Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 20 - tests, treatment, trying again.

[barkingtreefrog]

Buckle up, the threads move like lightening! Tea, sympathy, information, support and combined wisdom to guide you through the maze of testing and treatment for recurrent miscarriage. Newbies always most welcome.

Please start with the traditional recap of your stats.

More hand holding from me bythesea x

Hotel sounds amazing barking! Hope you're coping ok with the 2ww. When is it you test again?

Will be thinking of you tomorrow bythesea, early night tonight, plenty of distraction, it'll soon be here.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow bythesea

Barking how are you feeling? Hope you are ok.

Any body else pissed off with the funny fuckers who put Aprils fools as pregnancy announcements. Bastards. It really isn't funny. Hmm I've lost 3 babies in 10 months and I hoped and prayed no one would be insensitive enough to do it, is that funny enough for you? Now fuck off!!!"

Also had a real baby bomb today. My next door neighbour at home, her daughter, who is younger than me by a good 8 years has plastered her scan pic on fb and her dippy sister is gushing all over fb about if as well.

I hit unfollow faster than you can say pink or blue?

But, this bit I'm ashamed of. The neighbour is one of my mums best friends and of course she will be excitedly telling my mum about her first grandchild.

My parents have downplayed my grief (probably because they think they are helping and feel helpless) but I hope my Mum feels the sadness I feel, that her first grandchild isn't here yet and should be.

She might then understand how I feel every single day and after every single baby bomb.

And I am ashamed I feel that way

I know it's not my Mums fault and they are wonderful parents but they brush my grief under the carpet

Hugs brummie my mum does that too. I know its not that she doesn't care, she cares deeply, but it hurts her so much to see me hurt she'd rather not talk about it. She told me once how she would give anything to be able to take the pain away and put it on herself instead. It made me realise she felt very deeply about it. She then ended with 'when you're a mum you'll understand' which didn't go down quite so well .

I can't believe people were doing April fool preg announcements. That might bite them in the ass one day.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow bythesea. What a milestone. You have good news so far and the odds really are in your favour. I know how you must feel though - even someone talking about scans makes my stomach lurch.

Today I am very ANGRY. Just spent a fortune in Cos to cheer me up. Off to Devon for Easter to see DPs parents, they are quite the boozers so at least I will be able to . It's s pretty shit silver lining but a silver lining nonetheless.

Oh Monten

Hope you are ok.

Have come back from Cornwall and suddenly remembered that I'd sent flowers to pregnant friend now that baby has arrived. The one I'm unreasonable about .

I say crossed my mind because I've had no acknowledgment re the flowers...

They were due to arrive Monday.

So apparently I'm unreasonable because the world doesn't revolve around me and grieving for my babies when I struggle to celebrate someone else.

I buy and send a baby shower gift. I send flowers to celebrate the birth. But I don't even get asked how I am, let alone either thing acknowledged

And I'm the selfish unreasonable one?????

What the actual fuck?

Time to start stepping back now I think.

Brummie I did wonder to myself whether your pregnant friend had just felt awkward around you, knowing about your mc's and maybe she just didn't know what to say or how to be and time has just gone by with her just saying nothing because she just doesn't know what to say or how to be towards you, maybe a bit like the woman at your work who is sinking beneath her desk trying to hide her bump. But I'm sorry, not saying thank you to you for either gift is down right rude and ungrateful and if I were you I'd knock her off your lists of friends. There comes a time in life where you have to put yourself first and you have a lot to concentrate yourself on over the next few months and adding stress and crap from people like her is not what you need x

You could be right Loopy - although she doesn't see me. I'm in the Midlands and she's down South where I used to live. I last saw her at her a wedding after I'd just had mc number 2 and she was waiting to see if IVF had worked.

Colleague has to see me every single day.

So friend could've sent me a text at any time to say thank you and hasn't. When I texted her to say congratulations - she asked how I was enjoying my new house, I gave the usual it's great then said about being busy with hospital appointments which she completely ignored.

I'm just shocked that mutual friend had the gall to accuse me of being unreasonable. But I can be ignored and that's ok because we can't upset a pregnant woman???

Sorry I know I sound like a complete bitch. I guess I feel betrayed because at one point we were really close friends and it really fucking hurts is the honest truth x

Just re read my post and Christ I sound vile and very unlike me. Please don't take offence anyone

I think I feel let down and unsupported is all and I'm bitterly jealous as well. There's no getting away from that and if I hadn't been through everything I probably wouldn't have even thought about it.

Feel ashamed now

Hi all, I'm just popping on to say how appreciative i am of this thread and the women who keep it going. I met with my consultant today (having had 2 m/c's, one which was twins and because I'm 35). I have been lucky enough to have had a good nhs experience: will be getting tests now and progesterone protocol if I get pregnant again. If it hadn't have been for this thread I would never have pushed for a referral or felt confident and assertive in the appt - my husband hadn't realised how much I've been learning from this thread! The consultant even knows Prof. Quenby. I know theres a long way yet but for now, wanted to share a nicer element to this challenging experience but most of all, my gratitude. You ladies, your honesty and strength have kept me going x thank you. You are all awesome

Brummie, I don't think you sound unreasonable at all. xx

brummie you don't sound vile at all, and far from offensive. Please don't feel ashamed of saying how you feel. Your friend sounds like she is having difficulty in acknowledging anything you are experiencing right now - that's her problem and shouldn't be made to feel like its yours.

Massive hug brummie your friend should have thanked you. It's so hard not to feel hurt when we are carrying loss and pain, especially when others don't acknowledge our feelings. I found cocooning myself helped and I stopped worrying if that offended anyone. It has made me a stronger person for it, I can listen to my own feelings now and only do things I want to.

minnie that's shit.could you call your local mp office and complain? It's worth fighting I think.

Good news on your appointment maverick. Keep in touch and let us know how it goes!

flower29 great news that your doctor is happy to follow the Coventry meds. One less hassle to fight through.

bythesea good luck tomorrow- hand holding here too.

counting thinking of you and hoping tomorrow is over quickly. Much hand holding here for you too.

brummie I agree with loopy. Your friend really doesn't deserve you being so bloody nice to her. Not even sending a quick thank you text either time is just too much. And I'd be tempted to ditch your meddling mutual friend too. If they can't even slightly empathise with how you might be feeling then there really comes a time when you have to say enough is enough. So sorry though as its hard to let go of friendships which used to mean so much.

maverick that's a lovely post. I've only been on here a short time but agree so much with what you said. I've learned so much from everyone. It's so nice to have a place to go where people understand.

So went out for the meal and it was fine. Apart from pg mate moaned a bit much to the point where I said oh stop moaning you're really lucky! Other baby bomber friend was totally fine and didn't mention baby at all. However nobody asked how things were going for me (i realise this sounds very me me me!) not even the girl I've not spoken to since mc. Obviously we can't talk about MC around pg women. Because as brummie said earlier we can't upset them can we! I hate how selfish I sound here by the way but I would have liked a slight acknowledgement that my situation is a bit shit! But aside from that we had a good time so I'm glad I went!

Minnie you are are absolutely right and it's not me me me. My counsellor has said it's the acknowledgement of grief that we need that validates that actually we ARE suffering and grieving.

That is why for me, seeing my colleague is hard but that is MY issue, she could not have been more sensitive. She asks me about appointments, remembered both my due dates so far, asks me how I'm feeling. And I can't even begin to tell her how grateful I am for her sensitivity.

Good on you for saying "stop moaning though" it's too bloody easy to grit your teeth and die a bit more inside.

Counting you must feel all over the place tonight. I will be thinking of you tomorrow. It will be over quickly. I know that is no real comfort, but you will close your eyes, open them and it will be over.

Big hugs and lots of love xx

minnie no one does mention it. It's so odd. When you're in the throes of it they do, in my experience, but after a couple of weeks people just stop. It's weird. I'm so glad it was okay

brummie you don't dound horrible, you sound like me. Admitting feelings like jealousy is really brave. Look after yourself c

Not c, x!

tiny** i just realised i havn't yet posted a congratulations message, CONGRATULATIONS HON!!!! Wishing you a lifetime of sweet snuggles and happy giggles!! Xxx

Brummie** - not vile! This is our safe place - you don't have to censor yourself. Don't feel shame, it's such a negative and depleating emotion, and hasn't rmc made us sorry and ashamed enough?! I love your honest and often piss funny posts! Keep it real, girlfriend! (Said, obviously, in an ironic way, but sentiment sincere.)

flower29 it's an annual thing with work at the year end - a recap of last year's objectives and introducing the aims for this year coming. Just management today, then the whole company here tomorrow (so bump will be far more diluted!!) Excellent result with the gp!

bythesea I have good vibes about tomorrow. What time is the scan? just so I know from what time to start sneakily refreshing my phone

march we're going away Friday to Sunday so of I manage to resist taking any sticks with me I won't be able to test until Monday, which is official test date at the clinic anyway. Otherwise I'd find it difficult to resist it on Sunday (equivalent of 13dpo).

brummie I've not seen anyone do that, although it might have something to do with the fact that the only people I haven't unfollowed on fb are DH, my brother and my SiL! I wouldn't be able to resist an angry comment on their inappropriate sense of humour I'm afraid....
Sorry about the baby bomb. I totally get the mother thing though. And the friend? Never mind a step back, I'd be turning my back and shutting the door I'm afraid. I've really learnt who my friends are over the last 3+ years. Those who are are no longer part of my life I do not miss one bit, and those who are still around are closer than ever. You do not come across as vile and the only one who should be ashamed is her.

maverick sounds really positive, well done going in armed with knowledge and not being afraid to use it!

I'm glad the meal went well minnie, well done for telling her to stop! The 8 month bump stepped over the line for me tonight. Between saying 'Look at me! I'm massive!' (No thanks, shut up and sit down) and then ordering a sherry, while I'm sticking with tap water, then having some of the wine, and the sherry trifle....

brummie, Minnie, monten, hugs.

counting We are here. I think it's a normal reaction when grief comes in fits and starts, or suddenly all at once, at a time you didn't expect, or not for a while. However you feel from one hour to the next, its all normal. Hand holding for tomorrow xx

bythesea hand holding for tomorrow

barking bleurgh to her. Hang in there.

cloud Sorry you were thrown by your DS's comments. So hard! I can understand. Today my DS who has just turned 4, was playing with the neighbours..siblings aged 3 and 16 months. At bedtime he said mournfully: 'I (put that in italics) want a baby'. In the same way he wants 10 other things every day, but still. I didn't know what to say - think I said me too but we don't always get what we want I'm afraid.

tiny hope all is well.

Sorry to anyone I missed out, am continuing to try for early nights. Clearly failing.

monten didn't think you were being rude at all! The adhesions were found at Liverpool a couple of weeks ago when they were checking to see I don't have a wonky cervix as an explanation for losing dd. I don't, but they found the adhesions/scarring instead. Do you think you might have them as well? I'm not sure it would explain everything but it could be a factor as my periods have definitely been lighter since c-section 3 years ago (it's the only thing I can think that has caused it). Am now just waiting to go back to their rcm clinic to find out about the hysteroscopy/operation.

minnie outrageous. And good on you for chasing it up. Not easy when you hope/trust things are being done properly.

minnie I meant the appointment not the meal thing. But on that, you have every right to feel that this is all 'a bit shit' and acknowledgement of that is very important. Sorry!

And brummie I think you have every right to feel pissed off. X

Just popping in to wish you luck bythesea. I've got a good feeling about this .

Out of interest, what dose of progesterone is everyone on? I was on 200 twice a day for the iui but I'm on 400 twice a day for the ivf.
Currently having night sweats and sore boobs. Wish I could put them down as pg symptoms but I know the sore boobs at least is definitely the progesterone!

Good morning all and thank you for all the good wishes. Scan at 11. Will pop back after and reply properly to everything then. But wanted to say,

counting I hope today goes ok, thinking of you and sending you big cyber hugs and wishing I could do more