transport. Best of luck x

Original poster
Paranormalbouquet · 27/01/2018 18:55

Thanks everyone, that’s another fear of mine PrimeraVez, especially as I work with the public and teaching groups of students. Have a d+c booked for next week but would prefer it to happen naturally. Cramps picking up a bit now so fingers crossed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Paranormalbouquet · 28/01/2018 08:22

Well after a night of bad back and pelvic pains I’ve still just got a little blood on wiping. I’m so fed up. Patience is not my strongest quality!

OP posts:
Emmageddon · 28/01/2018 09:40

Do something nice today to take your mind off it, if you can. Sunday lunch in a country pub? Trip to the coast? I hope it happens soon.

PrimeraVez · 28/01/2018 16:29

Hope you’re doing ok. Is there a reason you want to avoid a D&C? If I was in the same situation again, I would go down that route again. Going into hospital and having a GA was obviously not very nice in itself but I had minimal bleeding (no worse than an average period) for about 5 days after and only the mildest of cramps. I feel strangely grateful that I managed to avoid the physical trauma of it all, the emotional side was bad enough Sad

Original poster
Paranormalbouquet · 28/01/2018 16:31

I likely have intrauterine adhesions so worried an ERPC will make them worse. (Very light periods since my EMCS and recurrent miscarriage all suggestive),

Bleeding still light but cramping again now. Wondering if I’ll just have light bleeding, given that there’s possibly a problem with my uterine lining,

OP posts:
Original poster
Paranormalbouquet · 29/01/2018 11:00

Still nothing but light bleeding. Back to work- hoping Sod’s law kicks in and I start bleeding properly at the most inconvenient time!

OP posts:
effieandastar · 29/01/2018 11:00

Sorry you’re going through this OP. I just wanted to share my story with you. Last Monday the EPU confirmed I was miscarrying. After a week of light bleeding and very mild cramps and passing a few large clots I returned to the EPU today expecting to be told I would need a D&C. Turns out I passed the baby naturally without knowing. I was between 7 and 8 weeks. I know my experience may be a rare one but it’s possible that it could happen this way for you too. The waiting and the worry about the pain was awful for me so I totally understand where your head is at. Big cyber hugs to you.

Original poster
Paranormalbouquet · 29/01/2018 11:10

Thanks @effieandastar this is really light though- more spotting and small amounts of blood on wiping. No clots or anything. I really doubt it’s enough.

Went to my GP to get letter for recurrent miscarriage service. Locum there who kept talking about emotional support and recovery before investigations. Really had to put my foot down and say I could emotionally recover much better knowing the referral was made.

OP posts:
Original poster
Paranormalbouquet · 30/01/2018 12:49

And the (light) bleeding has pretty much stopped again. It’s so incredibly frustrating.

OP posts:
Disneyrules · 30/01/2018 15:41

Im so sorry to hear this hun. I went for a d and c yesterday after bleeding continuously for nearly 8 weeks and can safely say this was the closure (if you can really call it that) I needed. I know how you feel about feeling in limbo. I felt very out of control and to be honest I wish they would have done something sooner. Big hugs to you. Hear if you ever need to talk xxx

PanannyPanoo · 30/01/2018 15:52

I know I have mentioned this before. I really do think the massage is what got things moving for me. May be worth considering.

SpunBodgeSquarepants · 30/01/2018 16:21

Hi OP, so sorry you are going through this.
I started spotting at 9+5 and found out foetus had stopped growing at 6w. I opted for natural miscarriage but got to 17 weeks and nothing had happened!! I felt so betrayed by my body, how could it get everything so wrong? It's actually put me off trying for another. I ended up having an ERPC mid-March 2017. I had got my BFP on 23rd December 2016. I wished I had gone with the surgical option straightaway - for two months I was scared to go too far away from home in case it started. Would have saved a lot of heartache.

Original poster
Paranormalbouquet · 30/01/2018 16:24

Thanks everyone for stories and advice? Has anyone had medical management or MVA? I’m very keen to avoid creating more scar tissue in my scarred uterus.

OP posts:
Clearlynotmyname · 30/01/2018 16:34

So sorry OP Flowers. The waiting is awful, the being in limbo.

I had 2 wks between first scan and natural mc and grieved for the whole time while those around me like DM got over it after the initial news. I didn't feel like I could move on and was also scared to go to work in case the bleeding started, so would have preferred the D&C tbh. But I do understand that's not for everyone.

If you have had bleeding that should be a sign that things are happening, I would assume. Hang in there and be kind to yourself, such a tough time.

cf21 · 30/01/2018 16:49

I'm afraid I don't have any advice but just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're going through thisThanks

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/01/2018 16:56

I had both, with the same MMC @Paranormalbouquet

I tried Medical management twice, it worked a bit bit not completely, but apparently that's incredibly rare (wonderful being some sort of medical marvel Angry).

Lost some blood and tissue after each lot but not enough and I was in a lot of pain, especially my back, so felt like something was stuck, which turned out to be the case.

The MVA is still surgical but under a local. Do you know if there's less risk of scarring with it then an ERPC? I did it because it was quicker and I really didn't want to be in hospital longer than I had to. I'm sure they'll talk you through the pros and cons of each.

Feel free to PM me if you want to. Happy to answer any questions here or on PM.

So very very sorry for your loss Flowers

Original poster
Paranormalbouquet · 30/01/2018 17:05

@AnneLovesGilbert there seems to be a lower risk with the MVA. Wasn’t keen on medical management before but now that there’s a little blood I would have higher hopes that it could work.

I’m afraid I didn’t have the most useful EPU team last week (to say the least). It was suggested that I had my dates wrong (I don’t) and they really didn’t want to discuss my concerns re scarring. Given that this scar tissue is probably the reason for recurrent miscarriages (the first 2 at least are suggestive of implantation failure) I’m really desperate to avoid causing more scarring.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 30/01/2018 17:11

I'm dashing somewhere now but if there's anything you want to know about it, or want a general run down of what it was like, please let me know and I'll help anyway I can.

So sorry the support has been shit. As if you're not going through enough right now Sad