Miscarriage at 6 weeks

[shopaholic85]

I lost my baby at 6 weeks yesterday. I went to hospital at lunchtime and by 5pm the miscarriage had 'completed'. So though it was painful, it was fairly quick.

I think I was in shock, so went into a kind of auto-pilot last night when I came home and thought I was coping. But I have been up most of the night crying and finding it hard to deal with a few things (TMI warning):

• I was clotting during the miscarriage and there were one or two large clots/ pieces of tissue. Was one of them by baby? If so, it means I flushed it down the toilet without saying goodbye. I think I would like to have buried the remains, but no one prepare you for what comes out.
• I didn't get to find out whether my baby was a boy or a girl. And I will never know.
• I am worried that other people won't understand how I feel because the baby was only 6 weeks. Maybe they are right? Maybe it's too early to grieve?

Please tell me how I am feeling is normal and that it gets better.

You X

Unfortunately I have to go through this all by myself, my husband isn't in town and there's no one to call. Am being strong for myself but it's very difficult. Just can't stop crying.

Myoude are you at the hospital? Keep talking and we will listen.
It's been a week since I miscarried and I've been crying today too...you're not alone, I'm thinking of you

Myoude, I am sorry you are going through this. Like Galway said, you are not alone, we are here.

My husband was away when mine happened too and I couldn't have gotten through it without the support of the lovely women on MN.

Myuode, keep posting we are here xx

Tnx so much for the support, still in so much emotional pain. I have wanted this baby for so long I just can't believe I lost it.

How is the pain physically? Emotionally you have to take things slow. Allow yourself to feel what you feel.

How long were you trying for? Feel free to talk about it as much or as little as you want.

It's such a shock isn't it, we already love what's growing inside of us and have imagined our future with them in it. It's so sad to have it taken away suddenly and traumatically. I'm so sorry you're husband isn't around right now Myoude, will he be with you soon?

He should be back on Monday, it's obviously caused by fibroid so having abdominal pains as well

Anyone know how soon I can start trying again and if the fibroid will affect it again?

Sorry I have no experience of fibroids but didn't realise they could cause miscarriages. Is there any treatment you could have for them? Maybe even look into alternative therapies, acupuncture etc. Since you suspect the fibroid is an issue I would suggest you try and deal with this first so your body is best placed to deal with next pregnancy..

I know emotionally it is really distressing but don't bottle anything up. When is your scan? Think you mentioned it was today.

Just about going for the scan now

I'm sorry, I don't know anything about fibroids. I don't know if it's the same advice, but the nurses told me you can start ttc as soon as you get a negative test and your period returns.
I would love a baby, but unfortunately I won't be ttc as my boyfriend doesn't want one.
Take care of yourself and get plenty of rest...have painkillers to hand as you might have cramps and aches, is there anyone at all you can get to be with you? Even if it's just for a little while? Xx

What did they say during your scan? X

Galway sorry if you have said this already but do you have any children? How do you feel about not TTC again? Xx

Melvali, I already have DS10 from a previous relationship.
I wasn't even sure about more children, and have been with my partner just under a year so wasn't planning any imminently...but this has sparked a flame inside me which means now I do.
When I found out I was pregnant, I felt happy instantly even though also shocked and scared. My partner didn't want it at all, although eventually after 2 weeks of heartache he did tell me he would stay by my side...the very next day I MC.
Now isn't the right time for us, we don't live together or anything, his reasons I could understand...but I felt a strong maternal bond to my baby in those couple of weeks I knew it was there, and I wanted it.
What about you?

I can appreciate that. It must have been hard for you and you never know it may make your relationship stronger.

I was diagnosed with a pancreatic tumour a few months after I got married and the last 4 years have been taken up with that to be honest. I had surgery and so far all clear but it's been so tough physically and emotionally. My body has slowly got stronger though and less infections now etc so we started thinking about a family and after a long debate finally decided to go for it. Got pregnant first cycle which felt like a miracle as I thought my body was out of balance with all the health issues. Was so pleased to be approaching the 12 week mark but obviously wasn't meant to be yet. I feel so mixed up when people tell me the timing wasn't right, if they knew how much I toiled with the idea to start TTC they wouldn't say that. Does that make sense? Will definitely be going for it again but just not sure whether we will start TTC straight after first period or wait for a bit longer.

I'm hoping it does make our relationship stronger, thanks. It's been a really rough few weeks for us and for our relationship, but he has been there for me over the past week and he is trying to understand. He's going on holiday for a week on Saturday with his family, which I'm not sure is a good thing for space or a bad thing because I'll miss him and feel like I need him more than ever.

I'm sorry to hear that...a diagnosis like that must be hard at anytime, but especially such as newlyweds. Life can be so cruel, you have dealt with a lot in past few years and now this too, I hope that these things make your relationship and marriage stronger though, and that you are both there for each other.

That makes sense what you're saying about the timing...you can't plan life though can you?! You'll know when it's the right time. The nurses told me that after one miscarriage we have the same chance as any other healthy female for a successful pregnancy so keep that in mind Xx

Yeah your right .. You can't plan life can you.. You just have to muddle your way through best you can. You will miss your partner when he goes on holiday but perhaps the space will be good to work out what you really want/ can live with etc. I've been away from DH this past week as I've been staying at my mums. Will be going home in the next couple days though.

I just had my appt with nutrionist and she suggested we wait at least 3 months to allow the body to recover properly/get it ready for next time. I've got a splitting headache. Had a tiff with DH as one of his sisters who is a cow hasn't been in touch with us at all to acknowledge what's happened and I find that incredibly rude. He saw her yesterday for the first time and she didn't mention anything nor ask how I was. He is such a softie he just always says that after his mum passes away he won't have anything to do with her. For me though, I would prefer to have these things out and have/continue a relationship. I can't imagine shutting my brother/ sisters out. Bloody families honestly

That sounds difficult with your hubby's sister. Families definitely can be awkward, but that's very insensitive of her not to ask after you...i'd feel hurt.
I feel hurt because I called my good friend a few days before I miscarried to tell her I was pregnant...when I then miscarried, I called and left a voicemail explaining what had happened...she text the next morning saying she was sorry and didn't know what the right words were and I haven't heard from her since. This is a girl I've known over 25 years since primary school and I'm hurt that she hasn't called in over a week but I guess not everyone must see this as a big issue.
I've felt really low today and found things quite difficult.
I too have a headache...mine hasn't really gone since it started just before MC.
How else are you feeling? It's good you had your mum around with you, are you looking forward to being back home with your husband?

Your friend couldve called but at least she did text and didn't ignore your message. I fear even if I started the convo off with sil she would ignore me.

I've not had any cramps today and was really pleased but since I got into bed at 9 they have kicked in. I just cannot get comfy. I was really hoping for a good nights sleep. Yesterday was the first night I slept through mostly. Generally I still feel exhausted though. Yesterday I felt better than today so it seems to be up and down. I am looking forward to spending time with hubby but his mum is unwell and the doctors have basically this afternoon asked if we want her to be made comfortable at home or taken into hospital. They are saying there isn't much they can do. She seems to have got an infection and not responding to antibiotics. She is diabetic and her kidneys are at stage 5. Poor mobility and arthritis too. I'm not sure there is any point in me going home tomorrow as originally planned. I'll see what tomorrow brings. I want to be there for him and his family too but I also still feel like I need looking after. I don't want to sound selfish but I myself feel I have been through the mill. I don't think I'll be of much help going home. This way he can focus on his mum and I have my parents to look after me too. In the past I've always put everyone before me and it's never paid off. When I had the cancer diagnosis I kept pushing on and getting on with things and in the end I was the only one who suffered.

How are you feeling? Are you managing to eat /sleep? Do you work at all ? Xx

Myoude, how was the scan?

Melvali, I'm sorry about your MIL, but that's not selfish at all. It doesn't sound like you would get much rest at home and, right now, that's what you need.

Galway, don't worry about not hearing from your friend. Some people think they are bothering you by texting/ calling when something like this happens. I hope she realises that you would much rather hear from her and gets in touch soon.

I did a pregnancy test today and it was a BFN. I thought I would be sad, but I feel mainly relieved. I've started to make a list of all the pros of not being pregnant to keep me going and finding that it is really helping. And I've started to make plans that involve me saying 'Well, we wouldn't be able to do that if I was pregnant/we had a baby'. It seems silly, but it's helping me to get out of bed and have something other than a baby to look forward to.

Aw shopaholic that's a good idea. I can see what that would be motivating. Are you going to be TTC again soon?

Yes, we are going to start ttc again straightaway. I'm not bleeding anymore and there doesn't seem to be any reason to wait.

Did the nutritionist you saw suggest you wait because of other health issues? I know you have said that you are in the clear now, so that doesn't seem to make sense.

From what I have read, the only reason to wait would be if there was a health risk or if you were not psychologically ready.

I'm still bleeding a little bit but it's definitely coming to an end.

Her suggestion was so that my body could fully recover and all vitamin/ mineral levels topped back up. I have had a complicated medical history so I can see where she is coming from. I'm not sure I'll wait that long though but will just see how I feel.

Are you going to wait for one period?