Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 19 - tests, treatment, trying again.

[bythesea82]

Buckle up, the threads move like lightening! Tea, sympathy, information, support and combined wisdom to guide you through the maze of testing and treatment for recurrent miscarriage. Newbies always most welcome.

Please start with the traditional recap of your stats.

pop flen's blog is thingsaboutmiscarriage.wordpress.com/

Mimi in your position in the first place I would be trying to get referred to a rmc clinic if your hospital has one. Usually you have to have had 3mc to count under nhs rules which I think you've suggested you have had but possibly they are not all down on your health records. 2 mc and being 35 should get you referred I think anyway. If that fails your gp might be able to do blood tests for some things. Or you can explore the private route.

freckle, I got counselling through my work, it's one of our very few perks. Otherwise I would have contacted my GP or an organisation like the Miscarriage Association.

Freckle I got counselling through work too. But defo speak to GP or Miscarriage Association

Andcounting...i just read your message from earlier today in the car and really really feel for you. But it's not a closed case. Although i trully appreciate the madness of a two week wait. Can you ring your epu and get a weekly scan - ffs, recurrent miscarrige is special circumstances and that waiting would drive anyobe potty. I know when i went for a scan at 7 weeks in my last pregnancy it was measuring small but still saw heartbeat and i was on progesterone from 7 weeks (it died at 7 weeks) and i didnt bleed/miscarry untill 11 weeks, but i don't know if this is a comon experience. E x

Minnie I took 3 months after my first ( tho there were two other sad events in that time that came as a shock) i think the m/c was v.difficult first time round to make sense of, plus I found the event itself quite traumatic. I echo marchgirl in that I can be certain it took me 6 mths before I recognised myself again. This second m/ c I am 3 weeks in and intend to take 3 further weeks although am generally coping better. Partly i think it depends on the job you do, I'm client facing in the NHS but also my thoughts now are not just about taking time to recover but to have some space to prepare for our next attempts at conception so I go back to work able to balance all the demands on me. It is so important to think about what's best for you, my job is important but never more important than my own mental health or my desire to be a parent. ( I do acknowledge that I am lucky to get full sick pay too).
mimi at my second m/c confirmation scan I asked for a referral to the consultant, emphasising my age (35), which was agreed to tho they won't guarantee what, if anything the consultant will do. This is an individual thing but my feeling now is that if I had m/c 3 I'd want it to occur in hospital so they could test the products, so I wish I'd asked if they do test the products. I also wished I'd asked if I can come straight in next time rather than politely waiting for 2 days, (this is important to me cos I think my recovery has been better this time due to seeing them on the screen before I lost them). I'd also ask how early and regularly they offer reassurance scans ( we have been offered from 6 wks and fortnightly after). I'd ask about the types of tests that will be offered now or if there was a m/c 3 so a prof has explained it all whilst giving you a chance to ask questions. I hope all this prep for no 3 is never needed but being proactive has helped my recovery.
Sorry for mega post.

counting I am so sorry you have had a worrying scan. Everything crossed for a positive outcome.

Tanny lovely, you have done nothing wrong. Most babies have jaundice to one extent or another. Hope you're home soon.

brummie how confusing for you, though I guess late af is less wtf than a missed period. I have had a positive opk right before AF too. I thought it was my dodgy pcos hormones so interested to hear it is quite common.

Can't believe all the comments from "friends". So totally self absorbed. Who thinks that way?

Ok here. Mostly good blood sugar readings with the occasional massive blip. Have calmed down a bit now, apart from building scanxiety for Monday. Am doing all I can and feeling virtuous drinking nothing but water at work party today. Whooping cough jab today felt like another small milestone as 28 weeks seemed impossibly distant when the mw told me about it.

On time off, it never occurred to me that I could take more than a couple of days. Everyone always drills into you how common miscarriage is, and how you shouldn't be telling anyone about your pregnancy in case you miscarry that I thought I wasn't really allowed to grieve openly when it happened, though my bosses have each been very supportive really. I don't think I performed very well at work till I got pregnant again really though. It occupies such a lot of headspace. I agree with whoever said it is in some ways more complex than grief - it's the fear and uncertainty about the future o found most difficult to cope with.

Counting, limbo is so annoying, can you push for a scan in a week but ten days so you don't have to wait the full 2 weeks?

Counting - big hugs lovely lady. Nothing more to add that hasn't already been said, but you know we're here for you

Brummie- like the sound of Mr Watts & hope the wft AF sorts itself out soon.

Tanny- hope Bertie is enjoying his sunbathing & you're home soon.

There was discussion around people reducing their aim for 3 children to 1. Thought you might like to know my sil had 5 MC before going onto have 2 children and has just announced she's pregnant again. It can happen and sometimes the case of finding what treatment best works for you.

Anyone else avoiding a certain programme of C4 at 9pm? An early series was filmed at my local hospital and I was asked to take part when I was pregnant with dd (I said no as didn't want my lady bits on out on tv) 5 years later and it seems a million miles away and I wish I was in a position to be asked again ??

Thanks mrsdiddlydoo, my hospital has a RMC clinic so I'll be trying to get referred tomorrow otherwise we'll just have to crack on with ttc and crossing fingers and toes the next bean sticks .

Yep avoiding channel 4 like the plague. Would love to watch but just can't.

Bleeding has slowed right down. Hasn't even marked my underwear - it's just very slightly pink on wiping so maybe it's not AF. Guess I'll see in morning.

Re friends I feel like I've really found out who my friends are. So hurt I've barely heard from pregnant single IVF friend. I sent a present to her baby shower and I never even heard from her, let alone a thank you. I'm shocked and hurt. But realised she's not there for me and I need to move on.

Tanny hope little Bertie is relaxing in the warm.

Baking how is Faith doing now? Hope she's ok xx

Thanks mrsdiddlydoo
counting thinking of you.

Freckle my counselling I got through GP, a voluntary organisation that have been wonderful, but miscarriage association have a list I think if you call them.

Twilight really sorry about your bunny. I don't know if it's the mc grief, but I've been really missing my cat that I lost last year. Think about her all the time. Big hugs to you.

andcounting sorry you're in limbo after scan and second what everyone else has said. That sounds lame typing that, but Baking put it well.
Girlie that's a really nice thing to hear. I'll be happy with 1, but have always wanted 2.
Tanny hope your back home and back to just enjoying Bertie again soon.

All OK here, been enjoying not going to work and busy painting DPs house ready to move in a month. There's still a fair bit of stress, won't go into detail, but feels somehow more manageable than last week.
On day 27 of 1st cycle, was always about 26 days pre mc, hoping it gets to 31 days as my app thinks I ovulated around day 19 so 31 would give me 12 say luteal phase and possibly mean vitex is working??

Sorry to those of you I've missed. Falling asleep as I type though.

counting . So sorry it wasn't straightforward good news and you've got to wait.

First injection done. Operation grow follicles, grow is officially underway! Just stabbing and waiting until the scan next Tuesday now to find out what's happening.

counting sorry the scan wasn't what you wanted to see. Definitely agree about an earlier scan- two weeks is a long time when you're worrying.

tanny hope little Bertie is much better and home quickly.

brummie fingers crossed for no more bleeding.

barking exciting! Grow, grow, grow!

maverick I'm a primary school teacher and it's an act most of the time to sound cheerful so seems impossible at the moment. I worry I'm letting the kids down but I need to get my head around this I think. finding I lose concentration at the moment which would be tricky!

Hi Maverick, they can sometimes give you these cardboard toilet insert things so you can collect the products at home and take in? Although I can appreciate that that might be distressing for some.
I haven't had any time off work so far. But I can hide behind a computer and have been 'lucky' that the painful bit for the three slightly later m/cs all happened at home. And I've got by on good old denial - if my friends at work don't know, if I'm turning up, and they're not treating me any differently, then maybe it's not real?
I also went to the repeat miscarriage consultants appointments and scan to confirm last m/c on my own, and still don't want to talk to my family about it. Think it's a bid to keep all the horribleness separate from everyday life. Because it's easier to deny it then.

Minnie another teacher!! I messed up both times. I went back to school after a couple of days (I was senco, so I went back on my day out of the classroom) and I just about coped, but cried in the office that I shared with the deputy. I tried going back to the classroom but was in pieces by the end of the day and ran out in tears at 4 and called the gp for a sick note. I had that week off then went back but I should have taken longer. The last time I was on a residential trip. I figured I could carry on but it was awful and DH ended up coming to pick me up a day early, fortunately there were enough staff to cover me. I then tried to go back again (it was the end of summer) but I was a complete mess and had to take a few more days off. I came back again and was clearly still not coping so the head told me to sign myself off for the last 3 weeks of term. I was gutted. I'd had that class for 2 years and I felt like I was abandoning them, I was so upset. I also felt like I was letting the parents down. I'd already handed in my notice at this point, given I knew I couldn't cope with balancing the upcoming fertility treatment and the classroom anymore, so it felt I'd stopped caring and just signed off with stress (the parents and kids didn't know why I was off). Bad, sad times .

I also think - although others may disagree - I've found recurrent miscarriage easier to cope with because I already have children. And I was in denial that there was really a baby during both my full term pregnancies until I saw the baby on scan at 12 weeks - find it hard to believe anything I can't see. Which also made the miscarriages easier for me I think.

Finishedbiccies my first was an empty sac and I was just utterly confused. Had never been pregnant before so had been in shock, terror before getting used to the idea and then getting excited about our lives changing, quickly followed by spotting and scan. It was all very confusing and I wasn't sure what to think of feel. I think I could have just about got away with thinking it hadn't really been there growing inside of me, but then the 2nd mc we saw the heartbeat and we were both so excited for all of 20minutes until we were told to expect to miscarry. I think I was in denial, tried to take the emotion out by thinking of it in terms of a scientific experiment failing on a petri dish, until that heartbeat. Now l fully feel I have lost 2 babies and wonder what they'd have looked like and miss them so much.

Sorry to hear about your scan counting, massive hugs. I hope that you ovulated later than you thought and all's ok. If you do mc the progesterone can delay it but I would stay on it until you've had your next scan. Things may look very different and much more positive by then!
Keeping everything crossed for you.

Tanny sorry to hear Bertie isn't well. Hope he can come home soon but please don't blame yourself. This happens a lot with newborns. You're a tremendous mum!!!

Brummie I hope the spotting stops and you can get into Coventry. Will be waiting to hear how you get on there. Was glad to read Mr Watts was kind and open, makes such a difference.

I agree with biscuits that on occasions already having a dc must be a comfort and I feel I would have got through my mcs better if I had one. That said I also know nature has funny way of calling us and when instincts kick in we can't always rationalise it that way. Sometimes the desire for a sibling for dc can be understandably strong too. Mcs are just so hard and people don't get it unless they've been there.

I did watch one born (can understand why lots didn't) and one couple had suffered mc in their history. It had emotionally taken its toll on the man especially. She was 41 and he was 48 and the baby was dc#1. Goes to show we must all keep fighting on!!!

Hugs to you all ladies xxx

cat having my DD for MC4 and 5 was good and it wasn't, as I felt it was harder to break down as I felt I had to keep a strong face for her and only cried in private... then my counsellor said it was ok to be sad in front of her as she had to learn all real human emotions and that helped a bit..

Barking fingers crossed for those follicles growing.

AF has started here, making a 27 day cycle. Really need to identify ovulation now so I can make Coventry app. At least with no work I should be able to OPK in the afternoon. I read 2.30pm is the best time. Think I have 17 kits, is that enough hmmm. Lol

Brummie consultant does sound like a goodie. I have consultant envy

TinyTear did you do the Coventry protocol? I have this vague memory of you saying you fell pregnant really quickly so I wondered if it was before you had a chance to get there?

Yesterday I went the whole day without bleeding, felt really pleased with myself as thought that finally I was through it. Then this morning bleeding again. Why just why? I just want it to fucking stop before I lose my mind.