Missed Miscarriage- coping with the waiting

[Paranormalbouquet]

I found out at 8+5 earlier this week that I’ve had a MMC. Waiting a week to rescan but my dates are 100% right so I know it’s over. I’ve miscarried before but earlier and spontaneously do this is different.

I had a speculum cervical check and 2 transvaginal ultrasounds on Wednesday and only since then have had tiny amounts of bleeding (mostly brown blood). My nausea is gone today having been bad before so I think my hcg levels are dropping and am hoping I’ll just start bleeding.

How do you deal with this waiting period? I’m strangely desperate just to bleed and get it over with. I’d like to avoid an ERPC but can’t have weeks of traipsing over and back to EPU to check its completed either.

Hi @paranormalbouquet i’m sadly joining your thread from the other board after my scan on Monday. I’m in the same boat of not knowing what to do next - my previous miscarriage at this sort of stage I started spotting and that was the prompt to be scanned, whereas this time there’s nothing. I’m going to see how I am tomorrow as to whether I want to ask for the pills. Hope you are feeling ok in the circumstances.

@Secondsop sorry to see you here too. It’s so miserable isn’t it. I wasn’t keen on medication last week but now I’m bleeding a little I’m more confident it may work.

@paranormalbouquet I still have no bleeding at all, just a bit of brownish discharge when I wipe but I’ve had that on and off through all my pregnancies. I have occasional mild cramping. My husband is arriving home later after having been away for work for several weeks - luckily he was able to bring his flights forward - and then I’ll think about the options - didn’t want to do anything on my own.

This is very light bleeding which comes and goes. I really don’t think it’s enough. I’ve been getting bad cramps occasionally and I hope that’s it but it never is! Should be nearly 10 weeks now, and will need investigations so won’t even be able to try for ages again which is killing me at the moment.

With my MMC I had no sign anything was wrong till my 12 week scan showed it. As it has been weeks since the baby stopped growing they didn't want to leave me waiting any longer for it to happen naturally and despite 2 lots of medical management it didn't happen without the MVA as for some reason my body was incredibly persistent in hanging on to the pregnancy. The sac and everything else had carried on growing the whole time so one of the problems was how much stuff there was to pass.

They gave me the MM to get things moving - a pessary to open the cervix and a pill to stop all the hormones so the body recognises the pregnancy has stopped. You might find if you go down that route it speeds things up a lot which you might find helpful.

How have the EPU left it with you?

@AnneLovesGilbert they wouldn’t agree to any active management as they seem to think I might have got my dates wrong. But I really really don’t!

I’m back tomorrow, provisionally booked for d+c but think I’ll ask for medical management instead.

After a lot of discussion I’ve decided to give medical management a try next week. May still end up with ERPC but hopefully might avoid it.

Hi @paranormalbouquet I might do the same as I still have nothing here - I thought I had a couple of bits of pink tinge but nothing else has happened except some generalised pain. Do you know if they do another scan before it? I would just like to know how long ago things went bad for me because if it was ages ago then i may as well get it over with but if it was very recent I may wait a few more days to see if things pass naturally.

I think it depends on the size of the sac. I had a second scan today and sac still growing so not much chance it will happen soon. If I wasn’t worried about adhesions I’d have an ERPC straight away but as it is don’t think I’d forgive myself if I made them worse without trying this first.

Sending you big hugs. I’ve been in your situation. I had a private scan at 8 weeks (having had a previous miscarriage) & was told the sack was large but empty. I then had to be referred to epu by gp. Eventually saw a nurse at EPU. I went though the options & went for ERPC, it was the quickest & most straight forward. I had no idea about the risks of scarring. I felt something was wrong after but I was fobbed off. 3 weeks later & still having a positive pregnancy test, the epu eventually saw me. After a scan there was still loads left behind with a good blood flow. I then had medical management, that didn’t work & let nature take its course. It was months of this hanging over me. They eventually booked me in for another erpc, but on the day they refused to do it & mentioned the risk of scarring. I was told I could only have the MVA. So I did a lot of research. I refused the MVA. I was already traumatised & knew I couldn’t handle being awake & aware. So I eventually found a private dr in London, Mr Lower. I saw him the next day & he told me I needed to take the drugs for medical management again, which would stop the blood flow to what was left behind. He then booked me in for an ERPC. But he did it under ultrasound so he could see exactly what he was doing which limits the scar tissues. Turns out it was all wrapped round a fibroid! It would never have come out. He managed to sort it but I’m so pleased I went to him. It wasn’t cheap but my fertility was actually better after with the fibroid removal & he said had they tried to remove it without reducing the blood flow I could have bled out!! The person scanning me did say it had a strong blood flow.

I really hope they sort things out for you. It’s hugely traumatising. There are specialists out there to help with scarring, that’s how I came across Mr Lower.

@Chocolateismylife I’m glad you got sorted in the end, but sorry it ended up costing you so much. I actually spoke to the person who deals with ashermans cases in the trust today, so I felt in fairly safe hands discussing with him. He basically said he didn’t know what the risk was of making pre-existing adhesions worse, but he conjectured that it may be a bit higher than the background risk. Because of my short cervix MVA is likely to be difficult and painful. So we’ve decided to try medical management, accept a 30% risk it won’t eork and have erpc in that case.

I’m pleased they are taking it all seriously. I only ever spoke to a nurse at the EPU who had never heard of Ashermans & told me it wA highly unlikely. Only to be told on the day of the second erpc they wouldn’t do it because of the risk of scarring. This was 2 years ago. After a few months recovery, I then conceived my DD. I hope it all works out for you & it sounds like they are looking after you.

Sorry to hear what you're going through, Paranormal. I had 2 MMC's. With the first I waited for around 2 weeks to see if nature would take its course but it didn't. I had medical management both times. It was painful but that was easily managed with pain relief. Both times the uterine contents came away completely. Best wishes

@MamaLupine thanks for your experience- it’s great to hear good stories from medical management. I’ve now had light bleeding for over a week which seems to kick off in the afternoons for some reason.

It's a horrible situation and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I remember feeling empty, hopeless and miserable.

It really is, I feel like my body is completely useless- can’t stay pregnant and can’t even miscarry properly. Still have tender breasts and nausea coming and going. And the hospital seem to think I should be using the time to grieve and move on when the only thing that will help me move on is getting this over with.

It’s completely normal to feel that way. I remember feeling useless & hopeless. It seemed everyone around me was getting pregnant easily. You can’t start the grieving process until this is complete. It takes a while, just try not to be too hard on yourself x

@Chocolateismylife I’m really annoyed at the delays tbh. I knew my dates were right, but still had to go back for repeat scan. Then I choose medical management but have to wait a week for an inexplicable reason.

@paranormalbouquet I don’t know why they delay. It was the same with me. I had to wait for a repeat scan. I guess they like to make sure, I was also 100% on my dates, the sac was huge & matched the dates. They could see it was empty! They had huge waits of weeks for medical management because they didn’t have the room in hospital to take the tablets. It’s a horrible time & hope it will all be sorted for you soon. I had the news at a scan on 8th Dec & it was finally sorted at the end of Feb. It was months of not knowing where I was. I had my DS who kept me going & my DH who was a huge support but it’s emotionally draining & traumatising. So sorry you are going through it all. I was sure I didn’t want to try again whilst going through it all. After a couple of months recovery we talked it through & decided we would hold off. I then found out I was pregnant.

@Chocolateismylife I can generally understand why the wait with scans, frustrating as it is when you are 100% sure of dates. The wait for medical management is frustrating me most right now. Have been bleeding and cramping on and off for 8 days now and still have not passed products and hpt is strongly positive.

@Paranomalbouquet your body is trying to do its job but sometimes it needs help. I’m sorry you are having to wait. It doesn’t help you process what’s happening & just drags it all out. When are you booked in?

Next Thursday. They did offer Wednesday but I’m lecturing that day which would be difficult to handover, and figured after waiting 2 weeks what’s one more day.

Finally had some heavy bleeding and passed some huge clots. Crossing my fingers it completes naturally now.

So turns out I had passed the sac but still lots of tissue remaining. Giving it another week and having ERPC if it hasn't completed by then.

It's really the most horrible, frustrating time.