Miscarriage at 6 weeks

[shopaholic85]

I lost my baby at 6 weeks yesterday. I went to hospital at lunchtime and by 5pm the miscarriage had 'completed'. So though it was painful, it was fairly quick.

I think I was in shock, so went into a kind of auto-pilot last night when I came home and thought I was coping. But I have been up most of the night crying and finding it hard to deal with a few things (TMI warning):

• I was clotting during the miscarriage and there were one or two large clots/ pieces of tissue. Was one of them by baby? If so, it means I flushed it down the toilet without saying goodbye. I think I would like to have buried the remains, but no one prepare you for what comes out.
• I didn't get to find out whether my baby was a boy or a girl. And I will never know.
• I am worried that other people won't understand how I feel because the baby was only 6 weeks. Maybe they are right? Maybe it's too early to grieve?

Please tell me how I am feeling is normal and that it gets better.

Can totally appreciate that. Can you confide in a friend? Siblings? Parents? Try and keep your mind occupied. Take each minute of the day at a time. Take comfort in your 10 year old (I think you said 10).

Thank you Melvali. X
Yes I have my mum, I am with her now. I will take comfort in my son, he is with his dad this weekend which is a blessing because I'm distraught...but when he comes back tomorrow I will have to be strong, or at least pretend to.

Let your mum look after and pamper you. I just had to face my sil who hasn't acknowledged my infection/Hosp stay/ miscarriage. She asked me how I was but I just replied I'm fine. Then she tried to make convo by asking if I wanted a baked potato and again I just politely declined no, I've got my dinner now thanks. Then she tried to ask how my family were but I again just said they are fine. She will have got the message that I'm not happy with her. I couldn't bring myself to be warmer. She saw DH a couple days ago for the first time since, and didn't mention a single word to him let alone ask how I was doing. I'm so angry right now.

Melvali that sounds so awkward with your sister in law, I can understand why you feel angry right now. I guess you just have to try not to take it personally, and know that her actions say more about her than they do about you...xx

That's a good way of putting it...

I miscarried at 8 weeks a few years back.

I had told everyone I was expecting again, so it hit me like a brick when I miscarried. It didn't help that the miscarriage started on a plane , so had to go through a flight and customs knowing I was losing my baby and then straight to the EPU from the airport, where they said they couldn't find a heartbeat and to go home and that was that.

It was pretty horrendous, and to be brutally honest, I didn't feel many people took it all that seriously, as I wasn't 'that' pregnant (my DH was lovely, though).

I got pregnant again 3 months later and (happily) had my gorgeous DD, but I still think about that baby.

Lots of love to you x

Thanks for sharing your story. In the grand scheme of things, other people's reactions don't matter

Hope everyone found some peace this weekend.

RifRafia, how did the scan go? And don't worry about your DH. Mine didn't really know what to say or do until I explained to him how I felt. I was so annoyed with him before I realised how helpless he felt.

Galway, how are you feeling today?

I'm back to work on Wednesday. Feeling a little anxious and not looking forward to catching up with 2 weeks worth of work. Most of the girls in my team know what happened and I know they will be lovely. Not sure what to say to the people who don't know.

Hi shopoholic - unfortunately they confirmed MC, and just to rub the salt in, it is incomplete, with a large clot still seen in my uterus. This is despite passing a largish clot yesterday and lots of small (sorry if TMI). I have been told to go back in a week if not passed and/or still bleeding heavily as they may need to look at ERPC. Just feel really odd at the minute, like I am having an outer body experience. Have to say the EPU was great, but it is still shit having to walk through a waiting room full of heavily pregnant ladies after having been given the news.

My husband told my boss this morning and he has told me to take as long as I need, so feel a bit less guilty about work at least. I have asked my boss to tell my key senior team members who will be sharing my workload what is going on. I have a busy job in HR, dealing with other peoples emotions and problems mainly, so I know that I would be totally useless if I tried to go back to work in the next couple of days.

I know what you mean about not knowing what to tell those who don't know - the tummy bug excuse that I used on Fri isn't really going to wash for a whole week or more!

Hi Shop,
I'm feeling up and down, I don't really know how to feel so I'm just taking one minute, one hour, one day at a time.
Physically I feel better, but emotionally it's taking a toll.
It's good that some people in your work know...I wasn't planning on telling many people, literally one or two, but as things have unfolded and my relationship has broken down, I've felt the need to talk and explain to them why I might be up and down. I've literally just told them the facts and said that if I'm all over the place over the next few weeks then that is why! They've been understanding although no one can really do or say anything to help me.
It's been good for me to get back into the swing of things where work is concerned, and be reminded that life goes on.

RifRafia, I'm so sorry for your loss and glad you are taking time out of work. Take longer than you think you need - you can always go back earlier. That odd, outer-body feeling is normal. When it passes, let yourself feel whatever you need to for however long you need to. And we are here if you need to vent.

Galway, taking each day at a time is really sensible considering the double loss you have endured. I think people at work being 'aware' is a good thing, so if you are not yourself, you don't have to explain why. Thinking of you and Melvali today as it has been exactly 2 weeks.

Thinking of you too...2 weeks today Xxx

4 weeks today. Thinking of you all and hoping time has been a healer xx

I'm so sorry for your loss. My miscarriage happened three weeks ago and today I had to do another pregnancy test just to make sure my body had got rid of everything... Apparently your results will still show as pregnant if this is the case and you'll need to have surgery to avoid complications within the womb - so when the 'not pregnant' message popped up on that little blue stick it was just another reminder of what had happened...
It's never too early to grieve. Sadly unless you've also miscarried it's very difficult for people to understand. My friends just assumed it was like a period! Honestly that comment just had me speechless.
Please look after yourself, take time off work and rest. It's a massive thing; physically and emotionally. I continued to bleed for about 10 days. The cramping stopped after about two weeks.
I know it's hard but don't blame yourself and try not to ask yourself why... take care my love and let your loved ones in to help you through xx