TFMR, first date given for surgical termination end of May. Is this normal?

[Happenedagain2017]

Last week we were given bad news at the scan. The hospital have just rang to say that the first date they can give me for a surgical termination is the end of May.

Other options are to go to a private clinic although the wait there is quite long too, or go for medical management, which they may be able to do sooner. I am terrified of the latter option, I know that is pathetic. It just seems so horribly traumatic. And I'm shit with pain, can't lie.

What should I do? I simply can't bear to be pregnant with a growing baby for another month. It's a special kind of torture. Is it normal to have to wait this long?

As previous thread says, this is my second TFMR in six months and I feel utterly broken by it.

oh happened how heartbreaking. you have to think of her though and.put her and yourself first.

Oh god happened I'm so sorry I hope you have some RL support to help you through this.

It's tough but I'm actually glad to know. I feel I can connect with her better and say goodbye. That probably sounds a bit loopy though.

Oh Happened I'm so sorry. Not loopy at all.

I'm really sorry happened.

I can't imagine what your going through, please take it easy and look after yourself if you can.

You have had a truly awful time lately lovely, I wish I had some wise words to make you feel even a tiny bit better

Thanks so much everybody. I wouldn't have expected how much comfort I would get from talking online to people who know how it feels. I appreciate your sympathy and kindness so much.

You are not loopy, it's a horrible experience you are going through with the hormones on top not helping.

I couldn't concentrate on work, went off my food and didn't feel myself in all the weeks I had to wait.

Please be kind to yourself, take the time off work. Cry, comfort eat, get lost in hours of tv as a distraction (helps me when I am sad or stressed). The need to talk about it was huge for me too and I felt it really helped me. It makes me sad and angry that it is almost taboo in our society.

I am so sorry for your loss. Remember 44 is not so old. Lots of people have babies in their forties, some only start in their 40's but you don't need to think about that too much now just concentrate on taking care of yourself. Do you have any friends who have also miscarried who you can talk too in RL as well who can give you big hugs in person.

Take care and I hope you get a date soon (did you try calling out of area?)

Thank you so much cold. I do feel calmer and more in control today but must admit I don't feel like doing anything much apart from languishing in bed. But the work is building up so ultimately that is more stressful!

I am finding it hard to accept that this story will not have a happy ending. Stories are always meant to have a happy ending!!!! I have been thinking, I could do this again, if I had to. But I don't know if I could put my DH through it. He is so distressed by my distress and wonders why we can't just be happy with what we've got and enjoy our lovely life. I AM happy ...but there will always be that empty space round the dinner table. I guess you just live with that. And so very aware how lucky we are to have our two DC - having any children feels like a miracle, more than ever!!

Don't do anything but bed if you need to. You need to take care of yourself, the work honestly can wait.

I get where your husband is coming from but I really do see your side of it. After our angel girl we did have a rainbow baby, but we had both agreed if something had gone wrong we wouldn't have tried again. It's so hard being on different pages, especially with something so difficult. I would say time was a healer and as much as we felt we couldn't do it again, I think we would have softened in time. I know time isn't something you can give, but I wouldn't give up hope that he will come around. I was desperate to TTC after our girl was born, and did fall pregnant with a healthy rainbow two months later. I think the desperation is worse for us as the women immediately after and during that limbo time as it feels like you're going through hell for nothing and that something good needs to come out of it. I'm not sure if this post helps, but I wanted you to know you aren't alone in feeling like you do, and neither is your DH really be gentle with yourself OP, do what you need to to get through this time.

Happened I swore blind I wouldn't try again but then I met my DH (not my DD's bio dad) and decided to have one last try. I have said if anything goes wrong this time I'm not trying again.

Even at 44 you still have some time to sit and have a proper think/chat about both your feelings.

Thanks again. One thing the geneticist said was that some women's eggs age quicker than others. I can't help thinking that with the two disasters I have had that must be me. So trying again would be crazy. In the meantime, I am finding this complete limbo very very hard. I just don't know what to do with myself. Just can't concentrate on work or anything!

Hi, just popping on to say hope you managed some sleep. Don't worry about work at the moment, although easier said than done, you're well being is the most important thing at the moment. Are you able to get signed off for a while? I know some people welcome the distraction of work but you may find you need time just to process everything, it's been a roller coaster time for you.

Hi again. Whyme when is your scan? Been thinking about you xx

Hi, it's tomorrow. It's been an awful 6 weeks wait, but now it's here I'm not sure I want to know. Deep breaths. Thank you for your kind thoughts, you're right, it makes a difference talking to people who understand and have been or who are sadly going through it. It's not something you can easily explain. Hope you're looking after yourself xx

hoping for the best tomorrow whyme.

hope you have found a way through today happened

Whyme I am sending every best wish and hope and strength for tomorrow. Hope you get some decent rest tonight.

Somebody somewhere up there doesn't like me! The sickness has reached new levels. I can hardly lift my head from the pillow but DH out so it's just me getting the kids into bed. Bleurgh.

oh u poor thing. have u tried lucozade? used to help me!

I am trying haribo! Sugar?! I think it's more bearable when there's a point to it all!

duno what it was in the fizzy lucozade byt sipping slowly really helped.

I am so sorry to hear about your position happened and that this is the second time you're going through this. I found myself in the same position in February and was devastated that after working myself up to the decision of a TFMR that I would need to wait weeks to have it done. The medical option was not something I felt I could cope with. I was very fortunate that I have health insurance that agreed to cover it but even finding a private hospital in London that could do it in a matter of days was challenging and I spent hours and hours phoning around.

Not a Moan about the poor NHS at all just to say that I know what you're going through, am glad you have a surgical appointment for Sunday and really hope a cancellation might come up sooner. Thinking of you x

Hi Lixon - thanks for your message and so sorry you too have been through this. We do have insurance but by the time we'd sorted out the paperwork etc it was longer than the private clinic. So it's Sunday. But when they initially told me end of May I slightly lost the plot. They could have got me in for medical management and I know that some lovely people on this thread found it ok but i decided for the sake of a couple of extra days I'd rather wait. It would be so much more bearable though if I didn't feel so atrociously sick. Impossible to distract myself.

Happened you can get promethazine which is one of the sickness tablets they prescribe over the counter if you can't face the GP's.

It's called sominax, it is mildly sedating but can work wonders for nausea,vomiting. I actually have a load of sickness tablets in the house for sickness (due to trial and error) but I'm in the arse end of nowhere (north-east) so I doubt that's much help.

Sorry should of added the promethazine is just an antihistamine so nothing dangerous or addictive.

I'm sure your GP would give you a telephone call today if you rang and explained to a receptionist. They won't want you dehydrated before a medical procedure.

Thanks urban. I will try that. mildly sedating sounds quite attractive right now! Work just hasn't happened. This feels like the longest week of my life and I feel slightly exhausted at the thought of afterwards and trying to move on. At the moment I'm being rather pathetic during the day and then pulling it together for the kids and when my DH gets home. Especially the latter really, I think sometimes he feels I've put a blight on the last year or two with all this, although we have had lots of happy times. Thank you for staying with me - it means so much!