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Original poster

Mother's day can fuck off!

52 replies

Itsalwayssunny · 04/03/2016 20:11

Just that really. My baby boy died after being born very prematurely at 23 +5. This time last year I'd just found out I was pregnant a few days before mothers day and was so excited that 2016 I would be a mother. I am a mother, but I feel invisible.

So i thought I'd create a sweary thread for us all to come and have a shout about it as I am finding it all a bit shit. All the constant adverts on tv and flowers/cards in shops etc. It can all fuck off!

I've never said this but roll on Monday!

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RingUpRingRingDown · 05/03/2016 20:50

So glad to have found this thread and some kindred spirits.

I've always struggled with Mother's Day because I don't have a good relationship with my own mother. I'm know that I'm very, very lucky to have two lovely children but all I can think about this weekend is that I should also have a third child. I had a MMC at 12 weeks over two years ago. Mostly, I'm over it but I really struggle with certain times of year (Mothers Day, Christmas, New Year).

I found out last week that I can't have any more children even if I want to (menopause). I told friends and Dh that I'm cool with that but actually I'm desperately sad about it, even though I'm far to old to have any more children.

Strategy in previous years has been to try and ignore the day. Tomorrow I'm going to go to Church, and I don't really know why.

I'm in grumpy, wallowing frame of mind and know I won't snap out of it until Monday.

Mammabear31 · 05/03/2016 20:53

You are all mothers. And beautifully strong with it. Flowers

Original poster
Itsalwayssunny · 06/03/2016 00:22

Thank you Mammabear.

OP posts:
Pinkheart5915 · 06/03/2016 00:25

I had a still birth February 5 years ago and I remember my first Mother's Day after that, felt so strange. My family tried but didn't really know how to approach it.

I hope today will not be too bad for you, and your find the strength Flowers

BuzzHoney · 06/03/2016 00:43

I'm just going to drink some gin and use my hangover as an excuse to stay in bed and sleep the day away.

lonelystarbuckslover · 06/03/2016 07:24

Much love to you all including me

I'm waiting for the grief tsunami. I had a MMC a year ago, two weeks before mothers day. So although it isn't my first since the MC, it's my first 'what if?' One. It's always been a difficult day for me as I was last in the queue when they were dishing out mums, she left when I was a teenager and I have been no contact for over 10 years now. So crappy day all round.

Lots of love everyone

I would have been an awesome mum x

RoTo72 · 06/03/2016 07:57

Agree. Mothers day can do one. I lost bump end of November, had Christmas and new yr to deal with, and then I was in the most awful place, still crying non stop. I have a ds who is 15, he is an aspie so thankfully will make nothing out of mothers day. (any other yr it would have stung a bit not to even get a card). Today is worse than Christmas and new yr, today feels like the world is sticking it's middle finger up at me and going 'na Na Na Na".

BipBippadotta · 06/03/2016 08:41

I know I shouldn't read them, but the 2 MD threads trending are giving me the rage. One poster mentioned that her first baby had died and she felt lucky to have her younger two children. There was no response, just the usual continuing bunfights about who's being grabbiest, etc. Someone further down said 'I appreciate it's hard for people who've lost babies or who can't have children or whose mothers have died, yadda yadda yadda, boo hoo, but WHY SHOULD I NOT BE ALLOWED TO CELEBRATE? IT'S MY DAY! I SHOULD BE CELEBRATED! CELEBRATE ME!' (or at least that's how it sounded to me). Just makes me want to set fire to the world.

KittyandTeal · 06/03/2016 08:51

I do read some of those posts slightly agog sometimes. I generally think 'I wish you knew how lucky you are if your Mother's Day worry is that you didn't get tea in bed'. I do think that some of the women posting are in pretty shitty relationships and I feel for them. However, the threads also show up people who are very lucky to have no idea how some people are suffering.

My fb is usually fine and non braggy but today it's full of 'look at these wonderful things I have for Mother's Day, I'm so lucky' type gushing posts. I know a couple of people who have lost babies or suffer infertility and a few more who have lost mums. I rally feel for them seeing all that crap today.

squicketysquack · 06/03/2016 08:53

Struggling here too...different reasons to most of you but still sobbing into my toast. Bloody hate stupid Mother's Day. FlowersFlowersSt DavidsSt Davids to everyone who finds today difficult for whatever reason.

ChinchillaFur · 06/03/2016 09:03

Very difficult day today for lots of people.

You ARE a mother, you have these feelings because you loved your child before you ever met them.

I have had various mc, fertility treatments etc for secondary infertility. It sucks, it really does - I get it.
One of my good friends lost her Mum recently - she gets it.
A colleague had a stillborn little girl at full term - she gets it despite having other living children.

Stay off facebook today, stay in bed eating chocolate, whatever makes you feel better. Big hugs x

Original poster
Itsalwayssunny · 06/03/2016 10:23

My plan of a hangover hasn't worked, my head hurts and I'm still feeling like total shit. Fb is full of mothers day posts. Even those closest to me have put a post celebrating themselves and other mums.

I have had a couple of friends text today to acknowledge me today which has been really nice.

Plan for the day is copious amounts of chocolate. Is it too early for gin?

Hope you all get through today ok.

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smellsofelderberries · 06/03/2016 11:04

BipBippadotta, I think you're my new favourite MNer Grin

I don't mind so much about others celebrating Mother's Day, what I object to is the 'you don't know love until you've had a baby' or 'you're not a real woman until you've given birth' brigade. It's the us VS you mentality that can go along with days like this. That childless women are some how less than. It fucking sucks that my body can't do this one basic thing that seems to come SO EASILY to so many others.

dudsville · 06/03/2016 11:05

My first of several mc's was on mother's day. HATE HATE HATE the day.

nailsathome · 06/03/2016 11:34

I've started bleeding today too. Fucking fantastic

Metaphase · 06/03/2016 12:27

Flowers Cake to everyone

Nails, take care of yourself Flowers

(Screw Mother's Day)

monkeytree · 06/03/2016 14:19

This is so hard. Extremely grateful to have 2 dd's but miscarried a ds a year ago at 20 weeks. Also estranged from my mother (very difficult relationship) It's all got to me and really ashamed to say I've had a couple of glasses of gin to get me through. I was greeted by elder dd breakfast in bed, lovely card etc but it seemed to make me feel all the worse. Knowing I'm unlikely to have any more children makes it difficult too. All I can think of is everyone who is suffering right now with this awfulness miscarriage/stillbirth and infertility it totally sucks despite being grateful for my lot x

SecretWitch · 06/03/2016 14:30

So much love to everyone here. Flowers

monkeytree · 06/03/2016 14:38

Yes facebook is looking at its best today - streams of photos of happy smiling faces of children and mothers on Mother's Day. However delighted to see a couple of thoughtful posts reflecting on loss of mothers/children today x

AugustRose · 06/03/2016 15:08

Flowers to everyone here, take care of yourselves. I had chat with my baby boy this morning in the garden, no-one but DH and I will think of him today and that I am his mummy too.

Loki17 · 06/03/2016 15:26

I went our for Sil1's birthday meal last night. Newly engaged sil2 announced the date of her wedding - my due date plus one year. She has no idea of the significance of the date and was so excited when she told me. My instant - unspoken and completely inside of my head reaction was 'you cant have that date it's the babies due date birthday'. Then I realised that that isn't a thing and sat there looking at her before managing to utter 'ok' before welling up and trying to get a grip. I lost it when we got home and sobbed and sobbed. It didn't help that mil had insisted on telling me all about her nieces baby shower. I didn't go because I felt it would be too hard but because I'm putting a brave face on everyone thinks I'm coping. I feel like I'm never going to be able to get away from the due date now because it will be celebrated each year as Sil2's wedding anniversary. Not even dh clicked that the date was the same so I have no animosity towards sil2 and I'm not going to say anything. It is a coincidence but, out of all of the dates that could have been chosen it just feels a cruel twist. Anyway, screw you, mothers day.

magpie17 · 06/03/2016 15:46

Thinking of all of you mummy's who are without their children today. My SIL has had two horrible mc's in the last 18 months and my heart hurts for her today.

BitchSlapBingBunny · 06/03/2016 17:23

Thank you for making this thread.

Flowers for all of you.

Deep breaths until bedtime.

I lost my first due to miscarriage a few months a go. I wish someone would just think in rl and tell me it's going to be okay.

AnnP1963 · 06/03/2016 17:30

As someone who tried for children for nearly 3 years i can remember this day well and the feeling of dread it brings. My children are older now and have their own lives and even though they remembered me i wish i could say it was with complete conviction. I really hope you all get what you want in the next year and hope that you have good news next mothers day. As a day that i feel was created by the card industry, i wish it could be renamed 'carers day' as the two women who have had the most effect in my life haven't even been my mother.

Original poster
Itsalwayssunny · 06/03/2016 21:04

The day is nearly over! I'm raising my glass and toasting all of you mamas who haven't been able to celebrate the day your babies/children and to all of those who haven't had their mothers to spend the day with either.

For those who like me don't have their babies with them this year, I'm wishing for a much better mothers day next year for us all.

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